Well, with a title like that you just know this is going to be weird and satirical and probably navel-gazing. I'm mostly here to see Hannah's precious work get torn to bits by her fellow students. Who's in?

Previously on: Jessa makes fun of Hannah's insecurities, Adam and Hannah can't communicate, Shoshana has a new post-grad life (and it's not going well), Nicky Nichols takes away Jessa's boss, Marnie fails at music, Jessa is mad at Hannah for leaving.

We get cornfields (oh, that is so unexpected) and a pretty college campus. Hannah is astonished at the comparatively low local rents, though she immediately upgrades to something way better. She happily bikes around the campus, which is a bit tough since she barely knows how to bike. She immediately befriends a dead ringer for Kimbra, who convinces her not to lock up her bike. Hannah gives Marnie a nauseatingly dull tour of her apartment. She raves about how much the Iowa life suits her. Marnie is, of course, excessively negative. And utterly defensive about her affair with Desi.

Hannah gets into an argument with a local cashier about her Amex, which is acting up. Why the hell does she only have one card? Is debit not a thing in the Midwest? Also, she's a little disenchanted with the lack of cell reception. At night, her apartment seems big and empty. At least until a bird gets caught in there. That's right, we get several minutes of Hannah running around chasing after a bird. It's actually quite entertaining. She winds up sleeping in the bathroom, which is about the size of your average NY apartment, so...

In one of her classes, a student reads a particularly dramatic piece, which is well-received. Of course, Hannah fucks it up by throwing in some awkward comments, then immediately cutting to her piece without being invited. She also claims they will be triggered by it, which is a hell of a thing to suggest when your skills are still quite iffy. The prof and other students look pretty unimpressed. ARGH HANNAH WHY ARE YOU SO DENSE MOST OF THE TIME ARGH.

Predictably, everyone tears her to pieces, comparing it to "50 Shades". When the prof asks for positive feedback, they can't come up with anything. They even question whether she belongs in the workshop, as it is about fiction and the character is simply a renamed Hannah. The student who was reading before defends her, but then another guy accuses her of being a misandrist. Hannah tries to defend her piece, which is completely forbidden during discussion. Granted, they're all as pretentious as she is, which makes this scene quite amusing. The guy who spoke up for her, D. August, invites her to join the group for a post-workshop drink, and when she acts embarrassed, he tells her to "suck it up" and deal with these critiques - because this one certainly won't be her last. Oh, and incidentally, despite Iowa's supposed safety, Hannah's bike has long since been stolen.

While at the bar, Hannah endears herself to no one by incessantly whining about her treatment in class. She asks Logan, one of her main critics, why she is perceived as insensitive to survivors of abuse. Incorrectly, she decides that Logan must be an abuse survivor. She goes on and on about the power of her work while Logan guffaws. (Marin Ireland, Logan's actress, looks so much like Meryl Streep that I was sure they must be related, but I was mistaken - you may recognize her as Aileen Morgan from Homeland, however, and she also played Streep's daughter in Hope Springs.) Hannah babbles about the Information Age.

She later calls Shosh and Jessa, who are busy watching Scandal over in New York and don't feel like accepting the collect charges. For this transgression, Hannah blithely refers to them as "motherfucking cunts". She instead places a sulky call to her parents. Occupied with their Scrabble game, they make perfunctory inquiries about her classes and new friends, just like when she started kindergarten, I assume. (Oh, who am I kidding, Hannah was born twenty-something and grumpy.) Hannah asks her mother if it's normal to think about suicide, which Mrs Horvath treats despicably lightly. Remember guys - if you're not a sociopathic narcissist, you don't belong on this show. And Scrabble takes precedence over your only child.

Hannah is disturbed to find her door open, so she yells threats at the intruder while carefully looking around corners. Elijah is taking a shower in her bathroom, because of course he is. He's fed up with New York and wants to grift off Hannah's goodwill some more. They speak rapturously of their great friendship and Elijah offers to take her to enjoy the Iowa nightlife. However, Hannah needs to work on her story, so they settle on discussing Elijah's pubic hair instead, and I did not make up a word of the past paragraph.

Eventually he does lure her out, and they take the good old college club by storm. Elijah attracts the attention of every guy in the place, including the ones who claim they're not gay. They move to a house party. Hannah winds up comforting a crying girl whose boyfriend is cheating on her. She's not very good at it, needless to say. She tells her that long-distance relationships never work and it's time to "suck it up". Then she wrestles with another girl in a kiddie pool filled with blue paint, just for the lulz. She and Elijah wake up on a strange floor the next morning and head for home, Hannah voicing her doubts about grad school all the way. The end.

Okay, the riffing on MA programs was hilarious, as was Elijah's sudden appearance in Hannah's new life. It seems like she just can't leave her old life behind, as much as she pretends that she'd like to. Though I think this grad school plot will be short-lived, it's really a nice detour from the usual. On the other hand, the other characters do need to return soon in some capacity. For now, though, enjoy the pretentious workshop critiques - triggers and all.

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