17 hours ago, nvmbr02 said:

There will be no vasectomy reversal in our house. 😂

....Good luck to you, trying to figure out what to preach about at your children's weddings....

14 minutes ago, Pammy said:

On the other hand, in other families, kids are given money quite abundantly -- specifically so that the money can be a teaching tool. Kids in these families regularly decide whether to spend their weekly or monthly personal spending budget on things like movie dates, new clothes, or art supplies. (Parents give them monthly or weekly cash money instead of buying them clothes, paying for the movie, or providing art supplies. The kids are still being provided for with generosity.) In these cases, when kids make mistakes that have financial costs, it makes sense for them to have to shift their personal spending budget away from 'things I was planning to buy this month' in order to cover something like, 'I wasted a lot of my lunch money on pop and chips, but now I need regular food, and that costs money too'. The context (parents giving kids budget-learning money in the first place) makes monetary consequences reasonable. It creates a teaching moment, but not a harsh one.

My mother was of this school of thought.  She couldn't believe people sent their kids off to college and expected them to succeed without first giving them all the basic skills.  To her budgeting was more important than cooking and laundry.  When I started high school we sat down and together produced a budget.  I was paid when she was paid.  There were a few chores I was supposed to do for my "salary."  Clothes, entertainment, books, etc I covered and as soon as she could talk the bank into I had a checking account.  The only food I was responsible for, however, was an after school sundae or going out with friends.  She would have been appalled at anyone trying to use food as any kind of teaching tool, punishment, or anything except a basic necessity parents provide.

I just want to weigh in on certain ways that families use money in parenting.

In some families, when kids have money it's because they earned it outside the house, or in some major household project, received it as a gift. In these families kids "own money" is rare and precious, and it really needs to be left out of any kind of scheme-of-consequences. Using your birthday money to buy a sandwich from your parents' groceries because you overspent a school lunch account is really horrific.

On the other hand, in other families, kids are given money quite abundantly -- specifically so that the money can be a teaching tool. Kids in these families regularly decide whether to spend their weekly or monthly personal spending budget on things like movie dates, new clothes, or art supplies. (Parents give them monthly or weekly cash money instead of buying them clothes, paying for the movie, or providing art supplies. The kids are still being provided for with generosity.) In these cases, when kids make mistakes that have financial costs, it makes sense for them to have to shift their personal spending budget away from 'things I was planning to buy this month' in order to cover something like, 'I wasted a lot of my lunch money on pop and chips, but now I need regular food, and that costs money too'. The context (parents giving kids budget-learning money in the first place) makes monetary consequences reasonable. It creates a teaching moment, but not a harsh one.

Trouble arises when parents don't provide the context, the money, or any guidance in personal finances -- then pop up with a message of, "No, we won't feed you unless you pay us to." That's just wrong.

58 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

Drunk posting in the morning might actually be better than if that is her sober posting! If she does have a lawyer who she contacts over this I can imagine that he will cringe while reading through this thread, because there is just so much second hand embarrassment over her nonsensical, angry posts. 

It is always five o'clock somewhere.

On 6/5/2020 at 2:35 AM, Melissa1977 said:

 

Alison may have still less help! She badly wants a country but fancy wedding and getting good results on that style take a lot of effort.

Country plus fancy--you got it!