Lean In, Ladies, Lean In!

This week, we begin in Arendelle past , where it's  a gorgeous day. Ingrid, Helga, and Gerda (who will grow up to be Elsa and Ana’s aunts and mother) are little kids flying a kite. The kite breaks and the girls fight over who would look prettiest in the yellow ribbon that’s attached to it. The eldest, Ingrid, wins because she’s going to be queen and the other two better get used to losing out to her. A man steps out of the bushes but this doesn’t scare our girls. (Does ABSOLUTELY NO ONE in the fairy tale realms have a sense of self-preservation?) He tries to kidnap them. It’s three against one and he can only hold one at a time, so I’m not sure he thought this plan through.

It doesn’t matter, though, because Ingrid’s up-‘til-now dormant ice powers kick in. She zaps a tree branch which lands on the kidnapper killing him, but not before he calls Ingrid a monster. Helga says he’s the monster and I agree. But Ingrid is apparently very insecure. The other two girls try to boost her self-esteem. They share the ribbon, and there’s a temporary happy ending. Hopefully the King and Queen will appoint some royal bodyguards so this kind of thing doesn’t happen again.

In Storybrooke present, Ingrid walks to the top of the clock tower. And I’m having flashbacks of Cora throwing Snow’s maid (Downton Abbey’s Mrs. Patmore) from that window. Luckily she’s not there to toss anybody over the side. She just wants to set up her magic ice mirror of doom.

Back in the Mills mausoleum, Regina continues to do research into defrosting Marion. I’ve never seen her have so much trouble finding a spell. This Snow Queen must be one powerful beeyotch. Uggggh. Here comes freakin’ Robin Hood to ruin my day and Regina’s. (Dear Writers, Robin and Marion used to be two of my favorite characters in literature. You have ruined that. Now, this simpering dolt will forever come to my mind when I think of Robin Hood. Not cool.) Robin babbles on about his love for Regina and his confusion over Marion. Regina tells him to stop being so selfish. Then she storms out looking fabulous in that red sheath. Yay, Regina, you go girl.

At the Storybrooke jail, Elsa’s makeup is still too harsh. (Many other people, noticed this last week. It hasn’t improved.) Elsa commiserates with Emma about being the only one in the family with magic. But Emma doesn’t want to commiserate. She doesn’t think her family treats her differently because of her magic. At least she didn’t before Elsa put it into her head. So, thanks, Elsa. Nice job.

Elsewhere in Storybrooke, Cinderella leads a baby activity class. It’s like an ordinary baby class, except in this case all the mommies are princesses. (And one kid is wearing a Mickey Mouse costume because even babies need to be reminded who the parent company is.) When Emma arrives, Cinderella calls the class a “support group for first-time mothers.†And Emma, who’s just listened to Elsa trash talk her family, takes umbrage at this. Mary Margaret (MM) tells her not to be ridiculous. Emma gets smart alecky and makes a comment about being put through a magical wardrobe. I think MM wishes she could ground her daughter. Emma tries to downplay how hurt and angry she is at not having a mother raise her, but she can’t because her magic causes the milk in Neal’s bottle to boil. MM hesitates to give her baby to Emma. MM’s right, but this is not good for Emma’s state of mind.

Thankfully, Emma’s phone rings to take her mind off being insulted by her own mother. It’s Dad Charming! In the most successful piece of town police work since the founding of Storybrooke, he’s found the Snow Queen! Emma takes off to meet him and captures Ingrid using her newfound powers. But as we’ve learned, nothing happens to the Snow Queen that she doesn’t want to happen.

In Arendelle past (but not as much in the past as the first scene), the three sisters get ready for their father’s birthday ball. Well, two of them do. Ingrid chooses to mope about her powers. She’s not going because of her “affliction.†Whatever Ingrid. Go. Don’t go. I’m tired of your whining. Everyone would get used to you if you would just give them a chance. Also, I’m not sure how old these three are supposed to be, but it seems like they’re supposed to be in the bloom of youth, just coming of marriageable age. Yeah, no. These actresses are all beautiful, yes, but I googled them. They’re both in their 30s. Maybe they were trying to match age-wise with Ingrid, who looks way too old to be so insecure, but it just took me out of the scene.

At the ball, Helga takes her suitor to meet her father. My daughter tells me it’s the Weaselton guy from the movie, only younger ‘cause this is the past y’all! At this point he’s not jerky like in the movie, just nerdy. Ingrid watches the ball from the sidelines. Wrong fairytale, Ingrid. You’re not Cinderella! (She’s leading mommy and me groups these days.) You’re the queen-to-be! Get a hold of yourself and make an appearance for your subjects.

In the present, at the Storybrooke jail, it seems Ingrid has developed more confidence over the years. She stands up to Emma’s questioning very well. Elsa does not. She freaks out about Ana She’s ruining Emma’s interrogation so Emma sends her to help Hook and David with the magic ice mirror of doom.

At the mayor’s manse, Regina looks through the story book. Henry enters all decked out to go to his job at Gold’s oddities shop. Henry notes that Regina is reading the book with her “scary face on†and wants to know what the problem is this time. She explains that she and Robin broke up and I want to scream at her for involving her son once again in her romantic affairs. But she can turn on a dime, this one. Now, she goes all hopey changey and declares she will find her true love, her happy ending, and the author of the book (using her son, of course to search Gold’ shop for the answer).

Back at the interrogation, Emma thinks she knows what she’s doing. But she never questioned a Snow Queen before. Ingrid says she and Elsa are Emma’s only real family, because they’ve all got the magic gene. Like Elsa, she tells Emma that her family members are afraid of her. And Emma looks like she’s remembering MM’s look of horror at the bubbling milk bottle.

In Arendelle past, Ingrid is packing. She’s abdicating to Helga. Gerda says she knows someone who can help control Ingrid’s powers—Rumpelstilstskin. Boy, when you’re an evil sorcerer, word really gets around.

In present-day Storybrooke, David, Elsa, and Hook stare at themselves in the magic ice mirror of doom. Nothing’s happening except for Hook being quite pleased with his reflection, until Belle has a screaming fit and warns them to get away from the mirror. Then she realizes this can’t be the same mirror that featured crazy-eyed mirror Belle. And now, finally, our heroes understand---It’s a setup!! There ya go, people. You’re a little slow on the uptake, but you get it eventually. They head for the jail to find the door iced shut.

At Granny’s, in this week’s ironic interlude, Robin plays darts badly. Sure, he’s usually a great marksman, but this whole Regina/frozen Marion love triangle has upset him. Will Scarlet comes in, sees Robin, and attempts to leave. Robin attempts to hit Will with a dart. Good thing his aim is off. Robin and his not-so-merry man have it out. Will apologizes for nearly getting the gang killed back in Sherwood Forest because of a woman. Robin responds by telling Will—again—the story of how he and Marion met cute and how Marion is responsible for Robin’s nobility (such as it is). Will says Marion told him that anyone who’s lucky enough to find true love should fight for it every day.

And I am naïve because at first I think Robin is thinking of fighting for Marion. But wait! Something in his eyes tells me a light bulb’s gone off in his (thick) head about REGINA!! Once again, Robin reveals his lack of a sensitivity chip.

In Gold’s shop, Henry is bored sweeping with an unenchanted broom, so Gold gets him started with dusting. See? Never whine to your elders about being bored, Henry.

And here comes the bumbling hero brigade asking for Gold’s help de-icing the sheriff’s office. He says he’ll help and David and Belle inexplicably leave without him or Hook. Hook hangs back to confront Gold about his endgame with Ingrid. Gold tells Hook to mind his own beeswax.

But we viewers don’t have to mind our own business. We see into the flashback of the three sisters asking sparkly-faced Rumple for help controlling Ingrid’s powers. He gives them gloves for magic control, and an urn for an escape hatch. But in return, Rumple wants the yellow ribbons because sisterly love = strong magic. The girls don’t want to give up the ribbons, but Ingrid talks them into it. (And those ribbons must be magic. They’re not frayed, or stained or anything after having been worn for years.)

Back at the Storybrooke jail, Ingrid plays on Emma’s desperation for a family and says the Charmings could have kept her as a baby. Instead they put her in a tree to break a curse and have used her over and over to save their sorry asses. Ingrid makes a solid point. Then she goes for jugular by pointing out that the Charmings have had themselves a new baby to replace her. This does NOT sit well with Emma who gets so infuriated that she magically knocks down the wall. This show of strength makes Ingrid gleeful as she disappears in a swirl of snowy magic.

Emma walks outside through the big hole in the wall she created. The hero brigade, plus Henry and Gold, approach, but Emma screams at them to keep their distance. It looks like the two ice queens have won; Emma now considers herself a monster. Emma starts to storm off and Hook tries to grab her. Having only one hand, he’s not very successful. She spins around flailing and her uncontrolled magic inadvertently takes down a lamppost which is headed right for Hook.

And, aaaaaaw, David actually acts like a real hero and pushes Hook out of the way while taking the brunt of the impact on himself. I loooooove the bromance between these two. MM, who’s scared because her true love was almost a goner, reproaches Emma in that motherly tone you get when you’re mom does NOT approve. Emma runs away. Hook again tries to grab her and misses again (because, you know, one hand). The Snow Queen eavesdrops happily on all this.

In Arendelle past, Ingrid’s wearing her sparkly dress while sitting in a gazebo. Arendelle really is a pretty place. Duke Weaselton approaches and gets all rapey with Ingrid, who zaps him. He’s frightened and outraged by Ingrid’s sorcery. She’s frightened as well and begs him not to tell anyone. Oh Ingrid, it’s your gift! Own it sister! But of course, she won’t. When Helga happens by, Weaselton denies any wrongdoing, but Helga takes her sister’s side.

When Weaselton calls Ingrid a monster, she tries to ice him, but Helga steps in the way and gets herself iced. And it’s a slippery slope from Helga freezing over to Helga breaking into hundreds of ice cubes. It takes only seconds. It took Marion much longer to freeze over. Why is that?

In Storybrooke present, Regina’s back at the mausoleum reading the story book. Robin enters to tell her that he’s given up being noble and true and good. Because he’s horny. He kisses her and she kisses him back. And everyone seems to have forgotten about poor, popsicle Marion.

At the Charming apartment, MM, David, Hook, and Elsa have still not found Emma. Elsa says “Not to make this all about me, but this is just like what happened to me….†The Charmings beat themselves up over it. MM points out that they don’t need the Snow Queen’s mirror to fight amongst themselves. They’ve managed that all on their own. And I pat myself on the back because that’s exactly what I said last week.

In the woods, Emma sits in her car on a bluff overlooking the city. I didn’t know there was a bluff overlooking the city. I thought there was an ice wall around the city. I’m confused, but in the spirit of things, I’ll “let it go.â€

In Arendelle past, Gerda walks by the gazebo and sees the ice cubes that used to be her sister. She puts two and two together, is horrified by Ingrid, and traps her sister in the urn. I thought when Rumple gave Ingrid the urn she had the power to control it? I thought she could let herself in and out? Guess not.

Gerda goes to the grandpappy rock troll to get him to erase the memories of everyone in Arendelle. Even her parents? Because, yeah, that won’t backfire or anything.

In Storybrooke present, Ingrid visits Gold in his shop. Gold is impressed with Ingrid’s ability to get into Emma’s head. She pays no attention to the compliment. She just wants her ribbons back. Gold, of course, wants something in return. In exchange for the ribbons, Ingrid will tell Gold what he needs to free himself from the dagger. She says Gold can take over the world as long as he leaves Storybrooke to her and Elsa and Emma.

She whispers the secret to world domination in Gold’s ear and I note that he has more sexual chemistry with all the villains than he does with his dimwitted wife.

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