When Fundies Flaunt Their Wives' Sins

[usmcmom]

Sorry for the length of this post but it has been on my mind for several weeks - mainly since the final Duggar family interview.

I can think of at least two times when Jim Bob Duggar reminded the world of his wife's "past sins." One was during that recent interview in which the whole family appeared on TV before the molestation became known; when Jim Bob laughingly said of Michelle, "She used to mow the yard in her bikini." The other time was quite early in the series when he told viewers that Michelle had kissed other boys and therefore "given away pieces of her heart." I felt so embarrassed for her at that point because I knew that was a big deal to them and I wondered how a husband could reveal such a fact about his wife when it was clearly considered sinful to them.

We also constantly see Ken Alexander and Robert (aka Cabinet Man) reminding their readers of their wives' past rebellion and their "sin" of refusing to live in submission to them.

Perhaps there are other instances where fundie husbands seem to enjoy shaming their wives. I don't follow many of the families. My question that I'd like to ask these men is:

Why is it okay for you to publicly shame your wife, by bringing up past sins, in view of scriptures such as those cited below? These are just a few of the MANY scriptures that remind us that sin, once confessed, is washed away and remembered no more.

If these husbands love their wives like Christ loved the church, they would keep no record of their wives' wrongdoing and they certainly wouldn't be reminding the world of these "sins." They would follow Christ's example and remember the sin no more. The sins, in their minds, as in the mind of Christ, would be washed away without even a spot remaining. That is, IF they loved their wives like Christ loves the Church, which is doubtful.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Isaiah 1:18

“Come now, let us settle the matter,†says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

1 John 1:9

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Romans 6:18

18 You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness

Acts 3:19

19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,

Jeremiah 31:34

No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’

because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest,â€

declares the Lord. “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.â€

Psalm 103:10-12

10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Again, we see Fundies living under blatant hypocrisy and going against scripture. Of course, if these questions were to be asked on their blogs, we'd be deleted and others would be told we never existed. Kind of like "T" from Robert's blog.

[mirele]

Don't you know? Jesus died for everyone's sins, except the sin of Eve. We're supposed to be second-class, lower-class and subject to men forever and ever amen.

And the Duggars aren't the only ones to do it. Look at how Tullian Tchivijdian tossed his wife casually under the bus while confessing he'd had an affair. "She did it first!" Asshat.

[Firiel]

Don't you know? Jesus died for everyone's sins, except the sin of Eve. We're supposed to be second-class, lower-class and subject to men forever and ever amen.

And the Duggars aren't the only ones to do it. Look at how Tullian Tchivijdian tossed his wife casually under the bus while confessing he'd had an affair. "She did it first!" Asshat.

I did the same thing when my ex-husband cheated on me. When people asked why we divorced, I told them! I didn't call up everyone he knew, but I was honest with people when they asked.

If my ex didn't want people to know he cheated, he shouldn't have done it. :shrug:

[Burris]

The Pisser and Ken are masters of the art.

[MamaJunebug]

Sorry for the length of this post but it has been on my mind for several weeks - mainly since the final Duggar family interview.

I can think of at least two times when Jim Bob Duggar reminded the world of his wife's "past sins." One was during that recent interview in which the whole family appeared on TV before the molestation became known; when Jim Bob laughingly said of Michelle, "She used to mow the yard in her bikini." The other time was quite early in the series when he told viewers that Michelle had kissed other boys and therefore "given away pieces of her heart." I felt so embarrassed for her at that point because I knew that was a big deal to them and I wondered how a husband could reveal such a fact about his wife when it was clearly considered sinful to them.

We also constantly see Ken Alexander and Robert (aka Cabinet Man) reminding their readers of their wives' past rebellion and their "sin" of refusing to live in submission to them.

Perhaps there are other instances where fundie husbands seem to enjoy shaming their wives. I don't follow many of the families. My question that I'd like to ask these men is:

Why is it okay for you to publicly shame your wife, by bringing up past sins, in view of scriptures such as those cited below? These are just a few of the MANY scriptures that remind us that sin, once confessed, is washed away and remembered no more.

If these husbands love their wives like Christ loved the church, they would keep no record of their wives' wrongdoing and they certainly wouldn't be reminding the world of these "sins." They would follow Christ's example and remember the sin no more. The sins, in their minds, as in the mind of Christ, would be washed away without even a spot remaining. That is, IF they loved their wives like Christ loves the Church, which is doubtful.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Isaiah 1:18

“Come now, let us settle the matter,†says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

1 John 1:9

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Romans 6:18

18 You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness

Acts 3:19

19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,

Jeremiah 31:34

No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’

because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest,â€

declares the Lord. “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.â€

Psalm 103:10-12

10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Again, we see Fundies living under blatant hypocrisy and going against scripture. Of course, if these questions were to be asked on their blogs, we'd be deleted and others would be told we never existed. Kind of like "T" from Robert's blog.

You've been in my head! Only wish I could be as eloquent.

I've had those passages in my mind from little on up, about my childhood sins - which Big DadJB was reluctant to let me forget -- and through a miserable marriage.

The answer is partly hatred of women, as someone already posted (one phone, hard to review) and partly CONTROL.

I've seen leaders [sic] use the verses you quote to control men as well as women. But I think these "leaders" recognize that they can only push a man so far before the man says F off and changes congregations, etc. in fact I saw that w my own dad. A pastor tried to shame Dad for his profession and shortly after I overheard Dad tell BMJB the story, whoosh, our family had transferred membership.

Women even in liberal, progressive groups often try to be the peacemakers and moderators, but in ultra-conservative, complementarian cabals they're VERY unlikely to leave.

So the leaders (ha!) carp on the women's sins and everybody understands -- they could do this to ALL of us. Shut up and fall in line.

[salsa]

Don't you know? Jesus died for everyone's sins, except the sin of Eve. We're supposed to be second-class, lower-class and subject to men forever and ever amen.

And the Duggars aren't the only ones to do it. Look at how Tullian Tchivijdian tossed his wife casually under the bus while confessing he'd had an affair. "She did it first!" Asshat.

Yep. That pretty much sums it up. That and the fact that I don't know a single fundy man who isn't a jerk towards women (though the Pecan Thief doesn't seem like someone who'd do that). I don't know if fundamentalism attracts condescending jerks or they learn to be condescending jerks. Either way, they have carte blanche to treat women like crap.

[Howl]

Oh, friends, let's not forget mark driscoll, who pointed out (in print?) that he wouldn't have married his wife if he'd know she'd already given away a piece of her 'heart' on a senior trip in high school. :o

IIRC, mark had also had sex with someone other than Grace before they married, but that must be different somehow....not sure how, but somehow.

:shifty-kitty:

[mamallama]

I did the same thing when my ex-husband cheated on me. When people asked why we divorced, I told them! I didn't call up everyone he knew, but I was honest with people when they asked.

If my ex didn't want people to know he cheated, he shouldn't have done it. :shrug:

I did the same. He told his family that we'd been going to counseling for years (we never went not once) and then they'd want to talk about it with me. I wasn't going to keep the lie going that's how you go crazy.

[Alexa]

Ugh, I hate how Jim Bob always likes to bring up Michelle's "wild" past to shame her over her regular teenage behavior.

My favorite was when Kody Brown from Sister Wives, who has 4 wives, was asked by his first wife how he'd feel if she had another husband and he visibly shuddered and said the thought disgusted him. He also said he was turned off by wife number 4 at first because she'd been previously married and it had an ick factor. But his wives are all supposed to be okay with him hopping from bed to bed.

[polecat]

Oh, it's about control -- keeping people in line.

When I was nine, I had an accident, and it was blamed on my disobedience (I was put in a situation where there wasn't much other option). My parents were still bitching about the accident 20 years after it happened. TWO DECADES. As if I'd not already paid a high enough price for my "disobedience" (and believe me, I really did pay a high price).

[Four is Enough]

I've always wondered why JB couldn't let the bikini thing drop. It's a fairly normal thing for a teen to do. So is kissing boys before you get married. Only fundies seem hooked on this incredibly strict "purity" thing. You can't give away pieces of your heart until you engage your heart! They are so stupid!

[TXGirlInAMaterialWorld]

I think it is so JB can remind Michelle and everyone else how spiritually superior he is. He likes to hold it over her head. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that even uses that attitude to undermine her authority in the home.

[ADoyle90815]

I think it is so JB can remind Michelle and everyone else how spiritually superior he is. He likes to hold it over her head. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that even uses that attitude to undermine her authority in the home.

This. It's just another way for fundie men to control their women and make sure they keep sweet by reminding them constantly of their "sins."

[apandaaries]

This. It's just another way for fundie men to control their women and make sure they keep sweet by reminding them constantly of their "sins."

I'm also disgusted by this recurrent phenomenon. If it's not to blame women for having an affair first, then it's because the missus wasn't putting out enough, so he HAD to stray to fulfill his God-given masculine desires. Bleh. I think there's a very strong undercurrent of misogyny in a lot of these fundamentalist religions. It could be due to Eve; it could also be the strong preference for "God's own image," as so many think men are made in such a fashion (I've never seen convincing evidence myself, but hey...I'm no fundie).

These "patriarchal" religions also seem to frequently be headed by insecure yet narcissistic men. Those types of men tend to be obsessively interested in the love and sex lives of women around them. What better way to control women than to claim God ordained it?

[MamaJunebug]

In my earlier reply I meant to write that I've seen "leaders" carefully IGNORE the passages until they were ready to bestow forgiveness.

It's the first and most-used tool of the sniveling, insecure person to point out everyone else's shortcomings to make his (in my experience it's almost always a male) qualities seem better. They're the folks who can only feel superior by making others appear and/or feel inferior. And they HAVE to be the smartest ones in the room.

I have no room for them anymore. Not to topic-jack, but I've cut my attendance at the services where the misogynistic preacher holds sway to once a month -- the day when I have a very enjoyable volunteer job with a woman who's become a great friend. Don't mock - at my age it's tiny steps, and BOY is the progress SATISFYING!!!

[Toothfairy]

It really bothers me whenever Jim Bob brings up that binkini story. It's like he thinks Michelle cheated on him. I never hear him point out his sins. Pointing out his wife's sins must make him feel powerful. If your wife sins bother you so much then why did you marry her?

[EmiGirl]

Y'all forget that when men sin God forgives and forgets and we should too a LA Josh Duggar. But women need to be reminded of how evil we are.

[eri]

I'm sure Michelle could recount the number of times she has caught JB masturbating. But she probably just let it go after they "prayed on it." JB, and other fundie control-freak men, bitch and moan and nag about the same transgressions over and over again. I wouldn't have the sort of patience their wives do, that's for sure.

[Imagine20]

They're men with little to no self esteem, which is why this lifestyle appeals to them. Getting in little barbs at the wives keeps them in their place.

[Jana814]

They're men with little to no self esteem, which is why this lifestyle appeals to them. Getting in little barbs at the wives keeps them in their place.

Agree!! Steve Maxwell & Jim-Bob r great examples.

[Florita]

I just wish if they're going to publically shame their wives they could at least come up with some decent sin to expose. Enough with the "She left the cap off the toothpaste" crap. Let's have some juicy stuff. Like she was a crack whore or embezzled a gazillion bucks from the church or got busted for drunk & disorderly. Go big or go home. I don't care if she kissed someone before meeting you, get over it. You look like a insecure douche for even bringing it up.