A little exposition for those of you unfamiliar with the joys of conducting or being the subject of an internal audit...

Internal auditors ...we're the good guys.  Like your mom, we just want what's best for you.

Properly conducted audits benefit everyone in the organization...

Unfortunately not everyone being audited sees it that way...some are angry....

Some try to charm us...

Some try to challenge us with their defiance...

some try to fool us...

But few realize that we're on their side...

Even though QC creates policies...

as well as enforcing it...

It can be a thankless job asking the tough questions...

And takes more than a little integrity and fortitude to hold strong even when the people who outrank you are...less than fully compliant...

And being impartial can be socially awkward...there are no friends in auditing.  If I didn't give birth to you, marry you, or share DNA with you you're just an auditee when I'm holding a clipboard...

I remain calm and professional when things are amiss...

But I'm still human inside...

Good internal auditors are born and not made.  Sure, everyone needs training in specific procedures but you recruit for your audit team for that which you cannot teach.  Ridiculously high level of attention to detail, ability to communicate clearly, the inherent mindset that you're helping by pointing out issues/errors/opportunities for improvement, while maintaining a good working relationship with the people you're auditing so you can help them correct and avoid adversarial bottlenecks.

Were it in my power I'd throw millions of dollars and a teleportation device to @OnceUponATime to join my audit team.  I see so much of myself in her while in troubleshooting mode that it would be next best thing to cloning me.

Better actually because a clone of me would be more of ....me...and I'd want to kill me within minutes for being so annoying.  

Weird question for those of you who understand the human psyche...why is it fairly effortless for me to maintain genuinely good rapport with people to whom I've delivered extremely  fair but devastating critiques of their performance resulting in serious ramifications...but the mingling during the company holiday party or cookout leaves me so lost and nervous that I always find a legit reason to have to get back to my desk before I become so uncomfortable I burst into flames.  

I'm introverted by nature, but have zero anxiety talking about work - public speaking to large groups whether giving good news or bad, presentations or directives...no problem whatsoever.  Those minutes before a meeting or during a working lunch where people talk about movies, sports, weather...it's like I'm a different person and I have to prepare small talk topics and then spend time later second guessing everything I said after the fact to assure myself I came off like a normal person.

It's a weird Jekyl/Hyde  Bruce Banner/Hulk thing except instead of good/evil it's self confident/President of the Dorks of America.  Is there a name for this?

(I have had other weirdness that I thought was just me that I later found out had names - like misophonia and sensory integration issues...so I'm on a quest to name all my quirks. Like pets.  Wow - I am a dork.)