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  1. Okay, so by some bizarre cosmic coincidence one of my very best friends (who happens to also be my only friend that still lives in my home town) is also getting married. She is also marrying a guy from overseas. Her fiance is also moving here. She also met her fiance online. She is also getting married rather quickly. Her fiance is also tall and skinny. They are also having a very low key registry wedding. They are also getting married very soon. They too are inviting only a handful of very close guests. It's pretty fucking weird how similar our circumstances are. However they have diverged with her unexpected announcement that she is expecting. I'm happy for her but there's a very real and selfish part of me that feels cheated. Not long ago she and I were discussing children and how they weren't really on the cards for my fiance and I. She agreed that she had no pull towards being a parent. That made me happy because literally everyone else I grew up with except this friend has kids. It was a relief to have a close friend to navigate childlessness with. We could continue to make out plans to meet up whenever it was convenient. We'd continue our beloved traditions of trawling thrift stores and going to the market, meeting up on a whim. We could maybe sometimes do couple things and it would be great. Now that's all changing very suddenly. Mostly I feel very protective of her. She's going through some hard shit that I won't write about here, even on a totally anonymous not-a-blog. I know she won't be one of THOSE parents whose identity becomes their child. I still worry, though. I want my friend of over 20 years. I want her to be recognisable on the other side for MY sake, and for that I'm sorry. I can't help but feel left behind. I honestly don't know if I can ever carry a child to term, and if I did there's a strong likelihood they would be a very sickly child like I was. Still, the idea of having our kids growing up being friends the way we did is a tempting one. I have to remind myself that really isn't on the cards for me, and hey - maybe if I did have a kid our kids would hate each other. She really needs a friend right now and I'll be there for her no matter my worries and selfish impulses. I can promise her that. Wow, that got heavy. Ha ha. Wasn't expecting that because the whole point of this blog post was something a lot more light-hearted and far more frustrating: shopping for wedding clothes. She and I went out shopping this morning at our favourite vintage store. My friend is gorgeous and very slim - even now she's pregnant - and found a billion different things to try. Sure, it was harder than usual because she had to accommodate the kid, but she managed to find this gorgeous blue dress. Good thing she did, because the wedding is about 10 days away! I found a few things to try on but sadly vintage clothes just aren't made for busty girls. It doesn't help that the store mostly has sizes 6-10. Vintage 6-10s are even smaller than regular ones. Even in my teen years when I was a 6 I would have been too busty to find a good fit. Now that I'm a 12 it's hopeless. I tried on a 16 (and it was such a gorgeous dress!) and it was WAY too small for my chest, and swimming in other areas. It's a shame because I LOVE vintage clothes. I have a few in my closet I could wear to her wedding but they're very much winter dresses and there's no way in hell I'm wearing anything wintery in the middle of summer. So I'm calling bullshit on clothes shopping. I knew it would be painful. I wish I could just wear jeans and a nerd t-shirt like I usually do. Or even better, ripped jeans, my leather chucks and a flannel shirt (I'm not getting married 'til Autumn). In fact, my friend told me to go ahead and do it! But I have parents to placate and I think I'll look back with regret if I didn't dress up just a little. I'm definitely not wearing a wedding dress, or anything white. I have ordered a dress but it's wholesale and from China and I have no expectations of it fitting in any way even though I ordered two sizes bigger than I am. It's more of a guideline for when I inevitably have to have a dress quickly made because my tits are too big, my legs too short and the rest of me too average. It's not meant to be painful. TV and magazines say getting a wedding dress is a huge milestone in life, one to be witnessed by family and friends (and cameras!), a time when the blinders fall away and you realise in a moment from a fairytale just how beautiful you can be. Bullshit. Not for me. I've been cheated and it's just not cricket.
  2. RabbitKM

    My Recent Book Haul

    Hi Everyone! For my first post, I thought I'd write about something that is a small obsession of mine, and that is books! I am a huge bookworm, as some of you might know from the "What are you reading now?" thread in Quiverful of Worldly Distractions. I adore talking to other people about what books they are reading or their favorite books, so maybe people are interested in seeing what my bookshelf looks like. I consider myself lucky to be someone who likes reading. It's funny now, ( I want to say in this day and age but maybe this has been going on for generations?) people act like reading is uncool, or boring, or what have you. While I realize that there are a lot of things competing for our attention, like TV, school, and work, I am a huge advocate for making more time to read. So since I am an avid reader, people sometimes ask me if I buy all these books, implying that it would be ridiculously expensive. And yes, it would be if I were buying them from bookstores. I definitely frequent the library, and I LOVE the library, but I do end up buying a lot of the books on my to-read list. My secret to buying lots and lots of books is thrift stores. Yep. Good ol' "buy used and save the difference." When you go to thrift stores, you can find books for practically pennies on the dollar (ok, more like $2-4, depending on the thrift store, or $1 if you are lucky!). My to-read list is is a little over 100 books, which is a lot, I'll admit. But I have at least a working memory of most of the titles on my list, so when I pass by a thrift store, I just pop in for about 5 minutes, browse the books really quick to see if any of the titles are on my list, and I leave. I try to keep to my self-imposed rule of not buying books that aren't on my to-read list, just to prevent myself from going overboard. As it is now, I am definitely out of shelf space in my tiny NYC apartment, and my parents' house in California is overflowing with books. So, with out further ado, I present to you my most recent thrift store book haul! The books I picked up yesterday, from top to bottom: The Cuckoo's Calling by Robert Galbraith Magic Hour by Kristin Hannah Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel Tell the Wolves I'm Home by Carol Rifka Brunt I found the top one at a Goodwill by my school, and the bottom three at a HousingWorks (an awesome thrift store that helps to combat AIDS). I was sosososo excited by these finds, because they are still currently popular and at the top of my to-read list. Since you never know what you'll find at a thrift store, it is always a surprise to see books like these. Typically, I end up buying books that were super popular a few years back (you know, after most people had time to buy the book, read it, and decide they didn't want it taking up precious shelf space). As a result of this phenomenon, I have discovered that the trick to buying books at thrift stores is patience. There have been plenty of times where I leave empty handed. However, sometimes you get an awesome day like I did yesterday, and you end up with some exciting books. So there you have it. My first blog post and also my strategy to buying cheap books. Oh yeah, total, I spent $11. Until next time!
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