In 8th grade, my friends and I were obsessed with the t.v. show My So-Called Life.  Seriously, obsessed. We lived and breathed My So-Called Life. We taped the episodes and watched them over and over. We started talking like the characters (mainly by adding "or something" to the end of sentences. I think I probably still do this.) When we'd pass notes back and forth, we'd sign the notes "Angela" and "Rayanne." Being the more reserved of my friends (and having red hair) meant I automatically identified with Angela. I wanted to dress like her but never really went out to try and find clothes that would work.

My favorites....

I did wear big overalls though. And a LOT of plaid.

I think it may have been the only time in my life where I was emotionally invested in fictional characters. I am a big t.v. person. I've had a lot of favorite shows over the years. Shows I can rewatch and never get tired of. Shows where I love the characters. But it's not like I truly cared about the characters that much. Sure, it sucks when a favorite character is killed off or leaves a show. And I've even cried when sad things happen on shows. 

It was different with My So-Called Life though. Maybe that's just because I was so young. Maybe it's because I could identify with some of the things she went though. Especially stuff with her parents. I think back about my relationships with my parents at that age and it was so strange. You're at that in-between stage of no longer being a child but not an adult yet either. There's a scene where Angela is sad and ends up crying to her mom. I remember doing that back then and having such mixed emotions about trying to act grown up but not really feeling ready to.

I also identified with liking a boy from afar (though unlike Angela, it never amounted to anything in my younger years. Sadly no make out sessions in the boiler room for me. Ha!) But I remember feeling so connected to the character of Angela that when good things happened to her...it made me ridiculously happy. It seems kind of funny and pathetic now, of course. At age 13, it didn't seem quite as silly. I vividly remember watching an episode on t.v. while talking on the phone with my friend. The final scene of the episode had us both screaming and jumping on our couches. As an adult, watching this scene doesn't have the same effect. But I will admit, I do still feel those same butterflies (ever-so-slightly) when I see it.

The scene won't mean much if you aren't familiar with the show or the episode but it's below if you're interested. (Basically throughout the episode, she and the character Jordan had been making out in secret but he was embarrassed about it and didn't want his friends to know....until the final scene.)

Man, I was in love with the character of Jordan Catalano! For one thing, he was gorgeous.

But he also had that bad boy quality about him...which I guess I must have liked at the time. I never did date a true "bad boy" in real life. I got close once. It helped me to realize that the bad boy thing just wasn't for me. Much more fun in theory or something.

I need to rewatch the entire series again. I keep meaning to (I think I even mentioned it in a status here at some point) but I haven't gotten around to it. I am 99% sure that in watching it as an adult, I will be wishing for Angela to end up with Brian Krakow. Thirteen-year-old me would NOT approve of such things. (See: clip below.)