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Vex

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Okay, so by some bizarre cosmic coincidence one of my very best friends (who happens to also be my only friend that still lives in my home town) is also getting married. She is also marrying a guy from overseas. Her fiance is also moving here. She also met her fiance online. She is also getting married rather quickly. Her fiance is also tall and skinny. They are also having a very low key registry wedding. They are also getting married very soon. They too are inviting only a handful of very close guests. It's pretty fucking weird how similar our circumstances are. However they have diverged with her unexpected announcement that she is expecting.

I'm happy for her but there's a very real and selfish part of me that feels cheated. Not long ago she and I were discussing children and how they weren't really on the cards for my fiance and I. She agreed that she had no pull towards being a parent. That made me happy because literally everyone else I grew up with except this friend has kids. It was a relief to have a close friend to navigate childlessness with. We could continue to make out plans to meet up whenever it was convenient. We'd continue our beloved traditions of trawling thrift stores and going to the market, meeting up on a whim. We could maybe sometimes do couple things and it would be great. Now that's all changing very suddenly. Mostly I feel very protective of her. She's going through some hard shit that I won't write about here, even on a totally anonymous not-a-blog. I know she won't be one of THOSE parents whose identity becomes their child. I still worry, though. I want my friend of over 20 years. I want her to be recognisable on the other side for MY sake, and for that I'm sorry.

I can't help but feel left behind.

I honestly don't know if I can ever carry a child to term, and if I did there's a strong likelihood they would be a very sickly child like I was. Still, the idea of having our kids growing up being friends the way we did is a tempting one. I have to remind myself that really isn't on the cards for me, and hey - maybe if I did have a kid our kids would hate each other.

She really needs a friend right now and I'll be there for her no matter my worries and selfish impulses. I can promise her that.
 

Wow, that got heavy. Ha ha. Wasn't expecting that because the whole point of this blog post was something a lot more light-hearted and far more frustrating: shopping for wedding clothes.

She and I went out shopping this morning at our favourite vintage store. My friend is gorgeous and very slim - even now she's pregnant - and found a billion different things to try. Sure, it was harder than usual because she had to accommodate the kid, but she managed to find this gorgeous blue dress. Good thing she did, because the wedding is about 10 days away!

I found a few things to try on but sadly vintage clothes just aren't made for busty girls. It doesn't help that the store mostly has sizes 6-10. Vintage 6-10s are even smaller than regular ones. Even in my teen years when I was a 6 I would have been too busty to find a good fit. Now that I'm a 12 it's hopeless. I tried on a 16 (and it was such a gorgeous dress!) and it was WAY too small for my chest, and swimming in other areas.
It's a shame because I LOVE vintage clothes. I have a few in my closet I could wear to her wedding but they're very much winter dresses and there's no way in hell I'm wearing anything wintery in the middle of summer.

So I'm calling bullshit on clothes shopping. I knew it would be painful. I wish I could just wear jeans and a nerd t-shirt like I usually do. Or even better, ripped jeans, my leather chucks and a flannel shirt (I'm not getting married 'til Autumn). In fact, my friend told me to go ahead and do it! But I have parents to placate and I think I'll look back with regret if I didn't dress up just a little.

I'm definitely not wearing a wedding dress, or anything white. I have ordered a dress but it's wholesale and from China and I have no expectations of it fitting in any way even though I ordered two sizes bigger than I am. It's more of a guideline for when I inevitably have to have a dress quickly made because my tits are too big, my legs too short and the rest of me too average.

It's not meant to be painful. TV and magazines say getting a wedding dress is a huge milestone in life, one to be witnessed by family and friends (and cameras!), a time when the blinders fall away and you realise in a moment from a fairytale just how beautiful you can be.

Bullshit. Not for me. I've been cheated and it's just not cricket.

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Chicken bones

Posted

I too am short, busty, and at the time I shopped for my wedding dress, at my heaviest due to PCOS. It was a rotten experience. I wasnt spending several grand on a dress either, so no "Say Yes to the dress" individual attention. 

Its great you are looking to alternatives to the traditional dress. You WILL find something you feel beautiful in.  If you were in the US, I'd say look at ModCloth.com (maybe they ship abroad?). Vintage inspired and lots of cute things.

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EmainMacha

Posted

Lindy Bop dresses seem to work with larger busts. Not sure where you're based though.

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?

Posted

I'm glad you're going to be there for your friend. She's lucky to have a friend like you. :)

My difficulties with wedding dress shopping weren't the same as yours (I'm not busty; I'm a pear), but finances were my biggest problem. I had multiple dreams about my frustration over finding a dress. I hope you find a happy resolution and end up with a dress you love. :)

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19 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I'm glad you're going to be there for your friend. She's lucky to have a friend like you. :)

My difficulties with wedding dress shopping weren't the same as yours (I'm not busty; I'm a pear), but finances were my biggest problem. I had multiple dreams about my frustration over finding a dress. I hope you find a happy resolution and end up with a dress you love. :)

Thank you (:

I told her that I want to help her out however I can (like helping her with errands and babysitting). She's been such a good friend to me so I want to return the favour.

Thanks to everyone for your comments about dresses. It's a shame that it's hard for lots of people. I'm not looking for a traditional wedding dress so it's a bit tricky. I'm looking for something a bit like the bridesmaid's dresses the girls wore at Jinger's wedding in royal or peacock blue, but with a shorter skirt that flares out.

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?

Posted

That sounds like it will be a very pretty dress! I love peacock blue and royal blue. (They both look pretty good on me, IMO. :kitty-wink: I'm supposing they look great on you. :))

My dress problems went on for a few weeks, then suddenly I found a shop with a dozen or so "model-worn" dresses for very reasonable prices. I tried them all and found 2 I really liked. I was so relieved I almost cried. The only other dress that had come close was a long sleeved one from the 70's (long sleeves would have been miserable on that hot day) and even it was ripped when we went back for a second look.

I'm hoping good things for you and your fiancé. The best things! :my_biggrin:

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2 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

That sounds like it will be a very pretty dress! I love peacock blue and royal blue. (They both look pretty good on me, IMO. :kitty-wink: I'm supposing they look great on you. :))

My dress problems went on for a few weeks, then suddenly I found a shop with a dozen or so "model-worn" dresses for very reasonable prices. I tried them all and found 2 I really liked. I was so relieved I almost cried. The only other dress that had come close was a long sleeved one from the 70's (long sleeves would have been miserable on that hot day) and even it was ripped when we went back for a second look.

I'm hoping good things for you and your fiancé. The best things! :my_biggrin:

I hope it looks nice! I feel like those kinds of blues are my colour. I've told my fiance to get a dark charcoal suit so that should flatter whatever shade I wind up going with. I can imagine what a relief it must have been to find your dress. I'm hoping the one I ordered online will be high enough quality and close enough to my body size that I can take it to a dressmaker to do get a perfect fit and some alterations (it's a full skirt and I want one slightly below my knees). I found a really fun peacock blue pair of heels in the vintage store that I came so close to buying. I'm still considering going back for them, although they'd need to be altered to remove the elastic from the slingback. I have very small and very slender feet so they're a pain to find a fit for too.

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lawfulevil

Posted

If you don't love it I bet you could find someone in the US to ship you a dress... I've ordered stuff on Etsy from Australia before and shipping wasn't cheap but it wasn't totally insane. A tea-length dress is way under 4 lbs, I'd think.

ETA: I think this is darling- http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/fleurs-truly-fit-and-flare-dress-in-teal-garden

 

ETA2: My aunt has extra-narrow feet. She's got inserts for some of her shoes to get them from narrow to extra (since she wears a 9.5 it's hard to find extra-narrow). Maybe you could do that?

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Vex

Posted (edited)

4 hours ago, lawfulevil said:

If you don't love it I bet you could find someone in the US to ship you a dress... I've ordered stuff on Etsy from Australia before and shipping wasn't cheap but it wasn't totally insane. A tea-length dress is way under 4 lbs, I'd think.

ETA: I think this is darling- http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/fleurs-truly-fit-and-flare-dress-in-teal-garden

 

ETA2: My aunt has extra-narrow feet. She's got inserts for some of her shoes to get them from narrow to extra (since she wears a 9.5 it's hard to find extra-narrow). Maybe you could do that?


That is a gorgeous dress! I'm looking for something with 3/4 length or full length lace sleeves, though. I might just wind up doing that, but I'd prefer to find something here if possible so I can try it on (even though I despise trying on clothes with a passion).

I can't believe I didn't think of the inserts - thank you! I'd still need them to be altered because with the elastic of the slingback there there's no way I could keep my foot inside the shoe even with inserts, but that's as east as snipping them out and gluing the seams for a shoe repair person. I really, really appreciate that suggestion!

 

ETA: I found my dress! Thank you for sending me to modcloth, I found this here and immediately knew it was the one for me, even if it's not blue. I'll get it tailored and hopefully it will be the dress of my dreams in person just as it is online. I'm forever indebted to you (:

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I'll wear it with my peacock blue shoes if they're wearable! Definitely going for blue shoes.

Edited by Vex
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