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Pure Snark: God's Favorite T-Shirt!


Burris

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I sincerely hope you are all aware of Regretsy, “Where DIY Meets WTF.â€

 

The site exists primarily to snark at some of the stupid shit people post for sale on Etsy, Its secondary purpose is to bitchslap the administrators at Etsy for allowing a fuckton of cheap, dishonest resellers even though that violates the site's terms of service.

 

Last Friday, blogger Sarah at “Hope in Every Season†posted an article called, “Why I Need Another Baby! Pink Saturday.†(bloggingwhilewaiting.blogspot.com/2011/11/why-i-need-another-baby-pink-saturday.html)

 

That...

 

...no. Seriously. That's the title of her article. (On her site, the mouse cursor also drips sparkles. Again, I'm serious.)

 

First paragraph:

 

 

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Ok, so I'm partially joking...!! Of course, I would be blessed, honored, and delighted if God saw fit to send more babies our way. Our children are such joys---they are definitely God's greatest blessings and rewards!

 

I hate this – and it happens so often on fundie blogs: Someone starts out with what she believes is a light-hearted joke – in this case, that she'd like to have more kids – only to bog it down immediately with a dozen or so caveats such as, 'I'd be delighted if God saw fit to send more babies babeez our way, “ when all that she really wants – and without the baggage of another child – is an excuse to wear a treacly maternity shirt.

 

And so it is with Sarah, who has fallen in love with an article of clothing so brazenly dumb that it could only have come from...you guessed it...Etsy.

 

Indeed, I have wasted so many hours of my life perusing Regretsy – a.k.a. The Crack of the Internet – that I immediately caught a whiff of Whimsical Fuckery when I saw what Sarah was gushing about: A maternity shirt, which probably originated in a Far-Eastern sweat shop, which has been stenciled with, “For this child I have prayed.†(It's available for $20 - plus another $20 shipping anywhere outside the US.)

 

She continues:

 

 

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But, in addition to that, I REALLY WANT ONE OF THESE SHIRTS!!! I love the idea of putting Hannah's prayer for Samuel on a t-shirt---what a wonderful way to share the truth that children are a blessing!

 

...and later...

 

 

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They've got the CUTEST little tops for toddlers, as well as several inspiring maternity shirts for the expectant mom who wants to share the truth of God's word regarding children with others around her.

 

Since the Etsy seller is making merchandise of what she sees as God's Word, anyway, I thought I would help out by suggesting some addition child-related Bible verses that could be included on a cheap t-shirt so as to increase its value in the fundie micro-economy:

 

 

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Now when Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she became jealous of her sister; and she said to Jacob, "Give me children, or else I die." ….She said, "Here is my maid Bilhah, go in to her that she may bear on my knees, that through her I too may have children." – Genesis 30:1,3

 

 

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How blessed will be the one who seizes and dashes your little ones Against the rock. - Psalm 137:9

 

...and of course no t-shirt collection would be complete without this:

 

 

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"Then you shall eat the offspring of your own body, the flesh of your sons and of your daughters whom the LORD your God has given you, during the siege and the distress by which your enemy will oppress you... - Deuteronomy 28:53

 

It isn't so much the sucky shirt that raised my ire, however, as the reason Sarah gives for its being endorsed on her blog:

 

 

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I was just randomly searching Etsy listings the other day, looking for God to point out people he wanted me to feature on my blog, and I discovered Regan and Melody's shop, His Child Clothing.

 

I actually don't have a problem with the claim some people receive 'private revelations' from God. But I do have a hard time believing that, in the midst of divers famines, God took time from its busy schedule to help Sarah find a t-shirt vendor.

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There is a freaky-ass version of this circulating on Pinterest. The framed verse "For this child I have prayed" completed with RED HANDPRINTS of a child, so basically, it looks like a half-murdered tot wiped its bloodied hands all over someone's nice embroidered picture.

Not adorable.

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A facebook friend of mine posted something very similar to this!!!!

LOL to your additions. I should suggest one to her. :twisted:

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I want a shirt that says on the front "You weren't an accident your were a blessing " and on the back it shows a kid yelling "MOM, that is what EVERY parent says when their kid was an accident !!!!" Because I think my kids and I had that exchange by the time they were 13 and 14. They knew I was wayyyyy to anal and careful to have planned them a year apart and they were right.

Quote from my now 22 year old son who I adore "So what if I was an accident. I'm here, aren't I ?"

I love my kids so much and there is no way I would ever trade my snarky blessings for anyone's "blessings".

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AND her latest blog has a "recipe" for the only dish I've seen that could compete with TTC and Chickenetti - she calls it Date Nut Pudding in an attempt to fancy it up, but nothing could save this mess:

2 c. chopped dates

1 c. chopped nuts

2 c. miniature marshmallows

1 c. graham cracker crumbs

1 12 oz. container Cool Whip

Stir them all together well and press down into a 9" square pan. Sprinkle more graham crumbs on top and chill overnight.

You're supposed to serve this WITH your turkey on T-Day. NOT the turkey you put gravy on, but the OTHER turkey, which is apparently the turkey you put next to the cranberry sauce. They must use VERY BIG plates in that family.

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AND her latest blog has a "recipe" for the only dish I've seen that could compete with TTC and Chickenetti - she calls it Date Nut Pudding in an attempt to fancy it up, but nothing could save this mess:

2 c. chopped dates

1 c. chopped nuts

2 c. miniature marshmallows

1 c. graham cracker crumbs

1 12 oz. container Cool Whip

Stir them all together well and press down into a 9" square pan. Sprinkle more graham crumbs on top and chill overnight.

You're supposed to serve this WITH your turkey on T-Day. NOT the turkey you put gravy on, but the OTHER turkey, which is apparently the turkey you put next to the cranberry sauce. They must use VERY BIG plates in that family.

Oh that sounds vomit-inducing.

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