Sin = Chicken Pox

[Witsec7]

I recently saw a post that said anyone on FJ would help someone who wanted to figure out a way out of the lifestyle, and many people supported that person's statement (saying things like +1).

All that support for that statement, made by people here, you gave me hope that I would be able to register here, explain my situation and what I wanted for my life, and possibly figure out who I am and what I want on my own, and feel stronger being independent.

Please don't say you want to help people find a way out if you don't really mean it.

Do me a kindness and cut and paste the post that you are referring to. I will suggest that you filtered support (like +1) as help.

First thing you need to do is figure out what you want, and get a clue to who you are and get a vision of what you want to leave behind, take with and find some resources. You keep on talking out of both sides of your mouth.

[Kaylee]

It's interesting to me tht you think a forum will be able to help you figure out what YOU want. To me, this is turning from one authority (fundiedom) to another. Tell me. Guide me. teach me. Can't do it on my own.

Imho, this is the wrong mindset for self-advancement.

This x2.

One thing that screws a lot of people up leaving controlling groups and belief systems is being used to relying others to make decisions for them and not wanting to take responsibility for their own choices and actions. From what I've seen, there are many people here willing to help by offering advice and pointing people toward resources, but not to make decisions for a person and enable them to continue letting others run their life. Most people here have also had enough guilt trips and hand-slapping in the past that we don't respond to those very well, so the "oh you mean heartless bitches aren't helping poor little ol' me" line tends to backfire. It's still going to be your responsibility to do what you will with your life.

Also, people here come from varied backgrounds and that includes many people who are former fundies of one stripe or another. We've also had fakers and pretenders here before. That makes for a pretty accurate bullshit detector and when someone talks like they were overly sheltered yet also exposed to "moral decay" that seems extreme for even a more wordly type lifestyle it's gonna throw up red flags.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

I recently saw a post that said anyone on FJ would help someone who wanted to figure out a way out of the lifestyle, and many people supported that person's statement (saying things like +1).

All that support for that statement, made by people here, you gave me hope that I would be able to register here, explain my situation and what I wanted for my life, and possibly figure out who I am and what I want on my own, and feel stronger being independent.

Please don't say you want to help people find a way out if you don't really mean it.

I made that post and here is exactly what I wrote:

FJ will never stop snarking on people who follow a hate-filled and bigoted lifestyle that encourages spousal and child abuse, but we will bend over backwards to help people that legitimately want to get out of that lifestyle. It's NEVER to late to leave!!!

I bolded the key word for you here.

This was specifically about Zsu, who were were speculating is being abused, but it applies more generally to leaving fundydom.

Just leaving a church or cutting yourself off from certain people in your life isn't going to get you out of fundydom. If you really want to leave it's more about deprogramming your mind.

You have to be willing to inspect what you believe, come to terms with the fact that you're going to have to let go of a lot of them because the only reason you had them before was the religious doctrine that you have now abandoned.

You're going to have to open yourself up to new experiences, and come to understand why some of the people you might have vilified earlier aren't as bad as you thought.

You're going to have to grow a set and makes some decisions about your own life for yourself instead of automatically looking to an authority figure.

You're going to have to find a new set of values and morals, and this time think about why you are following them.

Many people in FJ have gone through the process of loosing faith. It is extremely difficult. We can help people get through that.

What we cannot do is make you want to get out of fundydom, and then go through with the entire process.

We would help people who are honestly looking for an escape.

We do not suffer people who "abandon" fundydom but still cling to the associated harmful beliefs, or people who claim to want assistance but then will not lift a finger to actually take that help.

[formergothardite]

I recently saw a post that said anyone on FJ would help someone who wanted to figure out a way out of the lifestyle, and many people supported that person's statement (saying things like +1).

All that support for that statement, made by people here, you gave me hope that I would be able to register here, explain my situation and what I wanted for my life, and possibly figure out who I am and what I want on my own, and feel stronger being independent.

Please don't say you want to help people find a way out if you don't really mean it.

I think she has flounced, but in this very thread you have said that you didn't come here for support and that you don't consider yourself a fundie. Maybe a fundie-lite at the most. So if you aren't a fundie and you didn't come here for support then why all of a sudden are you all butt-hurt that we aren't helping you?

Helping someone doesn't always mean gushing over them, it often means challenging them and their beliefs. That is what happened on this thread and since you didn't seem to be able to take it, I'm not sure you are ready to leave whatever lifestyle you want to leave.

[Boltingmadonna]

Wow . . . I came in late on this one, but I have to say, my mind is boggled. I don't want to snark on H4H if she actually is of less than normal intelligence. But her responses (or your responses, H4H, if you're still reading) made me wonder. She comes across like someone whose brain is half-asleep. When I was 27, admittedly I lived in a religious cult, but I was totally independent from my parents, was married, had two children, handled my own transportation and housing, managed and cooked for a household of 6-10 people depending on how many guests we had in addition to our regular household members. I had also put myself through school with a scholarship that I earned, partially by paying fucking attention in science classes. H4H doesn't sound as if she should have graduated from high school, let alone college.

First step to independence: get a full-time job! If, as you say, you can't let your parents know you're applying for one, then something is very, very wrong. Your brain is not going to start working until you start doing things for yourself, on your own. Nobody else can do it for you.