It is my busy season at work.  Said busy season is not over until late January (when the auditors have vacated the premises) or early to Mid-February (when the bosses have gotten back from round 2 of budget load).  It happens to coincide with 'the holidays.'   Also with winter and therefore shorter (darker) days.  All of which feeds my stress level.  And the stress feeds the depression at times.  

I'm an introvert.  And frankly, I feed people draining.  I may like you, I just want to like you from a distance.  I don't want to go to lunch (especially a group lunch) or dinner (especially if it is work related and after work hours).  After a long day at work and fighting my way home on a 35-minute drive (that took 2 hours last Friday thanks to ice) I really just want to watch TV, cuddle with the cat and catch up on the interwebs.  And when I squeeze in half a day of vacation to use it up I really don't want to spend that time with people I work with.  

So this morning I open my email at work and have an email saying lunch on Thursday. (long winded email babbling about a party back on Dec 10 that he couldn't host because work on his house and then wanting to do it in January but the work won't be done )  Great.  Thanks.  I have half a day of vacation then.  We're off on holiday on Friday.  And I don't want to eat lunch with you people.  I need to be away from you people.  And my mind is going through the logistics of lunch in the city (30 minutes away), time for lunch and then what - a 30-minute drive back to work?  Only for half the folks to drive back to the city at the end of the day.  Sure.  No, I see this coming.  He's going to let them off early.  He stopped doing this ages ago.  But my guess is he feels guilty.  Due to centralization they cut heads in our department this year.  

I refuse to be guilted or obligated.  I am not having lunch with these people.  Free food is not worth the stress of not having My Time.   I need My Time.   So my response is that I would be unable to make it because I was taking half a day of vacation that day and had plans.   My plans might involve bra shopping (I've lost weight the one I'm wearing doesn't fit right, I hate the mall and this is one of those shopping tasks that need to be done in person).  It might involve going home and cleaning.  It might involve reading or binge watching something or a nap.    But it is my time and my plans.  

I've also told my supervisor that if he lets people off early then technically my supervisor owes me time.  Granted this time of year that is likely not to happen but I may have enjoyed being demanding for a moment.  

And I've decided that I am worth a lot of things that I've denied myself.  Including my own plans and My Time.