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What if American "Christians" and the first Christians met?


47of74

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Yeah I know this is from 2015, but it's even more relevant today.

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If you could meet one of the first Christians would you like them?

I’m convinced that many American Christians would not. In the course of 2000 years, Christianity- while maintaining the basic tenets, has morphed and shifted from the way it was originally designed and lived out. Since we tend to live in a culture that is rather self-centered, we have a tendency to assume we “have it right” while completely overlooking the fact that our version of Christianity might appear quite foreign– even hopelessly corrupted– if viewed through the eyes of one of the first Christians.

Christianity has a history– and it’s an important one. Those who were closest to Christ himself speak to us from history, if we will listen. While the scriptures haven’t changed in 2000 years, Christianity itself certainly has fallen prey to the powers of culture to distort and twist. Christianity in America is no different– it has become distorted to the point that those who first founded Christianity and walked with Jesus, would hardly recognize it.

All five of the things in this article are five things Spanky McFornicateFace would really hate about these first Christians.  He'd probably be siding with Rome and trying to figure out how he could swipe the throne for himself.

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Assuming that what we're taught about the early Christians is accurate, I imagine they would say something like this:  'What is wrong with you??!  We were dying because we believed in and loved Jesus, and you're upset that some people don't like you?  What's this 'war on Christmas' thing you keep talking about? And why are you so happy about this Trump guy in the...what did you call it...the White House? Have you forgotten that the kingdom Jesus talked about isn't on this earth? And why are you fighting with each other over every little thing?'  

That could go on, and on, and ooooooon.  

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Imagine if someone explained television to them, and then showed them one of our televangelists asking viewers to donate so they could get a new plane.

 

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Imagine if someone explained television to them, and then showed them one of our televangelists asking viewers to donate so they could get a new plane.
 


Or that they needed private planes in order to talk to Jeeeezus and away from the regular people (aka demons).
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I think the most likely place for this meeting would be an immigrant detention center.  

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I’m sure most of these so-called Christians wouldn’t even recognize(brown-skinned, non-English-speaking, “sell all you have and give to the poor”)Jesus.

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I'm imagining Melissa Niednagel encountering a group of women weaving baskets in the hot sun, taking a quick selfie with the women in the background, and exclaiming on Instagram, "Met the sweetest ladies' crafting group in Corinth!!! #Blessed" 

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9 hours ago, DomWackTroll said:

I'm imagining Melissa Niednagel encountering a group of women weaving baskets in the hot sun, taking a quick selfie with the women in the background, and exclaiming on Instagram, "Met the sweetest ladies' crafting group in Corinth!!! #Blessed" 

The Niednagels would also take aside all the early Christians and explain Brain Typing to them -- especially Jon Niednagel (JN) would have to do this, since, as BEIL/ISTJ, he is the supreme authority in all matters related to type (Melissa is FCAL/ENFJ, which they believe to be a very good and moral Brain Type, but not adept at empirically assessing reality due to the CA/NF preference).

I remember from my nearly 20 years of reading all of their articles/books that JN typed the Apostle Paul as ENTJ/FCIL, Peter as ESTP/FEIR, John as one of the NT/CI types, Luke as one of the NF/CA types, and James as one of the EL/SJ types.

JN believes Brain Types are the ultimate in neuroscientific understanding, and even impact personal morality somehow, so of course the early Christians would have benefited from JN imparting his knowledge.  JN would also want to inform them of his 2012 conclusion (done after decades of empirical investigation, of course) that the four 'Back Left' Brain Types are more inherently moral than the four 'Front Right' types -- I particularly wonder what Peter would say to this, since they labeled him one of these 'Front Right' types.  And since JN believes his BEIL/ISTJ perception is absolute gospel truth, objective reality, and analysis kept in proper context, it surely therefore is as good and true as the Bible itself, and thus he would contend that his observations and type system should be presented and included as such in the Scriptures.  I mean, what was God thinking to not mention Brain Types and their supreme importance in the Bible?  Thank goodness JN came along to help God out and fill in for His shocking omission of this science, which we can even judge people's personal moralities by!

(Can you detect my sarcasm?)

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So my husband and I are Orthodox Christian, and we get this kind of thing all the time.  Orthodox Christianity is really big on not changing, and has a lot of really old, non-Western traditions and theology.  Their views on the Cross, hell, salvation, suffering, even God, are things many Christians have believed for thousands of years, but most evangelicals (esp fundies) are absolutely gobsmacked by them.  It's especially weird when the person claims to have studied early Christianity, but all they know of the period are the beliefs that were rejected (ie gnosticism).  It's just...weird.  On the plus side, the lack of knowledge does keep them from labeling us heretics and in need of a Jesus-prayer salvation. 

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