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  1. It's the last full chapter YAY, so let's get this moving. Luna status: I've been abandoned in favor of mister destiny because he has string cheese and apparently a kitten has to have her priorities. I feel so unloved. :-P Wine: naw, just my water bottle. I might have a glass with dinner tonight to celebrate being done with this shitshow, but haven't decided yet. New character today! George Wakefield. He's the pastor of the local Baptist church. Let's call him Pastor Confused. Artist's rendition (as usual, courtesy of @OnceUponATime): We are back in the fucking park. I ha
  2. Couple of housekeeping things: there's a final chapter that's another regurgitation of the whole book. I'm gonna skip it because we've see it all before. Also, there's an interlude chapter that's some sort of weird attempt at a Song of Solomon type of story that scares me in its incomprehensibility and awfulness, along with being pointless, that I'm going to skip. I'm honestly not sure what purpose it serves other than maybe as the book's sex scene, and that's too awful to contemplate. With that, let's get this show on the road. Yay! Luna status: sleeping somewhere, but not being a helper
  3. Luna status: close supervision of the mommy! Wine status: I'm working on this when it's cold and thinking about snowing, so chamomile tea. New character today! Abe Adamson, Asshole Plot Device's dad. Let's call him Smeghead (h/t to @dawbs for that idea). Artist's rendition (courtesy of @OnceUponATime): We are back in the god damned park. Hooray! Smeghead wanders over to Nosy Busybody and asks him if he is nosy busybody. Ok, WTF? I live in a pretty small town, and there's usually people in our local park. I would never just wander over to some random person in a park and ass
  4. ALMOST THERE! Luna status: couch related comfort a few feet away. One of my other cats is helping me with this one. Proof! (He's enjoying the warm generator today) Wine: not at the moment, but mimosas later maybe? Today, we are going to learn how to gain oneness. It seems to me that oneness is being used as a euphemism for compatibility, but it's too early to tell yet. Salesman Headship and Nosy Busybody are sitting at the kitchen table. Too bad. I was sorta hoping that Salesman Headship would have kicked Nosy Busybody out on his ass and told him to stay the actual fuck
  5. Ok, here's hoping today's chapter is better than yesterday's! I made sure to take out my contacts first just in case this one made me cry, because ain't nobody got time for ruining contacts for this mess. Luna status: Sleeping next to me. There's a warm generator (fire going in the fireplace) that's relevant to her interests. Wine status: Naw, but I'm not really in the mood for some at the moment so there's that? Bright side, I *could* have a glass if I wanted - we are past the unpleasant start of diet process, so of COURSE I don't actually want one right now. This chapter is
  6. I started reading this chapter at noon my time, so the beginning, at least, of this mess will be done sober. Captain Courtship and Nosy Busybody are sitting together. One would assume in the same fucking park, but this shitty shitty writer didn't bother setting his scene. I know I shouldn't expect better because he's proven himself to be such a shit writer, but JFC couldn't SOMEONE have edited this shit to have it make fucking SENSE? Even fan fiction writers who write for FREE know they need beta readers to help them catch shit, and this fucking guy is fucking selling this bullshit for actual
  7. Ok. Let's get this show on the road. Luna status: helping daddy adult in the office. Wine status: still no. I'm drinking unsweetened almond milk instead. SO not the same. :/ New character today! Pat, AKA Salesman Headship. Artist's rendition (thanks @OnceUponATime!): We start today's clusterfuck at Nosy Busybody's house. I know I said something about this before, but this interaction enrages me: YES IT FUCKING IS. Ok, so this afternoon, I planned this weekend's dinners. Part of this process is pulling out the relevant amount of meat from my freezer. So, I pulled
  8. I sat down to write this at 2pm my time. It's now 4pm, and I have 1) installed a new game on my phone and played it for a while, 2) watched an episode of Bones, 3) done dishes, and 4) spent 20 minutes deciding how I was going to redecorate the upstairs bathroom. I hate this project, and wish it had never come to me (yes, I know I volunteered for it, but run with the Lord of the Rings reference dammit! :-P ). Thankfully, this chapter is only four pages, so hopefully my suffering will be brief. Wine status: still dieting. FUCK! Luna status: she's chilling next to me cos there's a fire
  9. So, at @choralcrusader8613's suggestion, I printed this whole clusterfuck of fail, just so I could set fire to it when I'm done. Just thought you guys should know. Also, Mister destiny has started his diet again and I'm being supportive, so I am doing this shit sober today. THIS is love FJ! The title of this chapter is irrationally bothering me. Courting Parents? Are his parents courting? Are one of the protagonists result of *gasp* unwed sex? I mean, I *think* know what he was TRYING to say, but Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, get a fucking editor you fucking fuck! We are back in the par
  10. Ok, so remember when, like MONTHS ago, I said I was going to try to get this shitshow finished in the next couple of days? I lied. I can't even say that it was a couple of months. Baby Luna is now my beautiful grown up girl, and is not interested in helping mommy write this AT ALL. Anyway, I have a glass of wine, so let's get this shitshow on the road. When last we left our intrepid heroes, it seemed as though Nosy Busybody was trying (and succeeding) to convince Captain Courtship (the youth pastor, if you've forgotten. No judgement, I did too.) that selling their kids on Fundie eBay was the b
  11. Well, since those quiverfull kids aren't getting married fast enough, Vaughn Ohlman has decided to have a retreat to gather all the unwed single people together and pair them off. http://letthemmarry.org/gtm-retreat Money quotes include, "We are not attempting to limit our conference to Calvinists, but we feel we owe our participants some kind of assurance that they are coming to meet with other Christians." In all broad mindedness, they accept that daughters may come without a headship, but a young man interested in pursuing her must speak to one of the staff about his intentions.
  12. Disclaimer: I am in a fantastic mood today. I'm taking the first day off from the second volunteer job I have taken in a couple weeks, and I'm sitting on my deck with a glass of wine writing this. Current View: Wine: I have a glass for sipping. Ok, for starters, it has been pointed out to me that this pile of horseshit has a 4 and 5 rating on Goodreads and Amazon. If you feel the direction of the lord calling you to do so, I think we should do something about that. Today, we are meeting a new character, the Barren Spinster. Granted, shes only thirty-two years old, but think of
  13. Disclaimer: I have had a super shitty day, and I'm having none of Nosy Busybody's HORSESHIT today. Wine: Full bottle. Plan your grammar expectations accordingly. Glass number one commencing. OK, let's do this! Today, we don't have an illustration. Alas. Also, no new characters are introduced today, but Ebil Whore is mentioned, so I'm going to take the liberty of reminding you again what she looks like: We are back in the park. Is there NO other place to hang out in this town than a fucking park? I mean, one of the illustrations had a high rise. WHY YOU GUYS NO GO TO STARBUCKS
  14. Disclaimer: this chapter is all boring walls of text. I'll do my best to make it interesting, but I may not be successful. Wine: naw, it would just make me fall asleep, cos this shit is boring. We have another new character today! Captain Courtship, the youth pastor at Good Girl and Barren Spinster's church. Um, Barren Spinster is 32. Why does she have a youth pastor? Maybe I need some wine after all. Artist's rendition: Back in the god damned park. I may end up becoming a full on hater of nature by the end of this clusterfuck of fail. Incidentally, the chapter illustration is
  15. Disclaimer: It has been a while since I have thought about this clusterfuck of fail. Like, I had to go look up what I named Captain Courtship, because I totally couldn't remember. Ah, the sweet bliss of forgetfulness. Wine: none, because this chapter is boring as fuck and I don't want to fall asleep. Luna has decided to stop sleeping through the night. I'm sure anyone who has kitten parented know how this story goes. Ok, so, you know how I said I was going to do Part 2 of this chapter either that night or the next day? I lied. My excuse is adorable and currently playing with my sweat
  16. Before we start this clusterfuck of a chapter, wine status: glass is full. There is no way to read this shit sober. Warning: it IS as bad as you are imagining. Go ahead and grab the fortifying beverage of your choice. I'll wait. :-P With that, let's go meet Teh Ebil Whore! We open the chapter with a pencil (I think? I'm no art major.) drawing of a city street, complete with high rise buildings. No idea why, because, for some reason, Boring Plot Device is INTENTIONALLY having lunch with Nosy Busybody in the fucking park. Run Boring Plot Device, RUN! You are running out of chances to get No
  17. Because I am starting the read of this shitfest at noon my time, I am doing this sober. Therefore, you can expect even more fucks than last time, because wow. Just fucking wow. We open at the park again. For some reason, Boring Plot Device decided to go back there. Personally, if I had Nosy Busybody show up and start bothering me in this park, I would never ever go back there again. Granted, I am an antisocial asshole to start with, but if some creeper showed up and started bothering me about my phone and quoting Bible verses at me, I'd put that park on this list: Anyway, let's get
  18. Disclaimer: I'm starting this sober, because I have a meeting for second full time volunteer job in an hour. Also, this chapter is even grosser than the previous chapters, and I can see a case for it being triggering, so make your own decisions on reading. Wine: none right now, but since I won't get this finished before I have to leave for meeting, I'm sure that will change on the back half. Characters: We have Good Girl, and a new one, Space Invader. Here she is (one again courtesy of @OnceUponATime): I'm also going to include Salesman Headship, because even though he isn't i
  19. Disclaimer: I'm starting this chapter at 12:15 AM my time, so apologies in advance for grammar and spelling failures. I probably won't get this finished before I pass out, but I'm gonna give it a go. Wine status: none. The awesomely amazing @OnceUponATime has made us illustrations of our characters. This chapter will have Nosy Busybody, The Good Girl, and Asshole Plot Device. Here's an artist's rendering: Nosy Busybody: Asshole Plot Device: The Good Girl: These are quite possibly the funniest things I have ever seen, and I can not WAIT til we get to the point whe
  20. No, the title of this entry is NOT an error - that really is the name of the first "chapter". I'm already feeling like this is a terrible idea. First, my general feelings on the layout and construction of this book. It seems as though he was selling the book for actual money on Amazon (I didn't confirm this because fuck having a bunch of similar to this bullshit show up in my account for the next 29834739 years), so he could have spent some BASIC time authoring the ebook properly. There isn't even a bloody table of fucking contents, which is the height of laziness. Seriously, there are th
  21. Because I apparently hate myself, and am a glutton for punishment, I downloaded Captain Let Them Marry's book. Prepare for rants, probably fueled by altogether too much wine. Now, if you have hung out with me at all, you probably know I'm an unashamed lover of fanfiction. That said, I am pretty damn good at NOPEing the hell out if a fic sucks. I opened the PDF, and immediately wanted to NOPE. THIS FUCKER IS A DIALOG ONLY FANFIC! SEND HELP AND WINE. Here's a selection of this beautiful dialog from page one: SEND HELP.
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