Teri M. and her bad attitude

[HoneyBunny]

Jesus sure did weep, but He sobs for most of the other shit going on in the world.

I suspect Teri M. had a hereditary predisposition to major depression, but that it's her chronic pain (and nut-job husband) that triggers it. So we KNOW she's getting no medical treatment for the depression and it's sounds like she's getting no medical (or chiropractic or physical therapy or massage therapy) treatment for the back pain. We've all been there- that kind of pain where breathing HURTS. For me, a quick trip to the chiropractor has me feeling better in a couple of hours, and just the lower grade pain might remain.

I go through this exact same stuff- predisposition to depression, chronic back pain, frequent flare ups. But it's handled so much more differently in my home. Maintenance levels of an antidepressant (which does have pain relieving properties), frequent medical care and a husband who knows that I give 100% when I can but there are days when I simply can't and the healthiest thing he can to for us both is to back off and give me some space.

Which is something else Teri can't get in that house where she probably hasn't had an hour to herself for 32 years. And for that she has to bear part of the blame.

This is the sort of thing (besides that whole Creationism-Noahs Ark thing) that leaves mennot one shred of doubt that the Bible is fallible. Because there ain't no way that Teri's kind of wifely submission is right, or good, or God-ordered.

[ncb]

While they may go to doctors when absolutely necessary, Teri would never be allowed to go to a chiropractor because it involves too much "unnecessary" touching.

[Talitha Cumi]

But back to Teri - if she's not feeling well, and she worries her kids will think her crying is due to them, my recommendation to her would be to TELL them in advance, "hey, you know what? My back hurts like crazy today, and I'm in a bad mood, and so it's not you, but I might just be bitchy today. Try to make me laugh."

But wouldn't that be f*n? :o

[kpmom]

While they may go to doctors when absolutely necessary, Teri would never be allowed to go to a chiropractor because it involves too much "unnecessary" touching.

You're probably right. But interestingly didn't someone here come up with the fact that Melanie's father is a chiropractor?

[mockingbird]

But back to Teri - if she's not feeling well, and she worries her kids will think her crying is due to them, my recommendation to her would be to TELL them in advance, "hey, you know what? My back hurts like crazy today, and I'm in a bad mood, and so it's not you, but I might just be bitchy today. Try to make me laugh."

Seriously... communication helps, though I guess that would count as her having needs and putting them in front of everyone else's, or something like that... :roll:

If someone tells me they are having a bad day that helps me to be sympathetic and patient. Re: the daughter... I'm sure some of that comes with growing up though and in the case of parents, realizing your parents are just as human as you are and the Maxwell kids' growth is probably stunted emotionally. I understand little kids thinking their parents' mood is their fault, and I remember as a preteen thinking my parents were purposefully taking their bad moods out on us out of spite or something. (Though I would also agree with the theory that one of the daughters did something minor that is a Big Deal in the Maxwell house and that could be why she felt guilty)

I also agree with the rest of your post. It made me think of how I really hate when people spout the "but think of the starving children in Africa!!11!11!" crap. I have some chronic medical issues/have had serious problems. Yes, I sometimes think about how it could be worse and I am thankful I have good insurance, etc. but that doesn't negate the validity of my feelings or experiences.

ETA: I do feel bad for Teri even though I also hold her at least somehow responsible for getting herself into this situation. I know Steve has gotten crazier over time so maybe she didn't think it would be as bad as it is and then was either brainwashed and/or feels so entrenched that she feels like she can't get out.

[jockosmom]

"It also doesn't help that Teri, and Steve, and the 4 kids still at home, all live in one other's pockets 24/7. Nobody goes out to school and nobody goes out to a job. There is no privacy. Imagine having 5 people in your face all day long taking note of everything you do . . . "

This.

These people are way too isolated; nobody has the chance to get away for a breather without the whole fam damly going along. They're too over-sensitive to each other's moods. The minute somebody thinks somebody else is giving them the stink-eye, it's reason for a whole written screed about the "problem". These people need to put down the Bible and do something else sometimes!

[Creaky Mom]

Isolation is key. If they were in a church like what they left, they would be getting input from others. It seems they listen to no one but themselves. Unhealthy.

[MamaJunebug]

Isolation is key. If they were in a church like what they left, they would be getting input from others. It seems they listen to no one but themselves. Unhealthy.

Dreamed, last night, that with some friends I had infiltrated the Maxwell compound. They were all lots taller than I'd expected, and their chins, instead of being all long like they Moai, had turned up into Popeye-like protruding chins.

Anyway I thought sure we were thisclose to springing one of the boys, and then I woke up.

[Witsec7]

Terry is not likely to climb out of the hole that is her life. It's an ongoing tragedy and will never have a happy ending. Someday we're going to open up that blog and find that Terry has gone to Jesus after her brief struggle with life.

After reading Terry's post, it's hard for me to see how anyone can find joy in more children being born into this dynasty.

[ems]

WTF??? You aren't allowed to cry, your family isn't allowed to show "concern" for you?? It's a "sin" that you have chronic back pain and feel pain and suffer in the first place? Some seriously screwed up thinking if you ask me.

Oy. Oy oy oy.

I can maybe understand sooome of what she is saying in that I know from personal experience that prolonged periods of self-pity aren't helpful. I also hate to cry, because I'm wanting relief and only end up with puffy eyes and a headache.

BUT

Terri Maxwell has major issues. Just thinking that she's somehow "sinned" against her family by making them concerned for her.

If she let herself actually feel emotions without thinking they are sinful, she would be less likely to get stuck in self-pity. Instead, she labels herself a sinner for crying and makes herself into some kind of martyr. So not healthy.

Also, Jesus wept. I don't think he thought crying was a sin.

[Witsec7]

It's a symptom of the pathology this family embraces when empathy and compassion are considered selfish and full of sin.

[jockosmom]

Crying is a physical release, isn't it? Your body is programmed to cry sometimes when the stress builds up, whether from physical pain or emotional pain. And, not trying to be anti-feminist here, but I think women are more predisposed to tears than men when the stress gets to be too much. Remember that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, when Debra told Ray that sometimes she needed to have a good cry just to get her pent-up emotions released. There's nothing sinful about crying; except in Maxwell-land, of course.

[ems]

Dear Teri Maxwell,

This is God. I want you to know there are these wonderful folks who can help you- they care called doctors. They can help alleviate some (if not most or all) of your pain, both physical and emotional, and improve your quality of life. They only want the best or you- just like I want the best for you!

Please, my dear daughter, put down that cross you are bearing. That is not what I had intended when my words were written down so long ago. If I didn't want the best for you, I wouldn't have created people who were brilliant enough to invent medicine, medical treatments and therapies to help you.

Leave that crazy husband who thinks he is as wise and powerful as me. Find a good doctor and some support to get you through these trying times. I promise if you put down that cross and drop Steve-o your back will feel so much better. You've been carrying too much weight on your back for far too many years. Also, have a good Pepsi and some Prozac! Better living through chemicals, Teri! I only want the best for you!

Your heavenly Father,

God

:clap:

[Eclipse]

Teri is a grown woman and should be allowed to have thoughts and feelings that are her own without feeling guilty for having them. This who business of being a TItus 2 woman is seriously dangerous. She can't be a person on her own, but merely exist to serve the lives of others. She is nothing more than piece of household equipment designed to make Steve's life easier, like a fridge or a washing machine.

You know what is Christ like? Being kind and compassionate. It also means you can have a bad day and have doubts. It means you can feel pain. These people should read the Bible and not just memorize it, because they are really missing the point.

[snarkbillie]

Dear Teri Maxwell,

This is God. I want you to know there are these wonderful folks who can help you- they care called doctors. They can help alleviate some (if not most or all) of your pain, both physical and emotional, and improve your quality of life. They only want the best or you- just like I want the best for you!

Please, my dear daughter, put down that cross you are bearing. That is not what I had intended when my words were written down so long ago. If I didn't want the best for you, I wouldn't have created people who were brilliant enough to invent medicine, medical treatments and therapies to help you.

Leave that crazy husband who thinks he is as wise and powerful as me. Find a good doctor and some support to get you through these trying times. I promise if you put down that cross and drop Steve-o your back will feel so much better. You've been carrying too much weight on your back for far too many years. Also, have a good Pepsi and some Prozac! Better living through chemicals, Teri! I only want the best for you!

Your heavenly Father,

God

I really truly wish it were true that doctors could magically alleviate most or all of my chronic pain and fix my mental health issues. Sadly, it's not the case. A lot of us are unlucky enough to live with chronic diseases for which there is no cure and limited treatments.

[No Fun My Babe]

:clap:

Also :clap: This is a wonderful post. I wish Teri could see it and appreciate it. Terri is not blameless, but I think she has so many underlying issues that I think she feels she deserves nothing better, and for that I have empathy for her. She so desperately needs help.

To everyone here who has medical and/or mental illnesses, and there seems to be quite a few of us: I won't tell you to stay strong or be brave, because the warrior mindset really irritates me for my own personal reasons. If you feel like a warrior and it's helping you, that's wonderful for you, but quite a lot of us don't feel like that. I'll only say be as healthy as it's possible for you, personally, to be and I hope everyone is getting all the help that they need.

riffle

[No Fun My Babe]

I really truly wish it were true that doctors could magically alleviate most or all of my chronic pain and fix my mental health issues. Sadly, it's not the case. A lot of us are unlucky enough to live with chronic diseases for which there is no cure and limited treatments.

I'm so sorry. I sympathize with you on all accounts. I'm in horrible pain and on the verge of a mental breakdown pretty much every day and have things can never be cured, but the doctors are keeping me alive even if I don't want to keep myself alive sometimes.

I'm alive now, that's something at least.

It it helps at all, I try to think of things in AA terms... One day at a time.

Teri, though, I really think she might benefit from treatment. But she'll never know unless she can break free. :(

riffle again

[gustava]

fulfilling the lust of my selfish flesh

Maybe she needs a vibrator.

[divadivine]

Maybe she needs a vibrator.

AMEN!

[Eclipse]

AMEN!

Maybe she would finally smile?

She only seems to smile when a kid graduates and she doesn't have to teach them anymore.

[No Fun My Babe]

Maybe she needs a vibrator.

:lol: Or maybe this:

[FloraDoraDolly]

I believe that the Maxwell family would be seriously isolationist and dysfunctional regardless of their religious beliefs. If you took away the religion, they would find some new obsession to fill up those black holes in their psyches. Teri is obviously not well and I think Steve is dealing with PTSD or something like that.

[Witsec7]

:lol: Or maybe this:

Two years ago my DD gave me a great book for Xmas, "American Sex Machines". Maybe I should mail it to Terry?

[Witsec7]

:lol: Or maybe this:

Two years ago my DD gave me a great book for Xmas, "American Sex Machines". Maybe I should mail it to Terry?

[No Fun My Babe]

Two years ago my DD gave me a great book for Xmas, "American Sex Machines". Maybe I should mail it to Terry?

Hell, I want to read that book. Yes, she definitely needs to read it! Disguise it in a bible.