I started reading this chapter at noon my time, so the beginning, at least, of this mess will be done sober. Captain Courtship and Nosy Busybody are sitting together. One would assume in the same fucking park, but this shitty shitty writer didn't bother setting his scene. I know I shouldn't expect better because he's proven himself to be such a shit writer, but JFC couldn't SOMEONE have edited this shit to have it make fucking SENSE? Even fan fiction writers who write for FREE know they need beta readers to help them catch shit, and this fucking guy is fucking selling this bullshit for actual real god damned money. ARGH. Yes, I do realize I'm a grammar and formatting nazi, and no, I'm not sorry.
We open with Captain Courtship saying he was uncomfortable discussing these topics in front of an unmarried Asshole Plot Device. I know I keep fucking harping on this, but seriously, why the shit is a dude who is RESPONSIBLE FOR FUCKING HELPING YOUTH NAVIGATE SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS UNABLE TO TALK ABOUT SEX? This really really bothers me. It's like the blind leading the blind. Anyway, moving on, Captain Courtship is suffering anal pain because he feels like Nosy Busybody wasn't fair to courtship.
Captain Courtship says that he feels like Nosy Busybody was implying that courtship deliberately exposes kids to lust, which leads to this gem:
Sakal: I see those as the same temptation, but putting that aside, you use a word, ‘deliberate’ which can mean at least two different things. Firstly, it can mean ‘slowly’; and secondly it can mean ‘intentionally’. You must at least admit that the method is slow.
What. The. Actual. Fucking. Fuck did I just read? First, stop being a pedantic asshole Nosy Busybody, and second, WHY is it bad to take your time with deciding who you are going to marry? I mean, I think I've made it beyond crystal clear how much I dislike courtship, but I'd rather see people courting than following this model. At least there's fucking consent (usually), and some semblance of making sure that this person is right for you. The idea of being rushed into a marriage because I can't keep my fingers off my goodies is so appalling that I still can't even with this shit.
Sakal: Well, yes and no... and yes. I doubt there is anyone out there (except Satan) who is saying to themselves, “I like this courtship system because it promotes lust.” But the system itself does promote lust, and in a way that is directly contrary to what Scripture tells us to do. So it is a deliberate system, and it does promote lust.
Indeed, some courtship advocates even hint at this. Douglas Wilson is brave enough to point out that courtship is a sexual relationship. Indeed, he even calls it a ‘volatile sexual relationship’. He then says, that the term courtship, it’s etymology, has it’s origin in practices just as unbiblical as dating. Courtship, as it was originally practiced, was where a variety of vain young men convinced other men’s wives to commit adultery with them.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the shit Lana? Courtship promotes lust? I'm getting a mental picture of Kristina and her intended (whose name I forget) with their fucking ruler to make sure that they don't touch. Granted, not all courting couples follow those same rules, but by and large, there's a huge emphasis on "purity". Also, I would really really like to know how exactly lust is promoted, other than the whole but they have boobs and erections so marry them off bullshit that permeates this whole book.
The second paragraph actually includes a couple of footnotes, because that's one of the bigger piles of WTF I have seen in a while. I tried to follow the path to figure out what the fuck Vaughn Ohlman (who is a creeper!) was on about, but the footnote simply gives the name of a book and a page number, and I'm sorry FJ, I am not getting that book. I love my liver too much. I really really really really fucking want to know how the actual fuck the original practice of courtship was intended to convince married women to commit adultery. If anyone has a copy of Her Hand in Marriage by Douglas Wilson, please contact me because I really want to know what the shit he is on about. They go back and forth for a bit about how courtship is designed to encourage lust and I just can't even.
Sakal: That is the hardest of all. The courtship system does, really, look at a young man who admits to lust, or fornication, and they really, seriously, and deliberately tell him ‘too bad, you can’t have a wife’. It is actually down in black and white, in book after book, on website after website... if you don’t have victory over lust or fornication, you cannot get married.
Wow. So, that happened. How very dare that we expect young men who want to marry to have some basic self control? I can't even imagine how terrifying the wedding night must be for the poor girls that this asshole sells off. Seriously, I'm crying right now.
Sakal: [Waits patiently for a minute, then says] How can I give my ‘innocent’ daughter to such a man?
Sakal: First of all, I doubt she is all that innocent. She may be naïve, that certainly seems to be the case amongst the young people in your churches... the ones that haven’t fallen to fornication already, that is. But she isn’t sinless any more than he is. Perhaps she is even a worse sinner, it is God who judges the heart, not us. And, again, it doesn’t matter. Scripture is absolutely clear on this... that is the kind of man that needs a wife. The modern church’s view seems to be that we should only give water to someone who has conquered thirst, or preach the gospel to someone who has conquered sin.
[disclaimer: I am picking up after an hour or so because I was so upset by this that I walked away because I was literally thinking I might puke.]
Oh. My. God. Just when you think it can't get worse, it does. I guess this explains why Josh was married off after his little 'indiscretions' (please note that I'm not minimizing his actions, I'm just giving the fundie it's not that big a deal line.). He fucked up and so he gets a wife so he has a convenient hole to fuck as a solution to his problem. Just fucking wow. Then you include the casual misogyny of oh, she can't be that innocent, and this is just fucking no. The way I read this bit has some gross gross shades of women are whores that makes me so so sad.
Sakal: It means that the young man... or woman, but most of us focus on the young man, who finds himself tempted, or even finds himself sinning, in a sexual area, is obligated to not only repent in the usual way... admit his sin, be sorry for it, etc. but he is also obligated to turn to the remedy that God Himself has designed for that sin. His very seeking of a wife is an act of repentance.
That's so romantic and clearly a solution for life long happiness. "sorry babbbbee, but I couldn't control myself with women, so to prove to god I'm sorry, I had to marry you." I feel like that would lead to me resenting the shit out of my husband if I knew he only married me because it was for sex. How is a husband supposed to love his wife as christ loved the church if he only married her for sex? This makes no god damned sense whatsoever.
They are going back and forth about why kids need to marry and it's all the usual bullshit: a helpmeet for the husband and babbiiiiezzzzz for the wife, so I'm just gonna skip it cos it's the fundie horseshit we've heard 398394384 times in other places. There's also some shit about Reformed theology that I don't really understand because I'm not Christian anymore, but there's a snide remark about how the reformers need to reform back to the Bible and I hope he didn't think that was clever cos it wasn't.
Moving on, they go back and forth about how to decide if a young man is "qualified" to be married and Nosy Busybody shames Captain Courtship a bit for being uncomfortable with the idea of going to the parents of a potential spouse for his child. There are a lot of boring walls of text in this chapter, which is now, blessedly, OVER.