You’re Not Looking Well, Dear

In this week’s episode, we get Cruella’s backstory, there is woefully little Hook, and Emma seems to be coming down with something.

Cruella-rella: Little Cruella—looking like one of those horror-movie children—runs through the woods chased by a Dalmatian and her unpleasant mother. Back home, mommy dearest locks baby Cru in the highest room of the tallest tower.

In present-day Storybrooke, Cru runs into Mal (almost literally). Mal is understandably upset that Cru hasn’t mentioned that she knows the fate of Mal’s daughter. In my Favorite Line of the Week, Cru replies “There’s an explanation of course. I’m a really terrible person and I left her in the woods to die.†Way to own your evil, Cru! We learn that Ur and Cru managed to stay young lo these many decades by using Mal’s egg—minus the baby—as some sort of youth elixir. Mal dragonizes to kill Cru. Rookie mistake Mal! You should know better! Now you’re an animal and Cru can control you.

About the Author: In Mary Margaret’s (MM’s) apartment, Emma looks wan and impatiently interrogates her parents about the author. Regina enters, recounts the Robin/Wicked Marion saga from last episode, and announces her plan to go to New York to save her beloved. (Gag.) Then Regina visits Belle and asks for help in dealing with Gold so she can get to NYC.

In Gold’s cabin, Gold agrees with my sentiment from last week!!! The author talks too much!! And now we learn Gold’s plan. The author’s quill needs ink. Gold can get said ink by turning the Savior dark. Wait, what? I’m just gonna go with it and hope it becomes clear as the episode continues. Suddenly, Gold is called away….

…to meet Belle by the wishing well. They have a curiously poignant reunion wherein Gold yanks his own heart out of his own chest to show Belle how black it is. He explains how soon he will lose the ability to love. (When has he ever had the ability to love?) But it’s all a trick! Regina has Belle’s heart and is controlling her. Regina tells Gold she’s going to New York and Gold better not warn Zelena or she will kill Belle via heart-squish.

In Gold’s cabin, the author is engrossed in The Great Gatsby when he is interrupted by an angry Cru. They fight but don’t seem to resolve anything. Huffy Cru exits.

All That Jazz: Oh, now I see why the author was reading Fitzgerald. We flashback to Cru in fictional London and she’s a flapper y’all!! And the radio is playing the Cruella De Vil song!

The author visits Cru’s mom as a newspaper reporter who wants to write a story about her animal training business. He asks personal questions about her three husbands. The mom gets offended. The mom asks if the author has ever been in love and then he gets offended. Let’s end this business meeting now, guys, before someone gets hurt, mmmmkay? As the author leaves the house, Cru calls to him from her tower prison.

In Storybrooke present, Cru—who’s only been in town a few days—already knows that Henry is largely unsupervised by his magic-absorbed moms. She easily kidnaps him using Pongo as bait.

In fictional London, Cru gets her first taste of gin at a speakeasy with the author. She has also managed to change clothes even though she was rescued in the dead of night from her attic room. Cru tells the author her mother has killed her three husbands. And, because it’s the totally appropriate thing to do after such news has been revealed, the two dance.

Hijacking Henry: In Storybrooke present, Emma arrives while Regina packs the car for her NYC journey. Emma continues to look pale. Perhaps because she doesn’t feel well, she thinks it’s a good idea to hand Regina a gun to take with her. It’s a land without magic, Emma! Even Evil Queens can be arrested without a carry permit.

Cru texts both these moms of the year to tell them that she’s kidnapped their “dreadful son†and, if they don’t kill the author, Henry’s toast.

At the cabin, Gold is royally pissed off (What else is new?) because he’s somehow found out that Cru and the author have been lying by omission about knowing each other. He wants to know why Cru wants the author dead.

Back at the 1920s gin joint, the author explains his magical ability to change people’s lives by writing their stories. He “writes†some jewelry for Cru, which goes a long way toward winning her over. He “writes†her a magical power over animals, which makes her practically orgasmic.

In MM’s apartment, David uses all his big-boy sleuthing skills to determine where Cru is hiding with Henry. Emma is still cranky and gives her parents an assignment that will keep them away from her as she, Hook and Regina head out to rescue Henry.

On the hunt for Henry, in what has to be the biggest bit of irony so far this season, Regina tells Emma, “You’re acting like a petulant child. Your parents did a bad thing. Get over it!†Where’s Regina’s mirror when we need it? By her snarky response, I can see that Emma agrees with me. Regina apparently won’t share her umbrella and Emma’s princessy hair is matted from the rain, so it’s no wonder she’s a bit crabby. She’s also got circles under her eyes. After you save Henry, honey, why don’t you get some rest?

Cruella waits with Henry in the woods delivering my Second Favorite Line of the Episode while playing a game on her phone. “Blasted birds, I’ll show you what angry looks like.†Hee! Henry—with wisdom beyond his years and full comprehension of the competence level of his family—engineers his own escape.

Silence of the Dogs: In fictional London past, the author gets a stupid, love-struck grin on his face when there’s a knock on his hotel room door. But it’s not his lady love Cruella, it’s her unpleasant mother who tells him that she didn’t kill her husbands, Cruella did. Cruella is a psychopath. The author doesn’t want to believe her. Then he sees that Cru has stolen his quill. Back at her house, Cru kills her mother using her own dogs against her.

In present day Storybrooke woods, Gold throws Regina and Hook off Henry’s trail by positioning voice projecting seashells throughout the forest. (Just go with it.)

In fictional London past, the author walks in on Cru feverishly sewing clothing from Dalmatian skins and waxing poetic about her mother’s gruesome death. The author grabs his quill back and in the ensuing struggle, the ink spills on Cruella creating her signature salt-and-pepper look. (Just go with it.) The author writes a sentence and Cruella tries to kill him but can’t.

MM and David enter Gold’s cabin to have a word with the author. He tells them that, while he’s managed to arrange it that Cruella can never kill anyone again, the end of the story has the Savior going dark. Cru can’t hurt Henry, but Emma doesn’t know this. The Charmings race out the door to stop Emma from killing Cru.

Meanwhile in the woods, Gold’s voice-throwing tactic has ensured that Emma will be the one to find Henry and kill Cru. (And we get an unsettling shot of Cru’s mangled body after Emma throws her off a cliff.)

I know we’re supposed to think this is Emma’s first step toward evil, but if she thought her son was in mortal danger, I think she’s in the right to use all necessary force on Cruella. I am sorry to see Cru go. I will miss her scathing put downs. Also, I think we can assume that Emma’s sickly look is part of the process of her going dark, although I don’t recall Regina ever looking less than fabulous as Gold taught her black magic. And did Belle allow Regina to take her heart in order to screw with Gold? What is this nonsense about Emma’s going dark as a means of getting more ink? And why wasn’t there more of Hook in this episode? Let’s talk about it in the forum: http://www.freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=13046&sid=5995a793dea6f45ea6924f13269bf2dd&start=80