We're in the final crunch! What could a Roman-killing volcano have to do with Barney and Robin?

It's 2024, and the Mother and Ted are at Farhampton in the dead of winter. It's surprisingly low quality images - say, like television thirty years ago - and Ted is wearing a weird sweater, so I am forced to assume that this is a Cosby Show crossover. Ted decides to tell her a story about his life, but she's heard them all. Same goes for Ted and the Mother's stories. They conclude that they've finally become an Old Married Couple and high-five. Opening credits.

A hotel staffer comes by and makes jokes about the destruction that the Mosbys' hot sexy weekend will cause, citing the story of a broken lamp from Robin and Barney's wedding. The Mother has not heard this one. Ted is happy to indulge.

The lamp was broken while Robin played hockey with her younger sister Katie - you know, the one whose potential virginity loss took up an entire episode like six years ago. Lily wants to switch to scrapbooking, which makes Robin and her sister want to barf.

Barney has recovered from his hangover and sneaks into Room 9, which arouses Ted's curiosity. He bribes the front desk clerk and finds it belongs to a Miss Susan Tupp. He assumes that the groom is cheating, but discovers him rhapsodizing over racks of suits. "Sue Tupp" = "Suit Up", get it? The trouble is, he can't choose which one, and there are about fifty. Ted reluctantly agrees to help.

Lily and Robin continue the scrapbooking, where Lily cries and Robin looks vaguely nauseated. It's overplayed and kind of dumb. However, Lily is determined to have her appreciate her wedding day, the way Lily wants it. Robin shrugs and sits down to watch The Wedding Bride 2. 

Lily goes complaining to Marshall, because Robin's not enough of a basket case. Marshall assures her that she'll have a bride-ly freakout eventually. The Marshall's Wedding Haircut Incident is recapped. I swear, this episode has more callbacks than the two seasons preceding it. Also, apparently the entire hotel is captivated by The Wedding Bride, its sequels, and the hit Broadway musical. In 2024, The Mother tells the hotel staffer about the movie's origins, to which Ted responds that his awesome friends promised never to watch it. Back in 2013, they're all giggling over the sequel in Robin's room. 

Barney tells Ted that he had a suit made, but the final result was wholly unsuitable for his purposes. They go through the remaining suits. Each one is linked to one of Barney's sexual misadventures. Back to the drawing board.

The friends are still enjoying The Wedding Bride 2. Marshall comments that Ted really has no sense of humor, and continues to enjoy himself until a buffoon named Narshall appears onscreen. The women are terribly smug. Just then, they're interrupted by Robin's grandmother, who brings a picture of her own wedding day. Robin coldly brushes her off while Lily and Marshall brush away tears. Lily switches off the TV and lambastes her friend for not being a proper blushing bride. Robin rightly calls her out on being a judgmental hellbeast.

We are interrupted when the Mother realizes that she already knows the story. Lily and Robin fight, Lily insists on wearing a different bridesmaid's dress because it's "just a wedding" and shows up in a floor-length white gown. Why she brought a wedding gown of her own to Farhampton is beyond me. In 2024, Ted complains that he's a boring old man. The Mother says she loves him and his stories - but doesn't want him to live in said stories forever. It's a really awkward and sad moment (Ted's almost in tears), and yes, like the rest of the viewers, I am on the "Mother-is-dead" bandwagon by now.

The Mother continues the story herself. Lily brought the wedding dress so that she could use Robin's photographer to take new wedding pictures for herself, which honestly sounds pretty selfish to me (she really couldn't just hire her own on another day? and why has this been percolating since Season 2?). Robin says wearing the wedding dress is cool, and Lily tells her she should care more. She gets Marshall into his wedding suit and even throws on a veil.

Over in Room 9, Barney has given up and decides to enlist in the Marines so he'll have to wear a uniform. Ted puts a stop to the nonsense and forces him into the custom suit again. I dunno, it looks way too big on NPH, but Ted insists it's awesome and goes on for ages about the suit's sacred marital purposes. Barney gets a misty look in his eyes. "This is the one," says Barney. He then pulls out a whole rack of belts.

Lily continues to be annoyed that no one's upset about her wearing a wedding dress, and lectures the group on proper wedding excitement. STFU, Lily. In the midst of her rant, she drops the Chicago news, which would be a shock if everyone didn't know already. However, it's the first time they've openly discussed it. They realize that after the wedding, they don't know when they'll all be together again. Since their time is limited, they'll just enjoy what moments they have left. (2024 has more weepy eyes from Ted and the Mother. Yeah, she's totally six feet under.)

They all sit down to watch The Wedding Bride. Robin and Barney talk about wedding gear. The groom and groomsmen go out for some food, during which Ted reveals that he did see The Wedding Bride 2 on a plane. He, Narshall and Swarley tease each other mercilessly. Robin, Lily and Katie stay to watch the film. While Robin goes to get some ice, Lily and Katie comment that she seems remarkably unfazed. In the hallway, Robin runs into a corner and runs into...Tracey Ullman! I mean, her mom. Yeah, Mama Scherbatsky finally managed to get on a plane and show up for her daughter's special day.

As they hold on to each other and cry, Ted and the Mother comment on it. The Mother says it's no surprise, because what mother would miss her daughter's wedding day? They share a sad look. Ted begins to cry. The Mother comforts him, and though she's starting to fall apart herself, she presses him for more funny stories. Yeah, she's heard them before - but some things are worth repeating. Snow falls outside the inn. Closing credits.

So, yeah, they're implying pretty heavily that the mother is DEADZO by 2030, though there are some holes in the theory - would the kids really be that apathetic about their dead mother's past? Regardless of what they're trying to say here, the framing device was a really nice touch, and pretty much the only interesting part of what amounted to yet another filler episode. In fact, Ted and the Mother have been the only right note in an obvious filler season. If the Mother is truly dead, it would make their short time together so much more touching. We'll see, I guess - and given the short length of time before the show ends forever, we don't have all that long to wait.

...oh, yeah, and I never did figure out that Vesuvius thing.

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