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Worldly Distractions: How I Met Your Mother 9.4 - The Broken Code





Welcome back to HIMYM. At this rate, we'll hit Season 28 without anything happening. No matter what, though, I'm here until the bitter end. Sigh.

51 hours until the wedding. UGH. Barney has just dropped a bombshell about seeing Ted doing something with Robin, and this is all a giant misunderstanding that will be cleared up in 15 minutes anyway. Yes, Barney saw Robin and Ted holding hands at the carousel, and he's bitter and angry and whine whine whine can we move on please?

Ted tries to explain everything. Yeah, the locket story does sound a bit preposterous - oh, wait, Barney trusts Ted after all and once it's all aired out, they're besties again. Well, that was pointless. Ted starts to cry, and so does Barney, because that scotch was expensive. Damn, I want to slap the writers for that. Cheap hook for another dull episode.

Lily's still drunk, Marshall's still stuck in the car. Nothing is happening. We hear about Lily's creepy "Marshpillow", who takes Marshall's place beside her in bed, because that's totally normal. Even more creepily, she's put a computer with his Skyping face on it right where his head should be. Shudder. He freezes, then Lily inexplicably freezes even though she's not on a computer. Opening credits.

Marshall's raving about the hotel, Robin's complaining about her boring bachelorette which was only attended by Lily and Patrice. She blames the former for rotten planning. Lily claims she was consumed with Rome stuff. Robin points to Ted's upcoming groom-poker-game for Barney, which is of course meticulously planned. Sigh. Anyway, Robin uses it to lord over Barney's great best man vs her hopeless maid of honor. Lily counters that Robin has no female friends, with the most vaguely written list ever as proof. "Tall girl from work", that sort of thing. Marshall, stuck on a time delay, keeps throwing in ill-timed comments.

We also cut to another plotline, where Barney has been making incessant demands of his best man and running Ted ragged. It's boring. Who would have thought Barney of all people would get so focused on his wedding? Oh, and he's replaced Ted with a new best man - Billy Zapka, who is in the Best Man Poker Game, which Ted is not. That is AWFUL. Barney, go to hell.

He explains that he is actually mad about the holding-hands-with-Robin-in-the-park incident (huh?), because Ted broke the Bro Code. The Bro-ken Code. Haha get it I hate it too.

Robin and Lily commiserate about why Robin hates other women, though they have to hide when Patrice arrives. Once she's gone to her room, Robin continues with a rant about how women always whine and cry - just when Lily bursts into tears. Man, when did Robin becomes such a bitch? Yeah, turns out Lily's concerned that Robin will be lonely once she and Marshall have gone to Rome. Robin thinks she'll be fine, though her irritating ways show she won't be good at making female friends. Wow, this is dull.

Upstairs, Ted and Barney are arguing over the Bro Code. Ted thinks it's stupid, Barney considers it a time-honoured tradition. He then recounts its history, with Broses and Christopher Brolumbus bringing it into the world. Wow, Barney gets stupider and more gimmicky each season. He also thinks Brolumbus had sex with Pocahontas. Ted counters that Barney broke the code too, pointing out that Barney slept with his mom. Barney is outraged, and claims it never happened, but his fingers keep crossing themselves. Oops. They decide to get Skype-Marshall to settle the holding-hands-with-Robin incident, but are tied up in his lawyerese. We also learn that the Bro Code has been mysteriously replacing airplane safety cards and hotel Bibles.

Lily and Robin continue discussing the Friend Problem. Lily starts pointing out women in the bar, and Robin keeps finding flaws. Okay, hands up if you can see where this is going.

More bro crap, it's boring. Ted may have violated the code, but since he was Robin's friend, maybe it wasn't wrong, so did he? Marshall suggests that if it was weird for Ted to hold Barney's hand, then it would be weird for Ted to hold Robin's hand, thus making the incident a violation. Barney and Ted of course have to try it out, but can't agree on whether it's weird or not. Ted says no, Barney says yes. The same Barney who kissed Marshall in the pilot. Flanderization, anyone?

Robin is trying to pick up a lady friend, but finding it impossible, saying the wrong thing all the time. This is attributed to her childhood as a "boy". Lily suggests she target a crying girl. Just like Barney!

Barney insists that two dudes on a beach with a lifeless blob they're pretending is alive seems really stupid. Marshall counters that that means Weekend at Bernie's is stupid. Barney is stricken. Marshall then orders Ted to comfort Barney, to make things even. Barney doesn't accept the comfort until Marshall forces him to. Barney admits he behaved badly, and of course since Ted doesn't have feelings for her anymore that means - Ted goes silent here. Barney realizes he's made a huge mistake. It starts to rain. Heh.

Barney is aghast that Ted still has feelings for Robin, which is true no matter how much Ted denies it. He orders his best friend to "turn them off". Like it's that simple.

Robin comforts the crying girl, who turns out to be upset because the Rangers lost to the Bruins. A bit of background - every good Vancouverite hates the Bruins, especially since 2011. In my house, "anyone but Boston" is a rallying cry. Naturally, they are INSTANT BEST FRIENDS over this. Lily smiles approvingly.

Barney, still mad about Ted's betrayal by daring to be human, rails about what they can possibly do to solve this. Ted, of course, knows exactly what will happen the day after the wedding, but keeps his mouth shut. He narrates about Lily getting jealous of Robin's new friend, as she imagines herself being replaced as Robin's best friend. She even goes to the next step, Robin having sexual feelings for her BFF, which of course we all know has long been Lily's dream. So naturally, when Robin leaves the room, Lily runs up to New BFF and threatens her with torture. Classy. Robin concludes that "I only need you, because you're a psycho." They then push Patrice away. BEST FRIENDS!

Ted is brutally honest, telling Barney it's been weird since the breakup waaayyy back in Season 2, but he would never act on his feelings. He'll even swear on the Bro Code. Barney scoffs that the Bro Code is stupid, to which Ted gasps. He gets the book out and makes his Broath. For a second Barney hesitates - and then we cut to the poker game, where Ted, Barney and Skype-Marshall are reunited and all is well. Ted is even reinstated as Best Man. Skype-Marshall wins the poker game, which is an achievement considering that he's trapped in a van in Wisconsin. Billy Zapka is jealous, though...

Tag scene - Barney, Ted and Marshall suntan while a bikini-clad woman walks by, reminiscent of a movie we all remember.

Well, that was boring and repetitive. Not even a funny gag broke that crap up. I'm sorry, gang. Let's hope next week is better...

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