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Fundie Relatives


Lisafer

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I know I'm not the only one on FJ who grew up fundie or has fundie relatives. For those of you who also have fundie family members, how do their beliefs affect your relationship with them? Are you close? Distant? Estranged? Do they know about your current belief/nonbelief?

My parents are still extremely hardcore in their beliefs, and it has definitely affected my relationship with them. I speak to my mom on the phone a couple times a month and see them 1-4 times a year on average, but I try not to discuss religion. My parents still assume I'm Christian, as far as I know. If they knew my true beliefs, they would be very upset and think that I was going to hell, so I see it as a kindness to them and myself to keep my mouth shut. I don't know if I would lie if they asked me directly whether I was a Christian, though. 

I also am very careful what I discuss with people from the church I grew up in, because anything I told them would undoubtedly make its way back to my parents. I've found new friends over the years who accept me as I am, and that is very validating. I would get a lot of flak from my fundie relatives, if I should suddenly announce my current beliefs and practices. 

So how do y'all relate to your fundie families?

 

 

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I have fundie friends. I try to stay clear of politics because I end up getting pissed off. I pretty much just play along most of the time to keep the peace.

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19 hours ago, Lisafer said:

I know I'm not the only one on FJ who grew up fundie or has fundie relatives. For those of you who also have fundie family members, how do their beliefs affect your relationship with them? Are you close? Distant? Estranged? Do they know about your current belief/nonbelief?

My parents are still extremely hardcore in their beliefs, and it has definitely affected my relationship with them. I speak to my mom on the phone a couple times a month and see them 1-4 times a year on average, but I try not to discuss religion. My parents still assume I'm Christian, as far as I know. If they knew my true beliefs, they would be very upset and think that I was going to hell, so I see it as a kindness to them and myself to keep my mouth shut. I don't know if I would lie if they asked me directly whether I was a Christian, though. 

I also am very careful what I discuss with people from the church I grew up in, because anything I told them would undoubtedly make its way back to my parents. I've found new friends over the years who accept me as I am, and that is very validating. I would get a lot of flak from my fundie relatives, if I should suddenly announce my current beliefs and practices. 

So how do y'all relate to your fundie families?

 

 

I was estranged from my dad for several years (my mom is dead). There were a lot of factors that went into that, not solely religion. But today, he knows I don't go to church, but I'm sure, like your family, he assumes I'm still at least nominally Christian. I've gone through several stages of belief/disbelief over the past year, and I think I'm probably leaning towards agnosticism if anything. But whatever I believe, it's nothing like the fundy doctrines with which I was raised.

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1 minute ago, polecat said:

I was estranged from my dad for several years (my mom is dead). There were a lot of factors that went into that, not solely religion. But today, he knows I don't go to church, but I'm sure, like your family, he assumes I'm still at least nominally Christian. I've gone through several stages of belief/disbelief over the past year, and I think I'm probably leaning towards agnosticism if anything. But whatever I believe, it's nothing like the fundy doctrines with which I was raised.

Yes, there's definitely a lot of factors in how close one is with their family. I think it's hard, though, to be close with people who believe you're going to hell. It's easier to let them assume whatever they assume.

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Fortunately my fundie relatives are several states away. We don't interact much generally, so it's not a huge deal. We do frequently shake our heads over their daughters being default childcare, though. Interestingly, at my wedding, I invited all my cousins, including the fundies. They accepted without question and were happy to come; it was my grandfather's wife who was griping about them coming, because "we never talk to them!"

Oddly enough, the ones that have cut family out of their lives for their choices are not the fundie family. Of three siblings, one is fundie, one is Catholic, and one is "living in sin." The fundie family still sees the one living in sin; it's the Catholic family that has cut off the third sibling! It's very strange.

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I have fundie light friends and I have an uncle and aunt who are also fundie light. None are quiverfull or dress/skirts only, but the extreme religious and  political views remain pretty much the same. We do not discuss religion or politics pretty much ever, otherwise feelings are hurt, tempers flare, feelings of superiority are touted and it is just a shit show. Our relationships are superficial and pleasant enough, but I am always aware that they think my family is going to Hell for our beliefs.

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  • 2 weeks later...

When my dad got sick and after he passed away, my mom has become more entrenched in a fundie-lite version of Christianity. When I visit or talk with her on the phone, I try to avoid both religion and politics because it just gets awkward. I am not sure if she still thinks I am Christian (I haven't been for many, many years), but occasionally I will get some book by a TV preacher for Christmas. *sigh* I have other relatives as well who are also fundie-lite and one who was a Baptist minister for a while. I am more concerned for all of their backwards political views lately, though. :angry-banghead:

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