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Destiny31's Corner

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What Are You Doing? Chapter 6: When am I ready?

Disclaimer: I'm starting this sober, because I have a meeting for second full time volunteer job in an hour. Also, this chapter is even grosser than the previous chapters, and I can see a case for it being triggering, so make your own decisions on reading.

Wine: none right now, but since I won't get this finished before I have to leave for meeting, I'm sure that will change on the back half.

Characters: We have Good Girl, and a new one, Space Invader. Here she is (one again courtesy of @OnceUponATime):

Spoiler

Isha.png.fa54e4ba62e7f31bc2a7944cc1d21815.png

I'm also going to include Salesman Headship, because even though he isn't in this chapter, he's mentioned a lot, and I think his avatar is fucking hilarious:

Spoiler

Pat.png.49a6e1a582e716278d57af44c1141c32.png

Illustration: it's that damned picnic table again. I hate this park.

We are back in the park. Do people hang out in the park this much in real life? I mean, my town has a park, but we don't really go there if it's not to take the kids to play on the swings. The chillin' in the park seems weird, but that's the least of my complaints with this fucking book, so moving on. Good Girl is in the park, all sad and depressed, and Space Invader walks up to her and is all, "You look like you need a hug," THEN SHE HUGS GOOD GIRL. Good Girl is all who the actual fuck are you and WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU DOING HUGGING SOMEONE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. I know that I like being touched less than some people, but you do NOT hug me unless you know me, and maybe not even then. These assholes have no concept of personal space and boundaries.

Anyway, after Space Invader introduces herself, she asks why Good Girl is sad. Good Girl is sad because Salesman Headship said that Asshole Plot device couldn't court her. He said that Asshole Plot Device was too immature to consider marriage, and so was Good Girl. You know, I really can't argue with Salesman Headship here. Asshole Plot Device comes off very young, and Good Girl is canonically barely eighteen. Could it be? Is there finally going to be a character that doesn't suck in this story? Wait a minute, the whole point of this terrible book is that fathers should sell their daughters, so I'm sure I'm going to hate him once I actually meet him.

Good Girl points out that she is an adult in the eyes of the law and her father is being SO UNREASONABLE to not allow her to court Asshole Plot Device. I mean, she's EIGHTEEN. HOW DARE HER PARENTS POINT OUT THAT SHE IS NOT READY FOR A LIFE LONG COMMITMENT. I hate this book. Of course, since Mr. Ohlman (who is a creeper) doesn't really care about when a child legally becomes an adult, and it's all about the breasts, I feel like we are headed for something that's going to make me want to hurl. Space Invader asks when God thinks that a child becomes an adult, and Good Girl really doesn't know.

Quote

 

Maydyn: I... I don’t know. I don’t think... I don’t remember anything about becoming an adult in the Scriptures. That’s funny. But it does say ‘woman’, that must be the same thing.

Isha: Must it?

Maydyn: Oh, you are just like your husband!

Isha: [Laughs] Thank you.

 

Two things: 1) god, Space Invader is a condescending asshole. 2) I wouldn't consider being told you were just like Nosy Busybody was a complement. SEND HELP AND WINE!

Space Invader points out that there is no definition for adult in the Bible, and so Good Girl asks if there is an indication in the Bible as to when someone is ready for marriage.

Quote

Maydyn: When am I ready for marriage? Why does my dad think I’m not?

Isha: Well, I can’t tell you what your dad thinks, but as far as Scripture is concerned, you are ready.

Maydyn: Really? How do you know? We just met!

Isha: Well, you see, the only qualification Scripture implies for a woman is...xliv [Isha leans forward and whispers into Maydyn’s ear, who blushes]

Maydyn: [Blushing brightly] Really? Where does it say that?

Isha: In the Song of Songs... in what you would call Chapter 8: verses 8- 10 and in Ezekiel 16:7-8.

I just.....WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ? There's so much wrong with this passage that I don't even know where to fucking start, so I'm just going to go to a meeting and come back to this clusterfuck when I have a glass of wine and maybe some chocolate to help counteract this. *several hours later* Ok. So, this happened, and it doesn't make any sense after several hours. Here's the things I thought about while contemplating how to approach this pile of horseshit.

1) In this world view, the word of the father is usually final. It's very odd to me that Mr. Ohlman (who is a creeper) is allowing Space Invader to question the words of Salesman Headship directly to Good Girl. I honestly expected Nosy Busybody to show up at Salesman Headship's place of business to tell him that he was doing it all wrong.

2) Good Girl has breasts, so she is ready for marriage. Um, I know a ten year old who has bigger breasts than me. Should I be arranging a marriage for her? I mean, who cares if the couple can support themselves, or if the woman's body is not developed enough to have kids, or if they are emotionally ready for a lifelong commitment? She has boobs, and that means EVERYTHING, right? God, I want to vomit.

3) "In what you would call Chapter 8". Every Bible I have ever seen is divided into chapter and verse. What the hell is she on about? Do these people have a super special Bible I've never heard of?

Good Girl is all, what the hell, boobs are all that's required? Don't you know that a wife has to do all this stuff? Then she realises that she's talking to a woman who is married. There's a squicky sexual undertone to this and oh god why the hell does this pile of shit exist and I pray that no one ever paid real money to get this horror.

Space Invader says that she didn't say that a woman should get married the moment that breasts happen, but that there is no Biblical list that implies readiness for marriage. Goddess forbid that people use common sense, noooo, it's all about the letter of the book written two thousand years ago. She says that people should get married while they are young, and that's all the Bible really says on the topic. While I'm enjoying making fun of this horseshit, it's breaking my heart that somewhere, there is a child out there RIGHT NOW that is being harmed by this guy's teachings.

Quote

Isha: I think you will find that it says ‘children obey’ and ‘children honor’, if you read it carefully.xlvii. And the word ‘children’ is not the kind of word you are thinking about... it doesn’t mean ‘little, immature person’, it means ‘offspring of’, and it implies lifelong obediencexlviii.

What. the. fuck. This is a quote from a larger conversation about whether or not Good Girl needs to obey her father in the area of who to court or not to court. First, child means fucking child, and the idea that adult children need to obey their parents is seriously WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK territory. I can't even imagine trying to boss my adult kids around. I'd offer advice and suggestions if they asked, but otherwise? Their lives are their lives. Maybe I don't understand cos I don't have a penis? Secondarily, the whole premise of courting is that the parents are involved and ostensibly Good Girl agreed to that, so why does this whole chapter exist?

We have a short, boring conversation about Salesman Headship probably being scared to help Good Girl make such a life altering change and nothing really happened in this chapter besides a woman being horrible to another woman and thank god it's over. This chapter genuinely disturbed me, mostly because it was a "woman" spouting this shit to another woman. I can't really adequately put into words why it bothered me so much, but somehow horrible, misogynist things are worse coming from a woman.

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Destiny

Posted

By the way, I wrote all this sans wine if you are keeping track at home. :)

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CTRLZero

Posted

First random thoughts:  Isha Davidson has Michelle Duggar eyes;  I was very surprised that Good Girl was all of 18; and I bet that the full-frontal hug was to check breast status (VOIAPP sent a vicarious hugger).

So...agree that this chapter was very discouraging in a Maranatha/Lauren Chapman sort of way.  BTW--Where is Good Girl's mother (is Isha her representative)?  Is she anywhere in these pages?   [We have been focused on Vaughn Ohlman, but I should do some research on his wife as well.]

it's breaking my heart that somewhere, there is a child out there RIGHT NOW that is being harmed by this guy's teachings

Yes.  I don't get it.  :sad:

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Destiny

Posted

 

19 minutes ago, CTRLZero said:

I was very surprised that Good Girl was all of 18; and I bet that the full-frontal hug was to check breast status (VOIAPP sent a vicarious hugger).

OH GOD. I didn't even think about that. OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. You are probably not wrong and oh god, I feel sick to my stomach. Vaughn Ohlman is a creeper!

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Destiny

Posted

I just checked and it doesn't appear that Good Girl's mother exists in this world. I guess Space Invader is the closest we get.

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EyeQueue

Posted (edited)

Gag. This guy is repulsive.

And I just looked at the reviews on this on Amazon. 4 reviews, all either 4- or 5-star.

I suppose it's too much to hope that all of those are his socks? :cry:

ETA: Oh God. One of the reviews compares the book's style to a "Socratic dialogue." Yeah, for creeper idiots, maybe.

Edited by EyeQueue

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Destiny

Posted

Just now, EyeQueue said:

Gag. This guy is repulsive.

And I just looked at the reviews on this on Amazon. 4 reviews, all either 4- or 5-star.

I suppose it's too much to hope that all of those are his socks? :cry:

OH HELL NO. I might have to go leave a comment later.

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EyeQueue

Posted

3 minutes ago, Destiny said:

OH HELL NO. I might have to go leave a comment later.

Yeah, you should. The commenters (all 4 of them) are licking this shit up with a spoon.

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Curious

Posted

2 hours ago, Destiny said:

VOIAPP

What is this?  I'm terrible with acronyms :(

I'm confused.  How did Space Invader know who Good Girl was since this is her first appearance and there were no introductions?

A stranger that walked up and just hugged me would be short at least one limb when they pulled back.  NO Just NO NO NO.   People already invade my space way more than I like because a wheelchair means you have no personal space and people can treat you like furniture and just move you wherever they want (that's a completely different rant though.)

If you blush when people whisper the word breasts or sex to you (as was in previous chapter), you are definitely not old enough to get married.

I'm amazed you've made it this far through this book.

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Destiny

Posted

@Curious, the text implies that Space Invader just knew who Good Girl was from talking to Nosy Busybody, but Space Invader didn't confirm that Good Girl was Good Girl until after the hug. I thought that part made no sense, because, according to the illustrations, they live in a town big enough to have high rise buildings. I just chalked it up to him being a terrible writer. 

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laPapessaGiovanna

Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, Curious said:

What is this?  I'm terrible with acronyms :(

 

VOIAPP stands for Vaughn Ohlman Is A Pedophilic Pimp. 

Here's where it originated 

Since it's a very long thread, here it's the comment where it started

 

Edited by laPapessaGiovanna

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OnceUponATime

Posted

Quote

Good Girl is in the park, all sad and depressed, and Space Invader walks up to her and is all, "You look like you need a hug," THEN SHE HUGS GOOD GIRL. Good Girl is all who the actual fuck are you and WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU DOING HUGGING SOMEONE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. I know that I like being touched less than some people, but you do NOT hug me unless you know me, and maybe not even then. These assholes have no concept of personal space and boundaries.

This 1millionty times! WTF - this chapter is the worst for me (I'm half way through) purely because it starts with SPACEINVADER! NO, just NO! what the ever loving fuck was he thinking of? Even if they had met prior, which they hadn't, not being good friends with someone (in which case your relationship probably already has some spoken/no spoken rules about physical contact) means if you wish to give them a hug ASK FIRST! 'oh you look sad. Would you like a hug?' It's not that f'n hard!

Which gives me a perfect place to enter my 'fav' quote

Quote

Maydyn: [The girls hug, Maydyn looking awkward] Do I know you?

She actually has a somewhat normal response! omg she has feelings.

Also anyone I didn't know coming up to hug me in a park wouldn't end well. I might (if my escape routes were open) find the calmness within myself to ask them how the fuck they thought they knew me, ask for a selfie with them(I mean cops like photos of creepers right?) before I lost my self-control and needed to hightail it out of there.

Quote

3) "In what you would call Chapter 8". Every Bible I have ever seen is divided into chapter and verse. What the hell is she on about? Do these people have a super special Bible I've never heard of?

This is actually becoming trendy in some circles (someone did a kickstarter for one a while back - google told me; it must be true). Apparently reading the bible like a novel makes it a lot more meaningful. I can actually understand that in a way, because it stops you cherry picking quite so much. I have seen bibles before that had reduced pale referencing. They generally used the subsections in the chapters and grouped it all together in a block text with a reference like 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 - Concerning the Unmarried. There are quite a few people who dislike the bible chapters/verses/headings because the original version wasn't written like that. I wouldn't be surprised if they called themselves Bible purists or something similar.

 

6 hours ago, CTRLZero said:

BTW--Where is Good Girl's mother (is Isha her representative)?

Good Girl's mommy doesn't have any lines. She is still alive and apparently around, there is a reference to her in chapter 15 that lets you know that.

 

Quote

We are back in the park. Do people hang out in the park this much in real life?

I would if we had a nice park around here. One place I lived in was pretty much opposite a park. I lived on those swings between 10pm and 1am for a while. :shrug:I could just get a swingset to put up in my back yard I guess, but then I'd be responsible for it - and they cost shitloads. I'm actually not allowed on the swings in my town: I'm too old.

I do wonder if that park (which looks more like median strip in the middle of a road) is the center of town. On one side there are the highrise buildings (clearly where the 'worldly' folk live), and on the other side are more suburbia type town houses (where I guess the 'pure and innocent' live). I mean clearly there are churches somewhere too :shrug:
 

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CTRLZero

Posted

6 hours ago, OnceUponATime said:

I can actually understand that in a way, because it stops you cherry picking quite so much.

This is something I have thought of on my own, in an unformed, biblically-uneducated sort of way.  I occasionally think, for example, "Hey, weren't these letters written to various people, and isn't there more to the story?"  The chapter and verse format is convenient, but has probably led to new religions sprouting up through cherry picking.  My first Bible had red letters ("Jesus said") and included the year, just so you wouldn't get confused by science and think earth was over 6000 years old.

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Destiny

Posted

8 hours ago, OnceUponATime said:

This is actually becoming trendy in some circles (someone did a kickstarter for one a while back - google told me; it must be true). Apparently reading the bible like a novel makes it a lot more meaningful. I can actually understand that in a way, because it stops you cherry picking quite so much. I have seen bibles before that had reduced pale referencing. They generally used the subsections in the chapters and grouped it all together in a block text with a reference like 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 - Concerning the Unmarried. There are quite a few people who dislike the bible chapters/verses/headings because the original version wasn't written like that. I wouldn't be surprised if they called themselves Bible purists or something similar.

That actually makes sense. I can see the use case for that. I wonder if Mr. Ohlman (who is a creeper) is a proponent of that. For some reason, I can't see him being anything but straight KJV though....he just seems the type.

ITA with the bolded.

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?

Posted

On May 12, 2016 at 2:53 AM, OnceUponATime said:

snipped

I would if we had a nice park around here. One place I lived in was pretty much opposite a park. I lived on those swings between 10pm and 1am for a while. :shrug:I could just get a swingset to put up in my back yard I guess, but then I'd be responsible for it - and they cost shitloads. I'm actually not allowed on the swings in my town: I'm too old.

 

snipped

I was swinging at a park with my 7 year last week (just to demonstrate proper technique, of course :my_biggrin: ) and discovered I can't enjoy swinging anymore. :my_cry: It made me dizzy and motion-sick. Not like a Duggar on an ocean cruise, but no fun.

I was never motion sick as a kid. I read on long car trips over winding mountain roads. I went on every spinning ride at the fair.  I'm tired of my body changing without my permission! I want to swing with abandon! I want to enjoy the Tilt-a-Whirl! 

Oh, and Vaughn Ohlman is a disgusting perverted pedophile pimp and a creeper.

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  • Posts

    • Ozlsn

      Posted

      4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

      Gary's not gonna meet God for somebody else, he's going to meet God for himself. "Ah'm gonna meet God the way ah preached, ah'm gonna meet God  the way ah soul-winned, ah'm gonna meet God the way ah the way ah sang,  ah'm gonna meet God the way ah treated mah family, amen?"

      Boy is he screwed.

      4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

      Most of the time, he reminds us, your enemy will be someone in church

      So.. if you avoid church your enemies won't find you? Also not sure what that says about Bro Gary.

      4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

      Gary doesn't like smiling. When they were in New Mexico, someone there who was a professional PHOtoegrapher ("whatever that word is" Becky: "phoTOGrapher") took their picture. Gary hates having pictures taken (apparently, that's very different from video). He says he didn't smile in any of

      Well that explains the scowl in his daughter's wedding photos.

      4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

      He tells the story of the man who was called to be a preacher because of Gary's Facebook video, and needs Becky and Jacob to help him remember when it all happened.

      I'm seriously starting to wonder if he has a neurodegenerative condition and Becky is hanging in there for the inheritance.

    • Katzchen24

      Posted

      That's a really interesting article. I hadn't really thought about it, but the majority of the fundies we snark on really do only rant on a limited number of themes. Mostly it's abortion, female purity, anti-LGBTQI and  general KJV-ness. 

      "The Bible’s exhortations to compassion for immigrants and the poor stretch long enough to comprise a sizeable book of their own, but no matter. White evangelicals will not let their political ambitions be constrained by something as pliable as scripture."

      Maybe FJ selects to snark on only a particular type of fundie, but I have NEVER heard one obsess about the poor or immigrants even one iota as much as they do about modesty or abortion. 

      As far as I'm concerned, the fundie obsession with female purity is a power and control grab dressed up as godliness. I've never understood why men have so much power over the female reproductive system and how so much prestige has been granted to male inheritance. It makes so much more sense for inheritance to be matrilineal if you want to be really sure of parentage. 

      • I Agree 3
    • SolomonFundy

      Posted

      You may be thinking of the Goodwins. Atlanta and Jordan live on a homestead (adjacent to his family) in middle Tennessee. A few years ago, they acquired a second, larger wood stove to use in their home, and moved the smaller wood stove to an exterior porch for Summertime cooking. This accomplished the tandem goal of allowing heat to remain outdoors in the Summer, and indoors in the Winter as the larger stove is capable of heating the entire house in colder months. The smaller stove is eventually supposed to be moved to an unfinished area of the homestead that is intended as a Summer kitchen. Atlanta and Jordan now have 6 children, and she generally spaces about 18 months apart. So your memory of a baby + pregnancy is entirely possible. (The last two children were twins.)

      I'm not sure what you consider "well connected" to entail, but Atlanta and Jordan have quite a few social ties to fundy families. They also infamously had a Civil War themed wedding, complete with Confederate flags, antebellum dresses, and southern army uniforms for the men. She's remotely descended from Nathaniel Bedford Forrest (Confederate army general), and the wedding was held at his childhood home site. Forrest is credited with founding the KKK. Not exactly the family connection that most people would think to celebrate on their wedding day, but I guess Atlanta and Jordan felt that it was a appropriate for themselves. 😑

      • Love 1
    • marmalade

      Posted

      On 8/3/2020 at 12:16 PM, HereticHick said:

      Where did he say that he knows zero Spanish? And I wonder what language he studied at Syracuse, which I believe has a language requirement.

      He did grad school at Syracuse. Not sure if his undergrad had a foreign language requirement. I think it was a small liberal arts college, so I imagine it did. However, he could have fulfilled it in high school when he went to public school to boost his soccer. 

    • SolomonFundy

      Posted

      3 hours ago, calliopecassandra said:

      I'd say getting pregnant again 5 months after a stillborn is pretty soon. I know after a miscarriage, you're "supposed" to wait 6 months. Oh and they had to wait 6 weeks to have sex again. Are they people who say so many days after a girl birth and less after a boy, do we know?

      Susannah wasn't stillborn. She lived for several days after birth on life support. Melanie and Nathan seem to have a pattern of trying very soon after a loss. Susannah's death was incredibly traumatic for the whole family, and I personally don't think that they were any more irresponsible than any other couple who has 2 babies in 14 months. But then, about a year after Abby was born, they had a miscarriage. 10 months later, Betsy was born. So, over the course of 3.5 years, they had four pregnancies, including three full term births, the loss of Susannah soon after birth, and a miscarriage. 

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      • Thank You 2


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