Ambivalent about pregnancy

[kpmom]

One of the members of the Christian Homeschooler's forum writes;

"Can I be really honest here? I am struggling emotionally as I get close to the end of this pregnancy. I have wanted another little one for so long. I love this sweet girl so much, and I'm still afraid of something going wrong. I've had a number of early losses and it wasn't until about 3 weeks ago that I began to think "I'm going to have a baby." Today I'm 33 weeks and I'm terrified!

There are the general nerves. I'm 43 and it's been 13 years since I've had a baby. Will I even know what to do? How is this going to affect my marriage? our family? homeschooling high schoolers? dealing with a somewhat difficult situation with 21 yodd? Will I have the energy to be a good mama? "

Not snarking here, because I think any woman in this situation would feel similar, but she goes on;

"I know that this baby is a miracle and nothing but a blessing from God. I know that I should be thankful, and I am. But at the moment and for the last week, I am also fearful and overwhelmed. I know I haven't asked a question, and I do ask for your prayers, but I put my post here instead of in Prayer and Praise because I'm hoping that I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way, and I need encouragement."

Adding in religion, and how she "should" feel, and you have anxiety ++++. I wish these women didn't feel they have to take on so much. I'm glad she feels she can be honest about these feelings.

chfweb.com/index.php?t=msg&th=84493&start=0&S=7b9cafcc8fe58e144c4c0070eb1de799

[niagarahauls]

I hope she gets some actual support and comfort instead of a hearty dose of guilt and shame.

[Jana814]

I hope she gets some actual support and comfort instead of a hearty dose of guilt and shame.

Same Here!

[Pathfinder]

If she doesn't get some support, she is headed towards a raging case of postpartum depression. All the signs are there. I really feel for this woman, and I hope someone reaches out to her.

[already hungover]

She also writes, "Then there's dh who tends to see the increased responsibility of a baby, but can't see the joy and blessing of a baby. I feel burdened by his feelings....." so I guess he won't be offering much emotional support.

I just don't understand why you'd have a kid with someone who doesn't really want another one. It's unfair to all parties involved.

[Jana814]

She also writes, "Then there's dh who tends to see the increased responsibility of a baby, but can't see the joy and blessing of a baby. I feel burdened by his feelings....." so I guess he won't be offering much emotional support.

I just don't understand why you'd have a kid with someone who doesn't really want another one. It's unfair to all parties involved.

Agree!

[NoneandDoneinCali]

I can see why someone might have a baby in spite of ambivalence towards it - peer pressure is really strong in some circles. I mean, I've never particularly wanted children, a fact that I am open about, and even I feel a twinge sometimes if I watch certain tv shows or movies (I'm not talking about the "what if" thoughts that I think most women experience as they grow older). And my family and friends are totes respectful of my choices - no misty-eyed mention of grandkids from my mom, for example.

This woman must have been hearing "why would you NOT want another baby?" for some time. Compound that with religious sentiment and she probably feels it's not only her duty to bear another child, but to be really friggin' HAPPY about it too.

[2xx1xy1JD]

It looks like she's getting support, not judgment, on that forum.

She said that she's had a number of early losses, so that's likely part of the explanation behind the large age gap.

Some ambivalence is normal, religious or not. This sounds like a VERY wanted and intentional pregnancy. She's both hopeful and fearful, because of the previous losses, and that can really play with your emotions. It's also really normal to be excited, and at the same, to be a bit nervous about the physical birth and the increased responsibilities.