Get Married To Have Sex!

[debrand]

christianbetrothal.blogspot.com/

I'm hoping that this is satire but the site looks legitimate. The only reason for marriage is sex.

Madeliene: Well, the father believes the son needs further growth and maturity before taking on additional responsibilities.

Sakal: Surely by ‘growth’ you do not mean ‘height’?

Madeline: No, no, spiritual growth; learning a work ethic, that kind of thing. If someone were to ask me for an answer to this question, it would be easy for me to say, yes, delay. The only difficulty is in the practical answer to each situation: How long?

Sakal: Ah. Well, that would not be my question. My question would be ‘why’?

Madeliene: But does it matter?

Sakal: It seems to. You see, I cannot see any such reasons in Scripture. Unless the young man is not physically ready… literally not capable for the activities of the marriage bed, then I cannot see Scripture saying anything is served by further delay. Does not God say, “It is not good for man to be alone?â€

Madeline: Well, yes, but this is just for a season.

Sakal: Did God say, “Except for a season?â€

Madeline: Well, no.

Sakal: Did God not say, “Because of fornication, let every man have his own wife?â€

Madeline: Well, yes, but what if he is not ready?

Sakal: To commit fornication?

Madeline: No! I mean for the responsibilities of a wife and children.

Sakal: My question would be, is he ready for the incredibly difficult task of remaining unmarried during these years? Calvin, or was it Gill, calls them the ‘slippery’ years. In our church we have young men falling right and left into various sins of fornication, most of them hidden, of course, and the parents seem to be all saying, “but they’re not ready†or “the other person isn’t ready†or “They’re not right for each other…â€

Madeline: But what if he is not mature enough for marriage?

Sakal: Not to be crude, but how ready does one need to be? The marriage act… in our town we have fourteen year olds who routinely engage in it…

Madeline: I wasn’t talking about that! I was talking about leading his wife in the Lord, being disciplined… he doesn’t even keep his room picked up!

Sakal: If my wife is any example, his wife will help with that.

Madeline: I’m sure she will, but is it right of me to ask a wife…

Sakal: Ah, so you would be embarrassed? I’m sure her mother will be too. Probably not because she leaves her underwear on the floor, but other things. She may be learning to be a bit of a gossip… But you forget that, in Scripture, marriage is not a ‘mature’ relationship, but a ‘maturing’ one. A sanctifying one. The very problems you are attempting to combat may be designed to be solved in marriage, by marriage… not before marriage.

Madeline: But Sakal, what about Spiritual maturity? A young man is supposed to be the leader in his home, the spiritual leader. Surely he has to be mature in that area before he takes a wife?

Sakal: Why? How is this area different from any other? Do we not learn to do by doing? Do we not learn to lead by leading? How can a young man have matured in this area if he is not practiced? When I learned nursing I had to ‘practice’ my skills on a dummy. Perhaps the same way that your young man practiced ‘leading’ by being given assignments for his father. But these were pale comparisons to the real thing. I did my first ‘real’ practice on a real patient, with a teacher standing by watching. And now, hundreds of ‘practices’ later, I can say I am proficient at some of these skills.

Madeline: So if the father of a young man were to come to you, and confess that his son was not good at these things?

Sakal: then I would determine what ‘these things’ are, and would help disciple him as he led my daughter in them. Or perhaps I would assign something as part of the bride price. If a young man were living with or near his father I would speak with his father, and see how often they would be doing ‘joint’ worship. Perhaps we could even exchange emails daily, the young man and I.

Madeline: Not everyone would do that!

Sakal: No. Most are lost in the depths of courtship…

[ILoveJellybeans]

Marriage has more to it than sex....how are they ever going to have a good relationship if they got married for sex.

To be mature enough for marriage, I think both of them need to be responsible enough to have their own house and the skills that come with owning it (the ability to cook, clean, handle money, use household appliances like the washing machine and dishwasher...), be earning enough money between them to pay the bills and still have enough to buy groceries and stuff, and also love and know eachother well enough to know that theyre a good match.

[alba]

And the only thing necessary to be a husband is the ability to get it up :roll:

[debrand]

[link=][/link]

And the only thing necessary to be a husband is the ability to get it up :roll:

Apparently, being able to have sex makes a person an adult

[dawbs]

Funny, all those statistics talking about divorce (the rate being the same whether one is 'churched' or not) show that the marriage is much more likely to be a failure than if they wait.

But the failures aren't important as long as people get married?

[uber frau]

Yes, but the people who push this extremist view aren't the sort who would ever allow divorce anyway.

[rward]

Wow, his marriage must really, really suck.

[YPestis]

I remember reading in the NYTimes that Mormon church channels young people's sexual energy into marriage. I think the writer meant the church tries to turn their young people's focus on having sex into focus on getting married. However, I think it's not as benign as that. I think Mormons tend to marry young and marry often because their church looks down on premarital sex so much that young people becomes convinced what they are feeling is true love (and not lust) because lustful thoughts outside of marriage is a no-no. Therefore, many religious Mormons end up getting married confusing romantic passion with everlasting love. In the past, when divorce was a big no-no, the young couple would just figure it out after marriage. However, these days, with higher expectations of marriage and with divorce an accepted part of life, I think rushing into marriage is a recipe for disaster.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

I remember reading in the NYTimes that Mormon church channels young people's sexual energy into marriage. I think the writer meant the church tries to turn their young people's focus on having sex into focus on getting married. However, I think it's not as benign as that. I think Mormons tend to marry young and marry often because their church looks down on premarital sex so much that young people becomes convinced what they are feeling is true love (and not lust) because lustful thoughts outside of marriage is a no-no. Therefore, many religious Mormons end up getting married confusing romantic passion with everlasting love. In the past, when divorce was a big no-no, the young couple would just figure it out after marriage. However, these days, with higher expectations of marriage and with divorce an accepted part of life, I think rushing into marriage is a recipe for disaster.

ITA, and I think that this is also what is happening when engaged fundie couples talk about "the Lord working on their hearts" to make them fall in love as soon as they were given permission to court. Um, NO, you "fell in love" because for the first time in your life you were told that it was ok to develop feelings for the opposite sex, so you've projected all your pent-up feelings onto this person whom you barely know. :roll:

[emiliawasframed]

That bit about marriage being a maturing relationship instead of a mature relationship reminded me of the book Red Families, Blue Families. This book makes the following set of generalizations based on years of sociological research: In red (conservative) circles, marriages make adults, while in blue (liberal) circles, adults make marriages. That difference is a striking one.

[mockingbird]

Maybe God never said "except for a season" but he DID say "for everything there is a season". I assume that would include a "season" of being a single adult.

[wtylcf]

yeesh, do these people ever READ the Bible? Paul writes that being single is an even greater gift and calling than marriage because one can serve the church more freely. So why on earth shouldn't young men and women be single for some of their youth? They could volunteer with charities or disaster relief, help out in their communities, devote themselves to a career so they can have a stable life and contribute financially to the church if their concern is how they can be a good Christian. Paul says it's better to marry than to burn with passion, so if you can't wait, then go ahead, but marriage is not to be pursued above all else as soon as one is capable of having sex. I hope this IS satire. Really, twelve year old girls and fourteen year old boys are capable of marriage because they could technically procreate?

(disclaimer - I am no longer religious).

[NoneandDoneinCali]

This is probably TMI (thank gawd for the anonymous interwebs), but I dated a man for almost two years because the sex was awesome. Yes, we lived in sin (Shock and Awe!!), so this is not something a fundie would experience before they'd signed their emotional death warrant, but when he asked me to marry him, I realized we had Nothing. In common. Nothing. We argued over tv, politics, music, money, having children, and everything else you can think of that didn't involve the bedroom. In my (relative) naivete about adult relationships, I figured we MUST love each other because the physical part was good ... erm, no. Sometimes, a rose is just a rose. A single rose in the bouquet of life. I can't say I don't miss the passion of that relationship, but there is no way I was going to accomplish my goals with that guy. Ultimately, we parted as friends - pretty much the most amicable split I've ever had, as he also realized our physical chemistry didn't make us a good match. So, on top of all the other things horribly wrong with that line of thinking - there are going to be people in this life that fulfill one need for you. But if they can't help you to realize your own potential, or lead you to your own version of success, then it isn't worth it. I feel for women who think because their partner has the financial resources to let them be a SAHM (not that there's anything wrong with that), or are very sweet and loving but can't take care of their needs on their own, that they've found their knight in shining armor. Life is short, and complicated, and messy.

[Anxious Girl]

Fundies believe that sex is for pure procreation because they want to "train" their biological children for the Christian army that's never gonna happen. Hence why wait until you're married to have sex. Because if you don't get to keep your children, they won't be part of God's army.

[Wolfie]

That bit about marriage being a maturing relationship instead of a mature relationship reminded me of the book Red Families, Blue Families. This book makes the following set of generalizations based on years of sociological research: In red (conservative) circles, marriages make adults, while in blue (liberal) circles, adults make marriages. That difference is a striking one.

This reminds me a lot of some struggles I've had getting along with family members who are less educated. I am not married, and I've had some family members treat me as if I was not an adult, even though I am older than them, better educated than them, and have a more stable job than they are likely to ever have. Their treatment has pissed me off. On the other side of the family, well, my brother is the only one currently married out of 9 cousins, (one is in the process of a divorce, another is divorced, but in the process of getting married again) but they don't treat me as if I'm some kid worth less than them. We're just all people. (and I don't treat the ones who treat my poorly any different than I'd treat anybody else. I have many friends with less education, married/divorced/never married, kids/no kids, ect... The difference between them and some specific family members is that they see me as an adult.)

Unfortunately I work in an area that is very conservative, and I've faced predjudice there for being single and without kids. (I've also faced some borderline harassment because of it.)

[NoneandDoneinCali]

Unfortunately I work in an area that is very conservative, and I've faced predjudice there for being single and without kids. (I've also faced some borderline harassment because of it.)

[Minerva]

I remember reading in the NYTimes that Mormon church channels young people's sexual energy into marriage. I think the writer meant the church tries to turn their young people's focus on having sex into focus on getting married. However, I think it's not as benign as that. I think Mormons tend to marry young and marry often because their church looks down on premarital sex so much that young people becomes convinced what they are feeling is true love (and not lust) because lustful thoughts outside of marriage is a no-no. Therefore, many religious Mormons end up getting married confusing romantic passion with everlasting love. In the past, when divorce was a big no-no, the young couple would just figure it out after marriage. However, these days, with higher expectations of marriage and with divorce an accepted part of life, I think rushing into marriage is a recipe for disaster.

I think it's always been a recipe for disaster. The disasters just stayed hidden back in the day.

Also, boys can get it up from the time they're babies, so...

[dora]

I got a lot of comments from people when I married at 22 enquiring about whether I was religious. As if I only got married so I could have sex. Yes I was (and still am), but that's not why we got married.

[Magdelope]

Well, this explains JoSh and Anna's marriage. Perhaps JB and Jchelle really wanted marriage to make a mature man out of Josh.

I remember watching "a very duggar wedding", when Josh and JB are talking and then JB starts saying something like "marriage is..." And pausing while thinking. Then Josh cuts in and says "marriage is not about getting what you want when you want it" - he sounds like a child repeating his homework and JB actually says something like "very good, that's right".

I felt sorry for Anna then.

[debrand]

This is probably TMI (thank gawd for the anonymous interwebs), but I dated a man for almost two years because the sex was awesome. Yes, we lived in sin (Shock and Awe!!), so this is not something a fundie would experience before they'd signed their emotional death warrant, but when he asked me to marry him, I realized we had Nothing. In common. Nothing. We argued over tv, politics, music, money, having children, and everything else you can think of that didn't involve the bedroom. In my (relative) naivete about adult relationships, I figured we MUST love each other because the physical part was good ... erm, no. Sometimes, a rose is just a rose. A single rose in the bouquet of life. I can't say I don't miss the passion of that relationship, but there is no way I was going to accomplish my goals with that guy. Ultimately, we parted as friends - pretty much the most amicable split I've ever had, as he also realized our physical chemistry didn't make us a good match. So, on top of all the other things horribly wrong with that line of thinking - there are going to be people in this life that fulfill one need for you. But if they can't help you to realize your own potential, or lead you to your own version of success, then it isn't worth it. I feel for women who think because their partner has the financial resources to let them be a SAHM (not that there's anything wrong with that), or are very sweet and loving but can't take care of their needs on their own, that they've found their knight in shining armor. Life is short, and complicated, and messy.

Don't feel bad. My husband was basically a one night stand that has lasted over twenty years. After our first time in bed, he turned to me and said, "That was wonderful. Will you marry me?" Thinking he was joking, I said, "Sure.Why not?" He wasn't joking. :lol: We did wait nearly two years to get married

[idonthaveajname]

I know at least 20 couples that I went to high school with that got married so they could have sex and Jesus wouldn't be mad at them. Most of them married within the first year after graduation, some the weekend after we graduated.

A great many of them are divorced now. I don't know how they explain that to Jesus, but whatever.

[louisa05]

I know at least 20 couples that I went to high school with that got married so they could have sex and Jesus wouldn't be mad at them. Most of them married within the first year after graduation, some the weekend after we graduated.

A great many of them are divorced now. I don't know how they explain that to Jesus, but whatever.

When I taught at a Christian school in the late 90s, there was always at least one wedding of a senior within a month of graduation. And most of them openly admitted that they were getting married so they could have sex. There was also a situation where a family came to the school asking if their junior daughter could go there as a senior if her and her about to graduate boyfriend got married as soon as he graduated. The administrators said no. Both families and the kids were very upset. The parents told the principal they needed the kids to get married because they had dated for two years and there was "too much sexual temptation". Ultimately, they decided she would stay at the school and they would get married as soon as she graduated. They broke up in September of her senior year. Go figure.