This is cross posted here: Worried Children Sharing Circle
Okay while I wait for a really large spreadsheet to recalculate. I'll do a brief fly by on my knowledge of elder related things to deal with.
POA (power of attorney) - you need two. One health. One financial. If both parents are living I recommend having them anyway for both in case something happens to one. If you suspect or are worried about dementia - going to say it here - get the POA prior to the diagnosis. Because after a diagnosis they are legally incompetent. Hospitals and such may be able to assist you in getting Health POA (living will and DNR - do not resuscitate)
Court Appointed Guardian and Conservator (this is what I am because I had a diagnosis first). You need a lawyer (I reco an elder law attorney for POA as well). This process you will work with an attorney to have the court appoint you. Involves paperwork from doctors. Also the appointment of a guardian ad-litem (in my case a different attorney) to legally represent your loved one. The loved one will have to meet with them. I was present when mom met with hers (i had taken the care away). It then goes to court and you receive a notarized letter (don't lose it, I think I have 3 copies). I usually present a copy of the letter or have them make a copy and give the notarized version back to me. Reports to the court are due back annually (regarding the person and finances). I will have to do this later this month.
Things I wish I'd done or taken care of before all this:
Property (cars, houses, etc) it is better/easier if someone else is also on the titles.
Bank accounts should have someone else on them. (in equal status - be sure the bank sets up accounts correctly though because the people at my mother's bank technically messed my mom's up - something I only found out later). Specifically make sure you are not joint on the account or it becomes half yours. Your bank really should know better.
Pensions and any other financial assets: Know what they are. Account information etc. If you get a POA or court appointment contact all immediately and jump through hoops so they will deal with you. Where possible on all bills (credit cards, utilities, phones, cable etc) have your loved one (NOW - don't wait) add you to accounts as someone who can act on the account. (confession, I don't like it but I am willing to 'be mom' to get around these issues).
Going to put this one other there as advice - be sure they are filing taxes. My mother missed like 4 or 5 years. She did not owe tax. But refunds were due back to her because she has withholding on her pension checks.
My mother was not on the net, did not have email etc. So this wasn't an issue. If you loved ones are - you will need log ins and passwords to get into any electronic banking, email and accounts.
And I spent a lot of time going through all paper in my mom's house (Sadly after things went south) so I understood what was going on. It was hair raising. I spent hours with giant WTF thought balloons over my head. Also - most people keep more paper than they really need to so I got rid of a lot. But be careful because I discovered that social security numbers lurk about on older medical records, insurance records and pension papers (and on and on).
At the moment I am in a limbo state because I need to spend down mom's money to (not kidding here) only $2,000 in assets so I can refile for medicaid in Kansas - henceforth referred to by me as the broke ass state of Kansas). This is contrary to what her facility told me. So while they are knowledgeable, they could be very very wrong.
(I'll do a separate post on what I went through to get the diagnosis and other headaches).
- 4
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