For as long as I can remember I have been fascinated with religion.  I have devoured books and documentaries.  I have been in the front row of lectures.  I have asked questions, read blogs, articles, magazines, etc.  I have learned about major religions, fundamentalist groups, atheism, spiritual traditions, wicca, paganism, the druids, and the list goes on.  I have visited churches listening to sermons from multiple branches of christianity.  In searching through scientific papers, I hoped I would find the loopholes that would allow me to "just have faith".  I have searched high and low.  I wanted answers.  I still do, but these days, in my later years, I realize that answers may not come and that is okay.  I now know that I don't have to have all the answers to live a happy, productive and peaceful life.  I recognize that placing the burden of my life onto someone else's understanding of a supreme being isn't necessary.  I have survived (and sometimes thrived) through much turmoil and joy and I did it without giving the credit for either extreme to an unseen entity.  Those bad decisions were mine - not satans.  The good things I've done and experienced - they were from me too.  My consequences were my own.  My pain was my own and the love that I have for myself and those around me are all parts of me and me alone.  That isn't to say that I didn't recognize that something was missing.  I would look around at other people and see a deeper joy, a collective happiness of sorts and I would wonder - what does THAT feel like?  They would meet in groups and talk about their faith.  They had small meetings, studied books, held social events and played in bands.  There were entire festivals build around a belief in someone outside of themselves that had to power to either bless them with great gifts, give them diseases, take away their loved ones, start wars and impoverish whole nations...they gave all of their power to this outside force and relieved themselves of the responsibility of their decisions and found a way to blame consequences and bad decisions on another 'evil' being.  I recognize that I sound very pessimistic about the whole deal and in no way do I mean to thrash those who find there peace this way.  I simply don't understand it.  I am truly fascinated with the phonomena of faithfulness and those who are able to live their lives this way.  I am really enthralled with the scientific community that has found there way to jesus or allah or buddha or yahweh.  I want to know how they reconciled science and religion. I want to find the line between faith and reason.  Has anyone ever felt this way?  Do you know where that line is for you?  If so, what made you take the leap - on to either side?  My mind is open and I am always learning.