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Worldly Distractions: Modern Family 6.17 - Closet? You'll Love It!


crazyforkate

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blog-thanktheknife.pngclosets

This, I assume, is the Glengarry Glen Ross of the closet industry, right? At the very least, we might see Claire assume the cutthroat role you know she was born for. Spinoff, maybe?

Cam and Mitch argue about Lily's schedule, which is as overpacked as any modern child's. In fact, Cam has scheduled it so that Lily will miss her talent show - because she has no talent and will humiliate herself. Mitchell thinks she's just a seven-year-old. Cam counters with a list of his myriad childhood talents. Meanwhile, Lily does not miss a beat and asks about her talent show. Mitchell pushes her and Cam into rehearsing. He receives the biggest glare ever. The family gets into a fight, all directly on the note of C (well, Lily's a bit off key). Opening credits.

Gloria is trying to wean Joe off the binky, a thought that still strikes terror into the heart of parents everywhere. Luke, Phil and Claire arrive to go swimming. Jay and Claire will later be filming a commercial for the closet company. They're worried about the rival company's commercial. Claire has a really cool concept for theirs, but Jay just wants to remake his cheesy '80s ad, whose slogan is the title of this episode. At least we get to see Ed O'Neill dressed up like Miami Vice. Jay is under the mistaken impression that this made them local legends. Claire sees things a bit differently.

Haley, Andy, and Guy of the Week, (I think we've seen him before but I can't be bothered to identify him) go to the boardwalk for a fun afternoon. Three's a crowd, to say the least. Andy is still a younger Phil. He also has a pain in his belly, which I assume will become an appendectomy in about five minutes. Haley's guy, Chase, doesn't seem up to much in life. Meanwhile, Andy's girlfriend is probably still fake.

thanktheknife

 

While sunbathing, Gloria is bothered by a remote control plane. Phil, still crushing madly on her, decides to come to her rescue. Through a series of mishaps with a net, Phil gets pants - and I mean really pantsed - in front of Manny, Luke and Gloria. Of course, there's a priceless one-liner to finish the scene.

Cam has decided to improve Lily's act, which translates to completely taking it over. And I must say, for a music teacher he kind of sucks at music. Mitchell correctly deduces that Cam is afraid of himself being humiliated, not Lily. In particular, it involves Andrew, the snotty choir director who forced Cam out of a holiday chorus. Mitchell tells him to grow up. Disturbingly, they have this entire argument in front of Lily. That kid's going to grow up healthy for sure.

Haley complains to Gloria about her boring date. Gloria, meanwhile, has her hands full with hysterical Joe. Meanwhile, the remote control plane turns out to be a photo-drone, whose owner has subsequently uploaded the footage of Phil's pantsing to YouTube. Phil vows revenge. Gloria gets a text that Andy has the completely unexpected appendicitis attack foreshadowed about three seconds ago.

They film the commercial, which I think is somewhat similar to the experience of filming The Room. Jay can't act. Claire despairs. So does the director. The publicity people take Claire aside to tell her that Jay's idea sucks. Essentially, Claire has to fire her dad.

Cameron and Andrew have their first petty kerfuffle. It turns out he was recently married to Simon - Mitchell's nemesis. Everyone is a total asshole to each other. Casual racism is thrown around. Mitchell and Cameron decide, probably wisely, to get Lily out of the show before Satan's gay emissaries destroy her self-confidence forever.

Phil sets up an elaborate plan to destroy the drone, which inexplicably includes Luke in a bikini. Actually, he's a rather pretty girl. He winds up getting blasted by paint bombs for his efforts. They chase the drone on bikes, and wind up crashing into a truck, but somehow none of them die. Phil does wind up pantsed (and YouTubed) again, though.

Cam and Mitch continue to debate whether or not to remove Lily from the show. However, when they see her calmly waiting for the show to begin, they realize they can't break her spirit. After a huge star of a child, complete with sob story, performs, Lily decides that she can't follow that kind of act. Cam and Mitch escort her out, but not before Cam makes sure that their nemeses are leaving, too.

WTF is up with Claire's hair this episode? Anyway, she tries to break the news to her dad gently. Jay is horrified that everyone thinks he's grumpy, including his entire family. It makes him even grumpier. Haley goes to visit Andy, who is high on a bunch of meds and keeps insisting Beth is real. Haley gives him a speech about what real love is, which basically serves as a confession of feelings. Sarah Hyland kills it. It turns out he was talking about Beth Israel Hospital, where his insurance is based. Oh, yeah, and Beth comes waltzing in. She exists, aaaand there goes Haley's heart. Andy's, too, from the look of it.

Gloria despairs that Joe will never get over the binky. Jay comes home, behaving overly cheerfully. Seriously, we're talking Pennywise the Clown kind of stuff. The entire family is freaked out and agree that he should stay his normal grumpy self. Jay is hugely offended, and goes off to drink. Claire apologizes. They go on about aging and grumpiness. Jay admits that his dad was a huge grouch, and he doesn't want to be like that. Claire assures him he will never get there. Meanwhile, Phil fights the last battle of the Drone Wars. Jay sees an occasion and rises to it. With a football, an AirSoft gun and some water balloons, they manage to bring it down. Though in fact - it was Gloria with a dart gun. (And by the way, Joe is never going to stop crying.)

Tagline - the family all suggests pitches for the new closet slogan. They're all terrible and great.

Cam and Mitch? Pretty par for the course. The Drone War? Hilarious. And Jay and Claire had some great resonance at the end of the episode. But overall, there was very little here that stood out. After last week's triumph, it was a bit of a letdown. But hey - you can't win 'em all. Insert joke about closets here.

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  • Posts

    • JDuggs

      Posted

      On 12/22/2023 at 11:51 PM, JDuggs said:

      It looks like Micah is in a relationship, or very good friends, with this Florida realtor Veronica Peters. I’ve seen photos of them together on Micah’s IG, but I always thought she kind of looked too old for him. Maybe not.

      This was on Moriah’s IG:

        Hide contents

      image.thumb.jpeg.e5583f82734714ccb023fc889e4f0f90.jpeg

      And this was on Veronica’s personal IG and professional IG:

        Hide contents

      image.thumb.jpeg.e637a588be2f14fc379935962e743f47.jpeg

        Hide contentsimage.thumb.png.bfaa9a4a2ac77388067acef5c5afb81c.png

       

      Quoting myself from six months ago. I think this really is Micah’s girlfriend. She doesn’t seem quite as public about their relationship as she did back then.

    • JermajestyDuggar

      Posted

      There was a post on social media talking about this recent interview with Ballerina Farm and asking what people think about some of the things in it. So many commenters were like, “it’s her business! It’s not your life so why do you care?” This is the type of thing that bugs me to no end. Ballerina Farm posts their lives willingly! They post their children’s lives! Of course people will speculate and care! If they didn’t put their lives all over social media none of us would know anything about them. 

      • Upvote 1
    • LongTimeLurkerOG

      Posted

      On 7/25/2024 at 6:47 PM, LilMissMetaphor said:

      Just FYI in case someone missed it the first time round, this is what Art wrote on Reddit a year ago addressing some of the concerns that were brought up.  It's very telling if you read between some of the lines.

      "I don’t lie or make fraudulent claims to get money. That’s what a grifter is. I’ve closed all previous fundraisers and not all of them were successfully funded – for instance my legal name change and wedding fund did not get funded, so I still haven’t had a chance to do those things.

      I’m unable to work for a variety of medically supported reasons. It’s not okay to ask disabled people for proof of their disability simply because it’s medical information. To entertain the question is to concede that it’s okay to go ask other disabled people for their private medical history. It’s a common misconception that people pretend to be disabled for benefits or monetary gain, but it’s rare and doesn’t really make sense to do because benefits and fundraising add up to so little.

      I have been going to Seattle to look at possible places to live because it’s literally unavoidable, and I’ve been in severe pain because of it. That doesn’t mean I could do manual labor on a consistent basis. I don’t even drive, so I’ve had to cover gas and ask friends for help with rides.

      Have you ever tried working at a call center? I have. They’re severely strict and demanding, and incredibly demoralizing without paying much. They’re not an accessible alternative for people who can’t do more demanding manual labor. “Get a job like the rest of us” is ableist and is a fundamental misunderstanding of how accessible jobs are. It’s no better than yelling it at someone panhandling on the street. The supposedly “easy” or “low-skill” jobs are still difficult to do.

      I do use what resources I can, but it’s a total myth that there’s a robust social welfare system anywhere in the United States. If there was, we wouldn’t have so many hundreds of thousands of homeless people here, with millions more just a few missed paychecks away from joining them.

      The toxic mold was confirmed. My partner is literally terminally ill from it. If you read the actual updates, the name of the illness and the research surrounding it have been detailed. We have a letter from the pulmonologist that we sent to the landlord explaining that the environment my partner was in was causing the illness. Again, you’re demanding medical proof that you have no reason to ask about. Some things can’t just be washed out.

      I am as clear as I can possibly be about specific needs so that people know what they’re helping to support. I have said again and again that people shouldn’t give unless they can spare it and want to help. I even said that in the post linked to in this comment thread. My patreon is explicitly to support my writing.

      So why am I still fundraising and making money off telling my story? Because I literally have no other real options. I’ve been formally diagnosed with PTSD, it’s not “alleged trauma.” If it was working all that well, I wouldn’t have to keep detailing my needs.

      The real grifters in our society are billionaires, not poor disabled people. You sound like you just hate us for trying to exist."

      I remember reading this before. Well, they can take all their reasons and Stop. Grifting. Plenty of people with disabilities work and /or receive assistance (as I mentioned previously, my exPOS, who has disabilities so I'm familiar with a number of options and money). Some family, have / had disabilities. I've been an advocate for services and staff training (and provided training) for Years with previous positions - because it matters to me. So, yea, Artemis get. a. job. 

      57 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

      Art lists manual labour and call centres. And that's it. Not any jobs they could look at involving writing, from editing to writing student essays for money (yes it's dodgy but people do it). Not even playing video games for money (get character to a level where they have cool stuff for someone.)  Nothing about remote work, which there is more of now, and not even entry level white collar work.

      On the one hand I agree with them that the social support is inadequate, and that detailing your medical needs shouldn't have to happen - but they just grifted nearly $5000 to move and for a holiday, and with the amount of effort that took they probably could have held down employment of some description and to be honest would probably be better off.

      So many WFH/remote legit jobs now. Hell, you can play games on your phone and earn gift cards; donate blood and get gift cards. I knew a homeless couple that donated plasma for higher amount g.c.

      Absolutely! The amount of money; it's disgusting. And that amount of effort... At some point, even we don't want to or circumstances we don't want to deal with and adult, because... We're adults! Plenty of things I want to ignore or not deal with, just have go away but persevere because the alternative... not an option.

      2 hours ago, Bookworm1564 said:

      My all-time favourite Art post is the one where they say “Just for today, you can double the impact of your support with this opportunity” as if this was the moment we were all waiting for.

      Like a sale for limited-time-only 🤣

    • justpassingthru

      Posted (edited)

      So another page shared the Lott's story and this is a comment on that post. People believe "Fundy Snark" is a person. There are at least a couple other comments that refer to the sub as a person

      Screenshot_20240726_191210_Instagram.jpg

       

      Screenshot_20240726_191619_Instagram.jpg

      Edited by justpassingthru
    • Ozlsn

      Posted

      6 hours ago, AverageGiraffe said:

      This woman makes me especially sad. She reminds me a lot of Alyssa Ann (Wakefield) Welch, of the now defunct resolved2worship xanga. A couple of years ago I re-read through the entire thing on the wayback machine, after she did an interview about her abusive marriage, and I see a lot of the same dynamics in this family. I can't put my finger on exactly why this particular woman reminds me of her, and to be fair I haven't consumed any of their content directly, just read the interview article that was posted, but for some reason I feel so sad for her. 

      It reads like at the very least an extremely controlling relationship and I would say abusive. The egg apron could have been a funny gift - if tickets to Greece were in the front pocket. If they weren't they were just an on camera reminder to her that she is subservient to his desires and that he is in control.

      3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

      Oh I’m sure she has access to credit cards. But I would be she can only buy stuff that he thinks fits their “homestead” life.

      It wouldn't surprise me if they're set up so he has to approve any transaction to be honest. 

      • Upvote 3


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