Chapter 15: The Chocolate Room 

Mr Wonka opens the door to The Chocolate room with keys. Like actual keys. I guess the part where Mr Wonka plays a keyboard to enter is movie only. I tried to find it but the only video on youtube ends with a rude sound as a "joke." Also did you know that Mrs TeaVee is wrong when she smugly states " Rachmaninoff" as the composer?    

The kids and grownups push their way into the room and they look "upon a lovely valley" with a brown river. The chocolate room is described in great detail, but we've all seen the movies so I don't need to recap that. The important part is that there is a waterfall, which Mr Wonka claims is the ONLY way to mix chocolate properly. Everything in the room, from the grass to the bushes, is edible and pretty. 

Let me take a moment to point out that I actually live in a town that has a chocolate waterfall. And I've been meaning to go take a photo of it for ages for this blog. I even drove past it last night. Twice, once in car, and once on a bike. Well, twice on the bike. No matter. I found a picture online. 

It's gross. Seriously. I can not even begin to describe the disgust I feel when I look at this monstrosity in person.  It's supposedly "The worlds largest chocolate waterfall." It claims 3,000 pounds of chocolate. It has copper kettles and a sign that reminds you not to taste it. Probably because it's disgusting.

Back to the book. The kids all sample a blade of grass, except Augustus who takes a handful. I can not wait for this kid to get sucked up into the tunnel. He's just so one dimensional. 

Grandpa Joe mentions that he wants to get on all fours and go around eating like a cow. I don't even know what to say to that. 

Veruca flips out when she sees "a little person" (Spoiler, it's an Oompa Loompa.)

There are bunch of them and the drawing in my nice modern version is completely unoffensive. Unlike the image I just uploaded. The Oompa Loompas point and laugh at the children. Charlie says "They can't be real people" and Mr. Wonka introduces them as Oompa Loompas. 

Chapter 16: The Oompa-Loompas

Everyone repeats the phrasing "Oompa-Loompas!" Twice. Mrs. Salt (not Mrs TeaVee) claims there is no such place and she would know because she teaches Geography. 

Mr. Wonka goes on a bit about what a terrible country it is, with hornswogglers and snozzwangers and whangdoodles. Whangdoodles eat Oompa-Loomps! And the Oompa-Loompas were living on green caterpillars and those tasted awful. What Oompa-Loompas REALLY want is the cacao bean. (Guess what chocolate is made from.) So Mr Wonka goes to the 'tree-house' village that the Oompa-Loompas are living in and "pokes his head" into the door of the leader's house. Mr. Wonka offers the tribe unlimited cacao beans and chocolate. He SMUGGLES THEM into his country by packing them into large packing cases with holes in them. I remember this ending differently on The Wire. 

Anyway, so Mr. Wonka smuggles some people into his factory/country and all is well because they now are paid with chocolate, they learned english, and they love dancing and music. Also the people wear the same clothes as in the jungle (so the movie is not accurate in the least). The women wear leaves, the children are naked, and the men wear deerskins. (If they had deer in the jungle, then why are the surviving on caterpillar paste?)

Veruca interrupts Mr. Wonka by screaming about how SHE wants and Oompa-Loompa RIGHT NOW. Don't worry, Veruca. I'm sure your dad is considering finding more of them for a cheap labor source at the peanut factory. Or whatever it is he does. Mr Salt finally promises Veruca a person. He is going to give his spoiled daughter a person. Jesus, take the wheel. This is dark.  When I'm done with this, I think I'll read Peter Pan and continue ruining my childhood. (In a completely weird coincidence, I put "50 Great Musical Numbers" on my phone and "Everybody ought to have a Maid" from "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" just came on. Ugh.)

Augustus is being shouted at by his mom. He's about to fall into the chocolate river.