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August 17-29, 2013 ~ #14 ~ Sincerity Winner


Curious

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blog-mos-14-sincerity.jpgPost of the week ~ #14 ~ Sincerity Winner

 

Congratulations 180 degrees

 

180 degrees' post nominated by mice

http://www.freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=8&p=612018#p612018

 

I work in a shelter for women leaving violent relationships. In fact, I'm sitting in the office of the shelter typing this. I support women in the same situation as Noni Alabaster every day.

It doesn't sound like it's stopped him though. Get out. You don't need friends and money shouldn't stop you. There are people and organizations who will support you and give you a helping hand. Get out.

I know it was written with the best of intention and concern (and a lot of people do it) but telling a woman what she does and doesn't need or what should and shouldn't stop her from leaving isn't helpful. Instructing her to 'get out' is too simple. It actually may be harmful in that it will discourage her from reaching out again or further shame her because she may hear it as she should do what you say and just isn't strong enough etc... Abused women don't need people, however well meaning, telling then what do to. The abusers have that more than covered. They need to be supported until they are strong enough to determine a course of action. Some women never leave, some leave and go back, a lot leave and go back a few times before they leave for good. All of them need support to become self-determined people.

Noni's concerns about not having money or friends are valid ones. Although we do advise women who are in immediate danger to leave if they can, it's good to think it through and have a supports in place. When women first contact us (before they have left) we encourage them to devise a safety plan. Having a plan greatly increases the odds of success. Here's an example of one:

http://womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/safety-planning-for-abusive-situations.cfm

I'm in Canada. I don't know how your laws and procedures around domestic violence work but other women have provided good links.

Noni Alabaster, please PM me if you ever need someone just to vent to or listen or to bounce ideas off of. You can contact women's organizations even if you don't plan to leave, just for support to get through your day. They will have all the local, specific knowledge that can help you.

Apologies for just de-lurking and writing on such a serious topic out of the blue but this one is really close to home for me. Also, apologies for horrible grammer etc... It's nearing midnight and my brain is tired.

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