I sat down to write this at 2pm my time. It's now 4pm, and I have 1) installed a new game on my phone and played it for a while, 2) watched an episode of Bones, 3) done dishes, and 4) spent 20 minutes deciding how I was going to redecorate the upstairs bathroom. I hate this project, and wish it had never come to me (yes, I know I volunteered for it, but run with the Lord of the Rings reference dammit! :-P ). Thankfully, this chapter is only four pages, so hopefully my suffering will be brief.

Wine status: still dieting. FUCK!

Luna status: she's chilling next to me cos there's a fire in the fireplace.

Let's get this show on the fucking road. I haven't read the chapter yet, but the title frankly terrifies me. I feel like I'm about to walk into a trap built by a misogynist, cos no talk of helpmeets from this fucking guy can end well. 

I have no idea where they are because the author didn't bother to set the stage for this shitty shitty mess, but we can probably safely assume they are in the fucking park again. I STILL want to know where the fuck these fuckers get their money. Anyway, Asshole Plot Device is conceding the point that biblically speaking, he does not have to marry a christian woman, and he might not get to choose his own wife. I almost feel sorry for Asshole Plot Device cos he is so horribly mindfucked by fucking Nosy Busybody.

Next, do christians need to marry someone they are compatible with? Apparently not!

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Andrew: Well, I didn’t say it but it made sense when I heard it. A guy and a girl have to be right for each other when they go into marriage. Their personalities, their interests, need to mesh.

Sakal: Oh?

Andrew: I am learning to hate it when you do that (grins). So, you would ask me to prove that from Scripture. And, of course, I won’t be able to find anywhere where God says anything... wait, what about in Genesis where God says “I will make a help meet for [Adam]"? ‘Meet’ means ‘appropriate for’, no? 

(bolding mine)

Ok, first things first, if you are just NOW learning to hate that Asshole Plot Device, you are fucking behind as fuck, cos this shit has been annoying me since chapter fucking one! I'm glad you are starting to realize what a pretentious bag of dicks this guy is, but I fear it's now too late for you to flee. Second, meet does NOT fucking mean "appropriate for". What the shit fuck Lana? Words fucking mean things, and they should be fucking used properly. In case you want to actually see what meet means, I've helpfully included a link to the definition. Note the lack of appropriate for in the list. 

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Andrew: So that must mean that when we pick a wife, or get given a wife, we need to pick a kindred spirit!

Sakal: Or it could mean the opposite. 

Andrew: What? Oh. You mean... you mean when we pick a wife she is a kindred spirit, she is meet. 

First, stop fucking misusing words. Say kindred spirit, or compatible, or any of the myriad of words that actually MEAN appropriate for! Second, oh. my. god. Just by the act of having your hand sold in marriage, you are supposed to become magically compatible with your potential spouse? I have fucking questions. The simplistic thinking here just doesn't make any fucking sense. 

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Sakal: [Grins] Yes. And, as husbands we are to love our wives; a Biblical process which, if followed, will bind their spirits together, making them ‘kindred’ indeed. 

Um, how?

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Sakal: There is another issue. I was visiting one of your large stores the other day, and when I walked down the cereal aisle, I saw a hundred choices... just for cereal to eat for breakfast.

Andrew: [Chuckles] They don’t have that where you come from, eh?

Sakal: No. And I am wondering if you have it?

Andrew: What do you mean? I had Apple Jacks just this morning.

Sakal: I wonder if they had character or accomplishments. But I meant in our area, our discussion. Are there hundreds of girls lined up on a shelf somewhere for you to pick from, all of whom would immediately agree to marry you? Or who would even agree to marry you after an extended courtship? 

What the serious fucking fuck? Did he just compare a fucking LIVING, BREATHING, human woman to a god damned breakfast cereal? HOLY FUCK. Also, you pretentious ass, cereal CAN in fact have character or accomplishments of a sort. I buy cereal based on several factors: price, nutrition, deliciousness, and sometimes, whether someone else in the family likes it as well, so this argument doesn't even make sense. This metaphor is so poorly thought out that it hurts my brain.

They go back and forth for the rest of the chapter about how the whole point of courtship and dating is to get to know someone so you can see if they were right person for you, and Nosy Busybody drops snide hints that this takes too fucking long and he should just buy a bride. Also, Asshole Plot Device really wants a wife. I am hoping that he actually wants a companion and friend, not just a hole to fuck, but I'm not hopeful. Sigh. 

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Andrew: So, that would make courting a subset of ‘ways to date’... just like there are people who ‘date’ by sleeping with everyone in sight. And courtship is a method that seems to specialize in delaying or preventing marriages, not creating them.

Say, would you mind meeting with Maydyn’s father? He says that he would really like to talk to you, that he hasn’t heard anyone saying quite what you are.

Sakal: Gladly. Would you like to bring him to dinner at our house tonight? And his wife and children, if he wishes.

Andrew: I wouldn’t want to put you out...

Sakal: No, my wife loves entertaining. She and my children will be thrilled. 

This is really not terribly relevant to the whole chapter, but I would be FURIOUS at mister destiny if he didn't at least call me or send a text or carrier pigeon or fucking SOMETHING before inviting a whole family over to dinner. What if she didn't defrost enough boob of chicken for everyone? Rude, arrogant, asshole motherfucker. ARGH. 

This chapter was blessedly crazy short, we are done. Tomorrow, I guess we get to meet salesman headship. WHO'S EXCITED???????