Clearly, this is not a fundie Sims post. This is going back to my parody fic, featuring the Mason family (mom Rebecca and daughters Jessica and Faye). Unlike previous entries, this is narrated by Jessica. Jessica has recently graduated from UCLA, and has recently begun studying at a graduate law school. Faye has embarked upon her junior year at UCSD, doing a political science degree. The family previously lived in the fictional town of Summer Springs in Kansas, but have now moved to San Francisco.

***

Reading over my notes on contract law was giving me a headache. I brought up a new tab and opened up Dumb Things Fundies Do. As I scrolled through the latest Weenie Man thread, a notification popped up saying that I’d been tagged in a comment.

Apparently Wa-La Diner is opening a new branch in San Francisco! Hey @jessidugg95, you in?

Intrigued, I googled the restaurant. The news was indeed true. Even worse, it was really close to where we lived. I hadn’t seen anything about a new restaurant opening, but I didn’t usually visit that part of the city.

I explored the website, which was promising new dishes. 

“Ew, gross,” I said to myself as I read the updated list.

”What?” Mom asked.

”There’s gonna be a new branch of Wa-La Diner here in San Fran,” I said.

”Oh dear. What’s ew gross?”

”They’ve got some new dishes. Including some inspired by our favourite grifter.”

”Huh?”

”Pink weens and gravy.”

”Dear Lord,” Mom shuddered. “How can these people market this slop?”

“Christ knows,” I replied, closing my laptop.

”Are you considering going?”

”Dunno, I wouldn’t go alone,” I replied. Faye wasn’t coming back from college for a couple of days. She’d decided on doing a political science major and was really enjoying it. Unlike me, she wasn’t entirely sure what she wanted to do, but I was sure she’d get a good job. I had some real-life friends who were part of DTFD, but I wasn’t entirely sure if they’d want to get involved with an actual trip to Wa-La Diner.

”No, fair enough. I was gonna suggest you should wait till Faye gets back.”

***

Eleven days later, Faye was home. I’d told her about the new restaurant, and unsurprisingly she was very much up for a visit; she had always been more interested in fundieism and was more active on DTFD. I'd managed to persuade Annie and Marissa along: Annie knew about fundies, but wasn't part of DTFD; Marissa knew very little, but was always up for an "experience" and a laugh. 

“Dare you to order the pink weenie gravy,” Faye grinned, on the day of our visit.

”I don’t fancy food poisoning again,” I said. I’d only had a bout last week and didn’t fancy spending the night leaning over the toilet.

”How are we going to dress?” she asked. “The dress that served me so well last time got ripped, so...”

”Well, it's winter, it'll be easier to layer,” I said. “I’ll wear my denim skirt again.”

We spent a while in my room, discussing college and guys and the usual things young twenty-somethings discussed. Faye still had the boyfriend she’d had on our first visit, but he was still in Kansas. 

“It’s weird to think that, if we were fundie, I’d probably be married by now,” I said. 

“Yeah. And my relationship with Charlie has gone on longer than most fundie ones, so we’d be at least engaged,” Faye replied.

”Poor beggars get no choice,” I sighed, braiding my hair. 

"Makeup or not?" she asked.

"I'd go with subtle," I replied, carefully applying my mascara.

"Yeah, I don't suit the 80s look, I don't have any green eyeliner," Faye replied.

***

Annie and Marissa were already waiting outside when we arrived, dressed almost identically in sweaters, knee-length denim skirts and boots. 

"So, what kind of cuisine do they serve here?" Marissa asked.

"It's very much of the cream-of-crap soup and packet mix variety," I explained. "You'll understand better when we're inside."

The interior decor was very similar to the Summer Springs branch. We were enthusiastically greeted by a girl in a hot pink polo shirt, black maxi skirt and brown sandals. 

"Table for four? Right this way, we've got a table right by the stage. By the way, my name is Anna," she said. 

"Stage?" Marissa asked.

"Oh yes, we have musical entertainment and preaching tonight," Anna replied, not noticing Marissa's tone of worry. I exchanged glances with Annie, both of us trying hard not to giggle.

"Lovely," Marissa said quickly. 

***

Here endeth Part One. Watch for Part Two, after which poor Marissa will never be able to look at her favourite breakfast dish of sausage gravy in the same way ever again...