Exposition: Monday night at about 6:00 pm I took a low dose of Effexor prescribed for hot flashes and other peri-menopause issues. After an hour or two it knocked me on my ass...like a handful of Vicodin. Like crashed on the couch and needed to be physically walked to the bedroom because way to out of it to be trusted walking past the stairs...
Wake up the next morning all tingly...and not in a good way...but not necessarily bad yet. Just like floaty. Then I got up...
the best that can be said is that at least the new medication had a plethora of side effects so severe and ass kickingly horrific that there was no dilemma about whether or not to ride it out and see if they resolve themselves.
Nope, nope, nope as my brilliant friend would say. That night I sent Mr. Buffy back to the pharmacy so they could dispose of them in whatever proper method keeps that shit out of the water. There should have been a warning on the label...
I hope they performed an exorcism first because I'm positive the main active ingredient was demonic essence.
12 hours after taking it my eyes were just getting to the point where you couldn't see my sclera both top and bottom at the same time - that's how bugged out they were all day. I squinted just to appear normal...and then they would twitch.
The migraine with vomiting was the most awesome part...how can you not love that?
Tremors were an unexpected treat...
And pants, and shirt, and chair...
The hives and mild ringing in my ears...that was almost a bonus because they only lasted a couple of hours...
Worst of all was feeling like someone else. And whoever she was...that kind of dazed, frightened, distant entity...I don't like her. Which no doubt would send her into the fetal position in a puddle of her own urine and tears...but that's okay - she really liked me because all she wanted was to turn back into me asap.
So ...we've learned a couple of things.
Some medications that work perfectly well for some are a fucking acid trip from hell for others.
My overarching fear is not being in control of my own brain. As bad as the physical stuff the mental confusion and lack of control was torture.
For all my faults, issues with my runaway endocrine system at the moment, and just inherent bitchiness...I've never been so happy to wake up as I did this morning to realize I was me again. I can manage this - even if mother nature is in the driver's seat at the moment as long as I'm alert enough to ride shotgun to bitch and make smart ass comments I'll be just fine.
I like me.
I get that these medications are very helpful for many people, I do...but the ease and lack of discussion with which this low dose AD used off label for hot flashes and peri-menopause symptoms was shoved at me by two different doctors neither of whom bothered to discuss the possible side effects besides a little nausea and "if it doesn't work we'll just try something else."
My mom was more restrictive with Pez.
Effexor has been shown to be helpful in the treatment of hot flashes and menopausal symptoms. That they tell you. That in some people it can turn you into a quivering emotional mess with a migraine, loss of vision in one eye, vomiting like it's your job, uncontrollable shaking, confusion, decreased cognitive function, scratching your skin until it leaves marks because the hives will not. stop. itching. Oh and by the way it may turn you into a completely different person - and you will hate that person. That they don't mention.
And if you follow their instructions for a week or two you're fucked - trapped into taking poison daily as you ratchet down to minimize the withdrawal symptoms which are said to be unbearable for many people...
Hey - asshole doctors...FUCKING MENTION THAT!!
But today is a good day. Sweating through my shirt, hair up, writing everything down to help my sieve of a memory, endlessly annoyed with people for no reason whatsoever ...just the right amount of bitchy to keep life interesting...and I have never been happier!
So when I was reading how much easier these meds made this special time for other women and seeing how that's so not an option for me it reminded me of that scene in 2 and a half men where Kandi was comparing Charlie and Alan in bed.
Charlie Harper: So, how big difference are we talking about ?
Kandi: It's *huge*.
Charlie Harper: Really?
Kandi: Oh yeh. With you sex is kinda like going on Space Mountain. It's a good ride, but there's never any real danger.
[Charlie looks a little puzzled]
Kandi: With Alan it's like being in the back seat of a car driven by a really smart kangaroo. He may go up on the curb a couple times, but he'll get you there.
Charlie Harper: Ok. Thanks for clearing that up.
[Kandi leaves room]
Charlie Harper: [knowing he's won] There's a two hour wait for Space Mountain.
If prescriptions help other women navigate this like Space Mountain that's awesome. But for me...I'm riding shotgun with the kangaroo....