Kelly Bates is grateful to not deal with the bills

[alba]

This has always struck me as so odd - they claim the women can't do anything without the men and how stupid the women are supposed to be, how sorry and pathetic and dependant on the penis they are and all that, and yet the women are the ones teaching the next generation. How does THAT make sense?!

I was wondering about this the other day. Women are meant to teach their sons so they can function as independent adults. Surely it would make sense for them to go to university and learn to live independently themselves in order to do so.

Obviously women should be able to be independent for their own sakes, but from a fundie standpoint where women exist to serve men it still makes sense for them to be able to be independent.

[Deleted03]

I feel like yes it's really sad that she finds that very stressful and argues she would never be able to deal with it. But I have feminist friends like that - they would pay the bill if something happened to their husbands, but in their particular case the husband is the one who is 1- stressed about money matters and 2- knows how to budget.

What bothers me from Kelly's post is that she will now push this model onto her daughters and sons while they might prefer a different organization of roles within their marriage. She is clearly telling them that women should not worry about money, that's a man's job.

Other than that we all have flaws and stuff we prefer to handle on a daily basis.

[Clementine]

Women who reason like her will have one rude awakening if the husband divorces her or dies.

It's ridiculous to brag about being so helpless. I think that adults should have the skills to do everything that is needed in a household, such as paying bills, cook dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, do minor maintenance jobs on the house or the car, replace a button etc. You never know what will happen in the future and I would hate to have to learn "everything" to stay afloat in a crisis situation when I would have other things to worry about.

[singsingsing]

I feel like this may be less about Kelly Bates actually being incapable of managing bills or whatever else, and more about her stroking her husband's ego. Have you ever heard that advice to women, "Pretend to be really weak and let your boyfriend open jars for you, it will make him feel like a man"? Fundamentalist women do this all the time. It's a game of how to appear as submissive as possible in order to impress their husbands and everyone reading their blogs.

[nokidsmom]

That's the alarming thing. Surely the move (in the US) from compulsory education to college is all about working self-sufficiently and making decisions on your own initiative?

Yep, one would think. But having gone to a college where there were a lot of female students out to get their MRS degree, you would be amazed at how many played the helpless female. Attracts the guys you know.

Edited to add: It was real college and an excellent one, it was the best place for me to go, but it made me NUTS to be automatically pegged as "husband hunting" when I was really there for an education :x . But I digress......back to the topic.

[3 is enough]

Well, I guess having to depend on your son to pay the bills can be stressful...

Seriously, though, does Kelly actually DO anything besides popping out babies on a regular basis? The cooking, cleaning and childcare are delegated. The homeschooling? Who knows, but after all those kids it's just repetition of the same stuff for the umpteenth time anyhow.

And still she goes on about how HARD everything is?

Gee, Kelly, aren't you the pampered princess.

[fakepigtails73]

Gil doesn't even work anymore, does he?

I'll give Kelly this over Michelle: she doesn't "delegate" as much child raising chores to her eldest daughters the way Michelle does with the J'slaves.

I wish that Lawson (is that his name?) would just pack his bags and hit the road one night. Unbelievable that 2 parents of 19 kids in their 40s make one of their sons the main provider. I'd be ok with it if Gil and Kelly were disabled, but since they aren't...At least they have TLC $$ now. Let's see how much they'll change over the seasons.

Shame.

[SisiL78]

Being ignorant of one's family's finances and having no role in bill paying whatsoever makes it really easy for the menfolk in the family to siphon away money for vices like drinking, gambling, drugs, and other women.

I've often wondered about the Bates's poverty because a few friends of friends own tree cutting and/or landscaping businesses and they do quite well. They aren't rich, but they own lovely homes in nice neighborhoods and seem to be able to feed their children even with stay at home wives. The owner of a very small tree cutting business lives at the end of my block and has a gorgeous mid century house with guest house and a BMW in the driveway. Perhaps he's not typical, I have no clue, but this is a business with a definite need out there and with all that free labor from his sons you'd think that Gil Bates actually makes a decent enough living. Considering that their land is probably paid off and TLC built them a house that would mean that they could buy food for themselves and those starving horses they have on their land. Unless maybe he's spending the money in some un-godly ways.

[Turtle]

I feel like this may be less about Kelly Bates actually being incapable of managing bills or whatever else, and more about her stroking her husband's ego. Have you ever heard that advice to women, "Pretend to be really weak and let your boyfriend open jars for you, it will make him feel like a man"? Fundamentalist women do this all the time. It's a game of how to appear as submissive as possible in order to impress their husbands and everyone reading their blogs.

Ugh. You are probably right. How gross.

I don't enjoy paying bills, but it is part of being an adult. It isn't rocket science.

[E Street Fan]

I've often wondered about the Bates's poverty because a few friends of friends own tree cutting and/or landscaping businesses and they do quite well. They aren't rich, but they own lovely homes in nice neighborhoods and seem to be able to feed their children even with stay at home wives. The owner of a very small tree cutting business lives at the end of my block and has a gorgeous mid century house with guest house and a BMW in the driveway. Perhaps he's not typical, I have no clue, but this is a business with a definite need out there and with all that free labor from his sons you'd think that Gil Bates actually makes a decent enough living. Considering that their land is probably paid off and TLC built them a house that would mean that they could buy food for themselves and those starving horses they have on their land. Unless maybe he's spending the money in some un-godly ways.

My guess is the Bates family's money problems come from 1. too many kids; 2. lack of work ethic (cuts into bible study time?); 3. living in a rural area where many people either do their trimming themselves or don't bother because of the economy. There are many people here who are letting their tree maintenance go, unless it's absolutely necessary, because they can't afford it right now.

[ceg045]

Hmph. I wonder if that excuse flies with the companies who send the bills?

"Well, you see, sir, these bills, they're just so overwhelming! As a woman who lives alone, I just can't possibly keep everything straight. Rest assured, however, that when I yoke myself to a headship, he will ensure that everything is squared away in a timely, organized fashion. Teehee?"

[notaduggarlover]

If she likes not paying bills and having no stress, then I'm really sure she enjoys not having my life. I would love to see her pay bills, take care of the kids by herself, be both mom and dad, etc while her husband is deployed for 6 months to a year like I have had to do. She would kill herself just thinking about it. But I forgot. Gil and Kelly think people who serve in the military are evil and ungodly. Yes I like the Bateses more than the Duggars but she is really starting to get on my nerves the more she speaks or writes. She gets no sympathy from me.

[MetalLaLa]

I'm no ultra feminist and I do like my husband to do the (very odd) manly thing for me, but the idea that a grown, educated woman with a family that varies from young adults to young babies cannot, or will not, deal with the financial aspects of day to day life just annoys me like hell. No one is born with the ability to understand money, bills, savings and all the rest; we learn as we mean to go on, but I couldn't live with myself if I knew my husband was the sole manager and financial oracle in our family. To his credit, he's got better with managing money since we've been together as I've taught him a thing or two about ways to save money and simpifying his own financial records, but the thought of him handling our finances without any input or knowledge from myself would most likely be a DISASTER waiting to happen.

Also, the idea of one of my own future children being the sole breadwinner for the family is slightly creepy. Kelly and Gil really must believe it's acceptable to goad Lawson into handing over HIS hard earned money to support his parents, brothers and sisters, when Mommy Bates is perfectly capable of getting a job herself, and allow those children to go to school in the daytime so it is a lesser burden on the family finances. I'll stop this post now as I can feel myself getting angry at the thought of Kelly's whining and apparent lack of independence :roll:

[Bellatrix]

I don't understand how paying the bills is *that* difficult. My bills are either automatically withdrawn from my account, like electricity, either sent by post. I open said envelope, I gasp at the amount they ask, I curse, then I shrug. Then I sign the little paper, I put the little paper in the small envelope they sent along with the bill, I smack a stamp on that b*tch, I walk to the post office, I sigh, I drop the small envelope in the appropriate letterbox "mouth". I walk back home, I stop by the bakery to buy a baguette, I climb up the stairs, unlock the door and get back to my normal life.

Oh yes, it does help that I work, that I can live in a small space that is reasonable because I decided not to pop out children to "outbreed" the rest, that I thus also don't need to feed an army, etc.

Am I missing something in this whole bills drama?

[xDreamerx]

Of course she's grateful. We all know she's just as useless as Gill. Lawson pays for everything. Without him they probably would be at the food bank.

[velly]

Does she think sounding pathetic and helpless is a good way to get fans for her show?

Well of course she does because if like her they are fundies like her they will see this as an expression of her femininity for being useless, pathetic, delicate, whatever bullshit else they want you to believe.

[3 is enough]

I don't understand how paying the bills is *that* difficult. My bills are either automatically withdrawn from my account, like electricity, either sent by post. I open said envelope, I gasp at the amount they ask, I curse, then I shrug. Then I sign the little paper, I put the little paper in the small envelope they sent along with the bill, I smack a stamp on that b*tch, I walk to the post office, I sigh, I drop the small envelope in the appropriate letterbox "mouth". I walk back home, I stop by the bakery to buy a baguette, I climb up the stairs, unlock the door and get back to my normal life.

My guess is that there is never enough money to cover everything, and Gil either has to decide which bills to put off paying, or how to stagger the payments, or go to Lawson for some help. I could see that being stressful. Of course, I would be stressed out just knowing this was the case, even if I wasn't the one actively paying the bills. But Gil probably tells Kelly to put her trust in God and everything will be ok.

[Bellatrix]

My guess is that there is never enough money to cover everything, and Gil either has to decide which bills to put off paying, or how to stagger the payments, or go to Lawson for some help. I could see that being stressful. Of course, I would be stressed out just knowing this was the case, even if I wasn't the one actively paying the bills. But Gil probably tells Kelly to put her trust in God and everything will be ok.

So paying the bills is not the difficult paternal task, it's trying to find a way to be financially responsible for a very financially unresponsible chosen lifestyle?

Kelly's just using euphemisms then to cover up reality.

[3 is enough]

So paying the bills is not the difficult paternal task, it's trying to find a way to be financially responsible of a very financially unresponsible chosen lifestyle?

Kelly's just using euphemisms then to cover up reality.

Just a guess on my part. But given the sudden change of heart regarding doing a tv show, I'd say it was a distinct possibility.

[shesinsane]

I don't understand how paying the bills is *that* difficult. My bills are either automatically withdrawn from my account, like electricity, either sent by post. I open said envelope, I gasp at the amount they ask, I curse, then I shrug. Then I sign the little paper, I put the little paper in the small envelope they sent along with the bill, I smack a stamp on that b*tch, I walk to the post office, I sigh, I drop the small envelope in the appropriate letterbox "mouth". I walk back home, I stop by the bakery to buy a baguette, I climb up the stairs, unlock the door and get back to my normal life.

Oh yes, it does help that I work, that I can live in a small space that is reasonable because I decided not to pop out children to "outbreed" the rest, that I thus also don't need to feed an army, etc.

Am I missing something in this whole bills drama?

In my experience, paying bills is only a hardship when you don't have the money to pay them all.

I think the original statements are just more blathering about women knowing their place and leaving the heaving lifting to their headships.

[gustava]

It was a Christian college, I don't know if it was accredited, probably was, cause Gil went there too, and he had a real job til god told him to quit it.

They graduated from Carson Newman, a respectable college affiliated with Southern Baptists. I may not want my children to go there, but it is not College Minus or Pensacola or Liberty.

[ilovetchotchkes]

Ugh!

I don't get this mentality.

I'm personally grateful that my husband has the ABILITY to pay the bills because I have the number form of dyslexia- I transpose numbers and after a LOT of screw ups (some of them epically epic), we decided he'd do it with my reminding him when stuff was due. But that's different. If I didn't HAVE the issue I have, I'd be doing the bills because he busts his ass working 2 jobs and going to school and it would only be fair for me to do all the "home" stuff while he was away.

I feel really ashamed that I can't do it myself! In fact it really bothers me because I know its hard on him.

My parents have a cool system. They split up the bills. they have a joint checking, but 2 separate accounts - 1 for each of them and once they're done paying the bills, the remainder goes into the joint checking. Each of them is responsible for certain bills. I think dad does mortgage and utilities, and mom does taxes, credit cards and the car loan.

[valsa]

If doing the bills is more difficult to someone than raising more than dozen kids... that person is a crappy parent.

[ilovetchotchkes]

If doing the bills is more difficult to someone than raising more than dozen kids... that person is a crappy parent.

THIS. I'd rather cry and weep and see a financial counselor daily than raise eleventy bajillion children. Holy fuck.

[hapamama]

My husband does most of the bill paying, but that's because of the two of us, he's the more organized one....

That said, that fundy mindset raises women to be walking baby making machines, no serious though required. Human cattle.