First some housekeeping, I apologize for my total inability to keep to a schedule with these recaps - it's been a busy time and I'm currently kind of stuck in life. The good news, though, is that both Community and Mad Men are returning in the next couple of weeks, and I'll be recapping those as usual - though unfortunately, this will be the last go-around for both (well, Community hasn't officially been cancelled yet, but come on). At the end of this season, I will be retiring from the position of Master Recapper, mostly because of grad school this fall, but also because I was pretty much in this for Mad Men anyway.

Speaking of lazy millennials, let's see what's up with our Girls this week!

Our first scene is Jessa having sex with Young Spock (okay, okay, I'll call him Ace), and it's all kinds of awkward, mostly because they're nearly as bad at dirty talk as Shoshana. (No one in the history of ever has been quite as bad as Shoshana.) At any rate, they make a good-looking pair.

Tad Horvath arrives in New York to come out to his daughter, and pretend that his wife didn't out him in a midnight phone call anyway. However, they talk about pierogies instead, and Hannah's mom's tenure, and everything else on earth but Daddy going gay. Apparently, Loreen is still furious about it, but Hannah's taking the news surprisingly well (or at least not making it entirely about her). She recognizes that she grew up in a loving family and has been pretty lucky all her life, even if her parents do get divorced soon (which is apparently not a given, according to Tad). That's good. That's healthy. Hannah is growing up. Now let's see what kind of awful thing she says next.

She does in about three seconds by telling her dad that he's an idiot for thinking that he might stay married, which okay, he might be, but not your place, Hannah. He calls her a child and points out that she didn't even bring her wallet to lunch. Touché.

At school, Hannah confronts Cleo ("Sup, Whore-vath?") for daring not to be friends with her weirdo teacher anymore. Gee, Hannah, did you think this would end any other way? She's fourteen and you're an idiot. Hannah goes after Cleo like some sort of weird Glenn Close-type, saying she needs her in order to help work through her family problems. The kid is understandably weirded out. Hannah calls her a bitch, in the middle of the hallway, in front of everyone. As they're hashing it out, the principal walks by. Hannah fired? Hannah so fired.

In the office, Principal Toby reads her the riot act for having no concept of boundaries whatsoever. He praises her teaching skills, and manages to restrain himself from openly calling her a narcissistic child. She goes on about her poor gay dad, which perfectly illustrates what the principal is talking about. He gives her the rest of the day off, and possibly the rest of her life, too.

She goes drinking with Elijah, who is obsessed with "I told you so" re: Tad. And it's true, he did call it like three seasons back. (He also thinks Obama's bi, so I'll wait on that one.) He tells her that her dad is probably coming out in steps - like many gay people do, facing a scary new world - so that's why he wants to stay with Loreen. He predicts that in a few months, Hannah's dad will be into all kinds of gay-ness. However, he shudders at the idea of being gay at all in Michigan.

Shosh and Ray plan a campaign party for the latter, with Shosh dressed like she just escaped from the set of Mad Men (and not as her awesome character, Joyce the photographer). She uses the opportunity to taunt him about his love life for some reason.

Hannah chats with her mother, who is clearly falling apart and has no confidence in herself. Hannah kind of stammers on the other end, unprepared to deal with the onslaught of sarcastic comments. Perhaps wisely, Hannah suggests calling a neighbour to go sit with her mother. This isn't going to happen though - Loreen contends that the neighbour understands nothing about the graphic sexual acts Tad will soon undertake. Hannah hangs up, scarred for life.

Ace and Jessa are still having a lovely, whimsical time. They go out for Ethiopian food and "happen" to stumble across Mimi-Rose's place. Despite Jessa's reluctance, they go up to check on Ace's ex. The whole time, he keeps rubbing it in everyone's faces that he used to live there. Mimi-Rose shows up in Gillian Jacobs' usual "pretentious asshole mode", which is weird, because Gillian Jacobs does not seem like a pretentious asshole, nor does anything about her appearance suggest such. But I digress. Jessa desperately tries to work her way out of the situation, but Mimi-Rose insists they stay. On the menu: sausages.

Ray's campaign party goes swimmingly, well-attended by people from all around the neighbourhood (even if his would-be constituents are slightly weird). Moaning Marnie and Dumbass Desi arrive, swearing to each other that they'll keep the engagement a secret for now, so as not to upset Ray. Unfortunately, they are absolutely terrible at this, arousing even innocent Shoshana's suspicions within seconds. Furthermore, Marnie tells Ray within about two seconds of meeting him, because nothing cannot be made about her. Even someone else's campaign party. He's as gracious as possible, even as his heart shatters into tiny pieces.

Marnie is totally oblivious, of course. And Desi - since when was he anything but a clod?

Hannah reads and sulks. Elijah arrives, having taken Tad shopping for his new fabulous life. Hannah assures him that she's not homophobic, but he and Elijah need to keep the sex references to a minimum around her. Fair enough. However, she does ask if he'd ever been with a man. He tells her about a college romance. With Elijah's help, he and the long-lost boyfriend have reconnected on Facebook. Elijah makes an anal sex joke, which finally sets Hannah off, and she of all people lectures them on boundaries.

Adam clears away the sausages while Mimi-Rose goes on about her (totally sincere, uh-huh) jealousy at Ace and Jessa's relationship. Apparently, Ace and Jessa want to have a baby, which should strike terror in the hearts of potential babies everywhere. Mimi-Rose continues going on about jealousy, causing Adam to get super annoyed. We all know Ace has been after Mimi-Rose for a while, but Mimi-Rose openly declares that she wants Ace back, turning this show into an Edward Albee play. Jessa has had enough and wants to leave, but Adam demands that she stay and watch the unfolding train wreck. She calls both Mimi-Rose and Ace "full of shit" and Adam "a sucker". She begs Adam to leave with her. Mimi-Rose and Ace continue with their bullshit about choices. MR is, of course, as pretentious a sack of shit as possible about it. Fed up, Jessa leaves and takes Adam with her, despite Ace's protests that he wants to be with her after all.

Shosh is in her element, proudly showing off a cake with Ray's face on it as she mingles at the campaign party. Forget Marnie, Ray should totally wind up with this one. Ray, however, just isn't in the mood. Also, apparently this is a victory party, not just a campaign party, because Ray's predecessor on the council appears to concede. Ray, a gem as always, accepts it with class. It's "your problem now", says the guy, before running off to take advantage of the free booze.

Shoshana calls Ray up to the front of the room to make his speech. Once up on the chair, he thanks Shoshana and quotes Ralph Nader. He then goes off-book, which is never a great idea, but manages to salvage it okay. He is also still not-subtly hitting on Marnie. Dude, just go for Shosh and be done with it.

Hannah arrives, late and not particularly interested in what's going on. She's still up for cake, though. Adam and Jessa walk along the streets of New York. Adam is morose, Jessa exasperated. She reflects on what attracted her to Ace, which seems very flimsy now. They arrive at Ray's party. Adam doesn't want to go in because he's afraid of seeing Hannah. Aaand that's that, they're getting back together. Yeah, I'm shocked.

So Adam walks off while Jessa smokes and rolls her eyes. Inside, Hannah congratulates Ray. Of course, she doesn't let slip another opportunity to make a sarcastic comment about her dad. Meanwhile, Marnie steals the mike and uses the moment to announce her engagement to a room full of people who don't care. WOW. This is a new low for her - pulling a Kanye at someone else's big celebration. What's next, interrupting the Nobel Prize ceremony to sing that damn Edie Brickell song?! Marnie has not only won Worst Person of the Episode by a landslide, but is currently #1 contender for both season and series - which is a real feat with this cast of characters, let me tell you.

Ray mopes, Hannah looks stunned, they both admit they're faking their way through life, and there are the end credits.

Good things - Mimi-Rose is GONE (maybe), potential for friendship between Ray and Hannah, Hannah finally getting called out on her complete bullshit, and her incredibly interesting reaction to her father's new life. It's possible we might actually see some character development this time around, which let me tell you, has been very hard-won. That's why I'm a bit worried about the possibility of Adam being back on the scene - if anything, it seems like an invitation to regression. I guess if that happens, we'll at least have the Marnie and Desi show to entertain us all. Sometimes I wonder if this series should be renamed "Trainwrecks"...

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