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Xtian mommy bloggers IRL- ugly story. (long essay)


longskirtlotsakids

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I took myself to my doctor, and told him I needed to see a psychologist because I was a danger to my daughter. I think that is the single hardest thing I have ever had to do in my short time as a parent, admitting I could not care for her the way she deserved. ...

I'm not proud of our situation, I'm not trying to say 'I had it worse and I still managed, nyah nyah', there are many things I regret about the past few months and if I could prevent it all to protect her I would, but I don't see what we did as anything special, I consider it exactly what I'd expect any responsible parent to do, ensure the safety and wellbeing of their children, whatever the cost to themselves, and there is a cost. The scrutiny and judgment I deal with is hard. I currently see a psychologist weekly, and I see a social worker weekly, as well as going along to a supported playgroup weekly. I spent my 'good points' ensuring I spent quality time with my child, and made arrangments as best I could for my 'bad points'

You don't need my approval, abba, but I am so proud of you. Those steps are really hard to take and you're right about the external cost, but you did exactly what a good parent should.

To me the problem with the mommy blogger isn't so much the actual situation the child was in, but the defensive, angry response with no hint of taking responsibility for her situation. I hope in private she's getting help instead of lashing out.

I had an online friend with severe depression, who decades ago had left her kids with their dad & extended family (who were safe & loving) to go work out her issues on her own, and had gotten negative comments for years from supposed friends about it. When she told me the story, I told her I thought it was good parenting (especially because I have a friend her daughter's age whose mom wouldn't relinquish her, and tried to commit suicide while my friendw as in the apartment with her, which was horrible and scarring.) She told me I was the first person who'd ever said to her that leaving her kids with their dad was good parenting. So now I try to always say, because I really do admire people who pull themselves together to make good decisions even when their shit is falling apart.

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Longskirt, you absolutely did the right thing calling the police. Someone needs to make that first move, and then the authorities can make appropriate decisions. It was a brave thing to do though.

I had neighbours who were living like this a few years ago and I sometimes feel bad that I didn't do more to help. However, I knew that social services were involved with the family so at least they were being monitored. The house was filthy with animal faeces (I saw the inside regularly as the parents didn't seem to feel ashamed inviting people round to that mess), rubbish bags were piled in the garden and the kids (3 boys) were left to run wild. They were not, as far as I could tell, often left alone, but the parents certainly didn't supervise them inside the home from what I could see. They were often wandering around the street in bare feet. The parents were both unemployed and spend most of the time drinking, smoking weed and screaming at each other. The kids sometimes came round to play with my kids and I was in sort of a dilemma, because my instinct was to offer them food and give them some shoes to borrow but at the same time I didn't want the parents to rely on me to care for their kids. During this time the mum had a fourth child who died at birth due to a heart problem. I do often wonder if it was due to the drinking and drug taking while pregnant.

Eventually the kids were taken into care and lived with a foster family nearby for a while, but I now haven't seen them in a couple of years. The parents split up and moved out. When they gutted the house they found rats in it. I hope the kids are doing OK now. While they were living with the foster family, I happened to see one of them get a sports award at school, and I was so proud of him I almost cried.

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It seems her commenters are just as loony as she is. I personally think commenter Mrs. CleanSlate couldn't be any more full of shit.

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It seems like the commenters only know her online, and longskirts saw her actual house & child, but the commenters are acting like they know her really well and longskirts is just "hating" on her because of her blogging. Ass-backwards.

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So, what she's saying is that a 6 year old child found herself home alone because she missed a message that she was supposed to go to the friend's house that her mom was at? My son is 5 and a half and is ALWAYS with an adult. If that adult was dropping him off at my house and I was going to be somewhere else, I would call the other person and ask them to bring him to where I was. If I didn't get through to them I would stay home til he got there. If, for some reason I didn't make it home on time or something and I didn't get in touch with the adult with my son in time, there's no way they would leave him there alone. Anytime anyone has dropped him off, they either bring him in the house or I go out to the driveway and retrieve him from the car. I do the same when I drop other people's children off as well. I walk them up to the house to be sure that another adult is aware that the child is in there care at that point. I guess it stems from the story I heard about visiting family when I was 2 or 3. Everyone thought that someone else was watching me and I got left in the yard. I started walking down the street to the park and a neighbor saw me and took me up the road til she found where I belonged. I also never assume in a group situation that anyone else is watching my son for this same reason.

Long story short lol...a child that age should always be with an adult at least in the home with them.

I was thinking the same thing.

Who leaves a child that young at a home without making sure that there is someone to meet them at home?

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Okay, guilty admission. I have a minor to moderate disorganization issue. No blocked doorways, you can see my floors, but my counters are covered with wrappers and such that need to make their way to the garbage, dishes piled in the sink, there is the ever migrating pile of the clothes on my bed (it just moves between the bed during the day and a chair at night), the bathroom floor always has towels on it, there's a coating of toothpaste scum in the bathroom sink because I don't remember the last time I cleaned it (the stove top has a similar issue), and there's cardboard bits all over the floor where the dog shredded a box. I look at these issues, see them (mostly), recognize that they would bother many people... and do very little about it until it gets worse.

I rate a low 2 on the hoarding scale. That means I have a borderline problem. If I had kids and CPS showed up, I'd be embarrassed and would probably get an order to clean up along with some raised eyebrows, though, it's not bad enough to worry about my hypothetical kids being taken away. And they'd be right. I don't notice the mess, except in passing, but I would never ask someone else to live in it. Because I've come to realize I have a problem, even if I haven't done anything about, and have in fact raised hell when confronted about it.

Despite all that, I have little, if any, sympathy for this lady. Beyond the mess of her home, she shows no empathy for the fear her daughter felt. She has no recognition that she has a problem. And until she does, it's only going to get worse. If she said "Look, I have a problem. I'm still working through that." I might actually give her the benefit of the doubt.

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Someone linked her to this site. She had the balls to say I said I have days when I pray CPS doesn't walk in the door- but the poor girl can't read, along with not being able to write, mind her children, and clean her house. I never have those type of days- I said I understand Depression Parenting. That's all, and that is part of what it entails.

She's out and out lying. She redacting the freejinger link, because she doesn't want people to read the essay of what I witnessed, and what the police witnessed.

I'm thinking I am going to get the police report today and post that. (I will redact her name and address, of course)

That would be awesome.

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I'm confused. When they said that the mother was downstairs and wanted her daughter, did the mother just come home from somewhere? Did the mother go out and leave the child home alone? Did someone contact the mother or did she just happen to come home when the police were there? Or was she home the whole time?

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Despite all that, I have little, if any, sympathy for this lady. Beyond the mess of her home, she shows no empathy for the fear her daughter felt. She has no recognition that she has a problem. And until she does, it's only going to get worse. If she said "Look, I have a problem. I'm still working through that." I might actually give her the benefit of the doubt.

She's probably terrified right now, embarrassed, and in a panic. It's a small town and people are going to find out. Her defense mechanism is to fight back to save face. CPS was probably there or she was told that they will be coming. Today's post shows a clean house. I've done enough volunteer work with the poor to know that when CPS comes, they tell the parent to get the house clean or the kids will be taken away. They also tell the parent where to find help, such as food stamps, energy assistance, food bank, mental help, etc. They will also give the husband what for and tell him that he has to help his wife with the house and kids.

I don't think that posting the police report is a good idea. The OP knows what happened. She doesn't have to prove anything. The woman is already suffering. She's living in her own hell. CPS will monitor the situation.

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I hasve never read her blog until just now and all I can say is vnothing at all. Speechless. She, like to many other mommy bloggers in general, need to move away from the computer and settle back into the real world of their life. Writing about the perfect Christian or otherwise life does not make it so.

Personally, I think the majority of the mommy bloggers are writing through rose colored glasses and lie about everything.

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Honestly stories like this make me scared of being a mother due to my depression.

I am so glad you were there for her...even though her mother was not.

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Okay, guilty admission. I have a minor to moderate disorganization issue. No blocked doorways, you can see my floors, but my counters are covered with wrappers and such that need to make their way to the garbage, dishes piled in the sink, there is the ever migrating pile of the clothes on my bed (it just moves between the bed during the day and a chair at night), the bathroom floor always has towels on it, there's a coating of toothpaste scum in the bathroom sink because I don't remember the last time I cleaned it (the stove top has a similar issue), and there's cardboard bits all over the floor where the dog shredded a box. I look at these issues, see them (mostly), recognize that they would bother many people... and do very little about it until it gets worse.

I rate a low 2 on the hoarding scale. That means I have a borderline problem. If I had kids and CPS showed up, I'd be embarrassed and would probably get an order to clean up along with some raised eyebrows, though, it's not bad enough to worry about my hypothetical kids being taken away. And they'd be right. I don't notice the mess, except in passing, but I would never ask someone else to live in it. Because I've come to realize I have a problem, even if I haven't done anything about, and have in fact raised hell when confronted about it.

Despite all that, I have little, if any, sympathy for this lady. Beyond the mess of her home, she shows no empathy for the fear her daughter felt. She has no recognition that she has a problem. And until she does, it's only going to get worse. If she said "Look, I have a problem. I'm still working through that." I might actually give her the benefit of the doubt.

You know, even thought you're the only one who lives there, clean up the fucking house. I'm not giving you any passes. It's disgusting.

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Even if it was just a bad day and her house was in chaos THIS ONE time. Why is she mad at the person who called the cops? If I were in her shoes I would be mortified, and probably re-evaluate my life pretty seriously. But the one thing I would NOT be doing is getting all snippy towards a nice person who cared enough about my kid to make a phone call over their well being.

Even if the whole thing was just a misunderstanding and this woman did nothing wrong (which is clearly not the case...but just saying) I would still feel better knowing that if there was EVER a chance my daughter might be in trouble, that there were still good people in the world willing to try and help a complete stranger 's child.

I hope that the folks in my community are caring enough to do the same thing for my kids, if there is ever any concern for their welfare. Good for you.

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Okay, guilty admission. I have a minor to moderate disorganization issue. No blocked doorways, you can see my floors, but my counters are covered with wrappers and such that need to make their way to the garbage, dishes piled in the sink, there is the ever migrating pile of the clothes on my bed (it just moves between the bed during the day and a chair at night), the bathroom floor always has towels on it, there's a coating of toothpaste scum in the bathroom sink because I don't remember the last time I cleaned it (the stove top has a similar issue), and there's cardboard bits all over the floor where the dog shredded a box. I look at these issues, see them (mostly), recognize that they would bother many people... and do very little about it until it gets worse.

I rate a low 2 on the hoarding scale. That means I have a borderline problem. If I had kids and CPS showed up, I'd be embarrassed and would probably get an order to clean up along with some raised eyebrows, though, it's not bad enough to worry about my hypothetical kids being taken away. And they'd be right. I don't notice the mess, except in passing, but I would never ask someone else to live in it. Because I've come to realize I have a problem, even if I haven't done anything about, and have in fact raised hell when confronted about it.

Despite all that, I have little, if any, sympathy for this lady. Beyond the mess of her home, she shows no empathy for the fear her daughter felt. She has no recognition that she has a problem. And until she does, it's only going to get worse. If she said "Look, I have a problem. I'm still working through that." I might actually give her the benefit of the doubt.

I live alone. I'm no longer the anal housekeeper I once was. But after reading your post, I got up and defucked my habitat. Mind you it's tiny, 500 sq ft, so things must be put away or it turns into a mess quickly. All my defucking required was a vacuum and dust cloth. I scrub the toilet and wipe down the bathroom sink when I'm done in the morning. When I'm out of the shower I use my wet towel to wipe down the floor. None of this takes great strength of character or an excessive amount of time and material. Most of it is just a mechanical routine.

My excuse was I was depressed for a couple of days and decided to go slack. That didn't keep me from cleaning up after meals, or putting trash in a trash can. I just don't understand the, " I know I have a problem but I'm really not willing to care enough about myself to do something about it" position that you take. I'm willing to learn. But frankly I've got visitors coming in and out of my house every other day, my friends and I deserve a clean place to sit that doesn't smell like dirty dishes and trash. I don't want them using the corner gas station because my tiny bathroom is filthy.

It sounds like you need some professional help.

riffles

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Honestly stories like this make me scared of being a mother due to my depression.

I am so glad you were there for her...even though her mother was not.

I struggle with it. However, my husband is a HUGE help. We divide up the housework, and basically i've coped (because I also have ADHD) by setting very small goals for the day. Dishes in the sink=GET DONE, garden gets watered, load of laundry gets folded, my husband brings up a load to throw out on the line, child gets taken care of (he's actually #1), and my husband because i'm HUGE picks up the floors for me because I'm at the point in pregnancy that I can't bend over easily. I also, if I see something in a room its not supposed to be, grab it and move it- ie: the 2 year olds' detangler and comb, I'll grab it, walk it out of where its not supposed to be and put it back in the bathroom where it belongs.

We're also both of us working REALLY hard in teaching the 2 year old to put his toys away. He's been REALLY good about it lately, and today, since we worked on it, I have a living room with a few toys scattered instead of it looking like someone trashed the place. I consider this a HUGE win, even though today has been a bad day depression wise. Which then elevates my mood significantly. And he thinks its a game, and laughs the entire time, which makes ME feel better because he's got the best laugh.

I'm also looking into meds- I just have to find one safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding that WORKS for me.

Also, i keep reminding myself, I'm doing all this for my son. Because he IS the reason I get up in the morning, he IS the best thing that ever happened to me. And he helps negate some of the bad stuff to a certain degree. He's a handful but he's also one of the sweetest kids ever. If i'm upset, he'll hug me and say "oh mama! mama sad! " and kiss my cheek, and that SERIOUSLY helps because he's so... sweet.

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I struggle with it. However, my husband is a HUGE help. We divide up the housework, and basically i've coped (because I also have ADHD) by setting very small goals for the day. Dishes in the sink=GET DONE, garden gets watered, load of laundry gets folded, my husband brings up a load to throw out on the line, child gets taken care of (he's actually #1), and my husband because i'm HUGE picks up the floors for me because I'm at the point in pregnancy that I can't bend over easily. I also, if I see something in a room its not supposed to be, grab it and move it- ie: the 2 year olds' detangler and comb, I'll grab it, walk it out of where its not supposed to be and put it back in the bathroom where it belongs.

We're also both of us working REALLY hard in teaching the 2 year old to put his toys away. He's been REALLY good about it lately, and today, since we worked on it, I have a living room with a few toys scattered instead of it looking like someone trashed the place. I consider this a HUGE win, even though today has been a bad day depression wise. Which then elevates my mood significantly. And he thinks its a game, and laughs the entire time, which makes ME feel better because he's got the best laugh.

I'm also looking into meds- I just have to find one safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding that WORKS for me.

If you're pregnant and struggling with depression and you guys are getting that much done, I applaud you. When I'm pregnant I spend alot of time studying dirty floors, eating cookies, and thinking profound thoughts about nothing.

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Even if it was just a bad day and her house was in chaos THIS ONE time. Why is she mad at the person who called the cops? If I were in her shoes I would be mortified, and probably re-evaluate my life pretty seriously. But the one thing I would NOT be doing is getting all snippy towards a nice person who cared enough about my kid to make a phone call over their well being.

Even if the whole thing was just a misunderstanding and this woman did nothing wrong (which is clearly not the case...but just saying) I would still feel better knowing that if there was EVER a chance my daughter might be in trouble, that there were still good people in the world willing to try and help a complete stranger 's child.

I hope that the folks in my community are caring enough to do the same thing for my kids, if there is ever any concern for their welfare. Good for you.

She's pissed off at the person who called the cops because she knows it wasn't a one time thing and would rather hide behind "I'm being persecuted" than acknowledge she may need help (from the *gasp* state even) to fix things.

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If you're pregnant and struggling with depression and you guys are getting that much done, I applaud you. When I'm pregnant I spend alot of time studying dirty floors, eating cookies, and thinking profound thoughts about nothing.

Oh trust me, there's still a lot of cookie eating going on here. We just have to stay ahead of it as MUCH as we can. My husband's parents are hoarders and to a much much lesser extent my parents have hoarding tendencies. (its not full blown but... its there), and i've seen too many episodes on TLC....

My house isn't sterile "clean" by any stretch of the imagination- i have 2 dogs that shed HORRIBLY. Buuuuuut if CPS were to visit they'd look around and say "uh, nothin to see here" and walk back out. I can't imagine the horror that the OP saw.

I tried fly lady and found her irritating, but i've incorporated some of her IDEAS into my life and that's helped. My next big "little" goal is to make the beds every morning because it seriously helps my mood to crawl into a made bed every day- like, I feel like a better person. Its all basically a culmination of 100's of TINY little things that I had to incorporate 1 by 1.

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She's pissed off at the person who called the cops because she knows it wasn't a one time thing and would rather hide behind "I'm being persecuted" than acknowledge she may need help (from the *gasp* state even) to fix things.

Exactly. I don't think she would be quite so defensive if this was all just a big misunderstanding. The fact that she even mentioned this on her blog really makes me think there is an issue that needs looked over.

I am not certain if this is just my state, but here if CPS/APS is called they ALWAYS check up within 72 hours. Even if it's just to say "everything is fine here, sorry for the bother."

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longskirtlotsakids, you were doing God's own work when you stepped into that house. Perhaps one day depressed/sociopath mom can see that, too.

I was raised in chaos. Utter chaos. Disgusting house, was left home alone often, was a latch-key kid at seven, and so neglected during my mother's three to four-year depression after her own mother died that it took me about ten years of therapy to become a truly functioning adult. Even now I have to have very manageable stress levels, which makes day jobs impossible. Neglected kids have a hard time learning to deal with stress because everything's stressful when you are six and need to make dinner and do all the laundry.

I am now a neat freak to such a degree that even though I have relaxed over the years, I still have the cleanest house on the block. I have an elderly sick cat who likes to sleep in my dirty clothes and it takes every bit of my self-control to casually drop dirty clothes on the floor and not run back in and grab them and put them in the hamper. Even then I'm stupid-regimented. One day's worth of clothes in the corner of the bathroom upstairs and each day the previous dirty clothes are put into the hamper and replaced with new dirty clothes at the end of the day. It takes all my self-control to accommodate a sick, old cat I love very much and it makes me fee sort of ashamed that I swung so far to the other side that I might put tidiness before a beloved animal. But I can learn to leave clothes on the floor, others can learn to pick them up off the floor, of that I am certain.

It's hard to get people to understand that such treatment as a kid is often worse than a fist in the face because sometimes if you have enough bruises, people will take note and help you. I was too afraid to ask for help because my father was terrifying and I feared repercussions too much. But a situation marginally better than the little girl you tried to help left me a very dysfunctional adult throughout my 20s and half of my 30s.

The little girl I used to be thanks you so much for helping and if that repellent woman wants to make excuses and threaten lawsuits, let her. When you are in the throes of depression, making excuses is easy and if that depression is tinged with sociopathy, the excuses never stop.

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You know, even thought you're the only one who lives there, clean up the fucking house. I'm not giving you any passes. It's disgusting.

Gee, now that you've said that, I've seen the error of my ways. :roll: Obviously, if I don't go and pick up the pile of towels in the bathroom and wash them RIGHT NOW, they will form a sentient being that will eat me the next time I get up in the night to use the bathroom.

My disorganization is probably related to my anxiety issues, or at least aggravated by it. From my point of view, as long as there is no mold, nasty smells, vermin or other heath hazard, and I can walk through my place without worrying about tripping, I can remain focused on managing the higher priorities of my illness for the moment. To me, it's not worth pulling out my hair (literally on a couple occasions). When a couple of other issues are dealt with and no longer a priority, then I'll worry about the fact that the bathroom sink needs a serious scrubbing. My entire point was that I could understand if the mom had issues that she needed to address before she got to the cleaning issue. When you're sick, you have to prioritize. But it was concerning that she refused to see there was a problem at all.

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You know, even thought you're the only one who lives there, clean up the fucking house. I'm not giving you any passes. It's disgusting.

Who the fuck are you to give anyone anywhere a pass, anyway? A long time poster on this forum risks being vulnerable with an issue in her life, and that's how you respond to her? Did you honestly think that would motivate her? That was a total asshole thing to say.

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I struggle a lot with both depression and clutter.

Before my son was born, I was probably a moderate-severe hoarder (a 2 or 3 on the hoarding scale, but we had black mold from severe roof damage for over a year not because of the clutter but because my husband refused to pay to get it fixed and I couldn't afford to on my own - he finally got it done while I was pregnant when I threatened to call in CPS or the health board and have it condemned) - I always kept the bathrooms and kitchen somewhat clean and at least minimal clean dishes and clothes, but we had way too much clutter and there was a period of about a year where I didn't cook because there was too much clutter in the kitchen to safely use the stove and nowhere but the living room to sit and eat. We had mice a few times and they destroyed our phone lines, but the one time I noticed roaches I freaked out, went on a major cleaning jag (over 2 weeks, hours per day), and bug bombed the house. It got so bad because I was only home about 6-8 hours a day, mostly to sleep, shower and change clothes before going to a night shift job that I went straight to my day shift job from, had the sort of depression where getting out of bed and taking a shower was my daily goal on days off and actually getting dressed was a huge victory, and was not getting any help at all.

Once I snapped back enough to realize how bad off the house was, it did seem like just straightening up was too much to handle. I had severe depression & anxiety and some physical issues on top of it & it just felt like life was falling apart and it was easier to die than to add one more thing to the list of shit I had to deal with. So yeah, I get how this can happen easily. Almost everyone I know of that had clutter to the extent of being a hoarder also has mental issues along with it, and you need to be able to deal with at least some of those in order to get much cleaning done.

To be honest, my house is still pretty rough and I really need to go through my closets and get rid of a ton of clothes, but the main areas don't look a whole lot different than other people's houses I've been in. It's just a real adjustment to make once you're used to living in clutter and it's actually really weird and disconcerting to have open space at first - your first impulse is that something is "off" and you need to feel it back up. (This is compounded in my household by a husband with hoarding tendencies and a MIL who also hoards and would constantly "gift" us boxes of stuff she couldn't find a spot for, when we then couldn't get rid of because hubby has this almost superstitious attachment to anything that was given to him or was ever owned by a family member). Reading her posts, I really felt for her and I hope she gets help.

At the same time, her kids shouldn't have to suffer along with her because she won't address the problem and get whatever help she needs to straighten up. Part of being a good parent is dealing with whatever issues you can as best as you can even if it means having someone else take the kids for a while while you get sorted out. With me, it meant doing some massive decluttering and cleaning, mostly at 9+ months pregnant (I was past 8 months when I was cleared for doing "housework" and lifting because of some issues I'd been having). In the space of less than a month, we managed to move 80+ pickup truck loads of stuff out of the house, and repaint a few rooms that needed it. I'll admit, it's a lot harder once the kids are actually there, but this was done in 15-20 minute bursts with water and rest in between, and I think most people could manage that much (I boxed & bagged things, dusted, vacuumed, mopped, etc and my husband moved and loaded the boxes and heavy items and shampooed the carpets for me). If someone had called CPS or confronted me at that point, I would have been embarrassed as hell and ashamed, but not mad at anyone but myself for letting things get so bad. If anything, at least after I'd gotten my head straight some, I would have been thankful for it, especially if it forced or enabled me to get help and kept me from trying to raise my son in squalor.

eta:

Also, this,

Who the fuck are you to give anyone anywhere a pass, anyway? A long time poster on this forum risks being vulnerable with an issue in her life, and that's how you respond to her? Did you honestly think that would motivate her? That was a total asshole thing to say.
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Who the fuck are you to give anyone anywhere a pass, anyway? A long time poster on this forum risks being vulnerable with an issue in her life, and that's how you respond to her? Did you honestly think that would motivate her? That was a total asshole thing to say.

Deelaem: Holy fuck, I actually agree with you! (I'm not ruling out this as a sign of the end of the world...)

Creaky Steel: As long as it's not a biohazard, who the fuck cares? You know what I think is disgusting? Judgmental bitches.

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Oh trust me, there's still a lot of cookie eating going on here. We just have to stay ahead of it as MUCH as we can. My husband's parents are hoarders and to a much much lesser extent my parents have hoarding tendencies. (its not full blown but... its there), and i've seen too many episodes on TLC....

My house isn't sterile "clean" by any stretch of the imagination- i have 2 dogs that shed HORRIBLY. Buuuuuut if CPS were to visit they'd look around and say "uh, nothin to see here" and walk back out. I can't imagine the horror that the OP saw.

I tried fly lady and found her irritating, but i've incorporated some of her IDEAS into my life and that's helped. My next big "little" goal is to make the beds every morning because it seriously helps my mood to crawl into a made bed every day- like, I feel like a better person. Its all basically a culmination of 100's of TINY little things that I had to incorporate 1 by 1.

I owe alot to flylady. There were aspects of her system that I cannot deal with, and I have hot feet so shoes are out of the question many days, but she taught me a great deal. I don't suffer from depression, but I am organizationally challenged and easily overwhelmed. Her system really helped me.

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