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Buffy's Commentary

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Yesterday....suuuuucked...

HerNameIsBuffy

5,834 views

Exposition:  Monday night at about 6:00 pm I took a low dose of Effexor prescribed for hot flashes and other peri-menopause issues.  After an hour or two it knocked me on my ass...like a handful of Vicodin.  Like crashed on the couch and needed to be physically walked to the bedroom because way to out of it to be trusted walking past the stairs...

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Wake up the next morning all tingly...and not in a good way...but not necessarily bad yet.  Just like floaty.  Then I got up...

the best that can be said is that at least the new medication had a plethora of side effects so severe and ass kickingly horrific that there was no dilemma about whether or not to ride it out and see if they resolve themselves.  

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Nope, nope, nope as my brilliant friend would say.  That night I sent Mr. Buffy back to the pharmacy so they could dispose of them in whatever proper method keeps that shit out of the water.   There should have been a warning on the label...

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I hope they performed an exorcism first because I'm positive the main active ingredient was demonic essence.

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 12 hours after taking it my eyes were just getting to the point where you couldn't see my sclera both top and bottom at the same time - that's how bugged out they were all day.  I squinted just to appear normal...and then they would twitch.

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The migraine with vomiting was the most awesome part...how can you not love that? 

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Tremors were an unexpected treat...

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And pants, and shirt, and chair...

 

The hives and mild ringing in my ears...that was almost a bonus because they only lasted a couple of hours...

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Worst of all was feeling like someone else.  And whoever she was...that kind of dazed, frightened, distant entity...I don't like her.   Which no doubt would send her into the fetal position in a puddle of her own urine and tears...but that's okay - she really liked me because all she wanted was to turn back into me asap.

her..

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Me..

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So ...we've learned a couple of things.  

  1. Some medications that work perfectly well for some are a fucking acid trip from hell for others.  
    1. Spoiler

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  2. My overarching fear is not being in control of my own brain.  As bad as the physical stuff the mental confusion and lack of control was torture.
    1. Spoiler

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  3. For all my faults, issues with my runaway endocrine system at the moment, and just inherent bitchiness...I've never been so happy to wake up as I did this morning to realize I was me again.  I can manage this - even if mother nature is in the driver's seat at the moment as long as I'm alert enough to ride shotgun to bitch and make smart ass comments I'll be just fine. 
    1. Spoiler

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      I like me.

       

I get that these medications are very helpful for many people, I do...but the ease and lack of discussion with which this low dose AD used off label for hot flashes and peri-menopause symptoms was shoved at me by two different doctors neither of whom bothered to discuss the possible side effects besides a little nausea and "if it doesn't work we'll just try something else."

My mom was more restrictive with Pez.

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Effexor has been shown to be helpful in the treatment of hot flashes and menopausal symptoms.  That they tell you.  That in some people it can turn you into a quivering emotional mess with a migraine, loss of vision in one eye, vomiting like it's your job, uncontrollable shaking, confusion, decreased cognitive function, scratching your skin until it leaves marks because the hives will not. stop. itching.  Oh and by the way it may turn you into a completely different person - and you will hate that person.  That they don't mention.

And if you follow their instructions for a week or two you're fucked - trapped into taking poison daily as you ratchet down to minimize the withdrawal symptoms which are said to be unbearable for many people...

Hey - asshole doctors...FUCKING MENTION THAT!!

But today is a good day.  Sweating through my shirt, hair up, writing everything down to help my sieve of a memory, endlessly annoyed with people for no reason whatsoever ...just the right amount of bitchy to keep life interesting...and I have never been happier!  

 

Spoiler

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So when I was reading how much easier these meds made this special time for other women and seeing how that's so not an option for me it reminded me of that scene in 2 and a half men where Kandi was comparing Charlie and Alan in bed.

Quote

 

Charlie Harper: So, how big difference are we talking about ?

Kandi: It's *huge*.

Charlie Harper: Really?

Kandi: Oh yeh. With you sex is kinda like going on Space Mountain. It's a good ride, but there's never any real danger.

[Charlie looks a little puzzled]

Kandi: With Alan it's like being in the back seat of a car driven by a really smart kangaroo. He may go up on the curb a couple times, but he'll get you there.

Charlie Harper: Ok. Thanks for clearing that up.

[Kandi leaves room]

Charlie Harper: [knowing he's won] There's a two hour wait for Space Mountain.

 

If prescriptions help other women navigate this like Space Mountain that's awesome.  But for me...I'm riding shotgun with the kangaroo....

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clueliss

Posted

I'm stealing the meme about ringing ears.  I have tinnitus.  (I got a wicked cold that probably turned into an infection and clogged ears and ringing.  Everything else went away.  The ringing - more like a high pitched whine - has been here for about 8 years now).  

Hives - been there done that a couple of times.

 

Glad you are back to being you.

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HerNameIsBuffy

Posted

Just now, clueliss said:

I'm stealing the meme about ringing ears.  I have tinnitus.  (I got a wicked cold that probably turned into an infection and clogged ears and ringing.  Everything else went away.  The ringing - more like a high pitched whine - has been here for about 8 years now).  

Hives - been there done that a couple of times.

 

Glad you are back to being you.

Do you get used to the ringing?  I can't imagine 8 years of that.  And I'm me for now...maybe soon I'll accept that crazy, ragey, weepy woman who shows up from time to time now is also me. 

 

 

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clueliss

Posted

Yes.  Sometimes it makes me crazy.  Sometimes it feels louder.  It's changed frequency and then reverted back.  On rare occasions it changes sides.  And goes back.  And my hearing is fine.  I just have the whine almost all the time.  The doctor compared it to a frayed cord and radio static.  I'm not actually hearing it but the brain thinks it is.  

 

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HerNameIsBuffy

Posted

13 minutes ago, clueliss said:

Yes.  Sometimes it makes me crazy.  Sometimes it feels louder.  It's changed frequency and then reverted back.  On rare occasions it changes sides.  And goes back.  And my hearing is fine.  I just have the whine almost all the time.  The doctor compared it to a frayed cord and radio static.  I'm not actually hearing it but the brain thinks it is.  

 

Wow - that sucks.  Why can't our brains just obey?  Yours hears things that aren't there, mine feels unauthorized emotions...they need to get in line and do as they're told.

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clueliss

Posted (edited)

Oh! I have unauthorized emotions.  Yesterday afternoon was dandy in that department.  I went from Rage-y which my bosses are rather used to - to tears welling up weepy over something work related.  I then retreated to my office lest the boys have to deal with the crying female report.  I think sucked it up and fixed the blasted spreadsheet causing problems.  A spreadsheet that has been messed up since its inception in 2006 only nobody who uses the thing has bothered to tell us until now (when they go egg on their faces for using data off of it for a savings project justification.  And since I consider the legitimacy of data on said report suspect I doubt my fixing this will help them at all).  editing to add - and I was not here in 2006 and did not originate the file.

Edited by clueliss

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HerNameIsBuffy

Posted

Just now, clueliss said:

Oh! I have unauthorized emotions.  Yesterday afternoon was dandy in that department.  I went from Rage-y which my bosses are rather used to - to tears welling up weepy over something work related.  I then retreated to my office lest the boys have to deal with the crying female report.  I think sucked it up and fixed the blasted spreadsheet causing problems.  A spreadsheet that has been messed up since its inception in 2006 only nobody who uses the thing has bothered to tell us until now (when they go egg on their faces for using data off of it for a savings project justification.  And since I consider the legitimacy of data on said report suspect I doubt my fixing this will help them at all).  editing to add - and I was not here in 2006 and did not originate the file.

Those are my favorites....no one says anything for years and suddenly it's a problem.

Even before this mess I've always hated the fact that being an angry cryer is so stigmatized in the work place.  You can yell, swear, slam things in anger and most of the time it's okay (as long as it's not out of control) but a couple of angry tears because you're pissed and it's the end of the world.  

It's just as reasonable a stress response...but because it's one predominately used by women it's seen a sign of weakness.  Like yelling and losing your shit isn't.  

People suck...and unfortunately that has nothing to do with our brains so we can't fix them.

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clueliss

Posted

If I had been allowed 10 minutes of coloring time before having to urgently fix the offending spreadsheet all would have been right with my world.

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HerNameIsBuffy

Posted

4 minutes ago, clueliss said:

If I had been allowed 10 minutes of coloring time before having to urgently fix the offending spreadsheet all would have been right with my world.

It's so weird what works...I don't color but lately when super stressed lately I've taken to doing logic puzzles and I can get so obsessively lost in them it's like I'm distracted from acting immediately on what's upsetting me.  

I can lose hours where I don't want to talk to anyone - but happy as anything with my puzzles and tea as long as no one needs anything from me until I'm done.

 

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AliceInFundyland

Posted

My therapist told me that I should try Cymbalta. I was like, what the hell. And I did it right before the psych rnp quit. Never ever do that

I feel like I lost the last 2 months of my life. All the basic antidepressants don't work on me. But Cymbalta is a different class of drug. Other than sulfa I have never had such a catastrophic disaster with a medication.  Holy crap. Dehydration and a public blackout on mass transit. As stated on your previous post, I so feel your pain. Not the specific of menopause-but the abrupt displacement of self due to a pill. I am weaning myself off this shit.

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MarblesMom

Posted

33 minutes ago, AliceInFundyland said:

but the abrupt displacement of self due to a pill

So right on! 

I decided life as a sad/confused/emotional panda was better than the three weeks of hell I spent on Elavil (or Evil as it got nicknamed) many years ago- no sir, not interested.

I know the drs are trying to "help" us - but when the side effects are worse than the original problem/concern/illness, one really wonders ....

Hope you find a good solution to the menopause nightmare, HNIB.  All I can do on my end is change the sheets, my clothes, and claim "I am not sweaty, I am glistening" as solace.

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EyeQueue

Posted

I'm sorry to hear about this. I had a similar experience years ago after taking Levoxyl for about a week. Nice impromptu manic episode where I was somewhere in the backseat of my personality/brain as it was hijacked by this person whom I did not know and driven around like fucking Fast and Furious on crack. Or maybe The Road Warrior.

At first, it was kind of fun, because this person was so much bolder, outgoing, energetic, etc. than the "real" me. And then....the shaking, and the anger, and the 72 hours of no sleep and the pacing and pacing and sweating and the bruises that were all up the side of my body from where I slept on my side and...nope. Just nope.

GOD nope. It ended up being horrible. Medication side effects really suck ass.

I hope you find something to help out with your symptoms. :(

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nelliebelle1197

Posted

I actually thought I was going to see a post about how empty your life is without me in it everyday. Sorely disappointed.

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violynn

Posted

Wow.  That's just...wow. @HerNameIsBuffy, other than death,  I've never heard of a reaction quite that bad to one dose of a medication.  My gosh, I'm still stunned.  I take Lexapro for depression, and it has worked well for that, and is mentioned as another off-script for hot flashes, but if so, I don't want to ever deal with the hot flashes while *off* lexapro!  I'm sorry you went through that wretchedness.  I wouldn't wish vomiting migraines on anyone else ever.  Okay, wait...two people.  But just for 12 hours, and then stop. ;) 

21 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

My therapist told me that I should try Cymbalta. I was like, what the hell. And I did it right before the psych rnp quit. Never ever do that

I feel like I lost the last 2 months of my life. All the basic antidepressants don't work on me. But Cymbalta is a different class of drug. Other than sulfa I have never had such a catastrophic disaster with a medication.  Holy crap. Dehydration and a public blackout on mass transit. As stated on your previous post, I so feel your pain. Not the specific of menopause-but the abrupt displacement of self due to a pill. I am weaning myself off this shit.

I did have a pretty bad reaction to Cymbalta too.  Not blacking out, but sick, oh, and suicidal thoughts.  That is *weird* when you start a med for depression and you start obsessing about suicide.  Put that pill bottle far away too.

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clueliss

Posted

OOOH!  @violynn I didn't know that about Lexapro (which I also take for depression).  Wonder if that could be why on my end I'm not feeling hot flashes.  

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AliceInFundyland

Posted

17 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

I actually thought I was going to see a post about how empty your life is without me in it everyday. Sorely disappointed.

My life has become increasingly empty without you Nellie. :puppy:

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violynn

Posted (edited)

9 minutes ago, clueliss said:

OOOH!  @violynn I didn't know that about Lexapro (which I also take for depression).  Wonder if that could be why on my end I'm not feeling hot flashes.  

Looked it up yesterday after I saw HNIB's post here.  http://www.webmd.com/menopause/antidepressants-for-hot-flashes

ETA I saw elsewhere that Lexapro sometimes works, but I dunno...it hasn't helped my hot flashes at all.  Effexor supposedly does, if you can deal with the side effects.  

Edited by violynn

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caszandra

Posted

That is named Venlafaxine in the UK, that is the devils drug. Been on it once and in charge of a 3yr old solo parenting, it wasn't fun (understatement of the year). Never ever again! 

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HerNameIsBuffy

Posted

16 minutes ago, caszandra said:

That is named Venlafaxine in the UK, that is the devils drug. Been on it once and in charge of a 3yr old solo parenting, it wasn't fun (understatement of the year). Never ever again! 

That's the demon.  I'm afraid if we keep saying it's name we'll summon it.  

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HerNameIsBuffy

Posted

22 hours ago, violynn said:

Wow.  That's just...wow. @HerNameIsBuffy, other than death,  I've never heard of a reaction quite that bad to one dose of a medication.  My gosh, I'm still stunned.  I take Lexapro for depression, and it has worked well for that, and is mentioned as another off-script for hot flashes, but if so, I don't want to ever deal with the hot flashes while *off* lexapro!  I'm sorry you went through that wretchedness.  I wouldn't wish vomiting migraines on anyone else ever.  Okay, wait...two people.  But just for 12 hours, and then stop. ;) 

I did have a pretty bad reaction to Cymbalta too.  Not blacking out, but sick, oh, and suicidal thoughts.  That is *weird* when you start a med for depression and you start obsessing about suicide.  Put that pill bottle far away too.

To the bolded - certainly glad it stopped short of death.  I really debated going to ER, but glad I waited it out.

Do you remember that old cold medicine from the 80's called Contact?  Just OTC cold medicine and I took one (half the recommended dose) back then and by the time I got to ER (I was so agitated and confused mom took me in asap) my heart rate was 176, full blown migraine, and some form of temporary aphasia where I didn't understand some common words I remember swollen.  My mom was so mad the nurse was saying that some people just don't know that word and my mom was insistent I was in college with an excellent vocabulary and my not understanding that word was a huge deal.  

My mom won, because apparently when telling the doctor how I was feeling I said I was scared because I wasn't cogent.  Apparently if you can use that correctly in a sentence but are befuddled by shoelace (another one of the words that may as well have been another language) it's a red flag.  

And my mom said that as we passed 7-11 I asked what kind of store that was...and trying to read signs nothing looked like English to me.  I didn't recognize any written words (couldn't pick out my name in a list) in addition to not understanding a lot of basic words verbally.

They gave me something to counteract the effects and I went home later that day.  Along with a shot of Demoral for the migraine.  

I just looked it up and that aphasia thing isn't even listed as a side effect...and the other stuff shouldn't happen unless under high doses and that was my first and only time taking it.  (And it was the only thing I'd taken - I wasn't on other meds and nothing recreational in my system.)

They did check me for a stroke which was negative - and the side effects went away pretty quickly after they started the IV.....filled with magic-word-and-normal-heart-rate-juice?  I'm pretty sure that's what it was called. :) 

Anything that says "cold and flu" I stay away from because have tried some others back in the day and never had that severe a reaction but always make me really agitated and jittery - not sleeping for 24 hours, etc.  

I can, however, take plain Benedril as long as I don't need to drive for at least 18 hours.  Knocks me out, but can't take it to sleep on a work night because even if i took it at 6:00 pm no way would I be alert enough to drive until at least noon.

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