Jump to content
IGNORED

Xtian mommy bloggers IRL- ugly story. (long essay)


longskirtlotsakids

Recommended Posts

I don't think I am dysfunctional, but my house is neither hoarder, growing things or clean. Depending on the day of the week there will be dishes in the sink and mount laundry on the couch.

The cleanliness of my house is not a priority to me. It just isn't. And a quest for perfection will make me I'll. So I don't.

Creaky steel, you are a bitch. I am not giving you a pass.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 138
  • Created
  • Last Reply

I freely admit to being a judgmental bitch when it comes to fundies (of any stripe) who are hurting people and/or trying to make their way of life into the law of this country. However, there is a vast difference between that and someone who 1) isn't hurting anyone, and 2) isn't trying to force someone else to live their lifestyle. What you said to Terrie serves no purpose except pettiness and to show how superior you think you are to her. Your behavior is that of a school yard bully.

This. All of this. I agree (and I am damn sure that signals the end of the world).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just read the first page of this thread, and the blogs first few posts.

I don't buy what the blogger mommy has said. Not even a little bit.

I have seven children. I'm busy as fuck. I have one child with Asperger's. Another with Autism. Another who we think may have Aspergers, but we haven't finished the official evaluations. And we have our baby who was born with a neural tube defect. Oh, and I've been dealing with depression since I was a teenager.

But you know what? If you walked into my house right now, you wouldn't confuse it for a hoarders. It's lived in. You may find some crayon on the walls here and there. But we keep it clean. Because I don't let my children live in filth.

And to the OP, I would have gone in too. Even before calling the cops. Because I would have wanted to protect the child first.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

secondary to the filth - where was the kid's Mom? A six y/o should never be alone. You can argue that squalor or hoarding is part of a mental condition ('cause it is), but leaving your kid alone?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Badabing. That didn't take long at all. :greetings-wavingyellow:

There’s a thread about me on the internet. No big shocker there. Today, someone commented about blogging through rose colored glasses. They’re right! Even though I do touch on my depression, there is a huge part of my life I don’t post about, especially as it relates to things that are going on at home. ...

This may be our Friday night fundy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Though good Lord is she whiny.

I'm sorry, if you have so much laundry you have to go to the laundromat to get caught up enough to do regular laundry, that is a problem all by itself. That tells me it wasn't JUST a few packaging things or JUST a few bags of bagged garbage that it wasn't time to take out yet.

Also, animals do not go after bags of dirty diapers. They go after food waste. Duh. That is one assplosion of excuses/blaming (and the "i wonder if you'd be tempted to tell someone about this if you saw my daughter in real life" thing? HOLY MOLY HAS SHE NEVER DEALT WITH HUMANS? ANYONE would be tempted. Most of us wouldn't really go "omigod did you know that girl's mom is a filthy hoarder? I heard her screaming alone in the apartment and went in and it was so filthy i called the cops, seriously, you should have SEEN it." but enough people in a small town will share that kind of information that it can't be some sort of Scary Internet Boogiewoman that would consider it.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Though good Lord is she whiny.

I'm sorry, if you have so much laundry you have to go to the laundromat to get caught up enough to do regular laundry, that is a problem all by itself. That tells me it wasn't JUST a few packaging things or JUST a few bags of bagged garbage that it wasn't time to take out yet.

Also, animals do not go after bags of dirty diapers. They go after food waste. Duh. That is one assplosion of excuses/blaming (and the "i wonder if you'd be tempted to tell someone about this if you saw my daughter in real life" thing? HOLY MOLY HAS SHE NEVER DEALT WITH HUMANS? ANYONE would be tempted. Most of us wouldn't really go "omigod did you know that girl's mom is a filthy hoarder? I heard her screaming alone in the apartment and went in and it was so filthy i called the cops, seriously, you should have SEEN it." but enough people in a small town will share that kind of information that it can't be some sort of Scary Internet Boogiewoman that would consider it.)

You have obviously never met my Devil Spawn Welsh Corgis. Baby poop is a delicacy to them. *squick* (we've had them tested for deficiencies because sometimes poop eating is a sign of it, but no. Both healthy as sin).

However, they dont' really get the opportunity because we cloth diaper and all besmirchments are rinsed in the toilet before getting put in the wet bag which then immediately gets brought down to the laundry area in the basement that they don't have access to. But STILL.

And honestly? if i heard a 6 year old screaming alone, i would have done something> WHO THE HELL LEAVES A 6 YEAR OLD ALONE. Hoarding or no hoarding mess.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have obviously never met my Devil Spawn Welsh Corgis. Baby poop is a delicacy to them. *squick* (we've had them tested for deficiencies because sometimes poop eating is a sign of it, but no. Both healthy as sin).

However, they dont' really get the opportunity because we cloth diaper and all besmirchments are rinsed in the toilet before getting put in the wet bag which then immediately gets brought down to the laundry area in the basement that they don't have access to. But STILL.

And honestly? if i heard a 6 year old screaming alone, i would have done something> WHO THE HELL LEAVES A 6 YEAR OLD ALONE. Hoarding or no hoarding mess.

Bears also love poopy diapers.

I used to watch a family and the mom told me they had to stop putting their trash out until the morning of trash pick up because the bears would go through the trash and were taking out the diapers and dragging them behind some bushes. Ick.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bears also love poopy diapers.

I used to watch a family and the mom told me they had to stop putting their trash out until the morning of trash pick up because the bears would go through the trash and were taking out the diapers and dragging them behind some bushes. Ick.

Yeah, I can always tell if he's dropped a load in his pants if we're out in the backyard. (I garden while he sandboxes and plays with his sidewalk chalk on the patio) The dogs follow him around sniffing his butt, nostrils flaring and eyes bugging out. "MOM! HE MADE US A TREAT" *shudders*

But on the other hand, I go to extreme efforts to make sure they have no access to said poop. And that said poop is cleaned up INSTANTLY.

Which reminds me, I have a load of diapers i need to throw in the dryer. :dance: :dance:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bears also love poopy diapers.

I used to watch a family and the mom told me they had to stop putting their trash out until the morning of trash pick up because the bears would go through the trash and were taking out the diapers and dragging them behind some bushes. Ick.

Bears like poop. It is one of the reasons you poop away from your camp and water sources (water for sanitation) and you dig a hole, poop and bury it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

WHO THE HELL LEAVES A 6 YEAR OLD ALONE.

Well, lots of people. In many countries children that age or just slightly older routinely run small errands and get themselves to and from school. That wasn't that unusual in the US either until relatively recently. Nobody blinked an eye when, at the age of 8, I was allowed to stay at home for 45 minutes while my father picked up my sister from her dance class in the evening. (And she walked partway home by herself, after dark, and nobody thought much of THAT either!) This was in the 1980s and 90s, in NYC, at the peak of the high crime rate. The crime rate has only been in decline since then.

Most people on sex offender lists (as mentioned in the first post) aren't there for raping little children. In some areas you can be put on those lists for really stupid things like taking a piss in public. Illegal and unhygienic, but not really what most of us think of when we think "sex offender". Other people are put on the list for consensual sex with an underage girlfriend or boyfriend - a bad choice, but again, not really what we're all scared of.

The fact is, what we're scared of, stranger abduction? That's not very common (about 300 a year, according to the FBI - and this in a nation of 300 million people!), and most stranger abductions happen to teens and preteens, not younger children. The vast majority of child molestation cases occur with people the child knows, almost always a family member.

I'm not suggesting that you should every day leave your first grader alone for hours on end, or that there should often be situations where either a. you have no idea where your kid is or b. they have no idea where you are and when they'll be back... but neither am I going to say I think it's particularly neglectful or abusive to let your child walk a block to the corner store and pick up eggs, or, alternatively, to wait in the house while you do the same.

As far as minimum age laws, my understanding is that only two states have actual laws regarding how old a child has to be before being left home alone, although many other states have official recommendations. (A quick google search brings me to this link: http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-k ... limits.htm )

This is all tangential to THIS story, of course. If the kid is alone in a house screaming for her mom something has definitely gone wrong, with or without the squalor. And with the length of time that calling the police and consoling the child must have taken (not to mention the time before the OP arrived) this is clearly no 15-minute diaper run. (And no, I don't believe for a minute the story about a friend and miscommunication. If you expect to be dropping a child off with her mother, and her mother's not there, you contact the woman before you leave.)

On the subject of squalor, you know, that sort of thing kinda creeps up on you. If the only time you clean is when there's an emergency, you're not going to be able to clearly think "Maintenance will keep us from having emergencies" because to you, cleaning is this big THING that takes FOREVER and when you're done you have to start OVER and it never really gets BETTER because you can't do it RIGHT.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, lots of people. In many countries children that age or just slightly older routinely run small errands and get themselves to and from school. That wasn't that unusual in the US either until relatively recently. Nobody blinked an eye when, at the age of 8, I was allowed to stay at home for 45 minutes while my father picked up my sister from her dance class in the evening. (And she walked partway home by herself, after dark, and nobody thought much of THAT either!) This was in the 1980s and 90s, in NYC, at the peak of the high crime rate. The crime rate has only been in decline since then.

Most people on sex offender lists (as mentioned in the first post) aren't there for raping little children. In some areas you can be put on those lists for really stupid things like taking a piss in public. Illegal and unhygienic, but not really what most of us think of when we think "sex offender". Other people are put on the list for consensual sex with an underage girlfriend or boyfriend - a bad choice, but again, not really what we're all scared of.

The fact is, what we're scared of, stranger abduction? That's not very common (about 300 a year, according to the FBI - and this in a nation of 300 million people!), and most stranger abductions happen to teens and preteens, not younger children. The vast majority of child molestation cases occur with people the child knows, almost always a family member.

I'm not suggesting that you should every day leave your first grader alone for hours on end, or that there should often be situations where either a. you have no idea where your kid is or b. they have no idea where you are and when they'll be back... but neither am I going to say I think it's particularly neglectful or abusive to let your child walk a block to the corner store and pick up eggs, or, alternatively, to wait in the house while you do the same.

As far as minimum age laws, my understanding is that only two states have actual laws regarding how old a child has to be before being left home alone, although many other states have official recommendations. (A quick google search brings me to this link: http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-k ... limits.htm )

This is all tangential to THIS story, of course. If the kid is alone in a house screaming for her mom something has definitely gone wrong, with or without the squalor. And with the length of time that calling the police and consoling the child must have taken (not to mention the time before the OP arrived) this is clearly no 15-minute diaper run. (And no, I don't believe for a minute the story about a friend and miscommunication. If you expect to be dropping a child off with her mother, and her mother's not there, you contact the woman before you leave.)

On the subject of squalor, you know, that sort of thing kinda creeps up on you. If the only time you clean is when there's an emergency, you're not going to be able to clearly think "Maintenance will keep us from having emergencies" because to you, cleaning is this big THING that takes FOREVER and when you're done you have to start OVER and it never really gets BETTER because you can't do it RIGHT.

I think i'm coming from the perspective of my 2 year old though, who is a climber, and can pull down baby gates SILENTLY. If he's like this at 2, i'm terrified what he'll be like when he's taller. :o

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think i'm coming from the perspective of my 2 year old though, who is a climber, and can pull down baby gates SILENTLY. If he's like this at 2, i'm terrified what he'll be like when he's taller. :o

:)

I comment a lot on the FreeRangeKids blog which is... interesting. To be honest, half the time we're all at each other's throats. Half the commenters can't stand the other half. But one thing which everybody mentions is that when a kid is small you tend to have trouble picturing when they'll be big. When you have a two year old, unless you're very used to six year olds it can be hard to assess what they'll be like at that age. Does that make sense? I'm not sure I phrased it in a good way.

Of course, any individual six year old might not be ready for 15 minutes of relative freedom. It all depends on your own specific situation.

With that said, I'm living on a block where six year olds routinely play outside with minimal supervision (mom or dad looking out the window every few minutes, or a big sibling tagged to watch out for them). I'm not going to call child services on the lot of them. I can see the evidence of my own eyes that in the 20 years we've been living here no kid has ever died, been kidnapped, or even injured themselves by jumping off the garage roofs in the back alley. (Much to the consternation of the people who own those garages, I'm sure. All it'd take is one broken ankle and they'd stop doing it!) Maybe it's a little easier to relax about this when it's normalized in your area?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:)

I comment a lot on the FreeRangeKids blog which is... interesting. To be honest, half the time we're all at each other's throats. Half the commenters can't stand the other half. But one thing which everybody mentions is that when a kid is small you tend to have trouble picturing when they'll be big. When you have a two year old, unless you're very used to six year olds it can be hard to assess what they'll be like at that age. Does that make sense? I'm not sure I phrased it in a good way.

Of course, any individual six year old might not be ready for 15 minutes of relative freedom. It all depends on your own specific situation.

With that said, I'm living on a block where six year olds routinely play outside with minimal supervision (mom or dad looking out the window every few minutes, or a big sibling tagged to watch out for them). I'm not going to call child services on the lot of them. I can see the evidence of my own eyes that in the 20 years we've been living here no kid has ever died, been kidnapped, or even injured themselves by jumping off the garage roofs in the back alley. (Much to the consternation of the people who own those garages, I'm sure. All it'd take is one broken ankle and they'd stop doing it!) Maybe it's a little easier to relax about this when it's normalized in your area?

It is kinda normalized, but after having a rock through our window, and kids who keep trespassing through our yard despite us telling them DO NOT JUMP THE FENCE... (if one more kid tramples my hard cultivated begonias or tuilips... I SWEAR~ they've already knocked down the fence once) I get bitter. I"m definitely fitting the description of a bitter "hag" that Zsu throws at us!!!

I have no problem w/ the kid being left in the yard or a sib watching them for SURE! I was thinking too- like you said, this was obviously no diaper run, or quick nip to the 7/11 across the street. If i were to even THINK of leaving a kid that age alone, even for 10 minutes, i'd make SURE they had my cell # and access to call me!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's not just that this kid was left alone - she was crying for her Mom.

Which I mentioned in my long-winded comment.

I just think we can say "In this particular situation, obviously something was wrong even before the OP saw the massive, massive squalor" without also saying "Anybody who ever leaves a six year old alone for any period of time, no matter how short, is a terrible child abuser".

You might still want to say that, but I think reasonable people can disagree on that point while still agreeing that this specific situation was really, really bad.

kids who keep trespassing through our yard despite us telling them DO NOT JUMP THE FENCE...

And this is why Connie owns a supersoaker. Mwahahahaha! (The kids on the block think I don't like them. On the contrary, I like them just fine and don't even blame them for going through my yard. I'm certain I'd do the exact same thing in their place. But if they're not going to stop doing it I'm at least going to have my fun.)

Although if I ever got a rock through my window you can believe I'd be at their parents' door the next minute demanding payment straight out of the kid's allowance. And the parents would back me up, thankfully. I might not always love all my neighbors, but I can trust them on that front.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is kinda normalized, but after having a rock through our window, and kids who keep trespassing through our yard despite us telling them DO NOT JUMP THE FENCE... (if one more kid tramples my hard cultivated begonias or tuilips... I SWEAR~ they've already knocked down the fence once) I get bitter. I"m definitely fitting the description of a bitter "hag" that Zsu throws at us!!!

LOL--A year or two ago, I found myself screaming "GET OFF MY LAWN!!!" when some kids were throwing snowballs at my cat, who was sitting in the windowsill (the window was open). I had a minor identity crisis after--who am I? When did I turn into a cantankerous old lady? :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is uncommon to leave six years old alone? :shock:

After the first days of school, I walked myself there and back (10 minutes), and both my parents were working, so I went to an after school center for lunch, but was allowed to leave after that any time I wanted and was alone until my mother returned from work. And it wasn't so unusual either, no grown-up said ever anything about it (teachers, care-providers etc.)

Born 1981.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is uncommon to leave six years old alone? :shock:

After the first days of school, I walked myself there and back (10 minutes), and both my parents were working, so I went to an after school center for lunch, but was allowed to leave after that any time I wanted and was alone until my mother returned from work. And it wasn't so unusual either, no grown-up said ever anything about it (teachers, care-providers etc.)

Born 1981.

In the US, nowadays, it's definitely... I'll say frowned upon. I don't know if it's actually all that *uncommon* in poorer areas (where there simply may be no choice) to have your child stay home alone after school at that age, but it's not exactly encouraged by anybody.

However, in part this is because in the US the cultural trend is to be very wary about dangers which are, in reality, very unlikely. Notice how the first comment pointed out that there are "sex offenders in this neighborhood". You could be surrounded by sex offenders and it still won't make non-familial abduction a likely event. People don't want to believe that, but it's the truth.

Of course, back when most parents today were growing up we were in the middle of a very high-crime period. So the attitude that it's "not like it was when we were young" is one we all heard from our parents as children. That coupled with the tendency of the media to repeat and repeat and repeat a few salacious child abuse cases yearly helps create the impression in our minds that the world is really very dangerous for children. When you think that, of course you keep a closer eye on your six year olds. And if you don't think that but all the neighbors do (or at least seem to - some people find that just sending their kids out to play unattended causes the rest of their block to start doing the same thing, like everybody else was waiting for somebody to be first) you tend to follow the crowd because, seriously, this is not the hassle you want with your neighbors.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In the US, nowadays, it's definitely... I'll say frowned upon. I don't know if it's actually all that *uncommon* in poorer areas (where there simply may be no choice) to have your child stay home alone after school at that age, but it's not exactly encouraged by anybody.

However, in part this is because in the US the cultural trend is to be very wary about dangers which are, in reality, very unlikely. Notice how the first comment pointed out that there are "sex offenders in this neighborhood". You could be surrounded by sex offenders and it still won't make non-familial abduction a likely event. People don't want to believe that, but it's the truth.

Of course, back when most parents today were growing up we were in the middle of a very high-crime period. So the attitude that it's "not like it was when we were young" is one we all heard from our parents as children. That coupled with the tendency of the media to repeat and repeat and repeat a few salacious child abuse cases yearly helps create the impression in our minds that the world is really very dangerous for children. When you think that, of course you keep a closer eye on your six year olds. And if you don't think that but all the neighbors do (or at least seem to - some people find that just sending their kids out to play unattended causes the rest of their block to start doing the same thing, like everybody else was waiting for somebody to be first) you tend to follow the crowd because, seriously, this is not the hassle you want with your neighbors.

It's illegal to leave a six year old alone where I live. I'm sure this law varies from place to place, but here I think 9 is the age that you can leave a child in your home, and they have to be older (11?) before you can leave them with siblings under 9. I would not leave a six year old alone, simply because it is not an age where you can count on good judgement. I think you can convince a 9 year old to leave the matches alone, stay out of the bleach, don't play in the street, etc. They are better able to understand risk and are naturally more cautious. 6 year olds, in my opinion, are more prone to be guided by curiousity and the chance to do stuff you wouldn't normally allow them to do. Plus, you can explain to a 9 year old what to do if there is a fire and they will likely do it. A six year old might do it, or they might just panic and hide under the bed. The child in this situation is a good example. She was screaming hysterically in the living room of her apartment, when she didn't seem to be in any immmediate danger.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't know bears liked poop! That's weird and disgusting. I knew dogs did, but you wouldn't get dogs in a dumpster - I guess I assumed the blogger was talking about raccoons or cats when she complained that animals would spread her garbage around because she had to take it out early.

I looked it up yesterday because i was curious, and it's considered neglect in Minnesota to leave home alone any child under 7. Though weirdly the county social services page I found says it's neglect but that all the age things are only guidelines (??). We do get a lot of 4-7 year olds outdoors in my neighborhood but they're always in groups of kids and have access to the indoors where adults or teenagers are. A kid locked either in or out, screaming, all by themselves is a different case than a kid whose caregiver you can't see that minute but who is paying attention and accessible. Among other things...what would that little girl have done if there was a burglary, a fire, a rat? That's why it's different if Mom is sleeping in the other room, too - unsupervised is different than home totally alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I looked it up yesterday because i was curious, and it's considered neglect in Minnesota to leave home alone any child under 7. Though weirdly the county social services page I found says it's neglect but that all the age things are only guidelines (??). We do get a lot of 4-7 year olds outdoors in my neighborhood but they're always in groups of kids and have access to the indoors where adults or teenagers are. A kid locked either in or out, screaming, all by themselves is a different case than a kid whose caregiver you can't see that minute but who is paying attention and accessible. Among other things...what would that little girl have done if there was a burglary, a fire, a rat? That's why it's different if Mom is sleeping in the other room, too - unsupervised is different than home totally alone.

I giggled at this because my 7 year old has three rats as pets.

I live in South Dakota, and there is no minimum age to legally leave a child alone here, although just over the border in ND the age is 9. I think living in an ag community makes it harder to legislate these things - so many farm families are in and out of the house so often and just can't always have someone there to watch the children.

With my older children (all young adults now) I kind of listened to their cues. One son wanted to try being home alone around age 8 so I started really slowly - I would let him be in the house by himself when a neighbor was home to step in if necessary while I made a quick run to the store. Another son, who had many, many impulse control issues, wanted to be left alone but there was no way in hell that was happening.

Now we live on a very, very busy street where accidents are common, so I am a lot more cautious about children having free run of the yard and neighborhood.

A friend of mine lost two young children to a house fire while she was out in the farm yard helping her husband. The children hid and became trapped in the house. I think that household dangers are far, far more common than children being abducted by straangers and parents really need to make sure that their kids really, truly are old enough to handle those kinds of emergencies before being left alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I looked it up yesterday because i was curious, and it's considered neglect in Minnesota to leave home alone any child under 7. Though weirdly the county social services page I found says it's neglect but that all the age things are only guidelines (?

My understanding is that it's not actually a law but that social services will be very interested in hearing that you left a child home alone under that "guideline" age. The idea is presumably that children mature at different rates and some kids are ready to be home unattended in some situations earlier than others, so ultimately you have to rely on your best judgment.

I think that household dangers are far, far more common than children being abducted by strangers and parents really need to make sure that their kids really, truly are old enough to handle those kinds of emergencies before being left alone.

I concur. I do believe that children need to be taught, long before they're old enough to use this freedom, how to handle relatively likely emergencies.

Household accidents are among the leading causes of death for all children. (The top leading cause of death is, of course, car accidents. But that's another subject for another day.) Starting early to teach them what to do if they get a cut, or there's a fire, or if somebody falls down badly? That's never going to go astray.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Household accidents are among the leading causes of death for all children. (The top leading cause of death is, of course, car accidents. But that's another subject for another day.) Starting early to teach them what to do if they get a cut, or there's a fire, or if somebody falls down badly? That's never going to go astray.

The worst accident I had as a child was when I was being "watched" by my sister at a friend's house, who was 8 or so. I was playing that game where you spin until you're dizzy, which of course we all thought was great fun, and I dizzily slammed my face into a glass fronted china cabinet. Of course there were copious amounts of blood, which an 8 year old had no clue how to handle. A neighbor luckily heard the screaming and called the police, who got me to a children's hospital. This was in the age before cell phones, so it was hours alone at the hospital before any adult knew what had happened. Horribly frightening for a child. Come to think of it, I was 6 at the time.

I always think of this when trying to decide if a child is responsible enough to handle being left alone. Accidents are, well, accidental. You can't predict what a small child is going to think is a good idea.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.




×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.