I miss dancing so bad. I stopped performing with my burlesque troupe after I got married. It felt like the right thing considering hubby was less than thrilled about me taking off my clothes in front of strangers for free, and while I respect that, the transition from ballet rat 6 -14, full time theatre junkie from 14-18  (skipped 19 to have my daughter and recover!) then burlesque dancer most of the year I was 20/early 21 kinda sucks. I miss the freedom of hearing a song on the radio that speaks to me and being able to capture my own emotions in dance, baring my soul on a stage. Taking on a persona where I could be open and raw with my feelings was so healing for me.  I wasn't a stripper. let me get that straight. I never used nudity for the sake of nudity. Sometimes I didn't even take my clothes off. I did a lot of ballet/modern fusion mixed with classic bump & grind moves popularized in the 1940's and 1950's to modern music. My favorite routine I ever put together was a Pulp Fiction inspired dance to Fall Out Boy's Uma Thurman.

  Now that I'm pregnant again I have basically kissed my dance years goodbye. Tonight, however my 2 year old went down early and I couldn't help myself. I put on all my old songs, and some new ones that have inspired me and just cut loose in my living room. My baby was kicking up a storm while I was dancing but honestly I felt so free and i had a moment of clarity I've been needing for a while. It was worth it. I fully choreographed a very pointe/ ballet influenced routine to Heathens by twenty one pilots, Phantom, by Dirty Heads, and half of Clint Eastwood by the Gorillaz. I need to take this time to myself more often.