I neglect my baby! Find out how!

[CrommulentSockPuppet]

This is just an excerpt of That Wife's Christmaas letter. Along with every other ignorant, incompetent thing this woman says, I realized that Never have I heard ANYONE brag about how little time them spend raising, teaching or just generally being with her kid. She mentions several times throughout her posts, DITLs and photojournals that sh tracks her time spent on the computer, but if you look at it, the clock is like, 11 hours! I realize she works from home, but serously, she is a stay-at-home-MOM. I noticed also that she bitches almost constantly about the money she has to spend on her kid. Buying a toddler a plane ticket is better for everyone! Maybe if she hadn't bragged about buying him $75 shoes for Christmas, I would feel bad for her.... but.... I don't. She has a kid. You spend money on them. It's what you do.

Anyway. Here's the excerpt.

"Highlights of our year include a whole lot of traveling. In February T1 and I flew to Washington for my great-grandmother’s funeral, and 3 days after returning we boarded another plane for a wedding in Dallas. Another wedding in Dallas one month later, this time without the baby, which gave TH the chance to see what it’s like to spend 48 hours with a baby all on your own. He survived, but let me know he wasn’t interested in becoming a Stay-At-Home-Dad anytime soon.

We took a little travelling break until June, when T1 and I went to Washington for the summer, with TH following a few weeks later. Two months of the baby, and my mom still cried when we left. Our son has two sets of grandparents who love him more than anything. We visited TH’s parent’s in Poland during the month of September, and during that stay TH and I had an incredible time in Italy without the baby (thank you, thank you, thank you J and K). November’s highlight was a visit from my sister, and we finished off the year with one last flight to Washington. Although it’s nice to not have to pay to fly with him, we are happy that in the near future we will be forced to buy a seat for T1. He is a handful-and-a-half."

http://thatwifeblog.com/

.....later on she says

"Those who care for him consistently describe him as a sweetheart, and we wholeheartedly agree."

Seriously. Your baby is one. nobody but you should be caring for your baby "consistently" at his age ESPECIALLY since you DON'T work and you are a S.T.A.Y. A.T. H.O.M.E. M.O.M.

ok. I'm done.

[Dinorah]

I must say I have very little sympathy for SAHMs who leave their young kids in the care of others, and I don't mean a couple of time a weeks to go to the gym or get some me time, I mean all the time as she seems to do. And even less sympathy for those who belong to beliefs that glorify SAHMs (I'm not saying it's wrong to be one, but it's just as valid a choice as being a working mom) but behave like TW does. Anyway it goes to show a big flaw in ideologies that demand of all women to have kids. It's obvious some people don't want them and shouldn't be pressured to, or shouldn't be pressured to be SAHMs, in the interest both of the women and the kids.

[GiGi_41]

There are some days when I'd love to be able to just drop the Littles somewhere for a week and fly off to Italy.....but I couldn't do it!

The thought of leaving my 1 year olds overnight with someone besides myself or SO (really him too) makes my stomach turn. Maybe when they are older...5 or 6 and able to communicate their needs, wants, and desires?

We have turned down trips because the Littles BP's refused to let them out of state. We actually took on set of parents to court so we could go see my parents on my mom's 70th birthday. Her parents said that she'd be better off with a stranger then going with the family she's known since birth...OK rant over..

[polabear]

I totally think That Wife is a neglectful mother, but I wouldn't include taking some time off from the baby as one of the neglectful things she does. One, she's leaving him with grandparents/relatives - that lets the kid develop a relationship with other family members. And, if anything, I think a regular stay at home mom probably needs some more "non baby time" than a not stay at home mom would.

When she was in Italy, the baby was in Poland, so its not like she was overseas and days away if something went wrong. Europe isn't that big of a place. :)

[fundamentalistnomore]

I found the most telling thing about her post was how she made all these major accomplishments while, TH & T1 were just a sidebar.

[browngrl]

That wife is not a good mother and in fact she is barely an acceptable mother. The best I can offer her is: I do not think she will put her child in grave danger within the next 24 -48 hours. I am glad when she leaves the child with grandparents - at least then the child is with someone who wants to be with him. Really, that wife should not have had a child. Too bad her culture does not allow women to be childless by choice.

[masagoroll]

She is a vain, conceited, bragging, shallow, un-bonded twit.

ETA: But I don't think there is anything wrong with someone consistently caring for your 1-year-old baby. Lots of babies are in daycare at that age and are quite happy. It's just annoying because she makes such a big fucking deal of how she is a stay-at-home mom, but she is so eager to dump her child off on other people and/or ignore him as much as possible.

[Lainey]

My husband's ex-wife wasn't working, but she still had my stepson in daycare. My husband had to work two jobs to pay for it. I asked him why he put up with it, and he said he figured stepson was probably better off in daycare.

[BravaAmica]

I'm a SAHM. When DS was wee, I put him in daycare. I did this for two reasons: I had severe PPD- my therapist recommended that I put him in for one morning a week so I would have some free time. DH was working an insane schedule at the time and literally did not have time to spell me, much less spend any real time together. (Third shift every other week; every Saturday, most Sundays; at least 60 hours/week not including an hour's commute each way.) I was at the end of my rope. My family lives on the opposite coast and DHs family is pretty damn scarce- there was no alternative. The second reason is that DS is an only child, so I wanted him around kids a lot so he would know how to share, build friendships and just get along with people. So when he was a year old, he started daycare/preschool.

Now, did I leave him there 40 hours a week? No. he was in one morning a week, 8-12, so I could have a fucking break and go to therapy without bringing my baby along. Did I ignore him while I surfed the internet or blogged? No. DS and I also were in a couple of playgroups or we had friends in. Did I make him sleep in the bathroom and then brag about my exotic vacations? No. He has his own room but at the time he was co-sleeping with us. Did I gloat about how awesome it was to drop him off for one morning a week? Yes, sometimes. Sometimes it was AWESOME to drop him off where I knew he would be well cared for and have fun playing with different toys and with different kids. Not often, though- I felt very guilty about it and wish there I'd had another way to get the time I needed for therapy w/o putting DS in daycare. (He's now 7, and thriving- just as social as can be. And funny, happy, well adjusted and always good for a snuggle.)

But I can see how TWs kids would be better off at daycare full time.

[Witsec7]

This is the same woman who cast aspersions on day care/child care and yet she is comfortable spending long periods of time leaving her child in the care of family.

I noticed there is no longer talk of her going back to finish her degree.

[Mama Mia]

Having a toddler sleep in a bathroom seems like child endangerment to me. It would just be weird and awful for a baby, or even a child over the age of 4 or so ... but for a toddler it could be extremely dangerous ! He could climb out of that pack n play and get into the toilet, scald himself, bash his head on all the hard surfaces or decide he wants a bath and drown... absolutely shocking.

[Linnea]

I noticed there is no longer talk of her going back to finish her degree.

Oh yes there is! From her Christmas letter:

My biggest accomplishment will come August 2012, when I plan to graduate from BYU (finally), in the hopes of proving to myself it can be done after marriage, even with a baby in tow.

And when she says "baby in tow", she means "baby tucked out of sight at my parents' house so I can play co-ed".

[Koala]

How odd...when I read this post title, I knew immediately that you were talking about "ThatNeglectfulCow".

[polabear]

My neighborhood has a lot of SAHMs. I would say that almost all of them take advantage of "Mom's Day Out" programs at the local daycares. They are from all accounts excellent programs, and give the kids great socialization. They are usually just half a day, one or two days a week. Once the kids are approaching kindergarden age, they usually start going to preschool at least half time.

But my area is INSANE. There's a lot of pressure on kids to succeed, which everyone seems to be against, but still feeds into it. Everyone wants the kids to be kids, but they don't want to have their kids at a disadvantage. It's even worse if you live in the city - the schools are overall horrible, so everyone has to fight to get into the few good schools.

I have a stepson, and I've caught myself falling into the same trap. People were talking about how it was a shame that their kids couldn't do home ec/FACS, but they just HAD to get the foreign language started so they'd be ready for high school. My stepson is in FACS, and loves it. But I felt momentarily ashamed, and I wasn't even involved in that decision.

[Lainey]

Just to be clear, my husband's ex, to my understanding, had my stepson in daycare full-time because she didn't want to take care of him.

[BravaAmica]

Just to be clear, my husband's ex, to my understanding, had my stepson in daycare full-time because she didn't want to take care of him.

Wow. He is indeed better off in full time daycare.

[CrommulentSockPuppet]

Having a toddler sleep in a bathroom seems like child endangerment to me

while at hos grandparents...he had to sleep in a photo supply closet, which had previously. been. a. bathroom.

[Letgo]

I can't imagine leaving a baby that young as often and as long as she did. I would not have gone to Italy without my baby, but I nursed my kids so I couldn't have left them even if I had wanted to do so. I guess she isn't nursing and that is probably because it would have required her to BE THERE for her baby. At least his grandparents love him.

How in the world does this family afford so many trips? She says she is in her mid-twenties, has not finished school, is a stay at home mom, her husband is still in school, so what is their money source? Does he work and go to grad school?

Just checked her blog and she is wearing an outfit she says costs $330. No "buy used and save the dfference" there.

I'm looking forward to seeing the house they buy in the fall when they move to San Francisco or thereabouts.

[JesusFightClub]

Small and Smaller Relative have been in daycare/nursery for ages (Smaller since she was a baby). My brother is a single dad who works fulltime and he's a shiftworker...his shifts are subject to last minute change. If he has a day off he will take them from daycare, and if he works on weekends, family look after them.

I am super pro daycare - Small Relative was nonverbal way past the time she should have been speaking, and then she went to nursery and just blossomed. Got really talky and we saw her personality come out. The nursery staff at the place she goes to take the parent/guardian aside at the end of the day and tell them how the child got on during the day. We learnt that SR had been given the position of "baby helper" and comes with the grown ups to hold the babies, help feed them (as she does with Smaller) and do suchlike. It is brilliant for socialisation.

It can be a great choice for SAHM and working parents alike. Even if you don't work it doesn't mean your kid needs to see you 24/7.

For some kids, it works well that they socialise with others the same age or younger from different backgrounds.

[Feberin]

I have a friend from college who has a daughter about the same age as T1 who is constantly traveling around the world frequently without the baby. I know she's done at least five vacations in the past year without the baby. I think that's excessive but her child is being cared for by her parents and I don't think it's necessarily neglectful. I stay at home with my son who is also around that same age and would LOVE to take a short vacation without him. T1 is probably NOT being neglected when TW goes on a trip but is when she's home. I wonder if in Poland he has somewhere to sleep besides a bathroom.