So here I am, in 2016, watching this film again. Because I saw a tumblr about something and I was like, "Yeah, I totally feel like harry in Goblet of Fire." No one is actually talking to me, I've got this huge task in front of me and everyone thinks I'm doing stuff but I'm actually not because I'm completely terrified about failing... 

Anyway, so this movie is TERRIBLE. 

I never realized how terrible it is. I love HP. I read the first two books because my mom got them for me when I was a senior in high school and a local public school was going on and on about banning them for witchcraft. I read the third book right after I graduated. I stayed up all night to read. I went to get book four, but surprise! It was sold out because it had just been released. Great timing on my part, I suppose. I've never really loved the movies, but I do I like them. Despite their inconsistency. And despite my absolute undying obsessive love of Harry Potter, I do not really like JK Rowling. She's made wonderful books that really speak to me, but I'm just not into the fangirl-ing of the author. If that bothers you, please just keep it to yourself. I have lots of reasons, I'm glad she's donating to charity, I just am still upset about some of the legal stuff that happened with a fan site. 

But beyond that, I came here to talk about the film version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. 

First off. The doctor. The BEST or possibly second best after Christopher Eccleston... no, the best doctor. 10. Is fucking creepy in this movie. He's in the first scene. And it's weird. We jump to Harry. He wakes up from a dream (the last scene) and Hermione is yelling at him and Ron. You are not their mother, Hermione. Let Molly yell at Ron. Or just don't yell at your friends when they are sleeping. You are really quite terrible at this particular moment and I do not like you. 

They teleport to the Quidditch World Cup. I'm irritated that they kept this in the movie but skipped the house elf politics. OK, they take a portkey, not teleport. Which is dumb because they don't explain it to us and Arthur just snaps at Harry. Obviously anyone watching this has read the books, right? Oh, but no. I had a friend in college who was like WTF? He refused to read the books until the movies were done. He liked movies and wanted to watch them "unspoiled." I thought that was weird at the time, but he's working in Hollywood and is moderately successful so who knows. 

I tune out and play some lego indiana jones. 

There is some stuff that happens. I question wtf the foreign students are doing for a year while one person from their school competes in a tournament which is all of three tasks over the entire year. I also question the fact that the quidditch "field" is closed, AS THEY PLAY IN THE SKY. 

I come back when Hermione is yelling at the twins. She's annoying me and I don't like that. 

Harry is chosen for the tournament. Dumbledore yells at him. There are grown up politics here that aren't being explored. 

Harry is lonely. 

Hermione comes to yell at Harry because for some reason in this movie, she's on Ron's side. And he's pissed and jealous. In the books she helps Harry. In this movie, she yells at him after conveying some convoluted message from Ron. 

Dragons happen. Harry is mature about it. It's weird. 

Hermione is snotty to Ron about the dress robes. Your friend is poor, Hermione. Cut him some slack. They go to the Yule Ball. Everyone is happy. Except for Ron and Harry who are basically sitting in the corner by themselves. Don't tell me they don't love each other. Hermione is a bitch. She tells her friends to go to bed. Shes' not their mom. Why don't they tell her to STFU. And if she wanted to go with Ron (which she didn't, because, hello, Krum is way sexier than the weirdo poor ginger in her class) then why didn't she just ask him? 

They have all this magical talent and Moody has to wear a fake eye? They couldn't magic him back to having two eyes? 

How is this school OK with putting children in the water to be rescued? 

Edward dies. SO SAD. 

Moody is BAD EVIL OMG. 

VOLDEMORT IS BACK, BABY. 

I'll do a much better recap of the next one because I won't have to do it from memory.