What is going on with Anna T?

[Sunnichick31]

She's written several posts that sound a bit off. I honestly hope that everything is OK wth her. She was one of my gateway fundies, and I really do like her.

[Jade]

I think she doesn't want anymore kids but thinks she needs to justify that somehow. If she has decided to stop having babies for the time being I think that's a good thing, she always seemd so frazzled and easily overwhelmed

[Guest Anonymous]

I think she is a vicious, sanctimonious, piece of excrement who is having to do some serious backtracking on the judgemental posts she has made over the last few years.... I hope she has people around her that are more gracious than she is, if she is struggling with any serious life challenges.

[salsa]

My impression is that she's a bit of a perfectionist by nature and, having embraced this Orthodox lifestyle, wants to be perfect at it. It could be that living the realities of it is harder than it seemed, especially for a perfectionist.

I very much appreciated her frankness in her post about covering her hair and how she feels like it's not quite her. :) :) :)

(and I admit it's crossed my mind that she may be pregnant again, and that her family is not supportive. It didn't sound like they were too keen when she told them she was pregnant with her 2nd)

[emmyfair]

After reading Anna T's last post, it seems to me like she is finally gaining some sense and humility. I think reality has been a great teacher for Anna, and I'm really happy to see that she is able to change her mind and take care of what she has to the best of her ability, rather than push on through the hell she could have created for herself.

[salsa]

I think she is a vicious, sanctimonious, piece of excrement who is having to do some serious backtracking on the judgemental posts she has made over the last few years.... I hope she has people around her that are more gracious than she is, if she is struggling with any serious life challenges.

That's not my impression of her at all. ... I can't remember a single time when she attacked a person, though she may disagree with the issues the person espouses.

but then again, we all read through different sets of eyes...

[silvia]

My impression is that she's a bit of a perfectionist by nature and, having embraced this Orthodox lifestyle, wants to be perfect at it. It could be that living the realities of it is harder than it seemed, especially for a perfectionist.

I very much appreciated her frankness in her post about covering her hair and how she feels like it's not quite her. :) :) :)

(and I admit it's crossed my mind that she may be pregnant again, and that her family is not supportive. It didn't sound like they were too keen when she told them she was pregnant with her 2nd)

I don't think she's pregnant. It sounds to me like she really doesn't want to have any more kids, and is looking for a way to justify that to herself through the lens of a "godly" Orthodox lifestyle.

[emmiedahl]

I think Anna T. is kind of an older Lina (but she is really Jewish, Lina, I'm not letting you off the hook). She came into marriage and childbearing wanting to do everything better than anyone ever has. And now she is seeing how hard her chosen life is. She does not seem to have a lot of energy; I guess she thought if God wanted her to be a certain way, it would be easy or at least possible.

Raising a house full of small children is hard. Even two small children can really make your life interesting. A lot of us here have two little ones and can sympathize; you are never off-duty. The juggling that has to happen just to get a shower or go to the grocery store can be exhausting.

[Sunnichick31]

I think she is a vicious, sanctimonious, piece of excrement who is having to do some serious backtracking on the judgemental posts she has made over the last few years.... I hope she has people around her that are more gracious than she is, if she is struggling with any serious life challenges.

Although I do agree some of her posts have been rather judgemental, I think that perhaps she was trying to justify things for herself and did so by attacking other lifestyles.

If she is choosing to avoid having more kids for a while that is a good thing, but i just hope that she isn't having some sort of nervous breakdown or something. She obviously doesn't handle stress well (she was exhausted after working what, 2 days a week??) which is why I am a bit concerned for her.

[salsa]

I don't think she's pregnant. It sounds to me like she really doesn't want to have any more kids, and is looking for a way to justify that to herself through the lens of a "godly" Orthodox lifestyle.

After responding to the thread, it occurred to me, "Hey, maybe she wrote a new post!" :doh: and then I went to look it up. Yes, it sounds like they decided to lay off the children (though she said something about not having 'fallen' pregnant within a certain time period, so I hope her - and Yitzhak's - health is OK), but her new post does make me believe all the more that she's discoverinng that reality and ideals are two different things. She'd been hurt pretty badly and found religion as a solace, so she's only been practicing for a few years - and she's still young; not even 30, so hasn't had the benefit of seeing just how much ebb and flow there is to life.

(I'm going to try to post this again - so I apologize if it's a double post; something seems to be buggered up for me on this board today) :?

[Doomed Harlottt]

Anna T says in her most recent post:

In the beginning of my way here, I was still very hurt by my past life and, perhaps, trying too hard to walk in a straight line and fit everything into neat compartments. Now I embrace and rejoice in the diversity of destiny, thought, temperament, and family situations.

I think this is a good sign. I am one of those who actually found Anna T to be a bit vicious. She had a real chip on her shoulder about women with careers. And she would cheer on Marky Mark's misogyny on his site.

That said, I admire people who are willing to publicly admit to having been a bit harsh in their judgments, which I think is what she is getting at. At the risk of sounding condescending, Anna is still pretty young. Younger people can often be a bit harsh and intolerant because they don't realize yet that shit happens. It sounds like Anna is starting to realize that life can't be lived according to a precise formula -- and I say good for her!

[Dinorah]

In spite of her dogmatism and narrow-mindedness she comes across as smart to me, so it's good if if she's stepping out of her idealized view of the world. I just hope that the reasons why she's not having any more kids and might stop altogether aren't some serious health issue.

[YPestis]

My reading of her recent post seems to indicate she has various reasons for not having more kids----perhaps ever. She hints that it's not related to her fertility. I wonder if it's financial, or perhaps she realized she can't handle more than a couple of kids? If it's medically related, she doesn't seem deeply aggrieved, which makes me think she is choosing not to have any more kids. I'm glad she's acknowledged there are many type of family. I hope she realizes that includes those with working mothers.

For the poster above who can't remember when Anna T ever attacking a person. She has written disparagingly of working women and how horrible they are.....even if she doesn't name names, or point specific fingers, she's pretty close to attacking people with her commentaries. I hope the recent developments in her life has mellowed her out.

[emmiedahl]

I wish more quiverfull types would admit when they are overwhelmed and stop breeding. It seems like most of them see it as a "test" and simply give less and less to each child rather than admitting that humans were not meant to be raised in litters.

[fundiefan]

What's going on? Reality has seriously, finally set in and her hybrid American Evangelical fundamentalism-Orthodox Judaism is not all she demanded it would be. Two kids, a husband, life as an adult - hard stuff that doesn't follow rules or imagination. I only feel sorry for her as far as I would any young adult who is disappointed with how life has turned out. It's what she does with that realization that will show what she's made of. Will she bury all her realities, doubts and fears and continue to pretend her life is all she imagined it to be (to herself and others) or will she confront the realities of her life and adjust not only her actions, but her thinking, to make changes?

[bea]

I think the cold, wet codfish of reality slapped Mrs. Anna T in the face.

The fact is, marriage and lots of kids and housework and scraping for secondhand furniture and dressing kids in handmedowns from neighbors sounded (I think) a lot more appealing than it actually IS. Plus, Anna seems to be a very, very low energy person who needs a lot of rest and downtime and quiet to function and you cannot have that and little kids at the same time. So now Anna thinks maybe spacing your children out might be a good thing. And perhaps not having more kids than you can afford to feed, house, and clothe. And - as of this latest post - maybe some women just are not cut out to be baby machines or "moms of many."

Frankly? Thank God. Seriously. I am so glad that it only took two kids for Anna T. to realize that this whole stay-at-home mom thing is a lot of hard goddamned work, that you don't get to nap and rest and put your feet up and arrange flowers, that it's a constant battle of naptimes and food and mess and diapers and wailing and the clashing needs of a bunch of different people, several of whom take automatic precedence because they're BABIES. And that you might be so exhausted when your husband gets home that you don't want to rub his feet and serve him dinner and keep the romance alive, because you're fucking TIRED and you've been dealing with babies/kids all day and all you want to do is go be alone somewhere and not have anyone bother you.

I think this might be the same thing Gretchen over at YLCF is learning, too - reality is a BITCH, and it's especially a bitch to those who've spent so much time and energy telling us how to do things before they had the experiences themselves.

Not that I hold out much hope Gretchen or Anna T. will be "honest" or "authentic" about the fact that it's way easier to be the perfect mother when you have no children yet, and it's a snap to be a perfect wife when you're not married, and that maybe neither of them should have flapped their (figurative Internet) jaws about what God wants women to be doing just because THEY wanted to do something a certain way.

[salsa]

I still don't see her as vicious; just rigid.* But it looks like she's learning to bend.

I agree that she seems to need a fairly high degree of quiet. I remember her saying that she is an introvert, too, so I imagine that all that activity with little kids wears her down.

* you should meet some of the folks I meet and they make her look like she just graduated from charm school.

[Guest Anonymous]

Most of her more vicious stuff was in the comments at Marky Markys Mysogyny Blog (eg: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/s ... clnk&gl=uk).

She does tend to limit most of her own writings to scathing, passive aggressive bletherings against people who live differently than her.