Xtian mommy bloggers IRL- ugly story. (long essay)

[Terrie]

Wow, thanks for the defense, guys. :) Honestly, I've heard it before and it doesn't bother me too much. My mother, for instance, is very organized, naturally, and is always getting after me to keep things neater.

Her: Did you know there's dog hair behind the toilet?!

Me: Why were you looking behind the toilet?

It's like people who brag that their floors are so clean you could eat off of them. Why the heck would you want to eat off the floor?

[ladypuglover]

I had to look up the levels of hoarding and have no clue where I fall. I'm not as bad as level 1 but I do have a dead sofa outside on the side of the house (hidden behind the fence) that is waiting for our next dump run. Is that hoarding? I always have a mountain of dirty clothes (about 4 loads) but I do wash the clothes, it just seems that every day the mountain returns. sometimes you will find about 20 cups in the sink because the kids think each drink calls for a new cup and can not put the dirty cup in the dishwasher. Every day counters are wiped off and floors swept. I dust when I see the dust but living in Colorado the dust is back as soon as you wipe it away, just not as deep. Having all sons there is a chance there might be a piddle puddle in their bathrooms but that gets mopped up'd and cleaned at least once a day as we know it happens and go looking for puddles. Our windows get nose prints from the dogs and kids and the walls are scuffed from kids playing hard. no holes or anything like that but we do have one broken door from one brother body slamming another brother into it. It doesn't look broken but now it sticks sometimes when you try to open or close it. My walk in closet is a death trap and would be level between level 1 and level 2 minus anything other than clothes. No poop or wild animals but way too many clothes that need going through and dealt with. I can on any day open my door and not be horrified if someone came to the door. Even if it is sterile clean my MIL says we live in squalor but that may be because she is just a bitch who hates me.

So are we hoarders or just normal?

[Sumeri]

longskirtlotsakids, you were doing God's own work when you stepped into that house. Perhaps one day depressed/sociopath mom can see that, too.

I was raised in chaos. Utter chaos. Disgusting house, was left home alone often, was a latch-key kid at seven, and so neglected during my mother's three to four-year depression after her own mother died that it took me about ten years of therapy to become a truly functioning adult. Even now I have to have very manageable stress levels, which makes day jobs impossible. Neglected kids have a hard time learning to deal with stress because everything's stressful when you are six and need to make dinner and do all the laundry.

I am now a neat freak to such a degree that even though I have relaxed over the years, I still have the cleanest house on the block. I have an elderly sick cat who likes to sleep in my dirty clothes and it takes every bit of my self-control to casually drop dirty clothes on the floor and not run back in and grab them and put them in the hamper. Even then I'm stupid-regimented. One day's worth of clothes in the corner of the bathroom upstairs and each day the previous dirty clothes are put into the hamper and replaced with new dirty clothes at the end of the day. It takes all my self-control to accommodate a sick, old cat I love very much and it makes me fee sort of ashamed that I swung so far to the other side that I might put tidiness before a beloved animal. But I can learn to leave clothes on the floor, others can learn to pick them up off the floor, of that I am certain.

It's hard to get people to understand that such treatment as a kid is often worse than a fist in the face because sometimes if you have enough bruises, people will take note and help you. I was too afraid to ask for help because my father was terrifying and I feared repercussions too much. But a situation marginally better than the little girl you tried to help left me a very dysfunctional adult throughout my 20s and half of my 30s.

The little girl I used to be thanks you so much for helping and if that repellent woman wants to make excuses and threaten lawsuits, let her. When you are in the throes of depression, making excuses is easy and if that depression is tinged with sociopathy, the excuses never stop.

Thank you for this. It's all pretty much where I've been and where I'm at.

[ilovetchotchkes]

Lady pug lover~ sounds like you share a house with dogs and children. :) ie= NORMAL

[NurseNell]

Using the scale I found at Oprah's site I scored 3:

3–7: Mild Although you may have a bit of clutter, difficulty discarding or acquiring, it is unlikely to be a significant problem for you. You might want to consider working on these issues, perhaps using a self-directed manual such as Buried in Treasures.

[Sumeri]

The hoarding scales are different from different sources. The OCD foundation has a really good illustrated one - a level 4 hoarder from another source would be a 7 on theirs.

To really oversimplify, if items cannot be used as intended (can't sleep in beds, keep clothes in dressers, dishes in kitchen cupboards, drive car ) due to clutter or squalor- there's usually a problem. There are also separate categories for animal and human waste. I know a lot more about this subject than I really should, due to hoarding mother.

There is a Yahoo group that I belong to - Children of Hoarders - that is an awesome resource for anyone who was forced to grow up that way. Interestingly, my interest in fundies has stemmed partially from that. There is a lot of weird religion going on with a lot of hoarding folks.

[longskirtlotsakids]

I agree with the poster that said she is probably suffering, and doesn't need the report posted. I agree. That would be a shit thing to do, especially after she went on this cleaning binge. THe picture she posted looks very nice and clean. I told her this, and that I was proud of her for her hard work and progress, but the comment didn't make it past moderation.

Edited to remove personal irrelevant info.

[Kaylee]

I agreed at first with the poster that said she can't see the mess and see it for how bad it is. On the other hand, when her ass was on the line, she cleaned up right fast, didn't she? If she was truly sick, wouldn't she have just left it as is? That makes me think she is manipulative and is milking the depression thing for laziness... which brings me to my next point....

Not necessarily. I've known a few people who hoard that can do a quick clean/purge like that in an emergency, but the problem is it usually involves piling/stashing things out of sight, making it worse in the long run, or throwing them away frantically until the mental shit kicks in and you replace it with twice as much. BTDT a few times. Some people can also keep one room or area mostly clean and presentable while the rest of the house is cluttered. It's hard to tell, because a lot of times depression can look like laziness, especially when there's hoarding along with it. (Hell, I still thing part of my problem is laziness much of the time, but I thought that when I was in the hospital post-suicide attempt and on 3 different meds just to function, too - lets just say most of the laziness goes away when the worst of the anxiety & depression are under control).

The little girl is 6, which means she was born in 2006. According to court records, in 2007, this couple was sued for $9000K in damages by their last landlord. The lawsuit was a civil/money judgement suit, which means it was not an eviction. WHAT do you do to an apartment to warrant $9000K in damages? And that poor baby girl was living in it.,,

It could have been clutter-related. If the landlord hired one of those removal/cleaning places that specializes in hoarder type homes, you're looking at $3000+, add $2-3000 for new carpet, then painting and any other damages and it wouldn't be very hard to get there. One of the bad things about clutter is it hides leaks and water damage until they get really bad and it can also cause mold growth that destroys walls and carpets. If there are rodents, then they can chew wiring and cause the house to need re-wiring. It gets expensive fast (when mine was at it's worst and we had water damage to boot, I seriously hoped and prayed for the house to burn down just to get rid of things and because I figured rebuilding after insurance would be cheaper than fixing the damage).

[Kitchen Princess]

Deelaem: Holy fuck, I actually agree with you! (I'm not ruling out this as a sign of the end of the world...)

Creaky Steel: As long as it's not a biohazard, who the fuck cares? You know what I think is disgusting? Judgmental bitches.

That's the most ironic statement ever uttered on this forum.

[princessjo1988]

Yeah, judgemental much, Creaky Steel? I thought this forum was all about snaking on judgemental, hypocritical fundies. Not someone whom admits they are struggling. That isn't about giving passes, it is the reality for lots of people, for just Terrie. Maybe instead of being so harsh, and judgemental, you should say - well, I found that this particular method really works well for me, it might help you too. Don't judge until you walk a mile in someone's shoes, huh?

I admit, I have struggled for a long time with clutter/cleaning issues as well - but thankfully, it has gotten better as I have gotten older, and healthier (for a while, I was quite unwell - many hospital trips, etc - it did get far, far out of control then). I still have a long way to go - for example, my clean washing pile is from hell, and all over the bedroom floor (in baskets), but I am trying! I am a perfectionist, and diagnosed with OCD, strangely enough - when I do clean, I am totally over the top and get very stressed, it must be perfect, so I often leave it, so then it overwhelms me, and then I can't bring myself to tackle it, until I need to (for a visitor etc) - rinse, repeat basically. I am very proud of myself, because I have now gotten to the stage that the worse clutter is now restricted to our bedroom, and the rest of the house is usually pretty visitor friendly. :) Hurrah! For me, it has always been about finding a balance, because I am definitely a yo-yo cleaner! I did try Flylady, but I found the repetitiveness to be more than annoying. Something which has helped a lot was having a third person added to the house (in our case, a flatmate) - The dynamic changed, and now we all get in and tackle it, so I don't get so overwhelmed.

Terrie, I give you total props for speaking up. It can be very isolating, misunderstood issue, so to know there are others that struggle - that helps, I think, a lot. Stops the self defeating talk our minds like to do sometimes!

[emmiedahl]

My house sometimes gets messy--like really fucking messy.

I am a neat freak, so, yeah, I notice. But I am also a full-time student, a full-time worker, and I have a small apartment with seven people living in it. I work from home and have almost no childcare, so my baby runs around and throws stuff all over the floor while I type away. I try to get it picked up every evening after everyone is in bed, but that is also my "catch up on work now that no one is begging for attention" time. And I am human, so I do get tired. Most of the time, if a CPS social worker knocked on my door, I would open it confidently. But there have been times when, not so much. When I have been sick or something, or working extra to pay for new coats or whatnot. I think my house is probably small potatoes to a CPS social worker, but occasionally, as I am kicking a path to the bathroom, I have my worries :) I know that feeling of inertia, like it will take 40 horsepower just to move your arm because you are that exhausted. I would not judge someone who deals with that on a regular basis.

In this blogger's case, it is a great thing that the situation came to crisis because she will get the help she needs. Obviously she has a lot more problems than she wants to admit, and CPS/the police will force her to deal with them.

[B5SnowDog]

Gee, now that you've said that, I've seen the error of my ways. :roll: Obviously, if I don't go and pick up the pile of towels in the bathroom and wash them RIGHT NOW, they will form a sentient being that will eat me the next time I get up in the night to use the bathroom.

My disorganization is probably related to my anxiety issues, or at least aggravated by it. From my point of view, as long as there is no mold, nasty smells, vermin or other heath hazard, and I can walk through my place without worrying about tripping, I can remain focused on managing the higher priorities of my illness for the moment. To me, it's not worth pulling out my hair (literally on a couple occasions). When a couple of other issues are dealt with and no longer a priority, then I'll worry about the fact that the bathroom sink needs a serious scrubbing. My entire point was that I could understand if the mom had issues that she needed to address before she got to the cleaning issue. When you're sick, you have to prioritize. But it was concerning that she refused to see there was a problem at all.

If you're interested, I've had some luck with modifying the Flylady program. The actual e-mails are too cutesy-wootsey but the basic premise of doing something for just 15 minutes is helpful.

[valsa]

That's the most ironic statement ever uttered on this forum.

I freely admit to being a judgmental bitch when it comes to fundies (of any stripe) who are hurting people and/or trying to make their way of life into the law of this country. However, there is a vast difference between that and someone who 1) isn't hurting anyone, and 2) isn't trying to force someone else to live their lifestyle. What you said to Terrie serves no purpose except pettiness and to show how superior you think you are to her. Your behavior is that of a school yard bully.

[Clementine]

longskirtlotsakids: you were very brave to go there and see what happened and you totally did the right thing!

I read the blog and noticed that there is a dad present in the family you reported. Why the h*ll doesn't he take out the garbage, clean the house and do whatever it takes to not have the place smell of rotting urine? :evil:

I know all about being so depressed that anything but breathing is too much... and that meant that my partner had to step up and do everything in the household. And he did... including taking care of me and the cats.

I saw that FlyLady has been mentioned earlier in the thread. I think she saved my life back in 2007 when I found her. I don't really like the flowery language in her e-mails or the religious references, but I decided to not pay too much attention and just follow her baby steps and see what happened. It has worked great for me.

I don't really follow her system and haven't purchased any of her products, but she gave me the basic ideas of how to run a household without hating it or getting stressed out, showed me that routines, even small ones, make a difference and her encouraging words about babysteps, "you can do anything for 15 minutes"," we want progress, not perfection", "I just want you to jump in where you are" etc was a big aha moment for me.

I think that for a healthy normally functioning adult, FlyLady will probably seem totally ridiculous, but I think she can be a great help to those of us who struggle with depression or any condition that makes it hard to start or find routines on our own.

[Spider Burps]

You know, even thought you're the only one who lives there, clean up the fucking house. I'm not giving you any passes. It's disgusting.

I worked as a professional organizer specializing in compulsive hoarding and chronic disorganization and BOY, do I have some news for YOU! Are you ready? Sitting down? Okay, take a deep breath and read supermega carefully, because this will surely change your life FOREVER: It's not just a matter of cleaning up.

Do you think ANYONE enjoys not being able to move in their own home? Do you think ANYONE enjoys not being able to prepare food on their counters? Do you think ANYONE enjoys looking around and seeing piles of trash? (Hint: The answer I'm looking for here is "no") Do you have any idea how difficult and deflating it is to clean and clean and organize and organize for eight hours per day, with the help of a professional, and still not be able to feel like you've made any positive changes, because all you can see is what isn't there?

People who hoard often have irrational fears/anxieties/feelings of sadness attached to the items that they have hoarded. For you or me, it's just a matter of looking around, seeing the old food wrappers with neat-o retro designs and throwing them where we feel they belong: the trash. When a hoarder sees the same wrappers, they often see opportunity ("Oh, I could use this for a craft or sell it on eBay or put it in a scrapbook or or or or") or feel a sense of overwhelming anxiety ("I don't know what this is worth. If I throw it away, I could be tossing a small fortune! Someone must want it!" or "Could it have belonged to my dead mother? Was it during her last birthday party when these were opened? How else will I remember my mother and her very last birthday party?!"), so in order to curtail feelings of loss or sadness, they allow the item to stay where it is--just. in. case.

Hoarding goes hand in hand with obsessive compulsive and anxiety disorders; you wouldn't tell someone with GAD to just stop worrying, would you?

[longskirtlotsakids]

longskirtlotsakids: you were very brave to go there and see what happened and you totally did the right thing!

I read the blog and noticed that there is a dad present in the family you reported. Why the h*ll doesn't he take out the garbage, clean the house and do whatever it takes to not have the place smell of rotting urine? :evil:

.

Thank you. I've had feedback from neighbors and the police involved and it has been positive. I am thrilled beyond words that the kids at least, for now, have a cleaner living environment. In regards to what you posted about the dad, I actually posted another comment to her (it was the same post where I was praising her for her cleaning up) that apologized for the sexism in appointing blame, and that her husband too could take stuff out and clear up, since she sucks at it. But looking at their record of being sued, I am wondering if they both aren't affected. She writes about her husband being anxious in social situations, poor guy. Isn't that a symptom of GAD as well?

I feel for their suffering. It's a hard fact of life with mommyblogging that your family is a product to refine and sell. It's the reason I dismissed every doing it.

[Clementine]

Thank you. I've had feedback from neighbors and the police involved and it has been positive. I am thrilled beyond words that the kids at least, for now, have a cleaner living environment. In regards to what you posted about the dad, I actually posted another comment to her (it was the same post where I was praising her for her cleaning up) that apologized for the sexism in appointing blame, and that her husband too could take stuff out and clear up, since she sucks at it. But looking at their record of being sued, I am wondering if they both aren't affected. She writes about her husband being anxious in social situations, poor guy. Isn't that a symptom of GAD as well?

I feel for their suffering. It's a hard fact of life with mommyblogging that your family is a product to refine and sell. It's the reason I dismissed every doing it.

At least he is working outside the house as far as I understand... but yes, something must be wrong with him too if he lets things get that bad. I am happy that the kids are in a clean safe place now and hope that the parents will get help to get their lives back on track.

[deelaem]

Deelaem: Holy fuck, I actually agree with you! (I'm not ruling out this as a sign of the end of the world...)

Creaky Steel: As long as it's not a biohazard, who the fuck cares? You know what I think is disgusting? Judgmental bitches.

I agree! ;) :lol:

[Kaylee]

If you're interested, I've had some luck with modifying the Flylady program. The actual e-mails are too cutesy-wootsey but the basic premise of doing something for just 15 minutes is helpful.

Same here. I found the emails to just create more clutter for me, because I get to much mail already. You can go to the website on Sunday afternoon or Monday and get a list of the weekly "zone missions" by themselves here. You can also have them imported into Cozi or Google calendar as a feed, which is what I do now.

Those +15 minutes a day of decluttering, and simple morning/evening routines make a huge difference and you don't have all the emails coming in.

You could also make a separate email addy just for the flylady mails, but that became a time waster and a source of email clutter for me. I let them pile up so I could go back and read them in case I missed anything and then I felt compelled to read them all, not just delete the majority of the extra stuff.

[Terrie]

I'll have to check out the fly lady stuff. I've actually used some similar ideas before when things have been going well for me, with some success. I'm actually in the process of interviewing for a new job, which would let me swing a cleaning lady once a month to scrub the bathroom and kitchen, since the rest of the place isn't dirty, just cluttered and disorganized. that would be a big advantage, because it wouldn't be subject to my ups and downs.

[pixydust]

I owe alot to flylady. There were aspects of her system that I cannot deal with, and I have hot feet so shoes are out of the question many days, but she taught me a great deal. I don't suffer from depression, but I am organizationally challenged and easily overwhelmed. Her system really helped me.

THis, 1000 times! (I used to be seriously depressed, but I'm good now) I get massively overwhelmed by the parts of housecleaning that some people find natural. Put me in someone else house? I can clean that thing in no time flat!

[B5SnowDog]

Same here. I found the emails to just create more clutter for me, because I get to much mail already. You can go to the website on Sunday afternoon or Monday and get a list of the weekly "zone missions" by themselves here. You can also have them imported into Cozi or Google calendar as a feed, which is what I do now.

Those +15 minutes a day of decluttering, and simple morning/evening routines make a huge difference and you don't have all the emails coming in.

You could also make a separate email addy just for the flylady mails, but that became a time waster and a source of email clutter for me. I let them pile up so I could go back and read them in case I missed anything and then I felt compelled to read them all, not just delete the majority of the extra stuff.

I use the ReminderFox add-on to to my daily tasks list. I can set it so I get a pop-up telling me to do X at Y. I lose track of time easily, especially online, so it helps me to make sure I don't waste my whole day. I also use it to keep track of when I need to take my meds.

[B5SnowDog]

her encouraging words about babysteps, "you can do anything for 15 minutes"," we want progress, not perfection", "I just want you to jump in where you are" etc was a big aha moment for me.

I think that for a healthy normally functioning adult, FlyLady will probably seem totally ridiculous, but I think she can be a great help to those of us who struggle with depression or any condition that makes it hard to start or find routines on our own.

The bolded part was huge for me. I struggle with perfectionism - if I can't do something perfectly, I have to fight myself to do it. It's probably related to my having to scratch my left cheek if I scratch my right cheek so they'll be even.

[Lainey]

Deelaem: Holy fuck, I actually agree with you! (I'm not ruling out this as a sign of the end of the world...)

Creaky Steel: As long as it's not a biohazard, who the fuck cares? You know what I think is disgusting? Judgmental bitches.

I agree with both of you, too. Terrie, I get it. I am pretty dysfunctional as an adult myself. :oops: I might lend you my mom, though--she's kind of a nutjob but she does do my dishes when she comes over...whether I want her to or not (I feel like I need to be able to do things for myself, but she does them anyway).

[takers401]

I'm a huge fan of the Motivated Moms app for those that want something akin to FlyLady without all the extra emails. Daily, Weekly, and once in a blue moon cleaning/organizing routines.