What It's Like To Be Switched

[debrand]

Because of the Pearls, I have decided to describe what being switched was like. First, you have to understand what a switch is. Its a limber, green branch of a certain length. Many children, including myself, picked our own switches. Getting a smaller one meant that your parent would get two and braid them together-or at least that is what I was threatened with.

I was spanked with a switch, wooden ruler, belt and electric cord. The switch, and electric cord were the worse because they were flexible. They wrapped around limbs and left marks.

Switches do not just sting, as some people claim. They are extremely painful, especially on bare skin. I didn't know any parent who used switches on bottoms. They are for thighs because of their ability to wrap around the legs.

When I was a kid, it was not uncommon to see other children with red lines on their legs from being switched.

The flexible plumbing line is a substitute for a switch in the Pearl's minds. Even though it took me awhile to figure out that spanking does not work for my kids, I never used a swtich because I found it to be torturous(and no, I'm not using hyperbole)

[urban explorer]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, you seem like a very stronge and resilent person. From how you talk about you kids they seem great and well adjusted without beating them. I really have enjoyed your posts thus far.

[debrand]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, you seem like a very stronge and resilent person. From how you talk about you kids they seem great and well adjusted without beating them. I really have enjoyed your posts thus far.

Thanks. Here in the south, being switched was not uncommon. :cry: There are people who still defend the practice now. The Pearls use of plumbing line probably evolved from the southern use of a switch to punish children. I would imagine that the plumbing line would be worse

[Austin]

Debrand, maybe you can speak to this as well if you want. I think beyond the physical pain, there has to be a really huge humiliation factor, right? I just think as a human being that if someone gets to beat on you, it's got to be terribly humiliating and I don't know, but maybe that's as bad or worse than the physical pain.

[debrand]

Debrand, maybe you can speak to this as well if you want. I think beyond the physical pain, there has to be a really huge humiliation factor, right? I just think as a human being that if someone gets to beat on you, it's got to be terribly humiliating and I don't know, but maybe that's as bad or worse than the physical pain.

Its hard to explain. I think that the message that I received was that my feelings did not matter. Being spanked on your bare bottom is humiliating. It also enforces a heirachy. If someone is bigger, they have the right to take control. That isn't a good message to send to anyone

I think that there is a lot of emotional abuse that has to go along with being hit with switches and other implements. The parent has to convince the child and themselves that hurting them is a loving act. It isn't.

There are probably other southern people on this site who were punished in a similar fashion. Maybe some of them will talk about it.

[Rosa]

Debrand, thank you for posting this.

People do believe the "if it's flexible it only stings the skin, doesn't do real damage" - Debi Pearl says that in the video clip from Anderson Cooper.

[JosiePye]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I found being whipped very humiliating. The process is meant to humiliate, especially when the process is ritualized as many of the fundies perform it. The whole process of fetching the switch or whip, pulling your own pants down, allowing or submitting to the punishment, then apologizing for the misdeed(either to your parents or God) is a lesson in submission and humiliation. It's meant to break the spirit.

[Guest Anonymous]

I wrote about getting hit/switched on the epic thread we had about spanking on the old forum. My mother was a huge fan of Dobson and she also read several of the Pearls' books. Like debrand, we were sometimes sent outside to bring in a switch. It was scary and awful.

My siblings and me were spanked with hairbrushes, wooden spoons, fly-swatters, yard sticks, wire coathangers, switches, paint stirrers, custom made for spanking paddles, and open hands. In short, whatever my mother grabbed when she was angry with us, and sometimes just when she was angry. I never remember feeling that I deserved a spanking, and it certainly never improved my attitude. I was an unhappy little kid, and the spanking made me resentful, angry, distrustful, and even more unhappy.

I was a very sensitive child and even yelling at me hurt my feelings, I don't think spanking was ever needed. I wanted to please my mother and time out or grounding would have been effective punishment. My oldest sister was considered to be the more "rebellious" one and she probably got hit at least five times as much as I did. I think the last time that my mother hit me was when I was 15.

I have almost no relationship with my mother now, I haven't spoken to her for six months. The only reason I haven't completely cut ties is that I have two younger siblings still at home that I try to keep in touch with and support however I can. As soon as the kids are all 18, that's it for me, I will have no contact if at all possible. Spanking is far from the only issue in my screwed up family (thanks, fundamentalism!) but it's a big one that I have no desire to propagate.

Link to the 19 page! thread on the old board in case anyone is interested - http://freejinger.yuku.com/topic/7746

[liltwinstar]

I was spanked with hands or with a wooden spoon. Usually over the underwear, at least as far as I remember - maybe on my bare skin when I was little? I really don't know.

Anyway, I don't remember it hurting as much as I remember how angry it made me. In fact, at some point I told my parents "you can spank me, but I'm not going to cry." And I didn't (I'm really stubborn and I have a high pain tolerance). I would apologize and do all the other stuff I was supposed to, but I did not cry. Luckily for me, my folks were not pearl followers or that would have earned me more swats, I'm sure.

I always thought of myself as lucky since my parents would only give me one or two swats, and only with a hand or a spoon - not a belt, hairbrush, etc. A lot of the kids I went to church with would get a lot more than that. But, my parents did do the "ritual" thing where we were told what we did wrong, then spanked, then we had to apologize (and maybe pray? Can't remember), then hugged, etc. They were good about not "spanking in anger" - I was never grabbed and swatted (that I recall); instead, we would be swatted later and in private. As a little kid, it all seemed really normal to me - I wasn't embarrassed by it. But as I/we got older, it got more embarrassing. I know my sister was spanked in 8th grade, so we were 12-13 or so, and I don't know if that was the last one or not, but it was too old for a spanking anyway (and she didn't deserve it, but that's a whole different story). When we were older, dad would use a squash paddle - I don't remember that I was ever spanked with that, though - just my sister. And at that point, we didn't have to strip or anything, the spanking was over clothes (my parents knew that a spanking on bare skin at 12 years old would have been super inappropriate).

Anyway, I think that the spankings were a combination of things - my folks just really didn't know how to punish us otherwise when we were little. And then when we were older, there was literally nothing they could take away, because we had nothing. I mean, most parents now can take away video games, or the cell phone, or the tv, or keep you from seeing your friends, or take away other things that their kid likes and enjoys. My sister and I didn't have anything like that - we saw our friends only at church, so my folks weren't going to keep us from that, we weren't allowed to watch TV, etc etc - so they really had no other tools. Also, church reinforced the rod/spanking thing, although not to the extent of the pearls, so they felt like it was their only option - and I did too! I read the bible where it talked about "spare the rod spoil the child" so I figured that's how things had to be.

I don't think spanking is good though. I just count myself lucky that it wasn't as bad as it could have been, given our environment.

[luckylibrarian]

debrand, I'm so, so sorry that you experienced that. Switching sounds like torture. It's humiliating. I'm constantly surprised to hear that it is something that is still practiced today.

One of my friends posted this as her status update on FB a few weeks ago: "I have to laugh at people who are against spanking. My parents whipped my @ss like there was no tomorrow... I didn't hate them.. I didn't have trust issues with them because of it... I didn't fear them... But I darn sure respected them! I learned what my boundaries were, and knew what would happen if I broke them. I wasn't abused, I was disciplined.... *Re-post if you got your @ss smacked and survived it*"

I find that utterly disturbing. The message is terrible ("I was okay, so you should be, too!") but even more disturbing was the number of people agreeing with this.

[lilwriter85]

I was spanked times when I was growing up. It was common in the area I grew up in Hispano part of northern New Mexico. Most people only hit for discipline ,when the kids did something very bad and most of the hitting was usually done with hands or fly-swatters. I don't believe in spanking and I don't plan to do it if I have kids. I think there are some people keep spanking to a minimum now in days.

I think the Pearl methods are flat out brutal and disgusting. Hitting a baby is horrible and in the area I grew up hitting babies and toddlers was looked down on because the view was that a baby or toddler is too young to be hit.

[Freed]

This is my first post, but I've been lurking for a while.

I grew up in a fundie-lite/TTUAC/ATI/VF household. My parents drank every drop of the koolaid they were given. Especially popular was the spanking. I was spanked for literally every single misstep, including not smiling enough ('staying sweet'). I distinctly remember the time my mother trained me to say 'yes/no ma'am/sir' by switching me any time I didn't.

Most of the time, I got a thin dowel rod, but sometimes she used the branches of a weeping willow (ironic, no?) or a bridal wreath bush. Those were worse, because the knots in the wood left cuts.

I wasn't allowed to cry. I got spanked more if I did. For two years, I literally couldn't cry for anything, including the deaths of two of my grandparents.

I'm not 'okay.' I tend to stay very quiet, and physically cower if someone is raising their voice, or gestures toward me suddenly. I don't like being touched unexpectedly, especially by adults. The spankings ended when I was 13, almost eight years ago.

...Wow, that turned out a lot longer than I intended. But yes, that's my story.

[Kitty]

I'm one of the... well I can't say lucky, but while I was spanked when I was younger, the spanking stopped around 10 for me, and spanking was ALWAYS a last resort. I can only remember like 2 times I was spanked. Personally I'm split on just how harmful corporal punishment can be, but the the kind the Pearls are into is extreme. Not unnecessary, not even cruel, but inhuman.

That being said I knew one guy who was switched as a kid. His father would send him out to get a switch. That's just horrible. I'd have run away in that case. The guy instead had the brains to bring back the thickest, slimiest log he could find instead of a thin stick, and run away when his dad was distracted by the gross, slimy log. He also went to a nearby Christian school, which spanked students every day. Like, every student would receive a spanking regardless of how well they behaved. :( The kids whose parents opted out of the spanking had to witness it. That's just... cruel. you don't do that to a child. that's how you raise a cowering, compulsive liar.

Growing up in the South I heard about people getting smacked for everything. Seriously, kids around here don't take their parents seriously until they are hit. And once they're big and old enough, they fight back, and cops get called. The kids quickly go out of control, and have awful relationships with their parents. Then they turn around and say "oh, I turned out all right." Bull fucking shit. A lot of them graduated high school by the skin of their teeth, if they did at all. Many are on drugs. Kids get smacked for crying. They get popped in the mouth for backtalk. Some get slapped in the face for crying louder. Quite a few are beaten with belts and rulers. I'm not sure if any of these kids' parents even heard of TTUAC, but they're Southern-style fundie lites.

I loathe Southern-style parenting. Loathe it. It's not effective. It's not at all loving. It's laziness. It's violence.

[ladypuglover]

I grew up as the daughter of a politician who was an atheist but still had to do all the "fundy" behavior of keeping sweet, not being to happy, never being allowed to be upset in anyway... just had to be perfect at all times. We kids were beaten with belts that left bruises months later, shocked with cattle prods, with bull whips, wooden spoons, switches, pinched, punched, slapped and even our food and clothes were used as a weapon against us. Of the 4 of us that had children, 3 of us have never or only once hit our children. Those of us who chose not to hit have had all of our children to date graduate from high school/college and are becoming solid men and women we can be proud of. I still to this day freak out if someone starts screaming at their child and strikes them, even worse was the time I saw a woman throw her drink in her child's face and be forced back to when that drink was thrown in my toddler face. I and my 2 sisters can not remain calm when we see parents freak out on their kids without having full blown panic attacks. I wonder is some kids that were raised as I was act the same when seeing someone lose control on their child?

[LynnKaboom]

I guess I was one of the lucky ones in that while my mom read Dobson, she only spanked me with spatulas or her hands.

I have, however, been hit with plumbing supply line, albeit accidentally when I was trying to do DIY plumbing in my dorm room when the shower exploded. The supply line came unhooked and swung out and hit me in the arm. That shit hurts, and I wasn't struck with very much force. I don't know what kind of crack Michael Pearl was on when he said that doesn't leave marks, because I had a big bruise for about a week and a half after that incident. It was painful enough in an accidental situation, I can't imagine how much more painful it would be to have an angry parent hitting you with plumbing line as a child.

[fundifugee]

This is my first post, but I've been lurking for a while.

...

I wasn't allowed to cry. I got spanked more if I did. For two years, I literally couldn't cry for anything, including the deaths of two of my grandparents.

I'm not 'okay.' I tend to stay very quiet, and physically cower if someone is raising their voice, or gestures toward me suddenly. I don't like being touched unexpectedly, especially by adults. The spankings ended when I was 13, almost eight years ago.

...Wow, that turned out a lot longer than I intended. But yes, that's my story.

me too, on all of the above, except that I'm 38 so it's been about 26 yrs for me.

Plus an over-developed sense of shame, and a tendency to avoid any kind of confrontation.

I still remember the "stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about".

My parents and their friends used to laugh about how they only had to spank one of us because the others when seeing/hearing it would also cry.

Same went for when they beat the dog, for me at least. To date a dog yelping, and people spanking their kids, causes panic and tears for me.

My 3 sibs still spank their kids though. They are all still 'drinking the kool-aid'. I cry when I see them drag their kid off for a spanking. That is why I only see my family for one week out of each year (if that). The only reason I do that much is because I want their kids to know me, so that if they ever need help/support to get the fuck out, they can call. I have told my sibs that hitting is not allowed in my house, which includes all living things, especially children and dogs. Also I've sent them a few of the studies that show it contributes to anxiety and lower intelligence. They have just kept quiet, at least to my face.

[dormouse]

Never been beaten that I can remember, except maybe spanked once or twice by my dad when I was very young, but I remember being tied up to a chair with an electric cord by my mom when I was 12. It was during the Christmas vacation, I had found my crush's number in the phone book and called him and left an anonymous message on his answering machine, nothing bad, just "Merry Christmas (name), I am your secret admirer and I love you!" When she found out, she kept me under constant surveillance so I wouldn't do it again, and once she was going to the convenience store and decided to tie me up to a chair instead of just taking me with her. All this so I wouldn't "ruin my reputation" by calling a boy, and to teach me the "men like the chase" theory. She's not fundy, in fact she's an atheist big-city hippy. Years later, when I was living on my own, she actually asked me for advice on whether she should call her boyfriend or not (oh the irony), then apologized for what she had done back then, saying she had no clue how to raise a teen since I was an only child, and that she was a frazzled single working mom. Um, yea... no parents have "a clue" on how to raise a kid the first time around, it's called the school of life, and I'm not sure all eldest daughters have been tied up with electrical wire because they called a boy. Sorry for the long rant, the mention of electrical wire triggered that memory. :(

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I found being whipped very humiliating. The process is meant to humiliate, especially when the process is ritualized as many of the fundies perform it. The whole process of fetching the switch or whip, pulling your own pants down, allowing or submitting to the punishment, then apologizing for the misdeed(either to your parents or God) is a lesson in submission and humiliation. It's meant to break the spirit.

This is the feeling I get just reading it also.

Pearl and Dobson like to stress over and over again how the punishment must never be given in the heat of anger, you shouldn't lose control and smack your kid.

But honestly? I think I'd deal with it better if someone just lost it and smacked me, rather than this entire ritual (good term there!) almost fetishized application of violence. Because you have to submit and be laid bare, while the other person not only remains in full calm calculating control but is also frankly GLOATING in it, reveling in your weakness, in the fact that you've been broken. It's THAT entire idea that just drips from Dobson's radio broadcasts to the point that I cannot stand to hear the man's voice.

[jjmennonite]

I am so sorry for all of you that were whipped, with anything. My dad, too, had the humiliation ritual down pat: 'Pull down your pants and lay yourself over my knee'. He always bragged he spanked with his open hand so he could feel the sting - somehow that made it better? I guess that meant he would not hit too hard or too long. Lots of psychological damage, not much physical.

He used to say 'this hurts me more than it hurts you' and I did not know the word bullshit, but I sure knew the concept. I also got 'stop crying or I will give you something to cry about'.

[emmiedahl]

I think it depends on the parents as well. My husband was spanked with a switch or a belt a few times during his childhood and swears it was well deserved. I think maybe his parents hit very lightly, because he swears that no marks were left. His parents were very loving, gentle people who put their kids above everything; I think that was just how children were punished in that time and place. His sisters were never spanked that anyone can remember, and his dad has said that he could never lay a hand on a little girl because they might think it was okay for a man to hit them. Anyway, dh sees no problem with spanking and refrains from it simply because it upsets me so much.

In my case, my mother was very modern, but she grew up in an abusive household. A few times in my childhood, she lost her temper and beat me, leaving extreme marks and a lot of emotional damage. It was just a few times, but it was scarring because she scared the shit out of me. I knew that if I pushed too far on the wrong day, even accidentally, I could end up badly hurt by someone I loved so much.

So, I think the way the parents are in general can have a lot to do with how the child perceives harsh punishment. In my case, it was like a random act of violence. In dh's case, it was perceived as a logical but painful consequence from parents who always otherwise had his best interests at heart.

[1004srs]

me too, on all of the above, except that I'm 38 so it's been about 26 yrs for me.

Plus an over-developed sense of shame, and a tendency to avoid any kind of confrontation.

I still remember the "stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about".

My parents and their friends used to laugh about how they only had to spank one of us because the others when seeing/hearing it would also cry.

THis....for me too.

Don't pick a switch that was not the right size. You'd have to re-do.

[thoughtful]

I am sick to my stomach and teary-eyed, reading this thread.

I will never, never, NEVER understand anyone doing this shit to a child.

My heart goes out to anyone who experienced it, and I congratulate those who grew up to be non-spanking parents.

[Rosa]

My mom was a "regular" spanker for the place/time I grew up (Midwest, '70s) - she used her hand or a wooden spoon, and kept the spoon in her purse to threaten us with in public, and counted to three before she smacked. When she figured out spanking wasn't working, she switched to other punishments (you have to stay in your room until you do/say X, you don't get any supper, blah blah blah) but always grounded in that "never back down, always win, kids need you to be the authority" - for instance, there was a rule about how much of your plate you had to eat, and she made my little brother eat vegetables (not very many) that literally made him puke and gave him hives - turns out he's got allergies and as an adult was hospitalized for a few of them. I never did learn to obey her, but I was never afraid of her either (and I came away from the spankings I remember feeling very much that I had won - since she couldnt' scare me, and wouldn't *really* hurt me, all I had to do was endure the spanking and then go on with whatever I wanted to do.)

My dad was a drunk, who very rarely actually hit us, but when he did it was unpredictable, unwarned, and really scary. He would also shout, throw things, break things, grab us by various body parts, etc. I was terrified of him for a long time, and neither of us is close with him.

So, I would say, no, the ritual isn't worse than the fear of random, anger-driven violence. But it's worse than any normal, respectful, humane kind of discipline.

[Boltingmadonna]

Funny this topic came up today, because I've been upset for the last two days, thinking about the subject of hitting kids. I was so disturbed by the Lydia Schatz case. I saw the marks shown on Anderson Cooper. If I'd made one, just one, of those bruised lines on my child's skin, I'd have fallen down on my knees crying, begging for forgiveness. Yet those people could beat a child for hours and never feel any remorse. I just don't understand it. It's a sign of sickness, and a sick society.

I had a medical procedure on Monday that left a little cut on the inside of my lip. That's been bothering me, too, reminding me of the times my parents hit me in the face when I was a kid. I look at photos of my daughter's face when she was little--so precious, so tender and delicate. How could any adult human decide it was okay to hit a little child in the face full force? I just don't get it. My parents were crazy. They didn't do that for my welfare. It was sheer selfish rage, taking their frustrations out on me.

My father had been switched, southern-style, as a child. He'd tell us that his father used to hit him with a belt, and tell us we were lucky he only used his hands on us. He claimed he was just "spanking" us, theoretically on the behind. But we'd struggle to get away, and then he'd lose all control and hit us with his fist on any part of the body he could reach. He'd drag us out from under our beds by a leg or an arm. Sometimes when we ran from him, he'd shove the furniture up against the wall, pinning us, and then laugh as he dragged us out and hit us. He and my mother both hit me across the face. Not little love taps, either--they'd slap us as hard as they could. I got hit in the face at the dinner table because my father decided my expression wasn't sweet enough. I was just trying to mind my own business and eat my soup.

My parents were conservative Catholics and always justified themselves by saying we deserved punishment because we were bad and they had to teach us to obey and respect authority. When I was a child, I would have told you it didn't hurt, because i learned to go completely numb and not feel it. Now, forty years later, I can feel it. It's still in my body. It doesn't go away. I thank fortune that they hit us out of selfish rage and didn't have a system like the Pearls' to guide them. God only knows when they would have stopped if they'd had that kind of backup. Random violence is survivable. Violence enthroned as a Godly principle is going to kill someone sooner or later.

I don't think everyone who ever hits their kid on the bottom is a horrible abuser, but I also don't think there is ever a safe amount of violence. Once people start hitting their children, it's so easy for them to get completely out of control. Yeah, it hurts! How the hell could it not? The whole point of hitting a child is to cause pain. The Pearls got that right.

Sorry, but I feel pretty strongly about this. Can you tell? :(

[Hisey]

I am very sorry to hear the terrible stories people on this website have to tell. I had a terrible family situation myself.

I was particularly sickened to read this by Kelly at Generation Cedar, writing about how she gets her kids to obey.

"There is something miraculous about the “sting†of a switch applied consistently and firmly."

Kelly is a firm believer of the use of a switch. Even creepier, she believes in switching kids as old as 13 or 14, on their bare skin or underpants (thin ones, she says). Isn't it a little inappropriate to ask a 10-year old boy to strip near-naked to be switched? She even believes in switching babies in diapers! (she suggests hitting on the thigh for kids still in diapers, so it will hurt more, I guess.)

I guess this form of "discipline" is more common in the South than I thought.