They Shoulda Brought A Blowtorch

We open on Elsa shoplifting her sister’s necklace from Gold’s then walking down the street in her fancy Frozen gown. Everyone else is dressed normally, but the citizens of Storybrooke don’t seem to notice. They also don’t notice when Elsa vows that no one’s going to leave town until she finds Ana, but that’s probably because Elsa is not very good at being sinister. She just looks adorably pouty.

In the Enchanted Forest past, Ana arrives at the peasant Charming farm. Charming wears a very bad wig and we find out that he has been friends with Kristoff for a long time. Ana lies to Charming, telling him her name is Joan. (Get it? From that scene in Frozen?)

Then, here comes a fancy carriage. It’s THUG BO PEEP! She’s come to shake down the peasant Charmings. I don’t know why, but somehow I just love her. It might be the accent or the flouncy gown or how scared Charming is of her, but she is a laugh and a half.

In present-day Storybrooke, Henry makes a care package for Regina but she cuts him off by way of a raven at the window bearing a “leave me alone†message. I like how it’s Snow who has the bird land on her arm, ‘cause that’s her thing, ya know? Henry mopes about his evil mom not wanting to see him because she’s moping about her boyfriend of three days going back to his ex-dead wife.

And that’s when the lights go out. Charming and Emma head out to investigate and come upon the ice wall.

Back at Snow’s apartment, Granny, Grumpy, and Happy come to complain about the blackout and basically tell Snow “Your curse, your problem. Fix it.â€

At the ice wall, Hook meets Charming and Emma and they discuss the wall, who might have done it, and why. I like Hook’s delivery when he says whoever it is wants to “…kill us all one by one. That’s what I’d do.†Very jaunty. Hook flirts shamelessly with Emma who doesn’t care. Charming wants to know Hook’s intentions with his daughter. Emma is the only one who seems to be dealing with the whole wall-of-ice situation. She goes behind the ice wall and introduces herself to Elsa.

In the Enchanted Forest past, Bo Peep continues her thugishness, demanding payment or she will make the peasant Charmings her slaves with her shepherd’s hook of death. After Bo Peep leaves, Ana pep talks to peasant Charming about fighting injustice and overall not being a pussy. She offers to teach him how to sword fight.

Back at the ice wall, Charming and Hook screw everything up by charging after Emma, frightening the skittish Elsa and causing her to seal herself and Emma inside the ice.

Up until this point, I’ve thought these actors have been really good. They’ve made me believe that they are freaking fairy tale characters! But in this case, it looks like Josh Dallas and Colin O’Donoghue just couldn’t get on board with the story line. It’s like, “We’ve already pretended to talk to fairies, climb beanstalks, and slay dragons. But the ice wall is just too much.†I mean Hook claws at that wall and makes pronouncements about not giving up. As my teen daughter would say laaaaaaame!

Back in Enchanted Forest past, I find it hard to believe that Ana can teach peasant Charming the necessary sword skills in one day. Peasant Charming agrees with me. But Ana pretty much calls him a pussy again. So Peasant Charming feels the need to bring up a sob story about his alcoholic father. (I’m thinking the dad became an alcoholic because he couldn’t get over the guilt of giving away peasant Charming’s twin, but who knows?)

Next comes my favorite part: Snow, Granny, Grumpy, and Happy are at the Storybrooke power plant. Granny complains about her “iffy clams,†the others join in complaining and postpartum Snow loses it. The best line: “I’m starting to get why Regina was evil! It wasn’t her, it was you! You have survived your entire lives without light bulbs. Buy a flashlight!†Go Snow! You don’t mess with a nursing mother.

Inside the ice wall, Emma is, of course, cold as she gets to know Elsa and her story and guesses that Elsa can’t control her power. When Elsa finds out Emma has magic that she can’t control either, they share a bond and an impromptu therapy session. But meanwhile, Emma’s going to freeze to death.

Meanwhile Charming and Hook go to Gold’s for help. They tell the newlyweds about Elsa and Ana and the necklace at which point Belle pulls out an index card with a photo of said necklace. It seemed too convenient to me the first time I saw this that the picture should be right there. But now I’m thinking maybe they knew the shop had been burglarized and were going over inventory of what was missing? I don’t know. I’m grasping at straws here. Charming looks at the photo and remembers “Joan,†because you don’t forget a girl who calls you a pussy.

Charming sets off for the butcher’s store cleverly called The Chop Shop, where Storybrooke Bo Peep is hacking away at some meat. She threatens him with her knife by quoting Al Pacino “Say hello……†but never gets to finish her thought about her little friend because Hook grabs her from behind. They steal the crook just in time to get a walkie talkie transmission from Elsa. Oooooh noooos! Emma’s freezing to death!

In the Enchanted Forest past, apparently thug Bo Peep brings her own gazebo with her when she’s extorting money. She poses prettily beneath it while demanding her pay. Instead of paying, peasant Charming starts a sword fight which he wins even though it is totally unrealistic that he would have mad sword skillz after only one day of practice. But whatevs. We move on. Peasant Charming finds Ana and he blabs on about not being trapped in a life he doesn’t want. Ana seems to be the Tony Robbins of the Enchanted Forest.

In Storybooke, Hook and Charming bring the shepherd’s crook to the ice wall. They walkie talkie Elsa who says Emma’s freezing. Oh, for god’s sake! Hook is hooking the ice again. Charming tells him to knock it off and gives Elsa Ana’s motivational speech. Lo and behold Elsa finds it within herself to melt the ice.

So that crisis having been averted, Charming says he’ll help Elsa find her sister. I said it! I said last week that the Charmings would want to help and I was right!

Ahem.

Back at the Storybrooke power plant, Snow fixes the electricity by somehow relating it to nursing her son. Ok, I’ll go with it. Girl power!!! (See what I did there?)

At the Charming apartment, Emma warms up and Elsa whines about how she lost a sister…..lost her necklace…. Blah freaking blah. Charming shows her the shepherd’s crook and says that’s how they’ll find Ana.

In Enchanted Forest past, as Ana takes her leave from the peasant Charming farm she asks peasant Charming mom where to find someone to help with Elsa’s magic. Momma peasant Charming points her in the direction of Rumplestiltskin. Peasant Charming gives Ana his father’s prized steed. And Ana rides off into the sunset while Rumplestiltskin creepily watches her through a magic snow globe.

In Storybrooke present, the shepherd’s crook doesn’t seem to be working. It’s not showing our heroes where Ana is. Then they hear a heartbeat (which I don’t hear. Is there a sound effect I’m missing?) Emma says this means Ana is alive. I’m worried it might mean that she’s walking around with an empty chest cavity while her heart is in Regina’s vault.

Snow comes in looking confused about the stranger in her living room. Charming gives a speech about how they, as a family, Always. Find. Each. Other. Because they don’t like to give up. Hook, Henry, Elsa, and Emma all take from this what they will. Henry goes over to Regina’s and repeats the “not give up†thing. Regina lets him in, they hug, and all is well.

At the ice wall, Emma praises Elsa for her ice wall building skills (pours it on a little thick, I think). Elsa tries to take down the wall, but finds she can’t. We meaningfully cut to the town ice cream shop (Any Given Sundae, hee) where Grumpy’s getting a cone and we find that a character who’s going to be the Snow Queen has kept her ice cream unmelted during the blackout with magic.

Next week, (well tomorrow, it’s been hectic here, couldn’t get to it sooner) it looks like the Ice Queen freezes Marion. Even though I was mad that the writers ruined the Robin/Marion tale, I don’t like the Marion character. So I’m okay with this. To talk about this episode, go to the forums at http://www.freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=13046&start=40