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All Shall Know the Wonder

A blog by purple_summer in General

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purple_summer

Entry posted by purple_summer

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If you've been in the chat room (which you should because we're awesome) at all this week you have probably either heard this story or heard a reference to this story. I'm posting it here after receiving numerous requests to do so.

 

Last week was a friend's bachelorette outing. Naturally we ended up at a sex shop. This is a really nice place with wonderful staff and quite the range of toys. We spend some time perusing the usual "bachelorette" items- sparkly vibrators, skanky lingerie, penis ring toss. Fairly tame stuff. Friend indicates that she really wants to buy a dildo. No big deal, we're all adults here and sometimes a girl has needs. After looking through several racks of products she still hasn't quite found something that fits her desired....dimensions. 

Roughly an hour later we walk out of the store and she is the proud owner of a 10 inch long 2-3ish inch thick dildo. She originally chose one that was approximately the size of a small newborn before the kind shop owner explained that it might not be quite what she wants... We go about the rest of our evening and I head home after dinner.

As soon as I walk through the door I receive a text message simply stating "well I might have to go to the ER. Not enough lube." My friend was so excited about her new toy that she forgot to take the proper precautions. Good news is that she's fine, just some minor bruising and a hit to her pride.

Moral of the story? Don't go long and wide at the same time.

 

 

For those of you who have missed it, here is the link to the full twitter story that is currently going viral- http://imgur.com/a/WDwyW

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Destiny

Destiny 63,067

Posted

she still hasn't quite found something that fits her desired....dimensions. 

Dead. OMFG LOL!

Also, you forgot the part about having to promise to burn the house down so the dildo that was still stuck to the table wasn't found!

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MarblesMom

MarblesMom 48,061

Posted

The best part of the story is that you didn't have to burn her house down to remove evidence.  And the take away is LUBE FOR LIFE, people.

GREAT post.  Now you are hooked and must post more MWAH MWAH MWAH.

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HerNameIsBuffy

HerNameIsBuffy 166,951

Posted

This was a much needed cautionary tale and we've all learned something from the PSA.  And at some point I hope to stop laughing because this was too funny.  :)

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laPapessaGiovanna

laPapessaGiovanna 26,585

Posted

Thanks for the laugh! I needed it.

For time zone problems I never find people in the chat, so keep posting that I want to know what I am missing. Lol..

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  • Posts

    • CaptainFunderpants

      CaptainFunderpants 4,628

      Posted

      Bontragers/Bowers/Helferichs 13: In the Middle of Jesus’ First Relationship
      8 hours ago, HereticHick said:

      Looks like the nearest hospital to Mountain Grove MO is Texas County Hospital in Houston, MO,  about 30 min. away.

      Meanwhile, I wonder how Liz Bontrager feels about 20-year Christian Bowers. He is a bit of a snacc, as they say.  https://www.instagram.com/christianjetbowers/

      image.png.3e0bd5f6fb7960c066ccf6136b57aa8a.png

      So now we have track Brad Pitt in Nick Symmonds and fundie Brad Pitt in Christian Bowers.

      All three succeed in both being attractive AND really off-putting.

      Liz had a thing with Carver a few years ago (to the point that Carver was pictured sitting next to Marlin at several meals, Liz and Carver always had to have a sibling between them in photos, and Carver openly posted creeper pics of Liz on instagram), and IIRC it lasted months. No idea how that would add to the dynamic of her and Christian. It probably wouldn't matter.

      The other factor is it appears Marlin and Becky want their daughters to get married on the later side, which is why Carver and Liz likely didn't go anywhere... Liz is still only 21, while Chelsy and Allison were both on the later side of 26, which is another factor.

    • hoipolloi

      hoipolloi 37,936

      Posted

      Theobros, Patriarchs, Dominionists, Christofascists et al.

      Almost nothing better than assholes getting in a fight with each other.

      • Upvote 1
    • hoipolloi

      hoipolloi 37,936

      Posted

      M is for Mama 17
      1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

      But over privileged Braggie just let’s everyone know that she can do it all!

      And of course the unspoken part is: "If you can't do it all like me, YouRʻe dOiNg iT wRonG."

    • Coconut Flan

      Coconut Flan 61,987

      Posted

      Dillards 95: Next?

      Michelle actually had MDs for all or nearly all pregnancies and all but maybe 2 of Michelle’s were delivered in a hospital.

      • Upvote 1
    • JermajestyDuggar

      JermajestyDuggar 441,734

      Posted

      M is for Mama 17

      Wouldn’t it be nice if she actually told her readers how this works in her house. I’m sure the people asking her have large families and very small budgets and time. But over privileged Braggie just let’s everyone know that she can do it all! She’s just that fantastic. But won’t let the world know that her older kids are probably acting as chauffeurs along with her own mother. The servant of princess Braggie. If everyone knew exactly how much help she has and how much money she spends all the time, she wouldn’t be relatable and would lose a lot of her humpers. 

      7524864B-7C71-445B-9D8F-412912B2C83F.jpeg

      • I Agree 2


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