I Was a Good Mormon Wife Until My Husband Stopped.......

[emmiedahl]

God revealed to Joseph Smith that women only get a decent afterlife if they are sealed to a priesthood holder who calls their secret name. The rest of us might get a decent afterlife if some good Mormon man decides to take us on as a polygamous wife in the afterlife. I guess LDS women could technically slurp down all the coffee they want, because their future is dependent on their husband's faith and not their own.

God revealed to Joseph Smith that a man could become a God if he does the right things, and then his wife can be ??? God's wife? Again, the wife has no access to the best of the LDS afterlife.

So, either God is a giant misogynist who hates women, or Joseph Smith was making it up. I cannot think of another option.

[deelaem]

Maybe the caffeine consumers end up in ghetto Mormon heaven. Which I suppose I'll end up, because my Mormon sister gave me a JIC (just in case) baptism without my consent.

[dawbs]

on my asides...since the prohibition on 'hot drinks' isn't really a prohibition on caffeine, I could still take my fioricet (pill that is barbiturate + caffine) for migraines if I suddenly had a brain aneurism and decided to go Mormon?

iiinteresting.

[Beammeup]

Maybe the caffeine consumers end up in ghetto Mormon heaven. Which I suppose I'll end up, because my Mormon sister gave me a JIC (just in case) baptism without my consent.

They can't proxy baptize you until you are dead.

[Witsec7]

God revealed to Joseph Smith that women only get a decent afterlife if they are sealed to a priesthood holder who calls their secret name. The rest of us might get a decent afterlife if some good Mormon man decides to take us on as a polygamous wife in the afterlife. I guess LDS women could technically slurp down all the coffee they want, because their future is dependent on their husband's faith and not their own.

God revealed to Joseph Smith that a man could become a God if he does the right things, and then his wife can be ??? God's wife? Again, the wife has no access to the best of the LDS afterlife.

So, either God is a giant misogynist who hates women, or Joseph Smith was making it up. I cannot think of another option.

Maybe you will feel better once you get your own Mormon name Emmie. Here try this:

http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/mormon/

Signed,

Jerilene Serenity-Tabitha-Ann

[treemom]

Am Keilly Blessing Ream

[emmiedahl]

Oooh, I like this! I am Emilynne Mashelle!

[FlorenceHamilton]

Brandiese Allora LaLovi...ooh pretty!

[Loveday]

Loreida Starbuck here! :dance:

:lol:

[BlackHawk]

I stay away until the new name aspect comes in... but apparently I'm very Mormon already... My Mormon name... My name. The name I chose (outside the last name which I changed to the Partner's name). Seriously.. they added an O to my first name... but other than that... it's the same. It didn't change the last name at all. I tried on three computers and it just makes me sad... I wanted a new fun name!

So having a complete Mormon name already, do I get special privileges?

Edit: Of course, the Partner gets an awesome new first name... He's now Chevrollette [our last name so I ain't tell yah!]. How come he gets a cool name and not me?

[CrazyCatLady]

darn, my name isn't near as flowery as many of the names you guys got!!!

Jannifer Cachelyn

[adidas]

When it comes to good mormon wives I think this one deserves to win.

joshweed.com/2012/06/club-unicorn-in-which-i-come-out-of.html

How sad for them both (even though he insists they're both happy and that they have a robust sex life).

[Maul the Koala]

I put in some of my favourite names

Valentina: Jennyfivetina

Henry: Helamans Warrior

Augustus: Justus

Anastasia: Dashasia

Nadezhda: Jarna Nazhalena

Patrick: Karrick

I'm Tamilisa

And here's the Mormon Flowchart For Your Soul

http://mollymuses.files.wordpress.com/2 ... chart3.png

[formergothardite]

I still want to know why both the Mormons who have said they drink caffeine are drinking it in Diet Coke?! Is regular Coke a sin? Didn't know if this was a coincidence or if it was some sort of weird Mormon rule. I hate the diet stuff. It gives me a headache.

[Funky Chicken]

I might change my name to this, it is brilliant: MeleKatherine Sunday's Hossana

[freejoytoo]

My name is pretty boring: Josephinie Houston.

According to the flowchart I should have been born black, which is funny as I have pale skin which burns at the hint of sun.

[Aeryn406]

Shambertine Crille Aaronica - evidently my new first name is an enemy in a Sega game called Point of Disaster. Good for me, I guess. I couldn't find anything on the second name, but I kinda like my third name.

And, according to the chart - I should have been born AA, too.

[freejoytoo]

I wasn't born in Holy America, and nor do I wish I go there which I suppose is just as bad :P

[debrand]

Maybe you will feel better once you get your own Mormon name Emmie. Here try this:

http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/mormon/

Signed,

Jerilene Serenity-Tabitha-Ann

Brinderella Confederate America

Seriously, that was the name the generator created. It struck me as humorous that they would put Confederate in my name considering that I am a southerner who hates southern pride.

[Patsy]

Prior to 1978, Mormons held to the "one drop" belief--you were "Negro" if you had even "one drop" of African blood (this is similar to Plessy v. Ferguson, where a man with one African-American great-grandmother was held to be "negro"). Even holding aside the fact that our ancestors all come out of Africa, if I'd known before 1978 what I know now about my family history, there's no way I could be Mormon. I remember hearing that the Church had to change its mind for three reasons: 1) the first temple in Brazil was ready to be opened and most of the members couldn't go through because they are mixed-race, 2) Bob Jones University v. IRS was working its way through the lower courts (and the Supreme Court upheld the revocation of the tax exemption in 1982) and 3) Ostensibly white people were doing their genealogies and finding out that their g-g-g-g-grandparents weren't white and it was causing lots of (mostly internalized) consternation. Getting rid of the bar to African-Americans was overdue but such a relief.

I did not know the 'one drop' thing or the temple in Brazil thing, and though the thread long since wended away from this point, I wanted to bring it up again to say thank you. That's really interesting, and gives me a slightly different perspective on it.