Petulant Princesses, Cranky Queens, and a Quiver Full of Questions

Hello, all. Hope everyone had a good week. This week’s title card features the ice bridge that Elsa created in the movie, so it looks like we’re going to be Frozen-heavy yet again.

We open with the Snow Queen (SQ) in her Fortress of Solitude waving her hands over a block of ice with such a glazed look on her face it looks like a form of meditation. But the spell is broken when we cut to the Storybrooke jail where Emma and Elsa go through boxes of files. Oh look! Elsa is wearing her blue sparkly dress for a change. I’ve read on line that Disney doesn’t want her out of that dress since she’s such a new character and it’s so identifiable, but what are we supposed to think? I mean, I guess she’s not sweating in those clothes because, you know, Frozen and all. But surely she’s spilled some tea or leaned against a dusty radiator in the Charming apartment. That dress has to be filthy by now. Or does her magic include spot cleaning ability?

Back to the plot, Emma and Elsa discuss how they think SQ has wiped their memories. As Hook walks in with another box, Will Scarlett yells about getting some dinner. And while I love his adorable accent, I don’t love how he eats while talking. I don’t need to see that partially-chewed Pop Tart, my cockney cutie.

Emma’s not ready to let Will out. Hook bids adieu to Emma. He’s taking Henry fishing. And this is the first time I’ve seen them act like a regular, newly-dating couple. It’s odd, actually. Will certainly doesn’t like it. He pokes fun at Hook for getting to Emma through Henry. Hook fires back and I’m wondering what the deal is with these two. They’ve got some sort of issue between them. Still, while they may be angry, their dueling accents are cute.

In one of the boxes, Elsa finds a packet of photos of Emma that were conveniently taken when she first got to town and Regina was tracking her every movement. We didn’t know this was happening at the time, right? The writers totally threw that in for plot purposes, right? Or did I miss something in season 1? Anyway, there’s a shot of Emma in conversation with SQ in the ice cream shop. Emma decides to go to the source of the photos: Regina.

Regina is still in the mausoleum trying to come up with a cure for Marion. It seems cold, damp, and creepy there. If I were her, I’d take all the magic gear back to the luxurious mayor’s mansion, grab a cup of tea (and not spill it on my clothes) and get to work. But I’m not an evil queen, so there you go.

Regina (and does it sound to anyone else like Lana Parilla is congested?) asks Sidney/the mirror where SQ is. Sidney must be in a mood because he’s a little bit snarky to Regina about all her “nemeses.†Lana must have a cold because as she yells at Sidney she comes across more cranky than evil.

At the Charming apartment, Belle is going to babysit while Mary Margaret (MM) and David have some alone time. I wouldn’t leave my baby with Belle. She’s dumb as a stump. She might leave the baby with Rumple because “he’s got a good haaaaaaaaart!†MM agrees with me and also points out they’ve already had two out of two children taken away from them. But David really seems to need some couple time, so Prince Neil (ick, that name) stays with Belle.

At the Mills mausoleum, Emma whines about how she and Regina aren’t getting along. Elsa wisely decides to keep her distance from these two and lets Emma go in alone. Emma pronounces that once you’ve screwed someone over there’s no getting them back.

And that, of course is our cue to flashback to Minnesota circa 1998. Young Emma is shoplifting and is helped out of the jam by a girl who is helpfully wearing an outfit from 90210 (floral dress, army boots) just to knock us over the head with what year it’s supposed to be. She and young Emma become fast friends because they have so much in common. Like being thieves.

They leave the store, get chased by a car, and elude their pursuer. Oh, and there’s graffiti on a wall that reads “Always vigilant.†Does it mean something? I don’t know, but the writers could have put anything on that wall, and they chose that. I have to think it’s for a reason.

Back in Storybrooke present, Emma shows Regina the picture of herself and the SQ. Regina says she doesn’t know anything about it because Sidney took the shot. Emma wants to know where Sidney is. Regina crankily dismisses her. She’s got work to do, trying to thaw out Marion. Emma tries to buddy up to Regina “I could help! We could work together!†Oh, sweetie, you’re just coming off as desperate. Regina tells Emma “You’ve never had my back. And you never will.†Regina, I think you’ve done enough work for today. Have some chicken soup, take some Nyquil, and get to bed. You’ll be more evil/less cranky in the morning.

Meanwhile, remember when I called Elsa wise? Well, she has blown the whole thing because she’s wandering around the cemetery chasing after what is obviously not the real Ana, who appears to be calling for help. Emma gets back to the car and can’t believe she’s lost yet another person in this God-forsaken town.

And Regina hasn’t gone to bed to nurse her cold. She’s sitting in the mausoleum mooning over Robin Hood while staring at a picture of them like a middle schooler. They’ve got a picture? They dated for, like, three days. Okey dokey.

Sidney pops back up in the mirror and tries to extort Regina into setting him free. But our cranky queen ain’t playing and she notes she always outsmarts him. “I trapped you in a mirror twice.†So yeah, I think she’s won this round. Sidney says he’ll take Regina to SQ.

Back at the jail, MM insists that David get a high-powered walkie talkie so they can be in constant contact with Belle. Oy, this “date†seems more trouble than it’s worth. But wait! It took a while, but David has finally noticed that the only prisoner in town has gotten free! (Are you supposed to leave prisoners alone in the building? I’m not familiar with fairytale law enforcement.) David and MM go off to find adventure (and Will), just like the old days.

In the Storybrooke woods, Regina’s got Sidney in her compact mirror to lead her to the SQ. Regina meets Emma who’s still looking for Elsa. Emma thinks they should join forces, because she’s so very needy. Regina, who’s crankier than ever, agrees just to shut her up.

Back in 1998, Emma and her new friend eat stolen food, share back stories (so we can see where Emma’s neediness developed) and decide to co-opt one of the beautiful mansions on the lake to live in for a while. I say if Belle and Rumple could honeymoon in a mansion they “found,†these two should be afforded the same courtesy. Lilly leads Emma to believe that she is in the foster system just like Emma.

In Storybrooke present Elsa is still chasing after fake-Ana. And she’s wearing a purple sparkly cape!!! Well, you’re not fooling us, costume people. We can still see that freaking blue dress underneath. Nice try, though. Elsa sees fake-Ana across a gorge and creates an ice bridge to get to her. Once she crosses it, fake-Ana drops out of sight.

On their date, MM whines to David about being away from the baby for too long. So David sends her home. Alone. Which is a stupid thing to do since there’s an evil Snow Queen lurking about. Look who I’m talking about—these two left their brand new baby with a girl who ran off with a beast.

MM turns to go home, but hears shoveling noises on the beach behind her. It’s escapee Will Scarlet digging his little heart out.

In the woods, Emma and Regina continue their hunt for the SQ. Emma continues her sucking up to Regina. Regina continues to be cranky. Emma compliments her on helping Marion, but Regina’s having none of it. She tells Emma to stop acting like a middle schooler. (Pot, meet kettle.) Regina won’t let Emma off the hook for ruining her life. In a moment of self-knowledge rarely witnessed, Regina tells Emma “You’ve hurt someone. So do as I do. Learn to live with it.†Very nice.

In 1998, Young Emma and Lilly make themselves at home playing video games and videotaping themselves. Because when you’ve broken into a house, the best thing to do is steal video equipment and tape yourself doing it. No wonder Emma grew up to be such a good sheriff.

Emma notices a star-shaped scar? Tattoo? Bruise? On Lilly’s wrist. Lilly magic markers one on Emma. So I guess now they’re really BFFS.

Oh for God’s sake! Back in the woods, Elsa is still chasing fake-Ana, only this time she catches her and lo and behold, it’s a trap by the SQ. The SQ is very motherly as she freezes fake-Ana, blows away the ice crystals, and traps Elsa in ice handcuffs. Bla blah blah, something about Elsa’s fear holding her back and SQ needing Elsa out of the way and also needing Elsa to be scared. SQ stomps away coyly commenting about going to “build a snowman.â€

Back on the beach, MM confronts Will. There’s some cute repartee about MM being married to the sheriff and Will thinking she’s married to Emma. Then MM figures out that David set the prisoner free so that MM could “feel good about herself.†I think that’s a little patronizing, but MM seems okay with it. (And I can’t tell by Will’s reaction if that story is actually true or just MM’s post-partum ranting. I don’t think Will cares. Either way, he’s free.)

In the woods, Emma and Regina continue to bicker and start to cross the ice bridge until the wind picks up. Regina realizes the whole thing is a set-up by Sidney. And there she is! There’s our Evil Queen! The look in her eye definitely says “evil†rather than “cranky.â€

In Minnesota 1998, the “borrowed†house is infiltrated by a man who turns out to be Lilly’s adoptive father. Young Emma is betrayed!!! Which brings us back to the collapsing ice bridge as Emma dredges up old hurts and accuses Regina of lying to her. We learn that Sidney is now working for the SQ. Apparently there’s no loyalty among mirrors working for malevolent queens.

The ice bridge collapses, but of course our heroines make it to the other side before it does. Across the woods, Elsa breaks out of her ice chains. I guess she stopped being afraid. But it’s Regina and Emma’s turn to be afraid as they run into some sort of Ice Viking created, I assume, by the SQ to defeat them.

In 1998, Lilly tries to make amends but Emma is still heartbroken by her BFF’s traitorous behavior. And she licks the fake star tattoo off her wrist. So there!

In the woods, Regina and Emma battle the Ice Viking. And guess what? By WORKING TOGETHER, they manage to overcome the creature. Very subtle, writers. But the trouble’s not over. The SQ shows up and steals Regina’s compact. This IS very middle school-ish. SQ magically strangles Emma and Regina. Then Elsa arrives and, having recently grown a pair, saves them. The SQ is so proud of Elsa that she disappears taking Regina’s compact with her. Regina is still cranky (oily shine getting her down?) so she purple smokes her way out of there.

In the Fortress of Solitude, the SQ releases Sidney. She never wanted him. She wanted the mirror because it’s imbued with Regina’s dark magic. She sends Sidney on his way but warns “it’s going to get cold around here.†(Note: When I was young, there was a whole storyline on General Hospital about Elizabeth Taylor coming into Port Charles with a snow machine and holding the town hostage to her weather wielding ways. Anyone else remember that? Am I dating myself? Anyway, that’s what the SQ’s plan is reminding me of. ) But I should stop reminiscing because now we learn that all the SQ wants is a family that loves her. Aaaaaw.

In the woods, Elsa advises Emma not to give up on Regina because she learned from her sister not to give up on people. Once again, it’s all about you, Elsa.

In the Mills mausoleum, Emma tries to mend fences with Regina AGAIN. She’s just oozing desperation today, isn’t she? But Regina gives in—if by giving in you mean admits that she doesn’t want to kill Emma. It’s been a long day. I say we take it and move on.

In the Charming apartment, MM is so pleased with Charming’s patronizing plan that she gives him a big kiss. And now we find out that there was no plan. (He’s a Storybrooke sheriff after all, they’re not known for their planning.)

In the sheriff’s office, Emma is sad. Hook drops by with some medicinal rum to elevate her mood. They go through a box full of Emma’s belongings from her youth which makes her sadder. What makes me sad is that she’s still retained the stolen property from that house she and Lilly broke into. Is she allowed to keep (and use) equipment obtained while breaking and entering? Emma puts the camera’s tape into the office’s VCR. It’s still 1982 in Storybrooke, right? Would a 1998 cassette fit in the machine?

There’s no time to worry about that because the tape first shows Lilly and Emma acting silly and then there’s a scene from, presumably, Emma’s next foster home, which she doesn’t remember. And guess who Emma’s foster mother is?????? It’s SQ!!!!!

Well, that’s intriguing. How did she get to our world? How did she sign up to be a foster mom without the necessary background check? How could she be in Storybrooke since the beginning of the curse, yet no one’s ever gone for ice cream before? So many questions. Bring your own questions to the forum: http://www.freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=13046&start=60