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Destiny31's Corner

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What are you Doing? Chapter 18: You Can't do that! (THE FINALE!)

It's the last full chapter YAY, so let's get this moving. 

Luna status: I've been abandoned in favor of mister destiny because he has string cheese and apparently a kitten has to have her priorities. I feel so unloved. :-P

Wine: naw, just my water bottle. I might have a glass with dinner tonight to celebrate being done with this shitshow, but haven't decided yet.

New character today! George Wakefield. He's the pastor of the local Baptist church. Let's call him Pastor Confused. Artist's rendition (as usual, courtesy of @OnceUponATime):

Spoiler

George.png.46df43bde90634cb771711fa15a51406.png

We are back in the fucking park. I hate this park! AUDIOS FUCKING PARK I WILL NEVER HAVE TO VISIT YOU AGAIN SOON. Nosy Busybody is chilling in the fucking park AGAIN, and Pastor Confused comes over. He wants to chat. I'm not going to bother recapping most of the conversation because it's all big words like hermeneutics (which I have personally never heard a Christian use in conversation ever) being used to compare Biblical penis size. Spoiler: I think George wins. He actually makes sense and doesn't take crap out of context. Of course, this means that Nosy Busybody is going to act like he is stupid and talk down to him. Pastor Confused basically says, "Dude, you are talking weird ass shit, and you are basing your conclusion on stories, not commands, fuck off with this stupid shit." Pastor Confused, marry me!

They go back and forth for a couple of pages, rehashing the stupid arguments of the whole book, so I'm just gonna keep turning the pages, k? I flipped through a couple of pages, and found this:

Quote

George: But I haven’t trained my daughter to marry a fornicator!

Sakal: Why not? I have. I have trained my daughter the way an army trains its new recruits... for a battle, not a vacation. I have no idea what difficulties she might face in marriage: an unGodly husband, life on a mission field, barrenness, even abandonment. So my job is to train her for the worst possible scenario, the hardest possible situation.

Look at the women of Scripture, the truly Godly women in Scripture. Which of them married the perfect man and had the perfect life? Esther, who became part of a pagan king’s harem? Mary, who was always known as a fornicator? One of the many wives of David?

It seems to me that you are seeking a life for your daughter that God hasn't called her to, and rejecting God’s commands: for her and for you.

George: Those are horrible comparisons! I want my daughter to have a happy life!

Sakal: But maybe that isn’t God’s highest priority. I Corinthians 7, and I Peter 3, both speak of daughters married to unGodly men, and both show them blessing their husbands. None of us want our daughters to marry such men. We all dream of them having the perfect, fairy tale, marriage. But none of our marriages are like that. And in our quest for the perfect, we are missing not only the good, but God's commands. And it is our obedience to those commands, not the perfection of the to- be-married couple, that will lead to the ‘perfect’ marriage. 

That, in a nutshell, is what is wrong with this book. I've given more than enough fucks about this misogynistic horseshit, so just imagine what I am thinking, and you probably have it about right. Sigh. They go back to fighting about the Bible and how wrong Nosy Busybody is, and OMFG there is still 6 more pages of this shit. Send help. 

Asshole Plot Device and The Good Girl wander in now, hand in hand. THOSE WHORES ARE TOUCHING BEFORE MARRIAGE SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME PEARLS TO CLUTCH! For some stupid reason, Asshole Plot Device introduces The Good Girl to Pastor Confused as his WIFE. What the shit, did I miss a wedding? Oh hey, Pastor Confused said the same. I like Pastor Confused. Can we keep him?

Awww, FUCK. This shit is about to raise my blood pressure. Wait, no it isn't, cos this is THE LAST CHAPTER! :-D Asshole Plot Device is all, "oh, we aren't married yet, just betrothed" and I want to reach into the screen and slap him upside his arrogant head. Pastor Confused says he shouldn't call The Good Girl his wife if they aren't actually married yet, because it will confuse people, and Asshole Plot Device is all, "well, she's betrothed to me, so she can't back out like a fiancee could," and OMFG I HATE THIS GUY. 

Quote

George: No, not really. You haven’t been married, you know. Andrew: Well, I haven’t taken her home yet, but we are in covenant.

George: Oh, you mean... you mean you actually have your marriage license, and a pastor has performed a ceremony? Why then do you say you haven’t married her yet?

Andrew: No, we haven’t done any of that, we aren’t going to do any of that. But even without that we are in covenant. Her father gave her to me. [He looks lovingly at Maydyn, who grins at him and squeezes his hand.] 

I guess that this answers the "do they get marriage licenses and have real weddings in this cult" question. Sigh. So, there's no protections for the women in this system, other than any common law things that might exist in the state. Let's marry a child to another child, then not have any legal protections for either of them if things go badly or something happens. Nothing can go wrong with that. At all. Separately, the wedding day is a huge day in a fundie girl's life, and what a fucker to take that one day that's all about her away. FUCK THIS GUY.

Pastor Confused, to his credit, is appalled at this state of events. He's shocked and horrified that they were forced to marry, but because this book exists to fuck over kids in this system, no one is going to listen. I hate this book but it's almost done. After The Good Girl and Asshole Plot Device wax philosophical about what a precious gift of husband / wife they were given, the chapter drops off into a hole. 

Next up is an "interlude" that sounds like a courtly love sex scene. There's shit about someone looking for a garden for his friend, and uh, I'm walking away cos I can't even with the idea of a woman being called a fucking GARDEN. 

This is the final "story" chapter of this shitshow:

Quote

Sakal: She called you, from her honeymoon?!

Isha: [Laughing.] It wasn’t a long call, just a quick ‘thanks’. She said Andrew had stepped out to get them some food and told her to ‘rest’... which she said she couldn’t do, so she called me.

Sakal: So, did it sound like she was well on her way to 'doing good and not harm’?

Isha: She admitted that he seemed to be enjoying their honeymoon, and that they were spending an amazingly little amount of time outside.

Sakal: [Laughs] Good! Perhaps her father will get his grandchild soon!

Isha: I hope so. Speaking of children... 

Oh dear. From the implication that Nosy Busybody is either getting laid or has gotten his wife pregnant, to the quotations around 'rest', to the gross speculation on a newly married couple's sex life, I'm so glad this shit is over.

 

  • Upvote 6


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grammyj

Posted

Great work,Destiny. VO is a pitiful excusefor a human being. He might as well produce xxx porn and at least be uup front about it. I haveread some of his work as well and horrifying is a mild way to describe it. Actually, I don't have enough words...  . grammyj

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purple_summer

Posted

$10,000, no goat, and she can't even pick out her own food? 

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choralcrusader8613

Posted

Quote

Isha: [Laughing.] It wasn’t a long call, just a quick ‘thanks’. She said Andrew had stepped out to get them some food and told her to ‘rest’... which she said she couldn’t do, so she called me.

Sakal: So, did it sound like she was well on her way to 'doing good and not harm’?

Isha: She admitted that he seemed to be enjoying their honeymoon, and that they were spending an amazingly little amount of time outside.

Obviously, this is like one of 1,000 things wrong with this book, but um, that's a little...much...to be telling someone you met like, what, two weeks ago? This whole book runs together in my head LOL. I know I'm intensely private, but this grosses me out on all sorts of levels.

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Destiny

Posted

13 minutes ago, choralcrusader8613 said:

Obviously, this is like one of 1,000 things wrong with this book, but um, that's a little...much...to be telling someone you met like, what, two weeks ago? This whole book runs together in my head LOL. I know I'm intensely private, but this grosses me out on all sorts of levels.

Wanna know how many people I called on my honeymoon? Precisely zero. Not my sister, not my best friend that I don't go a day without talking to. NO ONE. 

Coincidentally, none of them asked how the sexy times were going either. 

The timeline is iffy as hell, but I'm like 90% sure you are right and we are talking a matter of weeks here, not months. Cos Asshole needed to fuck y'all!

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THERetroGamerNY

Posted

Somehow we all survived this reading. Amazing.

Pardon me now, I have to go bleach my brain...

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Destiny

Posted

Just now, THERetroGamerNY said:

Somehow we all survived this reading. Amazing.

Pardon me now, I have to go bleach my brain...

:brainbleach:

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DancingPhalanges

Posted

Ugh. Finally caught up but having wine. Can't even read the chapter reviews without it. 

Considering VO put his own child in a covenant marriage with another child in his backyard (or hers?) he could give a rats ass about protection for a DIL or grandchildren. Makes me crazy. 

I hate this guy and this "book" but glad I am informed about it. It's a good talking point with some people who believe "religion" is not dangerous.

Thank you and now time for wine and kitty pets. Mine is sitting next to me, she loves her some chin scratching. 

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DancingPhalanges

Posted

You should see Mr. Dancing do the "dancing phalanges". It cracks me up. Now what is on the agenda for the next blog. :pb_eek:

Cheers!

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CTRLZero

Posted

Quote

I have no idea what difficulties she might face in marriage: an unGodly husband, life on a mission field, barrenness, even abandonment. So my job is to train her for the worst possible scenario, the hardest possible situation.

There is no training to get you away from a horrible upbringing which then hands you over to Vaughn Ohlman, creeper, The Next Generation.  Vaughn Ohlman is close to a young person's worst possible scenario.  And other parents fall for his crap.

This book makes me so sad, but I'm glad to know it exists.  Thank you, Destiny, for doing the group read, and hazarding your liver in the process!

Thanks for the kitty pics and illustrations, too! 

:wine:

 

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?

Posted (edited)

I was idly searching Vaughn Ohlman (is a creeper), partly to see if "Vaughn Ohlman is a creeper" would come up in search suggestions. (It didn't, really. :( ) 

The first interesting thing I found was a picture of Vaughn Ohlman (is a creeper).

Spoiler

Vaughn-Ohlman.jpg

Disturbing, but looks aren't really the point. He is a lot scarier on the inside.

The second interesting thing I found was that an admin (Suzanne Titkemeyer) at No Longer Quivering/Patheos recapped What are you Doing? last year; May through October. I found the entries hard to find in order, so if anyone wants to read her recaps, the entries are in order under the spoiler.

If you're burnt out on the whole disgusting book, my quick summary is that the author did a pretty good job recapping, but @Destiny's recaps are funnier and have more swear words. The swearing is entirely appropriate and necessary, in my opinion. :my_biggrin: Plus, not having @OnceUponATime's illustrations is a big minus!

Also, I'm sorry I didn't discover these recaps sooner. Maybe you could have skipped the whole thing, Destiny, and saved yourself the nausea and disgust that Vaughn Ohlman  (is a creeper) causes in most intelligent brains. :hug4:

Edited by WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?

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BackseatMom

Posted

Wow, thanks for recapping that whole, disturbung book. You made me laugh more than once. And now, for wine. Poor..... All children under the care of anyone who listens to that creep.

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Destiny

Posted

1 hour ago, BackseatMom said:

Wow, thanks for recapping that whole, disturbung book. You made me laugh more than once. And now, for wine. Poor..... All children under the care of anyone who listens to that creep.

I was literally sick a few times but despite my clear hatred for the book, I felt like the gross that he preaches needed a light shone on it. I am thinking of getting the book he was shit talking and ripping it apart for funsies. 

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Oh that book was terrible. I read it last year because I got it for free and was just as disgusted as you were. 

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  • Posts

    • Ozlsn

      Posted

      4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

      Gary's not gonna meet God for somebody else, he's going to meet God for himself. "Ah'm gonna meet God the way ah preached, ah'm gonna meet God  the way ah soul-winned, ah'm gonna meet God the way ah the way ah sang,  ah'm gonna meet God the way ah treated mah family, amen?"

      Boy is he screwed.

      4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

      Most of the time, he reminds us, your enemy will be someone in church

      So.. if you avoid church your enemies won't find you? Also not sure what that says about Bro Gary.

      4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

      Gary doesn't like smiling. When they were in New Mexico, someone there who was a professional PHOtoegrapher ("whatever that word is" Becky: "phoTOGrapher") took their picture. Gary hates having pictures taken (apparently, that's very different from video). He says he didn't smile in any of

      Well that explains the scowl in his daughter's wedding photos.

      4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

      He tells the story of the man who was called to be a preacher because of Gary's Facebook video, and needs Becky and Jacob to help him remember when it all happened.

      I'm seriously starting to wonder if he has a neurodegenerative condition and Becky is hanging in there for the inheritance.

    • Katzchen24

      Posted

      That's a really interesting article. I hadn't really thought about it, but the majority of the fundies we snark on really do only rant on a limited number of themes. Mostly it's abortion, female purity, anti-LGBTQI and  general KJV-ness. 

      "The Bible’s exhortations to compassion for immigrants and the poor stretch long enough to comprise a sizeable book of their own, but no matter. White evangelicals will not let their political ambitions be constrained by something as pliable as scripture."

      Maybe FJ selects to snark on only a particular type of fundie, but I have NEVER heard one obsess about the poor or immigrants even one iota as much as they do about modesty or abortion. 

      As far as I'm concerned, the fundie obsession with female purity is a power and control grab dressed up as godliness. I've never understood why men have so much power over the female reproductive system and how so much prestige has been granted to male inheritance. It makes so much more sense for inheritance to be matrilineal if you want to be really sure of parentage. 

      • I Agree 3
    • SolomonFundy

      Posted

      You may be thinking of the Goodwins. Atlanta and Jordan live on a homestead (adjacent to his family) in middle Tennessee. A few years ago, they acquired a second, larger wood stove to use in their home, and moved the smaller wood stove to an exterior porch for Summertime cooking. This accomplished the tandem goal of allowing heat to remain outdoors in the Summer, and indoors in the Winter as the larger stove is capable of heating the entire house in colder months. The smaller stove is eventually supposed to be moved to an unfinished area of the homestead that is intended as a Summer kitchen. Atlanta and Jordan now have 6 children, and she generally spaces about 18 months apart. So your memory of a baby + pregnancy is entirely possible. (The last two children were twins.)

      I'm not sure what you consider "well connected" to entail, but Atlanta and Jordan have quite a few social ties to fundy families. They also infamously had a Civil War themed wedding, complete with Confederate flags, antebellum dresses, and southern army uniforms for the men. She's remotely descended from Nathaniel Bedford Forrest (Confederate army general), and the wedding was held at his childhood home site. Forrest is credited with founding the KKK. Not exactly the family connection that most people would think to celebrate on their wedding day, but I guess Atlanta and Jordan felt that it was a appropriate for themselves. 😑

      • Love 1
    • marmalade

      Posted

      On 8/3/2020 at 12:16 PM, HereticHick said:

      Where did he say that he knows zero Spanish? And I wonder what language he studied at Syracuse, which I believe has a language requirement.

      He did grad school at Syracuse. Not sure if his undergrad had a foreign language requirement. I think it was a small liberal arts college, so I imagine it did. However, he could have fulfilled it in high school when he went to public school to boost his soccer. 

    • SolomonFundy

      Posted

      3 hours ago, calliopecassandra said:

      I'd say getting pregnant again 5 months after a stillborn is pretty soon. I know after a miscarriage, you're "supposed" to wait 6 months. Oh and they had to wait 6 weeks to have sex again. Are they people who say so many days after a girl birth and less after a boy, do we know?

      Susannah wasn't stillborn. She lived for several days after birth on life support. Melanie and Nathan seem to have a pattern of trying very soon after a loss. Susannah's death was incredibly traumatic for the whole family, and I personally don't think that they were any more irresponsible than any other couple who has 2 babies in 14 months. But then, about a year after Abby was born, they had a miscarriage. 10 months later, Betsy was born. So, over the course of 3.5 years, they had four pregnancies, including three full term births, the loss of Susannah soon after birth, and a miscarriage. 

      • Upvote 3
      • Thank You 2


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