Almost Time To Bid Adieu To Mr. Cranky Pants
I just realized that for the first time in over five and a half years I'm actually excited to begin royalty calculations. I know, I know, but No, I don't need my head examined.
Allow me to explain. We have a person we pay royalties to (actually we are now up to 4, but I never hear from the others - needless to say - I like the others) who to call him Mr. Cranky Pants is being kind. I've been told I was kind for this description. I can refer to him around her by that name and a lot of folks (even outside accounting) know exactly who I am talking about. Yes, he's that bad. About a year ago he ticked me off and while I continued doing the calculations, I washed my hands of all contact with him. My boss took this over. He discovered this last summer exactly who/what he was dealing with when he encountered the ugly side. This man demands to be paid at the beginning of the month, meaning right after the quarter is over. Never mind that the signed agreement (yes, I've read it, a few times) says that we do not owe him money until 30 days after the last bit of data we require to calculate royalties (because doing this based on a percentage of sales would be, what, simple? make sense?). So I end up nagging people outside my company for usage data due to contract. I've dealt with Crank Pants and his demands. Over the summer he parted ways with his partner and demanded after we sent a quarterly payment to him that we willy-nilly change his banking data. Sorry, we can't do that. Please fill out required forms (which you were told about) so we can run it through corporate and change your data. This is for your protection.
Anyway, I've been counting down for over a year because the ugly contract, the whole thing was up Dec 26. So for a change, I'm elated to do royalty calculations. I might have to throw a personal happy party right after that last payment wires through the bank. I'd tell you I'm building a bonfire of the associated paperwork but I can't. However in a year I'll dump it in a box and send it off to storage to be rid of his memory from my office.
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