Fundie-Lites on Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta

[wildflower]

Did anyone else see the fundie-lite family on Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta last night?

The bride to be came to the appointment with her mother and her fiance's three sisters. The mother was buying the dress and her budget was $2500. The three sisters must have graduated from the SOTDRT because they immediately started grabbing dresses in the $6000-$8000 range. It was vitally important to the three sisters that everyone know how important purity was to them and that the bride needed a WHITE dress (not cream, not ivory) because their brother was marrying a virgin. When the consultant finally found a dress in the mother's price range that the bride liked, one of the sisters had to derail the appointment because the lace on the dress may have had the slightest cream tinge to it (honestly, on my TV screen, the dress looked white). Her explanation was "I just think you'll be more comfortable in a white dress." :roll: :roll:

[O Latin]

Did anyone else see the fundie-lite family on Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta last night?

The bride to be came to the appointment with her mother and her fiance's three sisters. The mother was buying the dress and her budget was $2500. The three sisters must have graduated from the SOTDRT because they immediately started grabbing dresses in the $6000-$8000 range. It was vitally important to the three sisters that everyone know how important purity was to them and that the bride needed a WHITE dress (not cream, not ivory) because their brother was marrying a virgin. When the consultant finally found a dress in the mother's price range that the bride liked, one of the sisters had to derail the appointment because the lace on the dress may have had the slightest cream tinge to it (honestly, on my TV screen, the dress looked white). Her explanation was "I just think you'll be more comfortable in a white dress." :roll: :roll:

Yeah, but people do this all the time on SYTTD. The bride knows what she wants and how much she can spend and then her entourage runs around grabbing things that she doesn't like and/or can't afford and insisting that she "just try it on." That's why when I get married I'm going dress shopping by myself and buying the dress I like and everyone else can just go stuff it.

[xDreamerx]

Were they obsessed about the cut and modesty as well or more the colour?

[kb2]

Ew, the reason a lot of dresses are a little off-white is because it's an easier color to wear. People won't think you're more virginal just because your dress fluoresces.

[lisespieces]

What does SOTDRT mean?

[samithemage]

School of the Dining Room Table

[marmalade]

SOTDRT = school of the dining room table

Were they obsessed about the cut and modesty as well or more the colour?

Negatory. They showed pictures of her wedding to the Youth Pastor (ironic after seeing that screed with Brown - the producer - Dougie, Botkin, Sproul Jr., Voddie, et al) and she went strapless.

IMO, the bride was more mainstream than the husband's family. She reminded me of a blond, far more attractive, Amy Duggar.

[lilah]

I remember there was another fundie-light mom and daughter on Say Yes to the Dress and the mom was going on and on about how the daughter had truly earned the right to wear a white dress because she knew her daughter was still pure. She went on and on about it to the point where I started wondering if the mom was performing nightly hymen checks or something squickky. I think the bride had her heart set on a dress from another store but really wanted to shop at Klienfelds (read be on tv) but ended up buying the dress she liked at another store.

That show is one of my mom, sister and my guilty pleasures, TLC ran a marathon of it last summer while my mom was in the process of moving to a new state and it was very emotional about leaving the home we'd built from the ground up and lived in for over 15 years. We'd pack for an hour or two and then take breaks and watch dvr'd SYTTD episodes. I still can't get my head around someone wanting to spend 6-8,000 on a dress. But then I was very lucky, when I went wedding dress shopping we bought a sample sized dress from a store going out of business and we got it for about a third of the price. I think if you go into Kleinfeld's with a price range under 1,000 you'd probably get laughed out of the store.

[ADoyle90815]

I'm also one who would go dress shopping myself if I was getting married, and that people will just have to live with what I picked. I'm also not going to spent several thousand dollars on a dress that's only going to be worn once. One thing about the white wedding dress is that it only goes back to Queen Victoria who started the tradition. Before then, even virgin brides wore whatever their best dress was for the ceremony, but that's not taught at the SODRT.

[Antigone]

Huh! I never really went dress shopping, I was pregnant. ended up borrowing from a cousin who did the same thing and happened to be the same size AND same months along when she married as well. Gave it right back, LOL. I had/have NO sentimental value for wedding dresses, though now I kind of wish I had kept on my original plan to marry AFTER the kid was born, so I could have gone into a nice dress with a corset bodice. Sigh.

[wildflower]

Yeah, but people do this all the time on SYTTD. The bride knows what she wants and how much she can spend and then her entourage runs around grabbing things that she doesn't like and/or can't afford and insisting that she "just try it on." That's why when I get married I'm going dress shopping by myself and buying the dress I like and everyone else can just go stuff it.

Yeah, it is unfortunate that they do that all the time on SYTTD. Most of the ones that I have watched have been of the "But it's only $1000 more!" variety which is still epic fail but these girls seemed to be super special epic fail to me. I don't really get why these women bring everyone they know to their appointments. I can understand a parent and maybe a best friend but that's it for me.

[Kaylee]

There is no way I'd bring anyone else with me to pick out a wedding dress, much less any of my husband's family. Then again, I bought an Ivory Victorian/Goth style dress from Hot Topic for my wedding before I really even set the date, and only my mom's pleading get me to wear dress shoes instead of my Doc Martens. It was comfortable though, and I later dyed it and wore it to a few Renaissance Faire type events.

I dunno, I think the whole emphasis on white dresses and purity is a little creepy. I knew of a pastor who made a big deal about only "allowing" women who were virgins to wear white in weddings at his church. I think it made him feel like some sort of a crusader for morality, but I thought it just made him sound like an asshole.

[musicalbookworm]

I can't believe some people are still dumb enough to believe the white dress=virgin crap. Not to mention stark white looks plain awful on most people.

[Guest Anonymous]

I have bridal sales experience and even used to own a small shop. I have worked with brides who were either fundie or orthodox jews with strict modesty requirements. Every single one was a pleasure to work with and not one was hung up on the pure white = purity.

Frankly, silk satin, organza, etc. can only be so white - if the gown is blinding white it is usually polyester. (Personally, I have no problem with polyester and used to turn poly gowns inside out and run them through my washing machine.) For the record, in my opinion, poly satin looks richer in ivory.

As to bringing an entourage when you shop, I would always advise bringing one person at most. And remember, any bridal pro worth her salt is as interested in making the bride look and feel beautiful as she is in making a sale. Happy, beautiful bride means good word of mouth advertising, which is the very best kind.

[DamnPrecious]

I look horrible white so I went with what the designer called diamond white. You could only tell it was off white by placing me by something stark white.

decided against posting my photo.

[Austin]

I brought my momma with me and at the last minute, we brought the neighbor lady, a very kind elderly lady. Neither one had strong opinions and our neighbor just said about everything I tried on, "My, my, you look so beautiful!" (even when I didn't) - lol. I think she was really along for the lunch afterwards :D

Actually, we were just going to the bridal shop to get ideas for the design of the dress, which momma was going to make (she was a professional seamstress). However, I found a very pretty dress that was a discontinued style and it was marked down to $75, originally $475 (this was 1982, btw). I really liked it and it was in my size as luck would have it, and momma said that she probably couldn't even buy the material for that price, so that's what I bought.

To each their own, but I personally don't understand paying thousands of dollars for a wedding dress (or any kind of dress). To me, that's a total waste of money which would be better spent on the downpayment of a house or something less temporal. Having said that, if I ever get invited by a future daughter-in-law to shop for a wedding dress, I'm going to nod and smile and oooohhh and aaaahhh a lot, and like whatever she likes and have a mimosa at lunch.

[Nothing2CHere]

Can I share my story of How I Pissed Off the Sales Lady At the Bridal Store because I wanted to wear an ivory veil with a white dress? You would have thought I was committing an act of high treason against the country, the way she was acting. The veil was my something borrowed, from one of my bridesmaids who had worn an off-white dress at her wedding, and the dress I fell in love with happened to be some shade of more traditional white. As far as my mother and I were concerned, you couldn't even tell that the veil wasn't the same shade of white as the dress - to us it looked "antique," like when something that was white has aged.

[ladypuglover]

When I married my first mistake husband, I was 4 months pregnant with twins. I wante a dropped waist style of dress that looked like a flapper would have worn. So my mother and I poured through historical photos, magazines and family photos to piece together a rough idea of what I wanted. My mother was an excellent seamtress and she made my dress, head piece and wedding veil by hand. It was flapper style with a satin underdress with a lace overdress. Around the lower waist was swagged lace that was silky soft. It had little nosegays of flowers and pearls in the swags and butt bow. She spent hours tea/coffee dying the laces and satin to just the right color of antique cream. She also did this with the lace for my bouquet, which she also made. I loved it and didn't care what anyone thought. I will have to see if

I can get my husband to scan the photo and put it up here to show.

When I married my now husband I had a lot of military officer rules that I had to follow. No white (always hated pure white clothes anyway, so not a problem.) No veil covering the face, and no engagement ring. W got around the engagement ring by picking out a ring with diamonds that went around the band which is what I wanted anyway. Wll this time I bought a wedding dress in a southern belle style. My mom tore it apart and sewed it back together in the manner that I had asked for and making it fuller in the skirt and tighter in the waist. ( I had had my 3rd son only 5 months before so my waist was still shrinking but my boobs were not shrinking as quick) It was much whiter than I would have liked but with my post pregnancy body, it was what I had to work with. To get around the no white part, my mom made silk flowers to make nose gays in the swagged flounce and butt bow. She also redid my head piece and made another wedding bouquet. I did wear a veil but did not cover my face with it as a first time bride would. The veil was borrowed from my sister as her veil went better with this dress that my other veil did. I will have to scan that photo too of my little family at the wedding. I also want to say that the only reason that my husband and I had a "white" wedding was for my mother in law. She was marrying off her first child and she really wanted a white wedding for him and for him to wear his officer dress blues. My mother, both grandmothers and I made damn sure he did too.

I guess I am an odd duck as I had my mother make both of my wedding dresses and never wanted a store bought dress. My mother could do a far better job than what I could buy even if I had had tons of money for such a thing. That and my wedding dresses were made with love by my mother for me. Best feeling in the world knowing that.

[VVV]

Ladypuglover, no engagement ring? What? I've heard of etiquette guidelines for no white, no face veil, etc. for a second wedding, but no engagement ring?

I never went dress shopping. My friend who had gotten married a couple of years before offered to let me wear her gorgeous wedding gown that her mother had made. I tried it on, it fit without alterations, that's what I wore. It also checked off the "something borrowed" box. I slightly regret not having the experience of dress shopping, but since my mother and my sisters lived hundreds of miles away, it's not like it would have been some great bonding experience anyway.

[Olivia]

I went dress shopping with my husband. We'd just moved to the other side of the country as we were planning our wedding (and had just moved in together.... I didn't earn the right to a white dress) so I had no mom/mother-in-law/girlfriends to shop with. It went against tradition, but it was fun for us. I love shopping with him -- we went shopping together for my birthday a few weeks ago, too!

Anyway, my mom had talked up the "white dress" thing too, but I bought an ivory dress with gold accents. I'm pale as can be with blond hair and blue eyes and freckles -- pure white on me would have been so unflattering. I don't care what it's supposed to mean, I'm going to look good on my wedding day!

And just because I'm still in love with it -- I ended up with this:

http://www.preownedweddingdresses.com/d ... Size-6.htm

[aelar]

My mother-in-law made my dress. My mom could have done, she's a good seamstress too, but my MIL is an amazing costumer, and mom was busy perfecting the wedding cake (we had a high concept, low budget wedding). I never wanted a store-bought dress, I always wanted something handmade. And the style of wedding dresses is so ridiculous now (I hate strapless dresses, but the only non-strapless seem to be 'modesty' dresses and not that flattering) that there was no point even going looking. Instead 'dress shopping' was sitting down with my MIL pouring over Victorian pattern books, and I ended up with a silver gray 1870s bustle gown with a gorgeous burgundy bustle. Cost me maybe $300 in fabric, and took my MIL several months to make with all the period details, but it's amazing, fit me perfectly, and I can wear it to Steampunk or Victorian events, which we have a fair number of here in the Bay Area.

I loved wearing non-white; even cream while not a bad color, just isn't something I would normally wear. It was surprising, especially my red half-veil, and I like being different. It was my wedding, so it's not like anyone was confused about who the bride was, and virginal hasn't applied to me in 20 years, not that it would have stopped me if I liked white clothing.

It's so much more fun to wear something unusual and special, handmade or not, and generally so much cheaper. I don't understand even a little people who pay lots of money for something they know they'll wear once, and that looks like a bunch of other people's dresses, and makes them look like 'generic bride' rather than the unique person they hopefully are.

[ladypuglover]

Ladypuglover, no engagement ring? What? I've heard of etiquette guidelines for no white, no face veil, etc. for a second wedding, but no engagement ring?

Yep, no engagment ring. As of 1994 it was still in the handbook of "laws" that officers had to follow. The reason being was because I had been married before and to the horror of all that first marriage was to an enlisted man. A very huge No-no in the world of officers. Thankfully no one gave a damn except the COL's wife. All of the rest of the officers and wives were just happy for us.

I will have to ask my husband to try to find the little handbook as it was filled with much humor for me. One rule was married couples were only to have sex in the missionary position and only to try to have a child from such act. Also no oral in any form. Any breaking of these rules and many others like it would have the solider sent to prison. Ummm, so just the fact that my husband married me could have sent him to prison back in the day that the rulebook was written. The victorian era was not a good time for all, that is for sure.

[liltwinstar]

Ladypug, was this the US Military?? Or some other country? I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that there's a sex handbook for military officers. I mean, why would they care if a guy got a blow job from his wife???

Wow. My world just got rocked a little...

[DamnPrecious]

And just because I'm still in love with it -- I ended up with this:

http://www.preownedweddingdresses.com/d ... Size-6.htm

That's beautiful.

I wanna show mine off too. They only have pictures of it in pink.

[ladypuglover]

Ladypug, was this the US Military?? Or some other country? I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that there's a sex handbook for military officers. I mean, why would they care if a guy got a blow job from his wife???

Wow. My world just got rocked a little...

USA ARMY, the handbook was given to him in West Point. It was written in the 1800's but I don't remember when. I'm going to light a fire under my headship and see if after he makes dinner if he can't find it. After reading it I will make a new thread and post what it says and answer any questions anyone has.

ETA, Well it appears I have my work cut out for me as my husband just handed me 4 books to look through. Two of these books are over 600 pages long, one only 300 pages and the other only Give me a week or so to go through these as they are not light reading and may put me to sleep. Somehow I still don't think he gave me the right books but he reminded me that we lost quite a few boxes of books in the flood of 99. He thinks that book may have been in there but I think he is just tired of looking with 2 kids and 4 dogs helping him.