I know I had a previous entry where I talked about reading my old blogs from 2002ish and how they seem like they were written by someone else. This entry is kind of along the same lines....

Tonight I did what I often do before bed...I went on youtube and watched various videos. I rarely go to youtube with a purpose. Sometimes I just see what's suggested to me. So tonight I ended up watching old Rooney (they were a band in southern California) videos as well as some OK Go from the early 2000's. While listening, I pulled up some old photos. Photos from concerts I went to back then. Sometimes it seems like yesterday. But tonight it seems like a lifetime ago. I guess I'm just feeling old since my birthday is looming. I sometimes can't believe that I used to go to concerts at all. It was a very tiny snippet of my life really. I wasn't one of those people who went to tons of concerts growing up. I never went to huge ones in arenas or anything. But for a tiny window of time, I went to quite a few concerts in small venues. And I had a blast. I went to a few with a friend. But a lot I went to on my own. I helped bands pass out CDs. I got let into venues early and through side doors. I once watched a band from just off stage instead of in the crowd. I've been on a smelly tour bus. A band member let me wear his jacket when I was cold. I chatted, joked around, and even arm wrestled with bands. I went out for drinks with a roadie who subsequently almost missed the bus leaving town. I made friends with a lot of other fans just like me. (I realize that if any of my old 'concert friends' were to stumble upon this blog, they'd know it's me pretty easily. Oh well.) I realize these are all tiny things especially compared to true concert junkie type people. But for little old me, it was pretty great.

It's strange to look back on it now. How in the world was I ever even a little bit outgoing? That just isn't me. It is probably the only time in my life I was ever outgoing. How did I even manage it? How did my social anxiety not cripple me in these situations?? It was like I was temporarily some sort of Bizarro Me. Where did she come from? And where did she go? How could I easily talk to rock 'stars' and yet these days the idea of joining a "mommy group" is the most terrifying thing ever? I can hold conversations with the members of OK Go and yet I can't handle talking to random mothers at the park?? That just seems backwards.

I know that Bizarro Me is somewhere, deep down, hiding out. I need to find a way to bring her out a bit. But man, she hasn't been seen in over a decade...so it may be a while before I can drag her to the surface.