I fucked up

[The Roman from Ipanema]

Well, I've done it now, I decided to contact my ex the day before and last night, I got a good reminder why exes should remain exes. So I came home from school after college writing class. Got on  Facebook, just trying to rekindle a good relationship an ex and old friend, an agreement we made until I made the mistake of saying  "Ok, I'll catch you later if I'm a distraction". Apparently what I said was arrogant, when I was only trying to be respectful to be respectful  of her space and she exploded on me. It was mentally exhausting and quite frankly, I don't understand how this outburst could happen.

I'm spent, feel sick and all I want to do now is get a dog. The silver lining is: I  didn't shatter into a million pieces like the last arguments we had 3 to 5 years ago.  It was sad because I thought she matured up until she exploded but I did instead.  

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

1 hour ago, The Roman from Ipanema said:

I'm spent, feel sick and all I want to do now is get a dog. The silver lining is: I  didn't shatter into a million pieces like the last arguments we had 3 to 5 years ago.  

I can't send you a dog, but I'm sending you a virtual hug, if you want it.  I'm also glad for you that you're a different person than you were 3 years ago. I hope that your changes and maturity help you as you move on from this.

[The Roman from Ipanema]

1 hour ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I can't send you a dog, but I'm sending you a virtual hug, if you want it.  I'm also glad for you that you're a different person than you were 3 years ago. I hope that your changes and maturity help you as you move on from this.

Thanks. I had high hopes,since she sounded more mature but good thing she exploded then and not three months from now.  She really messed me up back then, but I forgotten how unstable she could be.  My bad, I just wanted to be friends. Hell of a wake-up call. Whatever concerns I had about it being to blame for our arguments evaporated when she said I had "communication issues" and "didn't treat women as equals" when all I said  was " I don't want to be a distraction."  There is no correlation between misogyny, communication issues   and not wanting to distract her at work.

John Crichton would have said: "What did I tell you? “God created dinosaurs. God destroyed dinosaurs. God created Man. Man destroyed God. Man created dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man...Woman inherits the earth. Read my book again and understand just because you can, does not mean you should bring back dinosaurs or contact an ex.”

[Jellybean]

Good advice from John Crichton (did you mean Michael Crichton?) and good dog-substitute hugs from @WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? — what would we do without her?!

I’m sorry that things went pear-shaped with your ex but, as you said, maybe it’s better to have this argument now than several months down the line. You’re also right to give yourself credit for not exploding into a million pieces, hurting yourself and others with the fallout. 

I hope that you can find comfort, security, and friendship, whether that’s from a human or an animal. I also wish you success in your studies and a loving relationship in whatever form feels best to you.

Like WWJCD I don’t have any dogs to offer (sorry) but I can offer a picture of the silliest cat I know — I hope it makes you smile.

Spoiler

Look at those fluffy toes!

 

[The Roman from Ipanema]

On 2/10/2019 at 4:41 AM, Jellybean said:

’m sorry that things went pear-shaped with your ex but, as you said, maybe it’s better to have this argument now than several months down the line. You’re also right to give yourself credit for not exploding into a million pieces, hurting yourself and others with the fallout. 

Things were pear-shaped long before this ever happened. It was spaghetti-shaped by the time this happened. I had just unblocked her Wednesday and less than 24 hours later, this happens. Apparently she was on her way to work when I "offended" her and her anger was because I  "assumed" I was being a distraction. I didn't want to be too nosy, so I didn't ask. I'm still scratching my head at this really bizarre outburst, is this remotely normal? Did I really do something wrong? Ugh, the self-doubt from dealing with people who play head games is just absurd.

The good news, I found somebody who loves me since I wrote this thread. The timing is a little ridiculous and movie-like, but I'm pleasantly surprised with the outcome.

[The Roman from Ipanema]

Update:  So about a week after I posted on this thread, she sent me a message but I didn't  read it until last week while checking spam.  It was mostly the ex being upset that I was showing an archived message (almost ten years old) to my fiancee, she said  because I wrote "scroll up", it made somebody that she blocked contact her again. She said that I needed to start my own group and she didn't care what I was doing. Again, it had nothing to do with her.  Ex had made it impossible to defuse the situation or explain myself.  It had a virtual sneer to it that really ticked me off, so I told her to "block the asshole  and go fuck yourself. Don't ever contact me again." The end, or so I thought.

She replied with : "He is blocked damn idiot. Also keep my business to yourself. You and "Lady Roman" (my fiancee, name protected.) can fuck off."

Bad move on her part, those I love, friends and family are off-limits. I showed it to Lady and I asked her if I should reply or stick with the plan of trashing it like originally.

She said that I should reply and she wanted to see, so I wrote my final message to the ex: "Thanks for the well wishes, me and Lady Roman are indeed going to fuck off and have five kids.  As for "your" business, you left the group anyway. Should have been the end of the issue. It is none of your business to get upset with me and tell me what to do when you are responding to a blocked email. Also you " please forget I exist leave me alone.", two weeks later, sends spam to an blocked email. Don't flatter yourself and be all "offended". Get the fuck away from me, please."

Didn't get a reply later and deleted it forever, I am not going to waste time and energy with her. I have somebody in my life now, it wouldn't have been fair to continue this back and forth with a clearly unhinged woman I used to love. Shame that everything changed when she joined the Ionic Forums. @Inis Mona @WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?  @Jellybean