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What do you think of this courtship story?


makepeace

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Jane Austen wasn't a Victorian author. She wrote in (and of) an earlier period, which seemed to me to be less restrictive than upper-class Victorian life.

Her protagonists were also mostly middle-class, not upper-class, though even the Georgian upper-class society was rather hedonistic compared to the later Victorians.

Of course, the Victorian era spanned nearly 64 years and cultural attitudes changed immensely in that time in Britain alone, so generalising about that time period is like generalising about British or American culture from the end of the Second World War to the present day.

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My nephew, whom I love dearly, got married last year and I 'bout fell off my pew when the bride included "obey" in her vows. :shock:

They are Christians but not fundie an they have a new baby girl.adxx this damn kitten better stp effin with me? Qdwhile I'm typing...

Anyhoo, the way I see it the one who's been obedient so far is my nephew.:lol:

And whoever upthread said Mark Driscoll is a PIG, I totally agree.

(Stupid frisky kitten - how do I make him STOP going after my hands?!?!)

I saw the same thing when my husband's step-brother got hitched. In a United Methodist church. With a woman minister! I think flames shot out of my eyeballs. :evil:

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This is all a major bone I have to pick with the fundie boys and "courtship". It really is like buying cattle. We know one boy who just SAW....from across the room, a girl we knew quite well. He inquired who she was and if she was single. She was...and he then talked to a few of her friends and her sister, and then went to the father to ask permission to court her. Without knowing ANYTHING about her. Is she gorgeous? Yes. The disgusting thing was that she was only 17 and he was almost 25. Her parents knew about his interest in her and were talking to him, and she, the girl, was still oblivious...didn't even know he existed. So her parents decide he is good courtship/husband material and suddenly spring on her that this young man she doesn't know from Adam wants to court her with the intention of marriage. They were "kind" enough to let her decide if she wanted to meet him. How freaking uncomfortable. She called my daughter (they were friends) and told her she was scared and uncomfortable. Well, they met and then eventually got married. But the whole reason he wanted to meet her was just because she looked really hot. These guys are just so shallow. Sure, it was her "inner spirit" shining through and that is what he was attracted to. RIGHT.

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This is all a major bone I have to pick with the fundie boys and "courtship". It really is like buying cattle. We know one boy who just SAW....from across the room, a girl we knew quite well. He inquired who she was and if she was single. She was...and he then talked to a few of her friends and her sister, and then went to the father to ask permission to court her. Without knowing ANYTHING about her. Is she gorgeous? Yes. The disgusting thing was that she was only 17 and he was almost 25. Her parents knew about his interest in her and were talking to him, and she, the girl, was still oblivious...didn't even know he existed. So her parents decide he is good courtship/husband material and suddenly spring on her that this young man she doesn't know from Adam wants to court her with the intention of marriage. They were "kind" enough to let her decide if she wanted to meet him. How freaking uncomfortable. She called my daughter (they were friends) and told her she was scared and uncomfortable. Well, they met and then eventually got married. But the whole reason he wanted to meet her was just because she looked really hot. These guys are just so shallow. Sure, it was her "inner spirit" shining through and that is what he was attracted to. RIGHT.

It is weird. More shallow than dating really. In my former fundie world the pool was smaller but I knew these men since I was a baby so I would know what they're like. and the biggest thing was I was allowed to say No.

It's just weird and shallow.

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How does he not see that this 'wonderful', 'godly' and 'proper' courtship story is one of the most insulting things I've seen anyone say about their spouse? (Keep in mind my career is in marriage/couple therapy)

"When I first meet Abigail Hinds, she fell into the long line of “no never†or “maybe somedayâ€. There was no instant attraction or sparks."

"This was prehaphs the beginning of Abby moving into the “Why not?†category. Throughout the summer I refused to admit to myself that Abby was growing on me."

I don't expect him to claim love at first sight, but could he put less emphasis on 'no, never' and 'why not?' as CATEGORIES in which he placed his future wife?

and this: "While I could try to explain the small things about Abby that stood out and attracted my attention, taken as a whole, they cannot account for what was going on in my heart. God had put a desire there and made it unshakable."

so, what he really means is "There's nothing particularly special enough about Abby that explained my attraction, so it must be that god (hormones + repressed sexuality) put the desire (for sex) in my heart (penis)."

How insulting! It truly is no better than buying livestock

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This is all a major bone I have to pick with the fundie boys and "courtship". It really is like buying cattle. We know one boy who just SAW....from across the room, a girl we knew quite well. He inquired who she was and if she was single. She was...and he then talked to a few of her friends and her sister, and then went to the father to ask permission to court her. Without knowing ANYTHING about her. Is she gorgeous? Yes. The disgusting thing was that she was only 17 and he was almost 25. Her parents knew about his interest in her and were talking to him, and she, the girl, was still oblivious...didn't even know he existed. So her parents decide he is good courtship/husband material and suddenly spring on her that this young man she doesn't know from Adam wants to court her with the intention of marriage. They were "kind" enough to let her decide if she wanted to meet him. How freaking uncomfortable. She called my daughter (they were friends) and told her she was scared and uncomfortable. Well, they met and then eventually got married. But the whole reason he wanted to meet her was just because she looked really hot. These guys are just so shallow. Sure, it was her "inner spirit" shining through and that is what he was attracted to. RIGHT.

They go on about how courtship is so godly, but in the end it's way more shallow than any of my dating relationships, because I've always gotten to know men a bit before dating them, and we liked each other's personalities.

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Is anyone else having a hard time reconciling their courtship story to the youtube video? Dancing! And sleeveless dresses! And v-necks and leggings and I saw thighs. I'm terribly confused. Where do they fall on the fundie scale?

You certainly won't see Abby's thighs! If you look closely when she spins, it looks like she's wearing below the knee coulotte/bloomer type things. Ugh! Maybe this dancing is ok because it "old-timey"? But probably there are other non-fundie people into this type of dance (the thighs in the group).... I doubt that there are a lot of organizations dedicated to it, so it makes sense that people of varying belief systems, but a shared interest in the dance, would bump into each other at functions.

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Jane Austen wasn't a Victorian author. She wrote in (and of) an earlier period, which seemed to me to be less restrictive than upper-class Victorian life.

Oh, I knew she was slightly before the time (but the term seems to be used more broadly so I hoped nobody would notice :P), I didn't realise it was LESS restrictive then. That's interesting. Either way, I doubt there has really been a historical time like these people pretend, and if it has, this behaviour wasn't common. I do know there was an awful lot of "sin" in those times as well.

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Oh, I knew she was slightly before the time (but the term seems to be used more broadly so I hoped nobody would notice :P), I didn't realise it was LESS restrictive then. That's interesting. Either way, I doubt there has really been a historical time like these people pretend, and if it has, this behaviour wasn't common. I do know there was an awful lot of "sin" in those times as well.

Oh yes, the Regency era (and even, I would argue, the centuries beforehand) was certainly less restrictive than what we'd now call the Victorian time period. Furthermore, though I'm not saying it was an egalitarian paradise back then (it wasn't) I suspect that most middle-class Regency girls would take one good look at many of the fundies we snark here and go OH HELL NO. Or whatever they said at the time.

Congratulations, Sarah Maxwell. The Bennet sisters were approximately 2000 times freer than you.

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